Caray, Caray!

Ahoy all, admittedly I breezed through a few conversations. If you think I've left out important bits please feel free to point them out in the comments...

Emanuel protests to Ilitia that he just doesn’t like Brandon, no reason, it’s just bad chemistry. Ilitia cogitates a bit, recalls Eman also hated Brandon at the party...it’s La Gorda, he’s jealous of La Gorda!! Eman looks like a puppy spanked with a paper. “You’re in love with La Gorda!” she accuses. No No Mari is just his cousin and Ilitia is his girlfriend he says. Ilitia figures there’s more to the story of why Eman can’t stand Brandon. “Porque baby?” Eman protesteth too much, Ilitia tires of the conversation and ends it with a kiss. Eman must be very confused right about now. Or not.

Netty has survived the hit-and-run attempt by Mr. Plastic Face (can’t remember his name) and her doctor coincidentally arrives on the scene. At least I think he’s her doctor, he really seems to have a crush on her and doesn’t like the lawyer. Lawyer says he doesn't think it was an accident and Netty is all “OMG Angela was right! This was no accident!” and then she gushes over the lawyer for saving her life. Doc's all Grrrr. I think the guy's a contender.

At Casa de Horror Gretel frets about her brother and tells Delicia she is worried about what happened to him. “WHAT happened to Axel?” demands Fedra who walks in at that moment. She shakes Gretel and Delicia thought bubbles that the witch is going to shake the poor crazy girl’s bones apart. More yelling, Gretel calls mom a control freak and mom, well, freaks.

Tio General's makeover is busted by Emiliano. What are they doing in Tio’s room?!? Tio enters the room, “Haven’t I told you to knock before opening the door?” Wow, he’s in uniform, looks dapper and official, and salutes to the group.

Tio thanks Mari for turning him back into El General and Benigno for being a part of it. Beni salutes in return. Emiliano says it’s like no time has passed, he’s once again General Ruiz y de Teresa.

Gretel paces Axel’s room and is joined, of course, by mommy dearest. Fedra demands to know what Axel is up to and tells Gretel she’s an unfortunate disgrace. Gretel hisses that her only misfortune is having Fedra as a mother, and for that Gretel gets a backhand across the face. Is there any doubt that our villainous mother is an abusive witch? She vows to make Gretel’s life a living hell. Nice.

Back in the General’s room Mari points out he was always The General on the inside and that’s what really counts, that he just needed a little help to bring the real him to the surface. OK we get it. General says he just wanted to let his enemies know he’s ready for war. Emi hopes that tomorrow Tio will leave the basement for the presentation of Mari’s inheritence. Tio yells never, never will he leave until the devil of Emi’s wife is gone.

And...she is still torturing her poor daughter until her cellular rings. It’s Bernardo with bad news. He didn’t manage to kill Netty, some dude came out of nowhere and saved her. OK that didn’t help Fedra’s rotten mood any but Gretel’s not in her sights anymore. I sure wouldn’t want to be Bernardo.

Netty and her two beaux regale the story of Netty’s near-death to the ladies of Netty’s house. It was just like the prophecy (vaticinio) she insists, in between batting her eyes at the guys, someone wants to kill her.

OK, here’s something new. Agent Orange (Mauricio) and Lorenzo the Loser are having a conversation about some beauty contest at the club. I think Mau is on the selection committe and he wants Lorenzo to handle the sales part of it. Mau thinks Lo is reluctant because of what happened with his (Mau's) father. He didn’t embezzle money, it was a trap. Mau sez do it for your daughter, it will help Ilitia’s image. Blah blah he finally convinces Loser Lorenzo to do it because he’ll get to ogle lots of babes in bikinis. They shake on the deal. I’m surprised their hands can even grip what with all the slime.

More Netty fretting, insisting on being called Senorita, and her two men arguing over her. The other ladies tell them to stop measuring their ties (midiendo las corbates = chest thumping) and make nice.

Mari and Doris converse about Netty’s loathsome aunt Fedra and gruff but lovable Tio General. Mari thanks Doris for taking a busman’s holiday and Doris kindly urges Mari to ditch the maternity clothes. Mari sez according to her cousin everyone thinks she’s pregnant already. Doris rips on the skinny chicks and suggests Mari go to a store for gorditas. Just then Kristel and Agent Orange appear to mock them.

Brandon returns home, victorious in his job reinstatement. He regales his pal with his adventures of the afternoon. He ran into the nasty mamacita and imagine his surprise, her mother is the real bread from God (pan de Dios = kind person, salt of the earth) not a monster like her daughter.

Brandon’s in pain and takes his shirt off to show his bruise. Ouch!! Also gives him a chance to show off his pecs and six-pak to the ladies. Thank you for that. His Mami is aghast at the bruise, he sez it was just a couple of thieves (rateros). OK enough about Brandon, she shares her story about Netty’s “accident”. Verrrry suspicious, think the policeboys.

We’re back in Horror House and I’ll make this short. They argue about plus size stores for women. Kristel claims how could she, with her body of overwhelming beauty, know about such things? She calls Doris a naca, Doris lunges, Mau threatens to kick her out of this “casa de bien” which is not the “barrio of nacos” that she’s used to. Doris laughs, didn’t they know this is Mari’s house? They remind Mari that she is supposed to participate in the beauty contest at the club. (She is? I guess I forgot.)

Fedra rips Bernardo a new one for failing to kill Netty. She doesn’t want to hear one more word from him until he’s killed Netty, got it? She doesn’t care how he does it, but if he fails he’ll pay with his life.

Mauricio and Kristel insist that Mari promised to be in the beauty contest. She doesn’t remember and doesn’t want to because people will make fun of her. Mau insists that yes, she WILL be there, correct? He blows an unctuous kiss their way and Doris is baffled. Why would she agree to do such a thing? She doesn’t have to do it if she doesn’t want to.

It’s a full moon, isn’t it always in Mexico City? Muneca and Lorenzo are fighting...surprised? I can’t believe it, he’s still lying about being at work all night. He’s working to support her can’t they just forget everything? He wants to show her she’s the only woman in his life. Barf.

Netty tells the policeboys that she didn’t see the face of the driver. Brandon decides to inspect the area for clues. Just then weird Angela shows up.

Gross, Nereida nuzzles Bernardo. He pushes her off and tells her to leave him in peace. I don’t understand what that hot maid sees in him. She says she doesn’t understand what’s come over him. He throws her against the door and tells her the full moon has turned him into a monster. This is where she’s supposed to cheerfully say, “don’t worry honey, I didn’t notice any difference.” But since nobody in that house is cheerful she just runs out with messy hair.

Downstairs the two nice maids gripe that Nereida always disappears when there’s work to do. Then they talk about the witch Fedra until Nereida shows up trying to disguise her bed head which isn’t too hard considering she didn’t get much bed. She tells Delicia to stay away from what is hers. Older maid is like WTF? Fedra breaks up the party by telling them to get the family for dinner, Emiliano has a big announcement to make.

Ilitia and “Baby” (Eman) are making out on the couch and wow she likes his kissing tonight. “Let’s have a toast, together and alone.” She wants to get it on but he thinks her house isn’t the best place. I think he’s getting a little drunk.

Delicia and Mari are discussing the impending announcement. Delicia calls Fedra Doña Neuros (neurosis? not sure what she means) and then does a great job mimicking her. Funny stuff.

Netty tells Angela that her prediction was right, word for word! Angela corrects, she doesn’t make predictions she just receives the spirits and relates what they say. She sez surely the danger hasn’t passed and her close call was a warning. Netty wants her to try to find out who’s trying to kill her, she wants to talk to Juan Pastor this very night.

Gretel is hiding out in bed after being terrorized by mom. (Joking aside, it’s quite hard to watch, isn’t it?) Apparently she has a fever but Gretel has other concerns. She wants Mari to help her find Axel before he does something crazy. Mari leaps into action and gives Delicia (who has been trying to call Eman) instructions on how to reduce Gretel’s fever, wet towels and cold water...now!

Ilitia and “Baby” are dancing cheek to cheek. She tells him she adores him but the shrill music tells us something might be bugging him. Uh oh, saved by the parents. Oh yuck, Muñeca happily announces that dad took her out for a reconciliation dinner. She’s more of a recidivist than he is.

Gretel’s fever is down and she insists that Mari go hunt for Axel at The One And Only Club in Mexico City. Delicia thinks this is a very bad idea but Mari being Mari agrees.

OMG Ilitia and Baby are kissing again, now in the dark. Where is this going? Oh, looks like the bedroom. But wait, maybe not, he doesn’t want to do it in the parent’s house. But yes, he can’t resist her temptation and they head for the stairs.

The Club - Mari arrives and tells Benigno to wait with the taxi. I’m glad she brought him but shouldn't he be going inside with her? She talks to herself as she strolls through The Club. Suddenly she is terrorized by Count Blechula, yep it’s Mau dressed as an orange-tinted vampire. He keeps wrapping her in his cape and baring his fangs at her. Then he reminds her that she’ll do what he wants or he tells Eman that she’s in love with him.

Mari tells Mau to fly away, she can’t stand him. He’s crazy and sick. She pushes him off and finds herself surrounded by a flock of fakely fanged Nosferatu wannabes. Uh, sounds like Mau is threatening her but I can’t understand him through his mouthpiece. Something about there is no escape? And thus our episode ends most oddly.

Have a great weekend everyone!!


Mañana - Fedra is mean, there is a seance, Fedra threatens, Mari thinks she’s in a madhouse.

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