Caray, Caray!

Artemio Bravo promises Padre Bosco that if he's lying, he (Artemio) will put Gonzo's daughter's remains ("restos") next to the remains of the artist formerly known as Eduardo Juarez. Lili's life is in Padre Bosco's hands.

Martina happily reports to her McDreamy that Venus and Esteve finally got their shit together. "Well, then, don't you think it's time we started thinking about our future?" he replies. I think he's just pissed that Esteve beat him to the punch. Martina asks if he's suggesting "que nos matrimoniemos" (very slangy for "that we get married"). Martina doesn't have an objection, as such, but she doesn't want to rush things. And she wants to do a "carrera" (degree course) as a nurse first. Mc Dreamy is McPouty about waiting for three years, but Martina think they'll just get to know each other better and besides, she plans to marry for life.

Venus worries that she said "yes" to Esteve too quickly. But she's worrying while draping her arms around his neck, so I don't think he minds. He says he can give her more time to think if she wants it, but he warns her that if she says "no" he'll just keep chasing her until she says "yes." So Venus says she'll give him a permanent "yes," in that case. They fall on the couch together and get all smoochy. That splint on her pinky is really distracting. Especially because they didn't give an in-character reason for it. In the midst of the smooching Venus asks for a favor. Well, that's just dirty pool. The "favor" is that Esteve not give her expensive presents after they're married. Honey, sweetie, you're marrying a rich guy…let him give you whatever kind of presents he wants to! It's what they do! She specifically requests no "alhajas" (gems, jewelry). Plus no sex until marriage. Esteve agrees and tells her he luuuuurves her.

Evil Barbie and Gonzo the meat puppet sit down to dinner. Gonzo happily reminds her that she'll have all his worldly goods soon. He's glad the kids can't leave her out on the street after he's dead. Barbie comes over to hang on Gonzo's neck like the noose she is and thought bubbles that Artemio won't get a cent of that money. It's all going to go to Power Milk and she'll take her daughter and grandchild away to live a life of luxury. Pris and her fabulous boobs, in a lovely blue knit, come into the dining room accompanied by an Anibal smiling so broadly it looks like he's auditioning for the role of Joker. It will just be the four of them for dinner. Camilo doesn't live there anymore and Fer is over at Erika's. Anibal waxes rhapsodic about how their spawn is going to bring so much happiness into the house.

Fer, listens to Erika ooh and aah over her engagement ring, her wedding linens from Spain, and so on. Erika quite insensitively says to Fer "isn't getting married, like, the best thing ever!" Um, yeeah, only second to getting divorced from a sleazebag, I suppose. How Fer refrains from tossing that glass of red wine in her "friend"'s face is beyond me. A guest arrives at the Astorga's house…the long-awaited Miguel?

Padre Bosco pays a visit to Las Animas, looking for Franco. Esteve answers the door, says Franco isn't around, introduces Padre Bosco to Venus, and then offers to give Franco a call while Venus entertains the Padre. No, not like that. A little kid comes up to the door. It's like Grand Central Station around there. The kid has come to tell Esteve that Franco's car broke down out at the road and Franco needs help…NO ESTEVE, DON'T GO!

Fer eats a plum and avoids talking to Franco. Erika announces the arrival of Mr. September from the 2009 Playgirl Latin Lover calendar. I mean, hubba, hubba. Even Franco senses that this is some stiff competition indeed. And my mind just went somewhere entirely different. What? Oh, yeah, MEPS…uh, lots of smiling and uncomfortable giggling, and giddy giggling, and stoic silence and dental-ad smiling. Guess who's who. It's just too much hotness, so we go to commercials.

Fer hugs and kisses Miguel, who tells her she's pretty. Erika introduces Franco. The guys shake hands. Miguel doesn't look the least bit intimidated. Mr. 5ft wonders if Miguel was trying to put the moves on Franco. I must say, that grin is maybe a tad too friendly. Colunga graduates from acting with twitches of the jaw to twitches of the eye. Erika looks like she's imagining a threesome.

Sorry, my mind is just permanently entrenched in the gutter this evening!

Esteve runs along the country road.

Miguel says Fer only replied to one of his letters. Erika hints Fer was busy writing to someone else. Miguel blames himself for Fer's marriage, having not been insistent enough. Yeah, you make him pay…and pay, and pay. Fer tells him she's not married anymore. She thinks she married Damian too soon, so of course their marriage didn't last. Erika says Fer is doing wonderfully…and how is Miguel? Well, he's been suffering from love too. He got his heart broken in Spain. Well, if you've got to get your heart broken somewhere…. And when is this happy couple getting married, Miguel wonders. "In three weeks," says Franco's mouth, "and thank you SO much for asking" says the shake of his head. Miguel wanted to get married and have a family, and maybe even a dog and a cat, but it's hard to find the right woman, so that's why he envies Erika and Franco. Before Erika can invite Miguel to the friendly foursome in the country, Ruthie calls them all to dinner. Miguel escorts Fer and Erika gushes to Franco about how it's all going perfectly.

Esteve is still looking for Franco's car when he's hit from behind with a pipe. We all knew this was coming. It's that orange waste of space with a cat butt for a mouth, Camilo.

Being the little turd he is, he brought his four frat buddies with him. Esteve calls them cowards. Camilo kicks Esteve a few times, then leaves his buddies to finish the job while he watches, like the spineless little worm he is.

Venus suggests that maybe the Padre needs a stronger drink than coffee to calm his nerves. Padre finally accepts a tequila.

Miguel shows Fer a picture of Erika's country house. Now she invites them. Miguel accepts, then Fer does. Franco, looking like he's got a huge wad of food stuffed in his mouth, chews and stews.

The beating of Steve continues.

Erika tells some funny story about her and Fer getting in trouble with her aunt for supposedly breaking a nice piece of porcelain. Fer joins in, reminding Erika that the following year, her aunt locked up all the breakables before they came over. The last time they were at the house was the summer before Fer and Er started college. Miguel was already doing his Masters at the time and they met at the Mexican embassy's party on the 15th to celebrate El Grito (http://www.inside-mexico.com/featureindep.htm). After that, all three of them were inseperable until Fer left without saying goodbye. Erika crows that this is going to be a very significant trip for all of them. Miguel invites Fer out to dinner tomorrow night, while Franco looks positively offended by the idea. Fer accepts. The foursome toast. Franco mutters under his breath.

Venus leaves the house looking for Esteve, but she doesn't go very far before coming back and telling Padre Bosco she can't find him. PB suggests she call Eduardo, uh, Franco, but Venus doesn't have his cell number. PB asks about Gardenia, but she's not there anymore. Venus calls Steve's cell. PB says he has to speak to Franco urgently.

Steve's phone rings while he lies on the ground bleeding.

PB suggests they both go look for him. Venus grabs a flashlight and they depart.

Artemio asks Lili if she remembers where the diary is. He tells her she knows why she shouldn't have handed it over without his permission. He tells her the trip is cancelled--"no pyramids!"--and Lili cries. Artemio tells her that if she doesn't tell him where the diary is, he'll get very, very angry at her. Lili huddles by her bed and cries.

The double date continues, without audio. Franco looks pissy.

Venus asks the Padre what's going on while they look for Esteve, but Padre doesn't say anything except that they need to keep looking.

Fer thanks Er for a wonderful dinner. Miguel asks her to call a taxi, standing way too close to Fer, but Erika says Fer will take him home. To whose home, she doesn't say. Miguel asks if she doesn't have a problem taking him to the hotel, and she doesn't. Er smiles a lot and hugs Franco.

Venus and PB are getting worried and they've almost gotten to the road. Venus is sure it's the right path to get there, but Padre Bosco sees a "brecha" (gap) and they go to investigate.

Fer gets in the jeep.

Franco disentangles himself from Erika with a promise to call her later (big lie…he never calls, why would he start now?).

Miguel gets in the jeep. He can't believe he's got her there, so close to him. He wonders if she remembered him too. They stare at each other in the jeep. Kiss or drive, people, you can't do both. Franco sits in his car watching them talk and laugh in his rearview mirror. He finally starts his car and peels out. Fer starts the jeep and tells Miguel to buckle up.

Venus and Padre Bosco shuffle along, Venus, oddly, calling for "Don Franco" and Padre Bosco calling for Steve. Did they get a tow truck? Why didn't Steve answer his phone? Venus finally sees a body. She leaves PB behind to run to Steve. She lies on his chest and cries, while PB asks God "Why?" Well, my answer is that that's what happens when you tell rapists to get out of town instead of turning them in to the cops so they can rot in jail where they belong.

Franco pulls over to let Fer pass him so he can follow the jeep. Fer talks to Miguel about how he remembers her. He remembers she left on a Sunday, he didn't have her address. Fer reminds him that he left Spain too at around the same time. He says he got a job in Ginebra (Geneva) and he left with his feelings of a "pretendiente rechazado" (rejected suitor). Fer says he's exaggerating and laughs that they were just good friends. Miguel says he never told her, but he fell in love with her when he met her. Fer can't believe it. Fer wants him to continue his resume…how many years did he live in Geneva? His answer is hilarious: "Viviendo como se dice viviendo, sin sentir una punzada de dolor en el corazon cada vez que pensaba en ti, respirar sin suspirar, recuperando el apetito, durmiendo sin sobresaltarme, a ese estilo de vida te refieres?" Which means "Well, 'living' as in 'living', without feeling a stab of pain in my heart every time I thought of you, breathing without sighing, getting my appetite back, sleeping without being startled…is that the kind of life you were referring to?" Fer says he's exaggerating again. But he insists it's the truth and nothing but the truth.

Meanwhile, in his car, Franco has his phone headset in, but is talking to Fer, telling her not to do this, that he's having an attack of jealousy (celos), that he loves her and she knows it. He talks about how it's such a torment to have her so close and not be able to show her all he feels. And now this "intruso" (intruder) shows up in her life. Yeah, yeah, I know she's supposed to end up with him, but if he really "loves" her, "loves" as in "wants her to be happy", then shouldn't he be happy that a decent not-sleeping-with-her-mother-in-law kind of guy is interested in her? OK, adjusting beanie.

Fer asks about his work, his family. Brief PSA about Economistas Sin Fronteras… they try to develop programs for populations in marginalized areas. Miguel says they're opening an office in Mexico. See what I mean, he's perfect for her…they can be the power couple in Mexican social activism. He's going to be spending some time in Mexico. Fer really, really wants to know more about his "work." And luckily for them, they can talk about it on their trip. She asks again about his family. His mom is living in Columbia. He's still single. He wants to know if that person who was in her heart when he met her is still there or if she's forgotten him.

Actually, he's in the car behind you. Finally getting the call from Steve's cell phone, as a crying Venus says Steve's dying. On a grammatical note, what she says is "se nos muere" which literally means "he's dying on us"--the "nos" makes it reflexive. It's also used in other constructions, such as, "se me rompio el vaso", "the glass broke on me"; "se me descompuso el auto", "my car broke down on me". It's almost as if the speaker is taking the action personally, or at least in this case, Venus is pointing out that Steve "dying" isn't just happening to Steve, it is affecting Venus and Franco. If she didn't give a crap, there wouldn't be the emphasis, it would just be "se muere" or "está muriendo" or "se va a morir".

Fer pulls the jeep up to the Suites International *****. She tells Miguel she's surprised by everything he's said. She never imagined he was in love with her. Miguel says he feels better now that he's told her how he felt. Fer tries to minimize it…we were young, etc. They agree to see each other tomorrow. Miguel wishes her a good night and leans over. He tells her he was really excited to see her again as he strokes her hair. He moves in for a kiss, but Fer gets it on the cheek. Eh, not sure how I'm feeling about his shoes as she pulls away…looks like sneakers. I'll let it slide for now.

Evil Barbie talks to Damian via phone about whether he can obtain explosives. He wonders what for…hasn't he learned not to ask? And also, for blowing things up, duh! He asks if she's blowing up Lactos. She assures him it's for a good cause and she wants them by tomorrow. He'll get them for her as long as he gets paid well. She tells him she'll call him tomorrow with the delivery information. They hang up and Damian wonders if she's planning to blow up the convent to get Aurora out. But he supposes she'd be dead if Barbie did that.

At the hospital, a nurse hands over Esteve's personal effects. The doctor will be out to talk to them when she's done operating. Venus cries that she wants to go to the chapel and pray. Padre Bosco approves of that move. I wonder if she'll ask him to hear her confession. That's a whole other novela in and of itself! She heads off. Franco takes Esteve's wallet out of the envelope and notices it's still stuffed with plenty of gringo dollars. He shows Padre Watson the money and says this wasn't a robbery. Padre Bosco finally gets to tell him that Artemio Bravo came to see him. He thinks he was too late and what happened to Esteve is due to Artemio. He says Bravo threatened him that if he can't prove Eduardo is dead, Bravo will kill Lili. How's he supposed to prove that?

Artemio smokes a cigar and reviews the photos of the Elizalde family. He tells the picture of Lili that since she betrayed him, she'll suffer the same fate as her mother. Does anybody remember those Richard Simmons Deal-A-Meal cards? Lili's card just got moved into the "dead" food group.

Franco remembers meeting with Artemio and Artemio saying he had to meet Steve in person or cancel further visits with Lili. Padre Bosco is sure it was Artemio and there's nothing Franco can do about it. Franco says if Artemio is after his friends, he must pay! It's not that simple, Padre Bosco reminds him. The man is powerful and terrible! Padre Bosco says retaliating will only mean handing himself over to Bravo as Eduardo Juarez. Not following the logic on that one. Franco swears that if "anything" happens to Steve (which, come on, it already has, how much more do you need?) he'll tear Bravo to pieces.

Fer sneaks into the house. Erika is waiting for her in the library. Fer sends Tomasa to bed and goes into the library to see what Erika wants. Erika says she couldn't sleep without finding out how it went. "Se te declaro?" (Did he declare his love?) Fer thinks she's moving too fast. What's the hurry to get Fer paired off. Erika says Miguel's way cuter than before. Fer admits they had a nice chat, he used to be in love with her, but that's all. Er wonders if Fer has feelings for him too, but Fer reminds her that animals don't mate in captivity. I mean, she says she's feeling a lot of pressure. Er just wants her not to pass up this prime opportunity. She says that Franco said they made a good looking pair. She even calls up Franco so he can tell Fer himself. She hands over her phone and Franco tells her he's at the hospital in Toluca, Steve had an "accident" and he's in surgery. Fer asks if there's anything she can do to help, but he says there's nothing, so she tells him she hopes everything turns out ok and passes the phone back to Erika.

Venus cries in the chapel. She asks God to save Steve because he's a good guy and deserves to live. She's willing to trade herself for him…having been a sinner and not having parents, while Steve does have family and would be missed. Aw, don't sell yourself short, there. It was just mud wrestling and sex, it's not like you killed anybody. She's pretty far down on the ladder of evil compared to people like Artemio Bravo and Evil Barbie. She's not even evil, more like junior league naughty.

The doctor tells Franco the operation was a success, but that doesn't guarantee Steve's recovery. Venus comes back to the lobby in time to hear the doc say that Esteve had some cranial hemorrhaging that was drained to relieve pressure, but due to the severity of the trauma, he's in a coma. Well, mark that one off on the Telenovela Bingo Card. What are we still missing? Amnesia, fake pregnancy, falling down the stairs…any others? Esteve is in Intensive Care for observation and the next 72 hours are critical. He's in "extremely" serious condition.

Evil Barbie lies in bed with Gonzo and thought bubbles that she's not going to keep catering to Artemio's whims. She doesn't care what happens to the Elizalde family. She's got a reason for living now. She has a family and she's going to devote her life to it.

That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow when we no longer find out exactly what happens, because we're too close to the end. Woo hoo!

Labels: manana