Caray, Caray!

Happy New Year to all you denizens of Caray Caray. May the coming fifty-four weeks be filled with rippling abs, bulging biceps, heaving bosoms, long legs, unbuttoned shirts, tight pants, short skirts, deceitful husbands, cheating wives, switched infants, comas, amnesias, cute smart kids, even cuter and smarter animals, steamy kisses, long showers, tasteful gratuitous sex and violence, bad wigs... well, you know what you like... hurry home each evening to see... then on your coffee break the following morning, feverishly consult the computer to discuss, dissect, and deride.

Soy Tu Dueña has wrapped, no new episodes of anything on Friday, so it's a good time to catch up on the goingson in India and Brazil, and let's also take a side excursion to Dubai since the most interesting couple in this TN is currently residing there. Unfortunately, there are not enough board certified recappers available for this show to be featured daily on Caray Caray, but it is, after all, almost certainly the most colorful and lavishly produced TN currently available here in the USA, so an occasional update here is not unwarranted.First let's see what the principal characters have been up to. As you recall Raj (handsome son of a wealthy Indian family) fell in love and mated with the skinny Brazilian girl, Duda (there must be an interesting story behind her parents' choice of that name) and she had high hopes of spending the rest of her life as an Indian princess... but Nooooo... Raj's old-fashioned parents had other plans for their brooding brown boy. He was roped into an arranged marriage with the pampered, gorgeous daughter of a similarly wealthy family.


Poor bastard. More about his plight later.

Duda's EPT turned blue (no rabbits were harmed in the detection of this pregnancy) and she turned even bluer when Raj announced his change of plans before she even had an opportunity to announce the joyous news. She considered, signed up, and even skipped breakfast for... an abortion. As she was donning the fashionable hospital gown, she had second and third thoughts, "Do I really want anyone to see me in this getup?" and bolted like a frightened bunny leaving the clinic with the little bun securely baking in her warm oven. Her BFF, Kiara , never a big Raj fan, was dismayed but supportive so... on to plan B.... wait till we have a bump to show off, then off to India to shake down Raj's family.

Raj married Maya in a modest week-long ceremony which I described in the Who's Watching India? He vaguely remembers Duda and their fun times together but that was then and this is now so let's make the best we can out of being married to perhaps the most beautiful girl in all of India... sacrifice for tradition. And sacrifice he did. He gritted his teeth and consummated his union with Maya... "Hey dude, that wasn't half bad! Duda who?"

In India, Duda and Kiara make their way to the fabric shop to begin negotiations with Opash who is devastated by the news that some of his Eastern genes have found their way into a Western womb and are busily doing their part in weaving a little bit of Indian silk into the fabric of Brazil. Having heard somewhere that the best defense is to be offensive he wonders aloud if his precious Raj is indeed the babydaddy... could be any one of the boys from Ipanema. Duda quickly offered DNA testing to assuage his doubt. Not understanding such things, Opash offers money... lots of it. He just doesn't want his happy family bothered by a little detail such as a bastard child. When she balks, he even offers to assume the child's paternity himself. Kiara thinks that a satisfactory deal can be reached so they return to Brazil to await a visit there from him.

The family priest, Pandit, who is adept at astrology sees an illegitimate child in the stars for the family, so Opash fesses up that he is the father of said child. His wife Indira is humiliated and vows to starve herself. After she flees to the bosom of her own family, he chases her down and admits that Raj is actually the culprit and that he is sacrificing himself to maintain harmony. She is utterly charmed and more in love with him than ever. The rest of he family is stunned but pleased by the reconciliation.

After an eye-opening trip to Brazil by Opash, further negotiations are pursued but he returns home with no final deal being struck. Duda makes a number of calls to India and even talks to Raj but does not reveal the pregnancy... yet. She also talks to Maya who is very jealous and sternly orders Duda to leave her man alone.

Maya, however, as you may recall, has a much bigger problem to deal with. She came into the marriage with luggage of her own in the form of a little bun in the oven placed there about two months too soon to pass off as Raj's. Her mother, upon learning the truth is scandalized but, like any good mom would... she hatches a plan with some rural kin whom she has aided in the past and who owe her big time.

Ladies, the best place in the world to be pregnant may well be India. While Duda busies herself with the mundaneness of day to day, Maya lounges about getting massages, soaking in a perfumed bath, snacking on sweets, having oil rubbed on her stretch marks, and watching the little girls and other women dance. If this were Raj's child, she wouldn't have a care in the world.

Apparently, with the first child a bride returns to her family around the seventh month so her mom can help with this difficult time and with the birthing. Before she leaves there's a little party in which everyone in both families takes turns adoring her, sprinkling flower petals on her belly, giving her gifts, feeding her sweets, and regaling the fetus with family lore. All in all, pregnancy's really not a bad gig in India.

But Koshi has a plan. "Don't unpack your bags," she tells Maya when they arrive home. Maya's all "¿Qué the Hell?" Joined by Harima, they pile into a cab and head for the boondocks. Good thing, 'cause Maya goes into labor upon arrival


and quickly (and rather easily) gives birth to a bouncing baby Dalit
.
Koshi takes the baby and gives him some honey (this is not a good idea, by the way) which is usually Daddy's job (again, honey is not recommended for infants). Maya holds and adores her child even as Komal and Raj, after discovering that Maya and Koshi have gone country, hurry to catch up to them.

They arrive in a tizzy, but melt on seeing the baby, even as Maya's demeanor goes dark. "That's not my son," she grimly mutters as a premature infant is passed amongst the gathered in-laws who have arrived as well. Yikes!

Raj wants to arrange for an ambulance to take the baby back to the city where there are doctors and nurses. "Not gonna happen," Koshi warns, "The kid stays here for ten days... punto." Now everyone is scowling, but Maya's scowl is the most toxic. What the heck does Koshi have up her sleeve? A double infant swap?

Meintras tanto, Duda is having her child under more familiar (to me) circumstances. Delivery room, blue drapes, bright lights, stainless steel, Dr., nurses... reminds me of my days abirthin' babies.

No swaps, no honey, no Ganges water. What to name the little critter? Maya had planned on Nihash Her friend Aida thinks that is not a good idea, too Indian. Hey, his daddy's Indian... oh, I see, that's the problem?... nevermind. Maya thinks Nihash... Enrique. Kiara thinks Enrique Nihash... ... Next!

During the past few months, Bahuan has been chasing the dollar and nursing a grudge. He set up business in the USA. He returned to India to retrieve Maya... failed. Stayed to open a restaurant (out of spite, next door to Raj's family's fabric store)... failed. Now he is in Brazil setting up a business deal with the Cadore family who are already doing business with Raj. He is insisting that Raj be in on the negotiations. He is consumed with a desire to humiliate and ruin Raj. Raj, meanwhile, is too busy being a daddy to Bahuan's son, who, for the moment anyway, has been swapped out for a more creditably premature stunt baby... Next!

Sylvia, Raul's widow is feuding with Ramiro, Raul's brother, who is trying to evict her from her home. Meanwhile Yvonne has stashed Raul in Dubai and has returned to Rio to help out her BFF, Sylvia, with her problems. She begins the aid by doing a little cleaning. She cleans all the money and Sylvia's jewelry out of the safe in Raul's study, leaving it spotless... and empty, just in time for the locksmith that Sylvia has called to open the safe (Raul died without leaving the combination for Sylvia). Oops, time for Yvonne to head back to Spain, busy, busy, busy, you know. She does tell Sylvia that it was probably the family's faithful housekeeper/cook who emptied the safe. Ondina is offended and quits, prompting Señor Cadore to leave as well, taking Ondina with him. while Ramiro helps out by cutting the power lines and water to the house.

Murilo, who has a thing for Sylvia and has already been helping her with business concerns, offers to let her stay at his place... temporarily, of course. She, who has lately been seeing him in a new light, reluctantly agrees... temporarily, of course.

Ramiro's son Tarso, who is pretty but crazy, has reached critical mass. He is hearing voices and has gone fetal. At Señor Cadore's request Dr. Castaño has been helping but Tarso's mom Melissa, a card carrying ditz has discovered and ditched the meds. His novia, Tônia, is very supportive and very much in love


but is discovering that Tarso is a long term project and very high-maintenance. There's still time to run away from this nightmare, sweetheart.

Ramiro has his problems. His feud with Sylvia is escalating. His son Tarso is deteriorating. His wife, Melissa, copes by keeping earplugs stuck in both ears. She is a real hoot, but can't come to grips with the fact that Tarso is deeply afflicted, denying that he has a problem. His dad, Señor Cadore has decided to move in with Ramiro and his family and has brought Ondina with him. More and more Ramiro is turning to his personal assistant Gaby for comfort and now realizes that he has a lustful interest in her. She shares this interest, but feels like he needs a therapist more than a mistress right now.


I'm disappointed because I thought that he is a faithful husband and that she is a loyal friend to Melissa. Oh well...

Ravi, Raj's little brother is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Camila, his computer-novia, to arrive in India with her sister and friend. He's hoping to put them up at the family manse, but that looks about as likely Osama bin Laden playing a shepherd in next year's Christmas pageant. In fact Amithab has the family priest/matchmaker looking for a suitable wife for the lad. He wants to preserve Chanti's virtue (he found her studying in a locked computer room at school with a little boy... kids these days!) by marrying her off, but because Ravi's older, he must marry first. Sorry Ravi, fair's fair.

In Dubai, Humberto is alternatively exuberant over his exciting new life and wistful over the old one with a loving wife and family. The grass is always greener... Well, it may not matter much because I don't think Humberto/Raul is destined to walk this earth for much longer. As I've said, I think that Yvonne has long-term plans for his money and sort term plans for him. While she was away helping his widow, Sylvia, he busied himself by purchasing a condo. "Good boy! Now sit! "
Meanwhile, the Motta girls, Camila, her sister Leiña, and Raul's daughter, Julia have a layover in Dubai and have decided to check out the city. Will they run into Raul... er... uh... Humberto and Yvonne as they explore? Well, the show is still young, sooo... maybe not, but you can bet they'll come close.

César, Camila's dad was arrested for non-payment of child support after his first wife filed a complaint. His current frisky wife, Ilana, enjoyed showing Opash Rio de Janeiro's points of interest while he visited, maybe just a bit too much, he was scandalized when he found out she is married, "Are baba!" César's churlish son Zeca is still a bully prompting a PSA concerning... bullying.


Must be a problem in Brazil as well. César did agree to foot the bill for the girls' Indian excursion.

I realize this is complex and confusing. There are characters I have not mentioned. If there is anything that I've omitted that you would like to add or correct or to ask about, please feel free.

Friday's episode had a live performance at the dance club of the romantic theme of Maya and Bahuan, Não Se Esqueça De Mim, by Nana Caymmi and Erasmo Carlos.


Earlier in the week Ademir (our more compliant schizophrenic) helped Dr. Castaño in his quest to win over Suelen by suggesting that he dance with another lady. He did and Suelen became jealous and broke in. They make a cute if vertically mismatched couple.

At the end of Friday's show it was announced that we are entering a nueva etapa (a new phase). If you've not been watching, this is a good time to jump in.

Carlos

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