Caray, Caray!

Alex and MaryJo exchange verbal declarations of love and adoration before they hang up the phone. Fernando asks why he didn't tell her about Bruno being there. Alex thinks Bruno is going to try to bribe the judge, but Fernando doesn't agree.

The next morning, Sra. Maya takes them to the town that the ferry leaves from, but the tour has already left. Never fear, though, Sra. Maya tries to find a "yola" (a small fishing boat) and finds a man and his grandson who will take them over for $100 cause it's pretty far and dangerous in such a small boat. The guy thinks it will take them three hours to get there. Alex thanks Sra. Maya for all her help. She wishes them a good trip and off they go in the little fishing boat that could.

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started out from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a might sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure
[Two] passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour…"

Katia calls Bruno and berates him for not answering the phone before. You know, I think I'm going to start using "bad cell phone reception" as an excuse for ignoring people from now on…even if they're in the same room. Seems to work for Bruno. She tells him that Alex and Fernando's whereabouts are a big mystery around the office. Bruno thinks he'll be back in about another five days and complains about how slow the bus is going and how many stops it's making on the way back to Santo Domingo.

The boat thinks it can, it thinks it can, it thinks it can…. Alex eats a banana. Shirts are removed, though not Alex's. The boat guy starts clutching his chest and then keels over, dropping the cigarette from his mouth into a bucket of…wool? The guys try to help him, but he's dead and the boat is on fire. Alex grabs the grandson and everybody jumps in the water as the boat explodes. Wow. And Bruno didn't even have to engineer this near-death experience. Add one more to the list of Alex's acquired dependents. You just know that kid's got no other family and no way is Alex going to leave him behind.

"[The captain had a heart attack
The tiny ship blew up,
If not for the courage of Al and Fer
The grandson would be lost, the grandson would be lost...]"

MaryJo and Paula go to the Mercado. MJ gives Paula yet another lecture about how they're poor, so they shouldn't put on airs. Chucho and Pedro are working in the shop, as are Meche and Gabriel. Paula is not enthusiastic about meeting them. I've noticed that Chucho keeps calling him "Grabiel" instead of "Gabriel." Paula is also less than impressed with Gabriel, though he's got a bit of a spark in his eye for her, I think. Oh, well, the course of true love never did run smooth.

"The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
[With Alex L
Fernando too,
The little kid and his skills,
There's coconuts
And a bunch of flammable stuff]
Here on [Sortilegio] Isle..."

Our men and boy overboard manage to swim all the way back to the shore of somewhere, with Alex having to help Fer as he keeps trying to swim even though their feet have reached sand. Fer has a bleeding leg wound and Alex and the kid run off, presumably to get help. But then, there's the kid, right by Fernando as he tries to console him with "your grandpa went quick, so don't cry, it's the best way to say goodbye, just let him go." Alex comes back from having gone back into the ocean to try and retrieve the body. He says he couldn't do it cause it was too deep. He tells the kid that he and Fernando will take care of him as the kid sobs that he wants to die in the sea. Fernando's leg wound is burning horribly. The kid, with his expert medical knowledge, declares the wound "feo" (ugly). Alex, with his expert medical knowledge, rips up Fernando's pant leg and says they need to get bandages so Fernando doesn't bleed out. The kid, identified in the closed captions as Cogüi, runs off toward the trees. Alex starts to follow him, but then comes back to Fer. The guys don't know where they are. Fer, ever the optimist, doesn't think anyone will come looking for them there. Alex says it's all his fault, but Fer's not having it. Alex proposes looking for shelter. Fer is thirsty, so Alex dips a piece his shirt in sea water, slaps it on Fer's wounded leg, and binds it there with strips from Fer's pant leg and his shirt. Then Alex puts what's left of his shirt back on. We go now to our expert fashion consultant Tim Gunn--Tim? "Yes, we're seeing a sort of roguish castaway look that I think the model is very well suited to pulling off. I have to give him points for creativity in using the shirt as both bandaging and island attire. But I'm concerned about this asymmetrical look--you've got to be very careful and intentional with that, and right now my assessment is that it looks exactly like he ripped up his shirt for bandaging. I don’t expect the judges to respond favorably to that, but perhaps if he thinks very carefully about the styling and makes judicious use of the Macy's accessory wall, he might be able to pull it of. OK, Alex, time to make it work!" Thanks, Tim. Alex pulls Fernando up and they hobble over towards some trees. He superfluously tells Fer to stay put while he looks for water and someplace to spend the night. Alex goes deeper into the trees.

"So this is the tale of the castways,
They're here for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb..."

Alex runs back to the beach and walks up a tree. Cogüi takes over the care and feeding of Fernando. He shows Fernando a scar and says his grandpa healed it with the same leaves that Cogüi just found. Fer is less than enthusiastic about being patched up by a 10-year-old, but Cogüi is confident in his medical assessment. He uses a vine to bind the leaf to Fer's thigh. Alex tosses down some coconuts from the tree he climbed. Cogüi takes Alex's bandages off of Fer because they're making him look "muy güero" (I'm guessing he means pale, as in the bandages are cutting off circulation, rather than the bandages making Fer look very blonde). Fer admits the leaves are taking away some of the burning. Alex comes back with bad news. He's checked out as much of the island as he can and they're all alone with no water. He did find a coconut, though. They make jokes about how they're going to open it. Alex notices that Fer is starting to run a fever. Cogüi knows what to do, though, and goes off looking for more herbs. Alex starts laughing about what they'd do without the little C man. Alex tries opening the coconut by throwing it against the tree as Fer pants and mutters Vicky's name and Cogüi gathers more vines. Alex gets something stuck in his foot. Alex comes back to Fer with the outer shell of the coconut broken off, but he has to keep beating it against the tree to get to the coconut water, which he lets Fer have most of. Then they break it down further and eat the coconut meat. It's a good source of fiber and it's got some good fats, so that'll hold them for a little while.

"[Well Alex and Cogüi too,]
Will do their very best,
To make [Fernando] comfortable,
In the tropic island nest..."

Back in civilization, Maura comes a'calling. Never mind, forget what I said about civilization. Ezequiel and Maura chat briefly about not having been able to get hold of Alex.

Inside the house, the lawyer advises Vicky and MJ that they really need to get Alex back there. The lawyer actually knows where Alex went and what he's doing there and he tells the ladies--I think he just didn't know that that they weren't supposed to know. He doesn't know where Bruno is, though. He tells MJ that the divorce will be final at the end of next week, but it would be better if Alex were there. MJ starts to get worried that something has happened to Alex. Vicky supposes that if something had happened, Fer would have called to let them know, and it's not likely that something happened to the both of them. Riiiiiiight.

In the little house, Raquel and Roberto have a very loud and overheard-by-Maura argument. Raquel has been throwing up in the mornings and Roberto is convinced she's pregnant and wants to know whose baby it is. Maura comes close to being vomited on as Raquel leans over the patio rail. Gosh, that would have been fitting.

The ladies ask the lawyer to please put the judge off and tell him that Alex will be back as soon as he can. The lawyer takes his leave and Vicky and MJ agree they need to get hold of Alex. Of course, his cell is out of area. Vicky tries the office, and asks Mari for the number of the travel agency. She convinces Mari to give her the number of the agency and the hotel.

Back on the island, Cogüi is mopping down Fernando's brow while Alex builds a crude hut out of dried leaves. Alex makes a nice little speech about having found a brother in Fernando. He then tells Cogüi that brotherhood comes before everything else. Alex asks Cogüi where to get food that's not fruit and the kid says "duh, in the sea." They drag Fer into the hut. Cogüi keeps applying things to Fer's head as Alex tells him not to die. Cogüi starts a fire with sticks. He's confident that Fernando's fever will come down.

"No phone, no lights no motor cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primitive as can be... "

The travel agency doesn't know what to tell Vicky, except that Sra. Maya called to report that they'd been taken over to the island by boat. The travel agent says that the two guys were trying to catch up to Alex's "brother" on the tour. MJ and Vicky are alarmed. The travel agent remembers that the brother's name is Bruno. She offers to have Sra. Maya call them when she's back in the office. Now MaryJo panics in earnest. Vicky says it's going to be fine, they obviously knew that Bruno was there, so they didn't need warning. She wants MJ to calm down before she harms the baby. Fat chance. Ezequiel comes in to report that Maura is in the house. Vicky tells MJ to stay put, tells Ezequiel to tell Felipa to make a tea for MJ, and goes off to attend to Maura.

Maura tells Vicky that she's worried about not being able to get hold of Alex. Maura tells Vicky that she knows where the boys, all three of them, are. Vicky is confused that Alex knew that Bruno was there. Maura says she knows that Alex is lost to her, but she does care about him and that's why she's worried. Maura assures Vicky that she hasn't told anyone about this. Vicky tells her that the travel agent is looking into the matter.

Roberto and Ulises discuss the baby. Ulises thinks they ought to just raise it together. Roberto is pissed that Ulises slept with his wife without using a condom (and now the people three tables over know that too). Roberto lets Ulises know that Raquel intends to divorce him and marry Ulises, but no way is he going to let Ulises raise a child of his. He wants Ulises to go to Spain, get Sandra, marry her, and get the hell out of their lives. Ulises says that's going to be difficult because her family hates him, but maybe if Bruno and/or Alex were to get him a job at the company, he could look like a decent guy. Oh, it's going to take a lot more than that, starting with getting rid of that ridiculous shirt with the giant lip mark on it. Roberto says they're out of town. Ulises wants to wait until they get back, but Roberto says he's going to get Ulises the ticket tomorrow and then he wants him gone. Awww, I don't think they're friends anymore. Ulises cell phone rings and he ignores yet another call from Raquel.

Paula finds MJ crying on the sofa in her room. She's upset because Alex isn't answering his phone. Paula tells her she's sure everything is fine and MJ is just being overly emotional because of the baby. She thinks that MJ needs to call the doc and get some pills for her "nervios" (nerves, both literally and figuratively). She asks, a little too casually, what MJ knows about that Gabriel guy and then claims that she's just asking cause, you know, he and his sister are big fat liars and so Paula just thinks it's best to know about them and be on alert. Methinks I spoke too soon about fair Paula's heart not being stirred. The kids will just love the story of how mom and dad met. MJ really doesn't seem to give a crap, even after Paula tells her, "tranquis" (Ximena-speak for "tranquilate", i.e., chillax already), and keeps right on weeping.

Felipa is reading a book titled "Adiestre a su Perro en 21 Días" (Train Your Dog in 21 Days). Vicky complains that "la luz" (literally, "the light," but in this context, it means the electric bill, which a lot of people do refer to even in English as the light bill) has gone up again and that no one's turning off the a/c even for a second. Vicky says she's got a really bad feeling about where Alex might be or what might have happened to him, especially with Bruno around. Felipa agrees, since they know that Bruno is "de armas tomar" (a person you don't mess around with, literally "one who will take up arms" but without a positive connotation). But at the same time, she's sure that Alex and Fer can handle him. Raquel walks in, and without any preamble, declares that she's pregnant. Vicky is thrilled, but she immediately tells Raquel that she's going to have to quit drinking. Raquel brushes her off and says there's nothing good about this and she doesn't know if it's Roberto's or Ulises' baby. She announces that Roberto "me tomó a la fuerza" (took me by force, i.e., raped me) two months ago. Vicky puts her head to the wall and sighs. Poor woman. I know she didn't intend to have such a screwed up family, but it happens.

Roberto kinda sorta admits the truth to Vicky and says maybe he was a little rough with Raquel that one time. He feels really embarassed to be talking about this with her. He kinda sorta defends himself by saying Raquel made him so angry that he lost control (yeah, not really a defense, there). He complains that she'd been with Ulises and was putting him up in an apartment and everything. He doesn't even know whose kid it is. He says that besides, Ulises has no intention of marrying Raquel and has another prospect, some rich girl from Madrid who looks identical to MJ. Vicky asks Roberto what they're going to do. He says that if it's his kid, "yo lo quiero" (which in this context could just as easily mean "I love it" as "I want it").

Back on the island, Alex has rounded up more coconuts. He steps on something, yet again, that has to be pulled out of his foot. He sees an aircraft and runs for the beach, wildly waving his arms, and then waving a big stick. No, not that big stick. The helicopter or whatever it was, keeps going. Fernando is trying to teach Cogüi how to spell his name, but now the captions say its Kugui. They discuss which words start with C and which ones start with K. And actually, there are no words in Spanish that start with K except for ones that have been imported from English (kilo- and so forth). Fernando praises Cogüi, Kugiu, whateverthehell the kid's name is (and I wish they'd decide--whatever, I'm renaming him Charlie) and says they'll work on the 2 times tables next so as to make good use of their time. Way to kill the vacation mood there, Fer. Alex comes back to report his adventure with the helicopter. He hopes that Charlie's family has reported him missing, but Fer thinks the family might assume that he and his grandpa just stayed on the island with Fer and Alex. Alex has assembled some "leña" (firewood) so that he can send up a signal the next time someone comes looking for them. He assures the boys that whether it's days or months, they will get out of there.

Vicky fills MJ in about Raquel. They agree it's best to wait for the baby to be born before they do a paternity test. Felipa wonders aloud when all the problems will end. Um, five minutes before the end of the Gran Final? Just guessing. Sra. Maya calls Vicky. She doesn't have good news. The guys didn't get to the tour, so they rented a boat, but there has been a report that the boat neither made it to the island nor back to the port. Sra. Maya says there are a lot of rocks in the ocean and it's most likely that the ship "naufragó" (was wrecked). MJ goes into hysterics. Vicky asks about searching for them and Sra. Maya says they're on it. I miss the next few seconds while the DVR cuts off and then starts recording the next hour. Sra. Maya is saying it's very complicated. Vicky asks about Bruno. Sra. Maya says he caught up to the tour, but then decided to come back to Santo Domingo, though he hasn't come by the agency. Convenient that she didn't mention that (a) Bruno was trying to catch up to his "friend" the judge and that (b) the judge went over the waterfall and is presumed dead. Vicky asks her to please pass on any news and they hang up. Vicky practically screams at the panicky MJ not to lose hope and get a frickin' grip! Felipa tells them both to calm down and start praying. She ramps up her usual exclamation "Santo del día de hoy!" (Today's saint!) to "Santo del día de hoy, de mañana, de pasado mañana y todo la semana!" (Today's saint, tomorrow's, the day after tomorrow's, and the whole week's!) just to let us know how truly desperate the situation is. MJ keeps crying.

And tomorrow: looks like Raquel is in a hospital bed with a neck brace as Vicky tells Roberto that Alex and Fernando had an accident and have disappeared; the boys keep waiting for a rescue and start a big 'ol fire; and Paula assures MJ that they have to be found.

"So join us here [again] my friends,
You're sure to get a smile,
From [those three] stranded castways,
Here on "[Sortilegio] Isle." (With my sincere apologies to George Wyle and Sherwood Schwartz!)

Labels: sortilegio