Caray, Caray!

We rejoin our heroes as they press the flesh in the burbling stream. The groping, the liplocking…apparently the bright sunlight has melted the last dregs of Marianela’s resistance. “Where are we going with this?” she asks, momentarily breaking contact. Emanuel looks like he thinks right here would be just fine, but he says to the end of the world or wherever; doesn’t matter. The smooching resumes. Mari tries to say she has something important to tell him, but Eman isn’t in the mood for chitchat. His shirt comes off and they sink lower into the water through a series of closeup grope shots.

Brandon walks into the pensión holding Ilitia’s hand and tells his mother he’s just come to pack a few clothes for a road trip. He and Ilitia are heading to the Ruiz y de Teresa hacienda. Gladiola questioningly says, “Isn’t that where Victoria and Emanuel are?” and Ilitia says she’s got to save her marido from that vulture’s claws. Ilitia and Gladiola get into an entirely unprovoked mutual “don’t you use that tone with me” tiff and Brandon settles them down, but he’s so discombobulated by the friction between his mama and his beloved that he walks right into a hanging plant en route to the stairs.

Paula is in the kitchen at Dysfunction Junction taking out her anger on some innocent fruits with the juicer, and Delicia asks why she’s crying. Is it because Gretel was here? No, Paula didn’t even know about that. Nereida comes in, now clad in her maid uniform, and Delicia is sent to set the table. EXPLAIN, demands Paula, absently scooping sugar into the juice. Nereida claims she just went down to the basement to see if Máximo knew anything about Bernardo, and the old coot was all sympathetic, and he started showing her his army medals, and, well, you know how that gets a girl hot, one thing led to another, and…the geezer’s still got it! Paula is furious. She storms out and Nereida cackles.

Brandon quickly packs a suitcase. Consuelo creeps into his room and tells him not to go; it isn’t his problem to deal with. Ilitia and Victoria are both just using him! “Thanks for the advice,” he says, picking up the suitcase. He tries to leave but Consuelo clamps her claws onto his arm. “No! Don’t go! I love you!” she cries. “Qué the heck?! Leggo!” She puts up a good fight but all Brandon’s muscles are good for something; he manages to pry her off and run. Consuelo sits on Brandon’s bed and cries, “those two don’t care about you, and I love you so much!” Don’t worry, Consuelo, you can stay there and sniff his clothes the whole time he’s gone. I hear it’s the thing to do.

Even though it’s still morning, the three monsterketeers Mauricio, Lorenzo, and Garduño are already in a bar, trying to look cool and talking business. Low says he’s got the money to invest in Fedra’s resort. He’s surprised she’s letting Garduño in, though, seeing as how he’s a well-known criminal and all. Garduño says Agent O is taking care of the blackmailing on that end. And the grand plan is that they end up taking it all and splitting the cash between the three of them, leaving Fedra to rot.

In the living room at the pensión, GretelMan tells Oliver about the close call with Bernardo. If Emiliano hadn’t been there, he would have grabbed her, and they probably never would have seen each other again! (Yes, Gretel, which is why you should not have gone to the house…or anywhere, really…unguarded). Oliver tells his little sugar poison he’ll find her anywhere; that loser Bernie will not win. They smooch and Gladiola comes down the stairs and snaps about decent behavior in front of other people. She sure is in a mood today. But then she immediately apologizes and says she just isn’t used to such…modern…customs yet. Oliver asks to borrow her newspaper so he can see Manolo’s current article. In full color, on the front page, Manolo has an article about La Reina de la Noche. “Why are you so interested in her?” Oliver asks. GretelMan just says she thinks La Reina is hiding more than her face. Has Gretel really not told Oliver who La Reina is?

Fedra sits at the long dining table alone and yells at Paula and Delicia for not serving her breakfast fast enough, and also for not having trapped Gretel when she was in the house last night. Fedra gulps some juice and gags. “This is horrible! Are you trying to poison me? How much science is involved in getting orange juice from an orange?” Paula and Delicia hustle out, possibly inspired by that suggestion of poisoning the juice and thinking of using something other than sugar (or was it salt?), and Bernie comes in with the paper. Fedra is incensed. “Who is La Reina de la Noche?” asks the article, but it doesn’t seem to supply the answer. No idea what Gretel’s waiting for. The back of the paper encourages us to say goodbye to sweat, but Fedra doesn’t read that and seems to be well on her way to saying hello to a shiny glow (wait, no…ladies glow, gentlemen perspire, horses sweat…but what do demons do??) as she slams down the paper and rages out to put an end to the entire newspaper staff.

Soldier Benigno defies orders and skulks timidly back to the foxhole without Paula. The General reams him. Benigno meeps that he didn’t dare set foot in the kitchen; he was afraid he’d get a sartenazo (smack with a frypan); Paula’s so mad about Max’s fleshfest with Nereida. “WHAT?! That is una sarta de patrañas (a line of hoaxes)!” Benigno doesn’t know what Nereida told Paula, but whatever it was, she’s madder than ever and wants nothing to do with Máximo.

It’s a beautiful day out at the halcyon hacienda, where there is love in the air rather than pollution. But love is taking a little union-mandated lunch break. MV and Emanuel are dressed and coiffed and back in the house. MV is upset. Eman is not. We’re in love! Now that we’ve given in to our passions, let’s just keep it up! To infinity, and beyond! MV does not agree. What happened should not have happened. It’s exactly what she DIDN’T want; to become his mistress. Eman blithely says that his marriage with Ilitia has no future and he’s already had that conversation with his wife, so ni modo. MV says regardless, he’s still off limits. Emanuel thinks she’s saying so because she’s friends with Marianela, but Marianela went ahead and married Jorge knowing Vicky was in love with him, so it’s fair payback. MariVicky says but Marianela has returned. She’s here! Eman says he knows Mari is in México, but why hasn’t she appeared? Why hasn’t she even visited her Tia Netty? Anytime she wants to make an appearance, he’ll see her; he won’t hide for two years like she did. “I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to tell you the whole truth, right now,” MariVicky says.

Bernardo suddenly appears in the pensión pointing a pistol and scares the bejeesus out of Netty and Oliver. He demands to know Gretel’s dondeabouts.

GretelMan is at the newspaper office, trying to put her/his feet on the desk in a manly reporter fashion while Jairo says the article has gotten tons of attention. But why the articles about La Reina? GretelMan says the high society ladies who lunch with La Reina’s alter ego would go ballistic if they knew she dances in a skuzzy joint like that; she’d be shunned. GretelMan hands over a new article, about El Lirio saving the donation money during the benefit event. Fedra sneaks up behind them as Jairo praises the work and says the articles they’re publishing under Manolo’s pseudonym are really boosting circulation. He leaves to give the article to the editors. Fedra sits down and sneers, “aha, it’s you publishing these articles as El Lirio de Plata.”

Bernardo’s losing patience and his trigger finger is getting twitchy. Oliver is unconcerned. “What are you going to do, lock me in a cellar?” “No, but the police will, you and your little reporter friend. What you did to me is a crime!” “Oh, well, if we’re reporting crimes, you locked Gretel up for two years! Why don’t we take all evidence to a judge and have the law decide who’s the criminal?” “Shut up! Where’s Gretel?” Oliver rushes at Bernardo and they struggle. Gladiola runs in, I guess because she’s looking for her bad day to get worse. Bernie drops the gun. Netty picks it up and fires into the ceiling, knocking a lot of plaster down. “Ay, comadre, and we just fixed the goteras (leaks)!” Gladiola laments. Netty considers putting some new leaks in Bernie. She aims the gun at him and tells him to get out. Gladiola wants to have Bernie arrested for trespassing and for being a metiche and a degenerate, among other things. Oliver gets Netty to hand over the gun. Bernardo tries to play Mr. Nice Guy and says if Gretel just talks to Fedra once, then they’ll leave her alone forever. “I don’t know where she is! I’m searching for her, the same as you!” Oliver says. Bernardo tells him if he finds her, he should arrange a meeting with Fedra.

MariVicky frets alone in the hacienda living room, reminiscing about the times she swore revenge on Fedra et al. Apparently when someone very important to you is about to tell you the whole truth, Señorita Manners demands that you fetch drinks. Eman returns with glasses of wine. Okay, out with it, he says. MariVicky stalls. She says he claimed to be hopelessly and eternally in love with Marianela, and now he’s so ready to move on? What happened? Has he forgotten his gordita hermosa so quickly? Eman looks at her with an expression of sad torment that doesn’t involve any nose scrunching. VL has come so far.

Fedra chases Manolo into the ladies’ room and demands to know why he’s publishing these articles. “Just doing my job, ma’am,” says Manolo. “I am a fine upstanding lady, and no one slanders me! Understand?” says Fedra. Manolo sputters that threatening a reporter like this is a crime. Fedra’s fingers close around Manolo’s skinny neck. “What bothers you more, the articles about the robbery at your house, or the ones about La Reina? Tell me, what do you have to do with that woman?” Manolo asks.

Brandon and Ilitia cruise down the highway in the Jeep, the sun in their faces and the wind in their hair. Too much wind in their hair. Ilitia complains that she’s getting all messed up. Brandon says he’s trying to get her there fast. She says she doesn’t want to get there fast, she wants to get there pretty. Brandon thinks it’s about time her husband knows what she really looks like. Ilitia fights with him over the mirror (insulting his carcacha de quinta, piece of junk car, in the process) and she’s making the Jeep swerve. Offhand, I think getting up close and personal with the pavement and trees will hurt her looks more than the wind will, and Brandon agrees with me. He pulls over and decides to shut her up once and for all. Smoocheroochy.

Muñeca tells Flora that Ilitia headed out to the hacienda in high dudgeon. Well, she thinks her husband’s stepping out on her; how horrible, Flora says. Muñeca thinks Ilitia has some nerve getting on Emanuel’s case about it when she herself is a smitten kitten over… “Brandon?” says Flora. Muñeca didn’t realize Flora knew. Flora says she’s not blind. “Yes. Unfortunately, Ilitia is completely in love with Brandon Moreno,” Muñeca says, all out loud and nice and clear so Lowrenzo doesn’t miss a thing when he walks in.

Emanuel tells Vicky he loved Marianela more than anything, and after she left he tried to reach her, but now he’s started to think that she never loved him at all. “She was suffering because she thought you cheated on her!” Vicky says. “But if she really loved me, why didn’t she stay? Why didn’t she talk to me about it?” “Marianela suffered more than anyone has ever suffered, blahbidy blah blah, Job reads the Book of Marianela to make his trials seem easy, oh pobre de Mari,” yakity yak shut up with this cantaleta, Mari. Emanuel says she must not have suffered all that much; she certainly moved on and married Jorge fast enough. “So do you not love her anymore?” “I don’t know! I’m very angry, and very confused!” “Look, why don’t we just forget what happened between us?” “Impossible! Never!”

The way Fedra is Manolohandling her prey, she’s bound to find out any minute about the wig or the overdeveloped pectoral area. Fedra tells Manolo he has no idea who he’s messing with. GretelMan is turning really red, as do all Fedra’s partners in these scenes. She must really choke them. Manolo says he’s just doing his job. The stories are sent in, and he fact-checks and prints. “That gives you no right to go in MY house with that nasty poli and mess with MY people!” Manolo says he was looking for information about Fedra’s mysteriously missing daughter. Fedra shoves GretelMan into a toilet stall and says if he messes with her again, she will write his equinoccio herself! “You what?” GretelMan asks, following Fedra to the door, confused. “You know, the lápida (tombstone), where they’ll bury you,” Fedra explains, frustrated with the idiot. “Did you mean epitafio?” GretelMan asks, then explains what equinoccio means. Fedra gets mad and shoves Manolo against the sinks again and looks closely in his eyes and takes off his glasses. “I know very well that you know where Gretel is. Tell her I want to talk to her, and she’ll like what I have to say.” “I don’t know where she is, and I’m not going to let you get close to her and hurt her.” Fedra slowly cleans Manolo’s glasses. “I’m not going to hurt her. We can meet on her terms, wherever she wants. I just want to look her in the eyes…” Fedra slowly puts Manolo’s glasses back on “…and tell her the whole truth.” “What truth?” Fedra slowly walks to the door, then pauses. “Tell her she doesn’t have a monster for a mother…because I’m not her real mother.”

“Who is?” Manolo asks. “If Gretel wants to know, she’ll have to come see me and talk to me face to face.” Fedra leaves and Gretel begins rearranging her entire identity.

Low blathers to Muñeca. No, no, no. No way. Emanuel is a rich heir, that poli is nothing. He won’t let Ilitia risk her marriage. Muñeca says feelings and happiness matter more than money. Low doesn’t see it that way. Muñeca tells him to stay out of it and let Ilitia resolve her own issues. “Oooh, maybe Brandon is the one who raped her!” Low says excitedly. (Yes, idiot, that’s why she’s so in love with him.) Muñeca says no way, duh. “If that idiot touches my daughter, I’ll kill him!” Lowrenzo swears.

Well, I guess Low will have to get over his squeamishness regarding murder. There is plenty of touching going on. Brandon and Ilitia are still parked between the road and the river and going at it. Ilitia’s not resisting, but once they break off she tells him to stop it, or she’ll get out of the nacomobile. Brandon hops out and runs around to her door. “Okay, then, get out!” “You’d really abandon me here?!” “Don’t worry; you’re pretty, you’ll find a ride.” Ilitia folds her arms and refuses to move. “You need me…I’m the only one who knows how to get to the hacienda.” “Fine, but don’t touch the steering wheel, and stop throwing tantrums, or I’m leaving you on the side of the road and going to the hacienda myself, even if it takes me three days to find it.” With a few more insults, they come to terms and argue about whether the Jeep is a carcacha (jalopy).

Axel follows Delicia around, trying to smooch her without getting caught. He’s lurking behind the living room bar while she dusts it when Fedra walks in and wonders what he’s up to. Axel claims he was just giving Delicia instructions for the special dinner he’s having with his novia tonight. That’s right; he and Lorena Fonseca are back together. Delicia sobs loudly and runs out. Axel smiles. Fedra comments that Delicia is acting like some telenovela protagonist (we wish!). “Yeah, I’m so tired of her,” Axel says. He tells his mom that Lorena is perfect for him. Fedra’s happy. Axel heads to the kitchen and Bernardo comes in and asks Fedra how things went at the newspaper. Fedra claims it went well. That stupid reportero tried to get smart with her, but she let him know who he’s messing with, and she sent the message for Gretel. Bernie says he did the same with the poli, so Gretel should be showing up soon. The sooner they shut her up for good, the better. They both wonder how the reporter got the idea to use “El Lirio de Plata” as a pseudonym, and why he and Oliver were at La Mala Noche. Could Gretel have told them everything she knows about their past? Bernie decides the answer is no, because if an ambitious reporter knew those secrets, they would have been published already. Fedra thinks there’s something strange about Manolo, though.

Garduño and Mauricio drop by to talk business. Mauron is still trying really hard to act cool.

Gretel and Oliver snuggle and talk about their day. Death threats, cryptic messages, the usual. Gretel is really curious about what Fedra said, but Oliver is convinced it’s just a trap. She’s just trying to interest Gretel enough to suck her in, and then the claws come out. Please don’t fall for it! Don’t go!

Fedra tells Garduño it’s too risky to do business with him. Kristel comes into the office to say hi to her chiquibú. Garduño tells Fedra if she doesn’t agree to the business partnership, adios to her daughter’s wedding. “Perdón?! Who is this guy?” Kristel asks.

Brandon thinks they’re lost, and Ilitia won’t give him directions. “You told me if I open my mouth you’ll throw me out of the car, so I’m keeping quiet,” Ilitia says, refusing to look at him. Brandon stops the car and gives her permission to talk. She tells him they missed the turn a half hour ago. “Why didn’t you say so?” “I wasn’t allowed to talk!” “Well, talk!” “Am I allowed to say what I want?” “Permission granted!” Ilitia unleashes a long string of insults, calling him a naco and a brute and not failing to mention his outlet clothing. Brandon is more interested in directions to the hacienda. Well, Ilitia isn’t sure. She thinks they might be lost. But if they take that road up there, they’ll probably get there. Yeah, for sure. “Are you really sure?” “Of course! Don’t you think I’m dying to get to my husband?” They head off, down Lovers’ Lane.

Emanuel is cooking dinner. He tells Vicky she’ll fall in love when she tastes it because it will be the best thing she’s ever eaten. She thinks he’s putting way too many ingredients in that pot. He adds more salt and onions and shoos her away. He opens a bottle of wine, sniffs it, and pours in some of that, too. MV wonders why the rest of the crew hasn’t arrived yet. Eman confesses that he called them earlier and told them to take their time so the two of them could have some privacy. She does not approve. Eman dumps a bunch of spaghetti into the pot. She tells him you’re supposed to cook the pasta separately, in salt water. He tells her to stay out of the master chefery and breaks up the spaghetti so it will go into the sauce.

Kristel is flipping out that these people are using her life as ballast in a business negotiation, but Malicio escorts her out. Lowrenzo joins in, and Fedra is surprised to find out that he and Garduño know each other.

Brandon and Ilitia drive through a field, and Ilitia insists that this is the way. It’s just to the right. Brandon stops the Jeep and says there’s no road! This is ridiculous! They are lost in the middle of nowhere, and it’s Ilitia’s fault! He can’t stand her; she is making him crazy! No one can stand her; she’s such a frivolous capricious brat! Ilitia starts looking like she’s going to cry, which is Brandon’s kryptonite. He runs over to comfort her. “My husband is with another woman. My marriage is over. And now you have to yell ugly things at me,” she sniffles. He convinces her to get out of the car and puts a blanket on the ground for them to sit on. Then he bats his eyelashes and murmurs sweet nothings at her until she cheers up and kisses him. Things must get heated because the camera decides we need to look at the bucolic scenery instead.

Darkness falls on the hacienda. Eman serves the pasta. MV tries it and finds it rather too crunchy. Eman agrees. He wants to toast instead, to their whatever. MV says no way. She’s going to pretend it didn’t happen. He says he can never ever forget. She says he seems to forget pretty easily. He forgot Marianela, after all. Emanuel gets offended and says after all the pain Marianela caused him, he doesn’t think he wants her to return. He doesn’t want to see her again. The love they had has died. “It’s my fault you stopped loving her,” Vicky says sadly, leaving the table.

Mañana: Lorena announces her engagement to Axel, much to the astonishment of Axel and Delicia. Emanuel and MariVicky get hot and horizontal just in time for Brandon and tragically-tressed Ilitia to walk in.

Sartenazo – a hit with a skillet

Una sarta de patrañas – a series of hoaxes

Viendo las caras en el tambo – this one’s beyond me. Oliver said it to Bernardo… “well, as long as we’re viendo las caras en el tambo, you aren’t innocent; you locked Gretel in the cellar for two years.” My guess: one of the meanings of tambo is brothel…as long as we’re seeing the faces in the whorehouse, i.e. as long as we’re identifying the guilty. Anyone?

Goteras -- leaks

Carcacha de quinta – fifth-rate piece of junk automobile

Cantaleta – same old story

Jalándola con el Diablo – flirting with the devil

Equinoccio – equinox

Lápida – tablet, stone, gravestone

Epitafio-- epitaph