Caray, Caray!

Ezra begins this recap:

So things pick up where they left off, at the Blowout party (in more ways than one), in the jungle with Bam Bam and Carmen Miranda. The rich people start arriving, and it looks like they didn't get the memo. That or they don't feel like dressing to fit the theme. The latter appears to be the case as all the rich people and the reporters start fussing about how "vulgar" this party has become.

Candy shows up in her Slutty-Chiquita-Banana suit and sets them off on a new round of twittering... all the rich ladies decide to drag their drooling husbands away, leaving just Pancho&co., the reporters, and Pina/Vins (Pina hasn't managed to drag drooling Vins away yet, which is just as well, because he's going to be part of this episodes first *shocking revelation*.

The reporters start asking Pina about her show, and express disappointment that she's taking on a vulgar bimbo like Candy, which strikes a nerve. After all, many of the men who just got dragged out by their noses had been potential sources of capital for the reopening of Pina Opina.

In a misguided attempt at damage control, Vins grabs a microphone and proclaims the bosque bash to be an event of low class put on by the lowlifes Lopez. He basically insults the entire Pancho clan, at one point calling them "prototypes of the prosaic."

Pancho can't take this, so he grabs TWO microphones and begins to run his mouth. Everyone can tell he's about to spill the beans (I guess this show has a lot of beans to spill... to be more specific, he's about to spill the Vins-and-Candy beans). Eventually his frustration peaks, and there go the beans. He yells that it was Vince who ripped off Candela's catgirl mask. Everyone gasps and I grab my burrito, because it's time for a commercial break.

Rebeca wants a word with Pancho in private. Chela, obviously, objects, but doesn't get anywhere.

Beca and Pancho, private meeting: Gee, Pancho, you really blew it. But Beca, I was defending your honor. I can only take so much. But Pancho, that wasn't an honorable thing for a president to do. But Beca, my family comes first. He storms off, leaving her not mad but rather kinda charmed... "Ay Pancho," she whispers.

Now Vins is denying everything. He'd never do such a thing. He should have expected these lies from such a cabal of vulgarity. Incidentally, that will be the title of the first album my grunge garage band releases. Thanks a lot, Univision.

Pancho is rehashing the evening's events with his buds. They think he's got something with Rebeca. He doesn't. But he does.

Candy is rehashing the evening's events with Chela and the maid. She is clearly anguished. Hooray, more forbidden love!

Pancho has learned how to tie a tie, and Fers strolls in. She seems somewhat bemused by the night's events, and wishes Pancho would just cool out. He protests.

Melinama: At this point I strolled out to the living room and realized my son Ezra was about to fall asleep so I am taking over, if I can read his cryptic notes. Unfortunately it seems the last few paragraphs he'd written were lost.

Fers guilts and coddles Pancho, who is so frustrated with the three evil musketeers: "I need you, you've become indispensable." He eventually says ok, he won't throw in the towel, and they give each other lovely hugs. She is about the 11th person to tell him that both Chela and Rebeca are in love with him. He continues to deny it.

Ezra's notes say this is when Pina dreams of her yummy plumber - sadly, Vince intrudes into the dream and when she wakes up he complains she's been snoring like a jabalí (wild boar). She's annoyed he woke her up and tries to get back into her dream immediately...

Pancho can't sleep - Chela hears his television and comes in. He tells a joke about a "gay cockroach" (which came out of the closet). She says (again) he can't trust anyone at Avon and then tells him: "While I was hiding under her desk, Rebeca came on very seductively to Vince, she wanted the two of them to go out and said 'Pancho is of no importance.' " He is miserable.

Chela once again warns Candy she can't keep playing both sides - Vince is an infeliz (you might think that means he's unhappy but rather, he makes other people unhappy - an infeliz is a bum) and her brother's worst enemy. They wail together that Candy always chooses the worst men. "You can't serve God and the devil," Chela concludes.

Pina accuses Vince of spying on Candy with the closed circuit tv AND his little telescope. He admits it but says he could hardly avoid it since Candy's body is so tremendon heh heh. "But I would NEVER..."

... Candy strolls in, skin tight red outfit rendering Vince speechless and docile, and as eagerly attentive as my son's dog when you wave Thanksgiving turkey fat in front of his snout.

Pina asks point-blank: "WAS it my husband who ripped off your cat-girl mask?" It takes Candy the whole of the commercial break to compose her answer: "I would like to deny it, but you are my dear friend so I must tell the truth, yes it was him ... BUT ... it was the first time he ever came to Paraiso and he did not know the rule about not touching the masseuse." Thus, she partially told the truth and appeased Pina and Vince was relieved as well...

... and there was peace at la casa Irabien until Pina's friend shows up, does not want to hear about the dog's poop, and is listening to Pina's somewhat mollified take on the catgirl-unmasking-revelation when the maid finds VINCE'S LOVE LETTER TO CANDY.

Tomorrow Julia of the splendid vocabulary list is going to do us a little recap. Thanks Julia! And thanks Ez for joining the team!!!! And thanks Julie for taking time from your busy schedule to do our Fridays! Signing off for the night - Melinama

Labels: familia