Before any new stuff we're treated to a delightful repeat of Ximy playing a little grab the purple butt with Lalo. She makes the experienced observation that indeed they're nicely sculpted, very espojados (spongy), and certainly real. She almost swoons. "Some think they've been injected they're so perfect," he admits.
Mao and Aldo get things going with a little papi/escuincle chat which goes nowhere. Given a chance to come clean with dad and faced with the certainty of being outed by Estrella, Aldo (who may soon be all done) selects the logical adolescent answer... he lies. "Nopis, nothing goin' on here. Thanks for asking." He desperately reaches for the phone as Mao exits. Gosh, I wonder who he might be calling.
Who could have guessed? Estrella's strategy session with Moni back at Moni's place is interrupted by her cell phone. "Estrella Falcón, actriz." Yep, it's Aldo who tries to persuade Estrella not to talk with his dad. Moni takes the phone and chews Aldo's ear over his little stroll down drug alley. Everything they have done has been for him and his sisters. He seems disturbed, but more by the inconvenience of being discovered than by actual guilt.
Meintras tanto, Jacqui, in the solitude of her room is making preparations to destroy Aldo's stash... a little at a time. Candles are lit, bud has been bundled into an easy to manage wrap, no doubt Jimi's Experience is cued up on her Ipod and wearing a single inexplicable glove (perhaps an homage to the King of Pop?) she settles in to relax in the warm glow of smoldering herb. Alas, she is thwarted by the sudden entrance of her vigilant spawn, KnK (Koni and Katia) who completely misinterpret her noble effort in the War on Drugs. Busted! I ask once again, doesn't anyone bother to knock in this show?
Monita is still on the phone, "I'm sorry Aldo, Mauricio needs to know." Aldo whines and wheedles (a talent well-honed by most druggies) and convinces Moni to give him a chance to handle things and change. She relents. Estrella has her well-founded doubts. The drug-bust of Jaqui may render this a moot point.
Jaqui is trying to convince KnK that she is just practicing a little mild form of stress-reduction, with candles, meditation, and relaxation... yoga. She has been under a lot of stress lately. I should say so what with Jon Clod's unfortunate tumble off the boat (even if impeccably dressed). That certainly must have taken its toll. Coni wants her out of her house. Hey Missy, that's your mommy who lugged your sorry (albeit lovely) little butt around in her womb for nine months. Show a little respect.
Points to Aldo, he wants to have a daddy to drug fiend chat with Mao after all, but they are stymied by hurricane Connie, who has her own more pressing concerns. "Hey look what mom was about to light up!" or words to that effect, she shrieks as she hands over exhibit A to Mao who dutifully sniffs it as though he has some idea of what she's taking about. He probably has some inkling that it is not a wholly wholesome thing because he complains to Jacqui about bringing such as this into a house with impressionable children. All the while, Aldo is wishing he were in Philadelphia. Oops. Suddenly all eyes are on Aldo as Jaqui, tiring of being the center of attention (perhaps for the first time in her life) gallantly focuses the spotlight on Aldo. "I took them from Aldo. He's the one with a serious drug problem!" What time does that bus leave for Philly?
Monita is helping Alicia pack. She's been here a while, what like six months? and though she hates leaving Moni with all that is going on but she needs to check on the old homestead, water the plants. My guess is that a motorcycle gang have probably taken it over by now. Nieves drops by and does a nice job of concealing her disappointment over Alicia's departure. Oh well, there was only room enough for one alpha bitch in this little enclave. Perhaps it's for the best.
Back at the manse Aldo is now wishing for the earth to swallow him whole, shoes, socks, and all. Everyone divides him up, each selecting a savory body part to chew on. Even Katia joins in the feeding frenzy. Let's just say, I'm betting that Aldo wishes he'd had a chance to toke up before being set upon by by this school of starving piranhas. I'm glad that the Femsibs weren't witnesses to this metaphorical mutilation of their big brother. I will say that Jacqui offers feeble (the least she can do after lighting the fuse) support by accusing Coni of being too hard on her son, and for her trouble Coni redirects some of her ire at her maternal unit. "Five minutes later and I would have caught her smoking this stuff." Jaqui announces that she is about to put on her three thousand, did she say dollar? shades... Coni has her on the verge of tears and she doesn't want to be a spectacle. Coni speculates that Aldo will need a rehab center and maybe then military school.
Monita is feeding her fish, a Beta I think, which would be an appropriate for a boxeadora, sort of a guppified gallo. Now how sweet is this? Nieves has brought some going away tortas for Alicia. However Alicia is somewhat unappreciative and tosses the sack unceremoniously into the open suitcase, as the undaunted and forgiving Nieves helps her with her packing.
Now Coni and Mao are arguing over jurisdiction. They'rre his kids. He'll decide what to do with Aldo. Hold on, Buster. Actually Coni has legal custody and ultimately responsibility. Now Jaqui wades in (this lady may not have a spare but she certainly has a pair) with the reminder that she's the only experienced mama here, so she'll give the advise. Coni says no thanks and Jacqui appeals for backup from Katia. Nopis. As Coni and Mao continue to bicker, Aldo, disgusted makes a laudable but unsuccessful attempt, "I'm outta here!"and actually turns to leave. Mao impedes him. Not so fast buckaroo, this is your party. Mao asks him where he bought these drugs. Coni graciously answers for him, "Where do yo think? The 'hood where Mona and that zorra (here certainly meaning whore) Estrella and all that pedarajal (vicious people...thanks Jarocha!).
Nieves is still helping Alicia pack. They gently verbally spar as they take turns arranging and rearranging the contents of Alicia's luggage. Moni is amused by their good-spirited banter. Nieves wants Alicia to be able to make an early start.
Coni and Mao are still at it, same song, umpteenth verse. Aldo is getting weary of it and so are we. Have the rest of you noticed that virtually every boring, tedious conversation is always 1/2 Mauricio. Now this is funny, Jaqui opens her arms to embrace a beset upon Aldo. He respectfully dodges the offer. Mao blames a lot of this on Coni for separating the kids from him and packing them off to that horrible school. Jacqui then tries to remind them that they are recently married. Mao takes this opportunity to share with his mother-in-law the grisly details of their little arrangement. "Our marriage is a farce..."
Now this is not funny. Luisa and Dani rush in flanked by Terri. Well great. They have over heard much of this little dramatic feast featuring their adored brother as the entree. Mauricio promptly orders the girls to their room. Aldo, too as he reminds Terri that Aldo is strictly confined to quarters. Not wishing to be out-tyranted, Coni orders her mother to her room. Jacqui points out that although she is certainly appears younger and more youthful than she is, she is no child. Coni persists. Jaqui relents. She takes Katia with her.
Now, shades of Reefer Madness; Aldo goes into a drug deprived rage in his room, tossing his backpack, which he gives a nimble little kick, and bedding about, rejecting a plea from Luisa to let her in. He tosses the pillow at the door for emphasis. Wooo. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. Too bad there wasn't a piano handy when he was toking.
Our newlyweds finally get to spend some quality time together. Alone at last. Well, one might at least hope in a crisis they might try to pull together as a family. But no, he is going to take the bull by the horns and find out who sold Aldo the wackyweed, meaning of course a little trip to the barrio. "Not without me you don't!" scolds Coni, ever the wet blanket.
Terri is consoling Dani. Shouldn't Mauricio be doing this? They are joined by Luisa. Terri tries to reassure them that everything is going to be alright, but at this point in her young life, Luisa knows better. "We have to make Aldo feel loved and wanted so he can move forward," She counsels. This loses some of it's consoling quality when she punctuates it with "¡Oh Dios mio!¡Dios mio!" Thanks Terri, that helped.
Now a glimpse of bonding between a mod-mom and her daughter. Jaqui is complaining to Katia about Coni's defiant lack of respect. She still knows best. After all, she is the mom. She continues to deny any intention of using drugs. She observes to Katia that Coni and Mao have a dysfunctional marriage. Wow! Nothing gets by this lady. "Now tell me, how did Coni ever maneuver Mauricio into matrimony?"
Allow me a moment to observe, this is a very beautiful actress and the young whippersnappers here could learn a thing or two about speaking Spanish from her. Her words are crisp and clearly enunciated. I hope I run into her or someone just like her on Isla Mujeres. We'll skip the ganja.
In her apartment Moni and Beto are sharing a moment. She tells him about Nieves and Alicia, he asks about her bid to reclaim her belt. He offers his help. They after all were and are a team. Huggies! Hey who invited him? It's Mauricio, scowling. And her? Yikes! It's Coni, double-scowling. Now classic telenovela stuff with meaningful angst-ridden close-ups of each accompanied by ominous percussion.
Now this is why I come here. It's my new favorite couple (well, after Jerkoff Jerónimo and Oily Oscar), 'Xotic Ximena and Lushus Lalo, engaged in some sort of curious foreplay, much like birds of the Carribean, the male colorfully and conspicuously plumed, and the female more drably but yet attractively arrayed. Lalo in a comisa rayada llamativa (striped shirt) and purple pantalones. Ximy all in grey. It works. She is conflicted. She notes that he is as stressed as she. his glúteos are tense (agarratados). Modestly he knows but wants her to relax. Five strawberry daquiris and she's still tense.. "OK, what you need is a back massage." She agrees, "¡Ah ha! ¡Eso!" she melts.
Confrontation. Mao lights into Beto, he blames him for corrupting Aldo. Coni objects,"Don't blame Beto." Beto denies. Moni has his back. Mao persists. "Yeah, blame the dark-skinned man ( péguenle el negro),"Beto objects Coni slanders and accuses Estrella who isn't even here. "Estrella's an actress not a mujerzuela (loose woman)." Coni counters, "What in triple X movies?" She implies that Estrella puts powder up her nose and then she insults both Moni and Estrella, calling them ofrecidas, trepadoras, and busconas (basically loose, social climbing whores) Moni goes ballistic but is restrained by Beto. Coni mentions how Beto was groping (manoseando) her when they walked up. Now our little monkey is peeved and spills the soup," We were embracing (abrazando), but perhaps Mauricio would be interested to know who Beto was groping and embracing a while back." Whoa, let's see them round this horse up. Beto bites his lip.
Our newest twosome are bonding. Lalo is massaging, Ximy speaks but Lalo admonishes her, "Don't think, let your mind go blank." Now this is just too easy, even for me. I'm just going to leave that out there on the floor. I respect Ximena way too much. Shame on you Lalo!
Oh sweet Jesús López! This may be the funniest scene I've ever seen anywhere. Having emptied her mind (no, I still refuse to touch this) Ximena has an epiphany. It's almost too frightening to speak of it. Lalo must go and if you haven't seen this scene first hand, you must do whatever it takes to do so. Suffice it to say... she is smitten. "Now I understand what Coni (mi amigozosa) feels when el Fantasma Vengador touches her. Once again Cupid is off his mark...or is he just a perverse chubby little fart?
Coni, Mau, Moni, and Beto are talking. Mao wonders why he should be interested in who Beto is embracing and groping. Oh you poor dopey lug. Beto suggests that Mao stay out of his intimacies. Moni says,"Shut up Beto!" A nervous Coni reminds Mao that they are there looking into Aldo's recent indiscretions. Mao asks if Estrella has any thing to do with this. Moni says of course not, that she just found out and they pretty well told Mao everything she knows over the phone. Coni bristles at this wondering if Mao may have breeched their agreement, but Mao points out that it was Estrella who made the call. As if on cue, Estrella joins them. She of course is very concerned for Aldo and wants to speak to Principe. She starts to lead him away and Beto moves to follow. Moni pushes him back, this doesn't concern him. Coni follows trying to push Moni back eventually four of them, Esrella, Moni, Coni and Mao, have all found their way into Estrella's apartment.
Ximena is trying to have a chat with her hermanolfo, Jero, but he is not interested. This of course doesn't deter our Ximy from pouring out her soul to him. She is not happy with her relationship with Rolu. He refuses to even touch her and now she's starting to have strange feelings toward Lalo who is like a sister to her. Jero is even less interested than before. He doesn't care a pepino for her troubles. He suggests that she tell it to Mauricio, and then offers to smother her with a throw pillow. Ximena's been there and done that, "¡Nooo!"
The conversation at Estrella's continues.Mauricio is understandably a bit edgy and snappish. Coni is especially crabby but we'll give her a pass cause she's still looking so darn good in that little golden and clingy in the right places dress. Estrella wants to discuss Aldo but asks if Mao is sure he wants to talk in front of ésta (that) indicating Coni with a subtle head tilt. Coni is righteously offended and ups the ante by accusing Estre, ésta, of violating Aldo. Mao tries to rein her in, but he clearly has no control of the rampant estrogenic egos involved.Coni accuses Estrella of providing Aldo with the drugs. Estrella gives up Chubi. "Cristian arrested him. He's in jail." Jeez, it took a lot to finally get to this point.
More Ximy and Jero. She's been thinking and thinking, "You don't think," he corrects. She continues, She likes his idea of consulting with her primuchi (Mao). A dinner party... now Jero's onboard. He'll go too and size up the forbidden fruit (Coni). He's glad he thought of it.
Moni's sad. She gives the heavy bag a few half-hearted jabs and remembers Mao telling her that even though married there'll be no hanky-panky between him and Coni. A knock at the door. That's unusual. Well look who's here. The momia in the flesh. Oh my, she's here sowing seeds of doubt. Moni throws out the first pitch wondering how it must be for Coni being in a loveless marriage with a husband who won't even touch her. Coni swings at the high-hanging curve and connects big time. She admits that's she an insatiable sex machine. Moni can check with Beto on that. She then adorns this truth with strings of lies about the marital bliss she enjoys. Moni says that she doesn't believe a word of it. No matter, Coni presses.Maybe Moni could join a convent or perhaps find a loyal orangutan in an ecological preserve that she can make happy.
Mao confronts Chubi in jail. He wants in the cell with him. Does he think that Cristian just fell off the guyaba truck? Negativo, Sr. Sermeño. Not allowed." No problem, the doltish Chubi ambles up to the bars. Mao grabs. Mao threatens. Cristian calms. Mao releases. Chubi backs. "Hey, I remember you. You go out with Moni. I've known her all my life." See what drugs do to you, kiddies? Heck he was just helping a friend. He didn't even know how old Aldo is. Mao threatens some more telling Chubi that he's done peed on the wrong boots. He promises a long time in prison for Chubi. Can he do that? Guess not. Cristian apprises him of the right to remain silent and escorts him away. Chubi wishes he had a fatty right about now.
Moni gives it another shot. I know that Mauricio won't touch you because you disgust him. "That what he told you?" "Lies." And here you've got to hand it to Coni, she too, has quite a pair. Moni shouts, "Get out!" She pulls out her pepper spray and points it at Moni. "I have Mauricio as my husband and Beto as my lover and I intend to keep both. One day I might have a hankering for chocolate ice cream and the next vanilla. The thing I enjoy most is, nothing you can do about it."
Pau is about to leave and notices that Gabi looks dejected. Gabi is looking to vent about Sal's deteriorating mental health. Pau's more interested in when Gabi found out about Sal's wig. "In the shower together?" "See you tomorrow, Paula." Sal comes out twitching and jerking. He's worse than ever. She invite him to dinner. He declines and babbles paranoid suspicions. She asks if he's breaking up with her. Get this man to the Dr.!
Coni taunts Moni hinting at the terrible fates awaiting the kiddos if Moni should try to get near Mao. She reminds Moni of the terms of the prenup. "Get out!" "I'm going. Give Roberto a kiss for me. Want me to give Mauricio a kiss for you?" "Get out!" "I'm going, go climb out on the limb of your tree to sleep like the monkey (changa) you are." "And you coil (enroscar) up like the serpiente that you are." "Oh, I'll coil up... on Mauricio." Moni gives the heavy bag a few frustrated punches. Bout goes to Coni. TKO.
Labels: gancho
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