Caray, Caray!

Tonight many of our ladies are stressed or distressed in one way or another. Mari's self-esteem is tested numerous times, Ilitia is tested both physicall and mentally, Kristel's sense of fair play is tested, Gretel is on the run, Netty and Doris run around, Begona is in danger, let's see how our ladies fare in tonight's episode.

From last night…”there's a special call out for Marianela,’the contestant who has stolen all our hearts with her her courage and her beauty’. Enraptured Emanuel laps it all up and adds, And tonight I'm going to steal you away!”

And on that exciting note we begin…

As the crowd warmly applauds Marianela Ilitia gives Eman the stink eye, Fedra sinks lower into her seat with her big glass of wine, and Agent Orange grabs a bell-pull and laughs that Mari’s about to become a big ball of calories. The jackass pulls it and here comes the melted chocolate. Half the crowd laughs and the other half is appropriately appalled. You know who they are so let’s move on to another town…

Yep, it’s Bernardo’s flunky who has found Gretel. She senses something is wrong with the guy, at the same time he calls Spiderus, “tell La Reina I’ve found her daughter.” Oliver goes over and asks the guy why he keeps staring at his girlfriend.

Eman rushes onto the stage. Meanwhile Ilitia snickers that Mari finally has a taste of her own medicine. (This is a play on the Mexican version, “a soup of your own chocolate”. Get it? Har har.) Mari knows it was Orangey and she refuses to let him see her upset. Nety leads the crowd in a grand applause which really irritates Ilitia and Fedra in particular. Mari struts her chocolatey self and Eman says someone will pay dearly.

It must be a little later on because Mari’s hair is perfect and she’s now wearing a pink dress. She gets another special applause while all the boring skinny girls have to go back to the dressing room. Doris waits in said room and shows Mari her deliberately ripped evening gown. (She didn’t do this before when Mari had to shower up? Whatever.) Mari has learned to roll with the punches and is unfazed. She announces to the skinnies that nobody leaves until they tell her who did this! Lorena smirks.

Out in the audience Axel whines to Emiliano about Mari getting more attention than his own sister. Fedra coos approvingly to her stepford son.

Nety and Emiliano discuss Mari and the late Eva. Then Netty reassures him that Gretel is in good hands with Oliver. Uh oh, don’t say things like that in telenovelalandia! It’s the kiss of death.

Oliver asks the weird stalker guy doesn’t he respect foreign women? Yeah, like that cheap trick is going to work after Gretel’s already talked to the guy. Stalker guy says no worries he understands how Oliver feels and he’s leaving. To plan Gretel’s re-kidnap no doubt.

Back at the dressing room Kristel grabs the dress and makes a lot of queen size dress jokes at Mari. Big surprise, nobody admits culpability. Doris has an idea of how to save the day and practically knocks Ilitia over on her way out the door. Ilita has come to have a word with la gorda. They glare at each other through the break.

Ilitia tells Mari that thanks to her Eman cancelled their marriage. Her life has been ruined ever since Mari showed up. (My theory is maybe Eman just doesn’t care for those creepy black see-through glove things she’s wearing.) Mari sticks up for herself and tells Ilitia to blame herself; Eman is probably tired of her spoiled tantrums and sick jealousies. She tells Ilitia that the wimpy fatty no longer exists so back off.

Kristel jumps in, literally, by huffing out her chest and hopping up and down in front of Mari. Is this supposed to be threatening? It’s quite funny really.

The MC introduces the distinguished personages starting with Fedra whose dress practically falls off when she stands up to take a bow. Meanwhile Doris tells Nety how Mari was sabotaged. Emanuel is introduced to the crowd as Nety drags him off, she needs to borrow his wheels. They argue pointlessly for a minute until Eman offers up his keys. Nety and Doris dash off.

Really? The skinny bitches are STILL giving Mari a hard time? Mari, break them in half right now. Ha, she tells Ilitia that she loves Eman and has ever since they were young. Ilitia gets in such a snit that the spittle starts flying. She can’t believe that Eman could be with a butterball like...and Mari lets fly with a mighty slap in the face, “Respect me bitch because we’re not equals!” Oh dear, so true on so many levels. You know, Mari is quite strong and is the only one who can manhandle Fedra. When will these stupid twiggy weaklings stop pissing her off?

Eman confronts Mauricio who says it was an accident, he couldn’t help himself. Right, a big pot of melted chocolate placed precariously above a beauty contest stage was an accident. Orangey advises Eman to take care of his own novia instead of that whale. This earns him a hard punch in the stomach, with Eman telling him to lay off of Mari. Orangey mutters that he’s going to dine on Eman’s ex the mamacita. Oh dear.

Silly scene with Netty and Doris getting on Eman’s wheels, a reverse trike, and Netty insisting she can drive it because she did it in a film 20 years ago. Off they go.

Bernardo and sidekick are lurking outside the club. They tell some guy on a radio that they’re in the club with the contraband and are awaiting instructions.

Agent O slips into Ilitia’s room, grabs her and says they are going to become real good friends tonight. He violently throws her on the couch.

Mari holds up a large red and white striped thing, is it her bathing suit? Those horizontal stripes will never do. Eman walks in and tells her she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. After staring into each others’ eyes through the break he reveals it was Orangey who sabotaged her by turning her into a big chocolate truffle so he punched him out. He reassures her that he doesn’t care about this contest; to him she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.

Meanwhile the new BFFs Kristel and Lorena are cutting Mari’s high heels so she will topple over and make a fool of herself. Lorena make a wise crack about there being nothing wrong below the belt with Kristel’s bro. Thanks for that Ho-rena.

Brandon and pal find the contraband. They hear some whistling and Brandon pulls his gun on one of the criminals. Bad guy immediately rats out Lowrenzo. So much for honor amongst thieves. Brandon leaves his sidekick (who is a criminal) to guard the newly-arrested criminal while he goes after Lowrenzo.

The skinny girls in their bathing suits primp and taunt Marianela. Kristel tells her that tonight she (Kristel) is going to have the last laugh. We’ll see.

Orangey is still torturing Ilitia in her dressing room when suddenly there is a knock on the door. It’s Kristel. I wonder if she opened the door to find Orangey humping her friend if that would make her laugh?

Brandon finds Lowrenzo up in the club and taunts him; those who push the boundaries of the law eventually get busted. Low looks a little worried but tries to act cool. Too late, Mr. Porta Lopez, you’re under arrest.

His two murderous henchmen walk toward the door of Nety’s perpetually unlocked boarding house. As they approach, Nety and Doris roll up on Eman’s trike. They run into the house leaving the door wide open for the bad guys to go right in, and they do.

Orangey threatens Ilitia with a knife and then hides. She opens the door for Kristel who notices Ilitia is trembling. Is everything OK? It must have been the scene with that horrid fatty, but it’s time to pep up for the show. Anyway, Kristel has a little surprise for la gorda that will cheer Ilitia up. Doubtful, as Orangey threatens her one more time before he slips out the door, blowing her a toxic toodle-oo.

Brandon has brought Lowrenzo down to the contraband cellar where Lowrenzo swears he didn’t know the stamps on the labels were forged. “That’s what we all say when we’re caught,” pipes up Brandon’s criminal partner. Lowman continues to protest his innocence, he wants his lawyer! “You’re not in charge here,” Brandon points out.

Nety and Doris paw through Nety’s costume collection. Begonia hears them and joins in. Don’t leave the baby alone!!

Low insists he’s just a simple businessman. Brandon disagrees, he thinks Lowman’s the head of the ring. Brandon grabs the young bad guy, the snitch, remember? But he can’t rat Lowman out to his face so now he cries that the head of the ring is…Mauricio Fonseca. Works for me.

Our two biker chicks have found a suitable outfit and dash out the door with Begoña waving goodbye. A second later she is grabbed by the two murderous henchman, one of them covers her mouth and hisses “We’re here on behalf of Lorenzo, who loves you…dead!”

Oliver and Gretel are in a candlelit cabin. He promises that nobody will find them out here in the middle of the woods, far from town. Uh oh. She tells him now that she’s found love and contentment she never wants to lose it. Uh oh. He says he’ll never leave her and they passionately kiss.

Cut to Fedra stomping out of the club with Spiderus in hot pursuit. She swears that Gretel will pay dearly for all the bad she has done to Fedra and she heads for her car. “Where are you going mom?” asks Eman, pacing the street, no doubt waiting for Nety and Doris to return.

Inside, the skinnies strut their stuff in the bathing suit category. The MC announces Marianela, applause please. Ilitia snickers until she hears the crowd roaring encouragement for her nemesis.
Eman points out to Fedra that she’s on the panel of judges and needs to fulfill her commitment like the elegant lady she is. She’s not going to let them say that the jury cheated, is she? (Not sure how her leaving is cheating but OK.)

Back to the contest and Mari is ready to make her entrance, this time in a casual white linen number perfect for the beach or a garden party. (I made up that last bit.) She totters out on the heels of death, arms akimbo and a big smile on her face. The scene is interrupted by Ilitia who grabs the microphone. She thinks Mari should be disqualified for not wearing a bathing suit. Mari grabs back and says one of the principles of being a beautiful woman is knowing what looks good. It’s not necessary to show one’s body in public in order to be judged beautiful. The crowd applauds their approval just as her shoe breaks and she topples onto the stage. The mean, skinny witches howl in laughter which I find particularly distasteful. Once again Eman rushes to her side. Take THAT Ilitia!

Oliver and Gretel snuggle in their little cabin in the woods. Gretel is worried and feels like something bad is going to happen. She begs him not to leave her alone. Suddenly she sits up, she’s afraid to stay there. Please, let’s leave! Gretel has one of her freaky episodes as Oliver tries to calm her.

Marianela gets up proudly, takes off her shoe and hurls it at Kristel’s head. You go girl! Once again the crowd applauds.

Brandon struts backstage and runs into the little mannequin Ilitia. He wonders if she’s jealous of all the applause that Mari’s getting? Ha, she says this stupid crown means nothing mi amor, it's not Milan. Brandon teases her about calling him mi amor, is it because of what happened the other night? No way, she says, it was just a night of drunkenness, nothing more. She gets a twinkle in her eye and insists she forgot about him the next day. He says fine say what you want but you had a great time, the truth hurts doesn’t it? She smiles and brushes past him as “yo soy sexy” music plays.

Gretel has calmed down but is still very worried. She says she has to tell Oliver everything that she’s been keeping inside all these years. She’s going to tell him what Fedra Curiel did! Cara impactada de Oliver.

And that leaves us on the edge of the cliff. Will Mari win the contest? Will Begona get whacked? Will Gretel get kidnapped before she tells Oliver her secret? How will our damsels in distress fare in the next episode?

Tomorrow: We find out who wins the concurso. Eman has arranged a romantic candlelight dinner…in a bedroom?
Aplauso caluroso – warm applause
Bola de sebo - butterball
Sin rodeos – bluntly speaking
Una sopa de tu propio chocolate – a taste of your own medicine (lit. a soup of your own chocolate)

Labels: llena