Wednesday, February 08, 2012

 

El Talismán #7: Welcome to the Monkey House

(with apologies to Kurt Vonnegut)
Voice Over: Tonight we find ourselves back in the verdant Central Valley, where everyone who’s anyone is drawn, almost against their will, whether from Tijuana or Davis or the fleshpots of Amsterdam…or Viewerville…because Telenovela Laws are stronger and more inexorable than the Laws of Physics…okay, here we go.

El Tal:

The tía and P Ibby discuss his trouble keeping track of his women: can’t find one, can’t forget another, and can’t keep the third one off the property. If only he’d thought to have them implanted with microchips! Tía says he needs to accept that Mariana is probably dead and get on with his life, i.e. get his groove on with Camila. And maybe hire somebody to run off Lucrazy while he’s at it. He points out that nothing’s going to keep Lucrazy away if she’s really determined (well, he’s got THAT one right) and he refuses to believe Mariana is dead. He phones up the private detective, who says there’s still no news. I hope he’s not paying that guy too much.

El ‘Traz:

Our Lulu struts back into the family zoo, where her father announces that everything is just the same as when she left. (“Las cosas en esta casa siguen igual.” NO KIDDING.) She says she’s going to be a good girl now. He tells her to get herself a husband -- NOT P IBBY. After he leaves, she has a nice filial chat with her brother about when their father is going to die already. Nice helpful phrase for your own family discussions: “Hierba mala nunca muere.” I think that would translate figuratively to, “You can’t kill weeds.” Kids today!

La Pocilga de Davis:

Endless snotty backchat from Elvira about how Camila could possibly be going to the Negretes’ to HELP them. Camila, bastion of virtue that she is, gives the expected speech about leaving the past in the past, just doing her job, etc. Elvira suddenly realizes that this is a perfect opportunity to do damage and goes all mama-woodchuck, baring her considerable dentition at her daughter and using “venganza” in as many sentence structures as she possibly can. Camila’s not buying it, but Armando jumps right on the boat. 

Meanwhile, in Teenybopperland:

We are finally delivered the subplot involving the two granddaughters of Don Greghorror and the two hired hands at P Ibby’s place. In short, one of the nietas – she appears to be the “nice” one – is friends with one of the hands – the son of Margarito. Don G threatens the nietas with disinheritance and the hands with disappearance (theirs, not his, more’s the pity) if he ever catches them together. The other nieta – she appears to be the “naughty” one – says oh, are you going to make them disappear like you did Mariana? This earns her a vicious slap from her mama. (Yawn. Business as usual at the zoo.) “Your grandfather can throw us out in the street! Haven’t you noticed that he says “Lárgate” more in one episode than other people do in a lifetime?” Naughty daughter says that surely our Daddy wouldn’t let him do that, which leads to a charming motherly speech about how your papa is a useless, womanizing drunk who hates me. After Doris storms out, the girls astutely observe that poor papa has good reason. 

Continuing to chat companionably about teenybopper things, the sisters get all starry-eyed about what it will be like when they fall in love and make pinky-promises that when it happens, they will tell each other first. “But what if it’s the same boy?” Jajajá, giggle giggle giggle. Girls, we’re not laughing. We know an anvil when we see one. 

The Only Motel in Fresno:

Antonio’s yukking it up with a couple of party girls, whom he manages to hustle into the room just before Camila and Genoveva come around the corner. But don’t let out your breath yet -- it’s a fake close call. Later on when she can’t sleep because she can’t get that dratted P Ibby song out of her head, Camila goes for a walk and of course runs smack into Antonio. He’s falling-down drunk and incredibly boorish, pawing her and telling her how incredibly chula she is – he even tells her she’s the only woman he’d divorce his wife for, to hell with the inheritance! Amazingly, this incredibly suave pickup line doesn’t work. Camila pretends not to know him and flees. 

Later, back at El Tal:

Pedro retires to his Camila-shrine for the evening, takes off his boots, and voilà! POP GOES THE SLEAZY! It’s Lucrazy in the closet in a hot-pink Bratz-edition bustier and high heels! An interminable conversation follows in which he tells her there will never be anything between them, she says I will win you over, etc. etc. etc. Through sheer force of what seems like hours of pouting and flouncing she actually manages to get him to admit that Camila is the one he loves. The interminable scene ends on an up note, though, when she says, “How can you be sure about me when you haven’t sampled the wares?” He gets a foxy grin, walks over to her, takes her in his arms, plants one on her, and scares us all to death for a minute…but after a strategically placed commercial break for us to go take some tranquilizers, he releases her and says, “Nah. Don’t like ‘em.” Good doggie!

Later, at TOMIF:

Antonio goes to sign out of his motel room, a frosty cerveza eye-opener already in his hand. He drapes himself over the counter and asks the motel clerk if Camila is staying at the motel, and she’s like, oh, just wait a second, Mr. Half-Dressed Half-Drunk at Eight in the Morning Guy, while I LOOK THAT UP FOR YOU. (Never mind the cops, I’m expecting to hear from the motel clerks’ union!) Fortunately she doesn’t find Camila’s name (or maybe she’s just pretending, and I’m being too hard on her.) Antonio ends the scene wondering if he’s actually going crazy and starting to hallucinate, which would be kind of a fun plot twist that we probably won’t get any more mileage out of. Too bad.

On his way out, Antonio sees the two El Tal ranch hands in the parking lot that Fresno’s only motel shares with Fresno’s only hardware store, druggist, and ATM. He starts a scuffle that, due to the admirable restraint of the boys, turns mostly into a war of words along the lines of oh yeah, well YOUR ranch has plaga, oh yeah, how do you know YOUR ranch doesn’t have plaga, oh yeah, you stay away from our ranch, oh yeah, we have an ag-ri-cul-tu-ral ex-pert coming who will make SURE your ranch gets plaga. Take that!

Back at the dos ranchos, for the culminating over-the-top, pull-out-all-the-Telenovela-Laws final scene: 

The boys tattle to P Ibby that Antonio threatened them with a rogue agronomist, and he vows to get to the bottom of that business muy pronto. He marches over to El ‘Traz, where he spots a lady in a very fetching diaphanous bee-keeper outfit messing with a tree. (Note: must get some of those for Tal*Mart.) He sneaks up behind her, throws a blanket over her head, and drags her back to his place, where he whips off the blanket and… TA-DA! Missing girlfriend with engineering degree! ¡Qué sorpresa!

He can’t hide how happy he is to see her, but she’s stompin’ mad. Apparently she doesn’t go for that “me Tarzan, you kidnapped agronomist” ploy. What are you going to do, she asks, hold me captive? (“¿Me vas a secuestrar?”) He comes to his senses and says no, of course you’re free to go, but she’s not leaving until she gets an EXPLANATION. What will P Ibby come up with now? 

Avances: I didn’t catch a word of these, I’m afraid, but Antonio looks like he’s all cleaned up and looking for forgiveness. Time will tell.

Labels:


Comments:
Wow Blue Lass -- a CarayCaray Estrella is born! This is wonderful! Quick and snarky, como manda diós o el destino o ...

"Elvira ... goes all mama-woodchuck, baring her considerable dentition at her daughter and using “venganza” in as many sentence structures as she possibly can."

Perfect!

And then:
"Haven’t you noticed that he says “Lárgate” more in one episode than other people do in a lifetime?”

Oh I could go on and on -- I'm so glad you're here to take us on this romp through the swamp of bad acting, worse writing and cheapo producing.

Gracias, chica azul!
  

Oh my gosh, Blue Lass, you are HYSTERICAL!!! What a funny recap! You had some amazing lines but this section was the crown jewel:

"...a frosty cerveza eye-opener already in his hand. He drapes himself over the counter and asks the motel clerk if Camila is staying at the motel, and she’s like, oh, just wait a second, Mr. Half-Dressed Half-Drunk at Eight in the Morning Guy, while I LOOK THAT UP FOR YOU."

Soooo funny!

I have to admit, the happy (if maybe a little dumb) look on Pedro's face when he saw Camila's face again was quite heart warming. He may not be the brightest bulb but he does seem to love her.

Thanks for the awesome recap!

Katy
  

Camila y Pedro have not aged 1 minute. Way to many characters in this one...and the getting revenge has slowed to a crawl. Also, looks like Blanca Soto has been to the Sylvia Navarro school of pull any clothes out of your closet and multi-layer.

Excellent recap especially of Pedro's stalker.
  

Blue Lass...thanks! An absolute gem. I loved all the snarky comments mentioned by Novela and Katy...but my absolute favorite line was your suggestion that Pedro put microchips in all his wayward women! Pure genius, amiga mia. Mil gracias for this clever recap of an oh-so-dumb telenovela.
  

great ending of the recap. blue lass... have to save reading the entire thing for lunch, but i missed how Camila ended up with a blanket over her head in the middle of Pedro's living room so your telling of that scene was priceless!more comments to come.
  

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Blue Lass - I adore Vonnegutt and will speak for him that no apologies are necessary for this title.

You did a really good job on the recap, although I am not at all surprised given your spot on comments through CME and now ElT.

I loved
-"Bratz edition bustier"
-"the culminating over-the-top pull-out-all-the-Telenovela-Laws final scene"
-"Me Tarzan, You Kidnapped Agronomist"

You and EJ are a Dynamic Duo.

Looks like Nieta Fabiola has Grandpa's eyebrows, although they've been nicely shaped.

My favorite line in the show was Pedro saying "Ya probe' y no me gusto'" to Lucrecia.

Lugreasia needs to wash her hair. Maybe if she quit touching it so much it wouldn't oil up between scenes.

I am guessing Aaron Diaz is a Type A or maybe this was filmed in the midst of his divorce proceedings because his eye was twitching like crazy. And I don't think you can act that!

I wanted to buy CME on DVD but all the reviews said how condensed and choppy it was. This show seems to have that choppy quality.

Thanks for the laughs, Blue Lass. You will have a great future as a re-capper!

Rosemary la Otra
  

Muy amables, muy amables.

"Romp through the swamp," indeed!
  

Your re-cap was wonderful and so funny....It makes me want to keep watching this train wreck!!! Keep up the good work!!
  

R la O: Too bad about the CME DVD. I wanted to buy it, too. I was going to buy all the TNs I've seen, but didn't bother with STuD since it got a horrible review re: editing. MEPS got a good review and I did buy that one. I thought it was pretty well done, but it is my first experience with watching a cut up version of a TN I originallly watched in full, so I'm really no judge.

I'm here to say hasta luego. I just cannot get into these two new TNs. I'm going to wait until Lu's and/or SNs new ones start (if they overlap, I'll be watching both!!) I'd watch anything with FC, too but haven't heard that he's got anything in the pipeline.

Have fun guys. I'm going to miss you all. I might check in periodically and probably watch the final ep for both ElT and Podia.

Robey
  

Brilliant, Blue Lass. Thank you!

So much to love in your first recap:

The voice over..."Where everyone who is anyone is drawn, almost against their will, whether from Tijuana, or Davis or the fleshpots or Amsterdam..."

On the private detective, "I hope he's not paying that guy too much."

Doris loving comment to her children regarding their father's usefulness and the precarious state of their lifestyle, "Your grandfather can throw us out in the street! Haven’t you noticed that he says “Lárgate” more in one episode than other people do in a lifetime?”

Really great writing, really great satire. I'd call this recap (style-wise) completely Blue Lass but with hints of Voltaire, Dorothy Parker and Christopher Guest.

Thanks again so much. We are lucky to have you recapping!

EJ
  

EJ, let's try to outsnark each other. I'm sure we can keep raising the stakes. It will be like Don G's "un pokarito entre amigas." :D
  

Very nice Blue Lass. These recaps are the only reason to watch this show. That and to see if Lucrezia actaully does turn into a rapist. I'm thinking yes.

Which leads to - although pointless to ask- why wouldn't Pedro call the cops on the stalker chick in his house? Sure they're worthless and all and he risks being pulled in for, oh I don't know, running a brothel or something. But he for sure shouldn't TALK to the crazy bruja.

Are we suppossed to think that a mesh jacket will protect someone from the plaga? It wouldn't even protect someone from sun damage. Must go buy more tinfoil for the extra-strength beanie.

Kelly
  

Ah, our little Chica Azul, you are so clever and over-the-top snarkful at this barrel of monkeys. Nice job amiga!! Great title too.

Ha ha! Mama Woodchuck! Venganza Venganza! Elvira has got to be one of the crappiest moms ever. Her daughter's first job out of college and she's ready to sabotage it Por Venganza? (OK so Camila's been interning there but still.)

"POP GOES THE SLEAZY!" Quite possibly one of the funniest lines of all time.

R la O, yep, Fabiola sure does have Abuelo's eyebrows.

I think I might have figured out who is paying for and possibly writing this show. I've never seen so much vehicle product placement before in my life. First the old Chevy and now Camila's new Volt, some bigwigs at Chevrolet, MBA not MFA, must be pumping out the scripts.

Robey, hope to see you somewhere else down the line. I always enjoy your hilarious remarks and observations. You'll be missed.

Blue Lass, thanks again for your absolutely hilarious recap. You and Ej make a fantastic tag team, so literary, so scintillating, so naughty. True hermanas del alma.
  

blue laz, LOVED LOVED
Pedro retires to his Camila-shrine for the evening, takes off his boots, and voilà! POP GOES THE SLEAZY!
He gets a foxy grin, walks over to her, takes her in his arms, plants one on her, and scares us all to death for a minute…but after a strategically placed commercial break for us to go take some tranquilizers, he releases her and says, “Nah. Don’t like ‘em.” Good doggie!
i have to admit i loved that sequence, but then i was feelingg so sick of Rafa having to do this stupid thing that i rewatched the ending 1/5 hrs of A corazon abierto to see his smile again.
but your wording in this section of the recap is awesome!
  

Blue Lass thanks for this great recap. If this is your first, you are a natural. My favorite lines have been mentioned and thankfully I wasn't in the midst of eating or drinking when I read them!

Robey - you will be missed and I understand.
  

Now wait a minute, that was a nasty crack I made about MBAs and I apologize, especially to all you business majors/graduates out there. We Fine Arts graduates can be so snooty sometimes. Perdón.

Motherhood sure is getting a bad rap on this show. So far we have Elvira and Doris, both losers at mamahood.
  

Oh Robey, no puede ser. Please do pop in when you get in the mood. You have been so fun.

EJ - your Votaire, Dorothy Parker and Christopher Guest remark was so astute. Maybe we can call your "snark-off" with Blue Lass "Best in Show". Especially given these recaps are what's best in this show!

R la O
  

Aaron Diaz isn't even 30 years old and his character already has teen daughters? This is what I hate about Venevision.

I usually give a novela two weeks before I decide to stay or bail. If tonight's episode isn't any better I may just bail right away.
  

Blue Lass:

This complete telenovela crapfest does get the creative juices flowing, doesn't it?

Rather than a snark shoot-out I am thinking more of a pas de deux. Or, more properly, una danza de los seis—the lucky recappers of El Talisman. Jajajaja.

On a shallow note, is Aaron Diaz wearing brown contact lenses for this show? I have seen photos of him with greenish-blue eyes, I think in a recent 'People in Español'.

EJ
  

Oh man, they're dropping like flies.

When Pedro gave Camila the blanket treatment I laughed so loudly that I scared my honey who was wearing headphones at the time. Yep, that's how we roll in Fresno, if we don't like or trust you we kidnap you. What's wrong with just walking up to a professional and ask them what kind of work they are doing? I guess they were trying to build Sexual Tension by making Pedro act like a caveman. If anyone did that to me I'd be driving back to Davis so fast I'd give myself whiplash. Normally I would stop at the police station on the way out of town and file a complaint but I think we've determined the Fresno police aren't very effective at maintaining law and order.
  

I've bailed on watching this show, but NOT on the recaps and comments for this show. You guys are awesome! Blue Lass-- this was just fantastic. You guys really are the A Team of recappers on this D List show. I may have to watch tonight just to see what the grandkids look like and some of these new characters.
  

Blue Lass, I think Univision should be paying you to write these snarky recaps, and the other recappers as well. Picking apart the hammy carcass the next day is what makes this worth watching.

I do find the watching very entertaining, though. The stuff these people do makes no sense but they aren't boring. I like those sassy nietas (I, for one, am glad they didn't make them precocious younger kids) and Aaron Diaz makes for a delightfully scuzzy sleazeball.
  

EJ - that is the picture I saw of Aaron Diaz in a People magazine. He was sitting on Fina and Blanca's bench with the spikey wheel and his eyes were soooo green. Either he is wearing contacts now, or he was wearing them then. Sylvia? You are an Aaron expert.
  

Blue Lass--You climbed right up into the rarified air of award-winning recappers. This is a classic piece of masterful writing.

Just the beginning voice over got my attention. Then "The tía and P Ibby discuss his trouble keeping track of his women: can’t find one, can’t forget another, and can’t keep the third one off the property." Brilliant.

Ok--Mystery solved??? Who noticed the really dark eyebrows on older granddaughter Fabiola? Could they be Don Gagg's me twice or AntOSG's, who probably doesn't remember fathering either girl. She also whips out her retorts and rejoinders just like grandpa.
Anita
  

I think they should be paying us, too. Let's write and tell them we need matching outfits for our pas-de-six. DUDES, OUR FEATHER BUDGET ALONE IS ASTRONOMICAL.
  

Sylvia - "Oh man they are dropping like flies". lol Not me... even with the schedule change. I would stay up til midnight to watch El Talisman. It's that good.
  

A few more questions:

1. Why does Pedro HAVE a Camila Shrine? Their romance was short but boring. Perhaps he is just too cheap to redecorate?

2. How does Mariana's tia know of Pedro's love for Camila?

3. UA, I didn't understand your comment about Venevision and age-appropriate casting. Please say more.

The inappropriate age thing is one of the biggest burs under my saddle in terms of film and TV—esp. telenovelas. On the stage (or in opera) it is different for me, somehow I can suspend disbelief. But, HDTV and film—don't even let me get started on my rant and rave on Olivier's age (48, I think) when he filmed Hamlet.

In this TN Antonio is too young and most everyone else is too old. Hrmmph.

EJ
  

R la O, glad to hear you are hanging on for dear life.

Aaron's eye color? I always thought they were kinda green, but maybe I should pop on over to Palo Alto High School and ask to look at their old yearbooks. I'm sure if I show up drunk, slutty, with a beer in my hand and demand to see the records they will comply. Ya think?
  

R la O, one thing we DO know for sure. He's a pisces. He flashes that shoulder tattoo whenever he gets a chance.
  

Cap'n:
Drunk, slutty and with a beer on your hand should get you 5150'ed by Palo Alto High School security. Don't worry, I'll visit you in the clink.

Palo Alto High for Aaron? Hmmm...Somebody has some means in that family. Plus he obviously speaks English. I still can't tell if he can act but he shure looks purty on TV.

EJ
  

Thanks Blue Lass

Well another TN where no one changes locks on there home doors, or can call the police about home invasion.

Sometimes these TN really make a person think. HUM........ its beanie time.

Love the comment of and PoP GOES THE SLEAZY; man is that women agressive. Here I thought I was the only one who thought this thing was bad and the cheesey acting was even worse.WOW!!! and it's just like someone said it's a bad accident waiting to happen, and you can't help but not look away b/c you just might miss something.
  

Sorry, RLO and Sylvia--I see you DID notice the eyebrows on Granddaughter #1--I hadn't gotten that far on the comments before the urge to comment got to me.

I also thought it was delusionally funny to kidnap a professional agronomist, there to examine, collect samples and determine the kind and source of the plague, hated next-door neighbor's land or not. Pibby could have been charged with assault AND kidnapping...

...on top of that--what kind of trees are those, anyway, Tannat Grape trees? I thought their rancho was growing grapes, or was that something we assumed, since they are in Fresno. Maybe they are actually orange trees? But why so big? Most orange trees are kept short for ease of harvesting, no?

Robey and maybe UA--we're going to miss your comments. Not only are we losing viewers, but we're going to lose clients for the Tal*Mart.
Anita
  

Have they ever mentioned what they are growing on these ranches/farms? Our expert agronomist was looking at trees but I didn't see any fruit on them and I don't have enough knowledge of plants to identify trees. I can't think of another farm-setting telenovela where we didn't know what they were raising; usually it's front and center. Wine grapes in CME. Apples in Mi Pecado. Agave for tequila in DA. Cattle in STuD. Safflower, among other specific things mentioned, in LFdD.
  

Tal*Mart is open today from 3:00-8:59pm.

Due to the type of shoppers here (as oposed to those who patronized the CME Emporium), we offer you different departments to shop in (labels are overhead to help you find the perfect purchase).


From the Books, Magazines, DVD’s and Music Department

*A copy of Eva Luna for Pedro and a copy of Cuando for the writers of El Talismán

*Fresno Police Department CSI handbook for Fresno Police Department CSI officers

*Extensive list of words in Spanish that start with Est…[e.g. Esteban, estupido, estubborn, estumble, estegone]

*Certificate of completion from the University of Telenova Cliché Writing (only one required course, $500 registration fee for on-line lessons and pop-up quizzes)

*Custom-bound copy of report by the Harvard Psychology Dept. on the experiment measuring telenovela insanity where snark is the variable (© Fresno Publishing Co., 2012).

*Newest telenovela in BluRay starring Fernando Colunga, “Painting Fences.” One review is in: “I'd watch Colunga paint a fence.”

More to follow.
  

From the Grocery & Notions Department

*Heavy duty spot cleaner for red stains in carpets

*Heavy duty Tweezers (unless a mower is needed) for those pesky ear, nose and eyebrow hair

*Special Sale, one time only: TN Blinders so Reynoso can be heard but not seen

*Manly™ brand room air spray—contains equal portions of cigar smoke and aftershave. Try it at your next bro’s night in, lodge meeting, or fishing camp weekend.

*Raisins—Wholesale. Plump ‘n juicy organic Fresno-grown raisins, vine-ripened, harvested by a single capataz and maybe two undocumented laborers. They are individually wrapped in protective cellophane, 6000 to a box (sold retail at your nearest Whole Comidas or loose in 5 lb. bags at the roadside raisin stand outside the gates of El Tal or El Al)

*Ratspatooty, a Fresno newvelle kuisine freeze-dried entrée made with raisins, cheese, pistachios, garlic and oranges

*Boda bags (made in Fresno, U.S.A.) -- $4.99 extra if filled with Matoosy Rosey
  

From the Women’s Department

*RameraWear™ brand high-heeled sneakers (similar pairs to be found on LQNPA)

*Daisy Mae Duke™ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daisy_Duke) brand extra short short cut-off jeans, with appropriate unravelled fringe and a 2 1/2” white pocket hang. Be sure to order 2 sizes too small for maximum effect.

*Juniors, Misses and Women’s Plus size Rhinestone Cowboy™ line of clothing and acessories

*S*zanne S*mers Thigh High Master—hand-forged of top quality Fresno aluminium. Could double as a weapon.

*Visit our newly opened Feather Saloon, where you can drink and drivel while hot wax is applied to your hair (our insurance covers scalp burns). (Feathers and White Russians sold separately)

*Very fetching diaphanous, one-size fits all, bee-keeper outfit for messing with trees and getting kidnapped for, but does not protect from plaga or sun rays

*Just in a few minutes ago--a Bratz edition bustier for cup size A’s and AA’s—guaranteed to make you look like a DDD


From the Men’s Department

*Full line of Don Gagorio™ brand XXL Western-style tacky shirts, in 7 colors, one for every day of the week, trimmed in soft embroidery of contrasting color.

*Gents Rhinestone Cowboy™ line of clothing and acessories

*We also have some silver toe caps for our Manly™ brand boots and longsleeve knit jersey shirts (ala Dieter) to dress like Tony.

*Black Western hats with hatbands, conchas or tiaras (state preference when ordering) in silver adorning one side of the crown (you select front, left or right side when you order)
  

anita, you are hysterical!
loved the painting fences dvd (do we have a Mr Mijagi showing Fer how to brush up and brush down?)
the raisins and tweezers are too much!! LOL!!
  

From the Outdoor and Livestock Department

*Live Rhode Island Red roosters, shipped in soft, flannel-lined crates—Buy New, hurry--only 10 left, 15 used (like new, except their tail feathers are missing). It will be awhile before more are in stock, so place your order now or put on your Wish List.

*Ladylike handguns...wow. Any handgun can get the job done but pink pistols get it done in style. Yes, you certainly don't want your weapon to clash with your cute outfit while you're elegantly accessorizing your acquaintances with lead.
  

Anita, I'm glad we're all on the same page regarding the young'uns brows. And boy do I LOVE what you've got going at El Tal*Mart! That's too darn funny. Can I add the FC Painting the Fence video to my order?

EJ, well we know Aaron can act insolent, bored and trashy, that's for sure. Not to mention the boy's got some mad singing skills. Hey, that's what we need! Aaron to be driving around in a convertible singing some lounge lizard song a la Pablo Montero in Duelo de Pasiones. That gives me another thought. I think this telenovela also needs an awesomely smart animal like Tonki the wonder dog of Duelo. That doggie kept half the cast out of trouble and saved the other half. Pedro needs help.
  

martaivett--You'll find Mr Mijagi's commentary in the Extras.
  

Anita:

I'll take a boda bag filled with mood-enhancing fluid. I'd like mine without the El Talisman logo, thanks, lest I be shamed in public.

EJ
  

Blue Lass incredible recap! I LOVED your writing style and humor!

It looked like avocado trees to me that Camila was inspecting. Anyone else check them out?

Since this TN is already crazy beyond belief, I am hoping that Mariana has been in a Shaman Temple learing martial arts and she will return as a ninja femme nikita and kick some Negrete butt ! wouldnt that be great!
  

Anita - lol lol lol lol lol
  

Elle, I was wondering what the trees are too. I don't think citrus because usually there is some kind of fruit on a citrus tree, even if it's not ripe, right? I think you might have hit it with avocados. I'll bet they try to pass them off as almond trees, or maybe "raisin" trees, heh. (smile)
  

And when they do the entr'acte crop shots, it always looks like tobacco. But whatever. [Pulls beanie down over ears.]
  

I'll have one FC Paints Fences - the shirtless version, por favor and one boda bag of...whatever. Sylvia, we can watch together, have a little sip and I'll stagger over to Palo Alto High with you. Sounds like fun. What was he, class of 2005?

Blue Lass, I laughed all the way through. Thanks for your winning recap. Uni should definitely pay y'all, not in rooster-butt feathers either. Something nice, like belt buckles!
  

tonights recapping of the continued frenno brothers circus should be fun, beginning with a repeat of the blanket kidnapping
  

i like your idea for mariana sylvia
  

sorry i meant elle
  

Ladies, I heard that Colunga prefers to wear only his high school swim team Speedo when he paints fences. To protect his good clothes, y' see. And, and, and, he slathers on sunscreen, 'cause paint comes off more easily that way. Just sayin'. Enjoy the imagery.

Querida Blue Lass, did you recap in a previous incarnation? This was brilliant - my favorite being "...and goes all mama-woodchuck, baring her considerable dentition" which describes Julieta Rosen's acting style to a 't'. She does "bared dentition" like a Honey Badger, really.

May I suggest the appellation of El Alcatrash on account of the occupants' behavior. My lord, are they cooking meth there, too.

Lucrezia looked "quite fit" in her Fredericks of Hollywood get up. Still - Pedro played that one pretty well.
  

thanks for the idea, mike.. i think i will refer to El Alcatrash and El'zzzzzzz-man-or as the locations. have to come up with the char names now. F's o' H'wood was also what i thought about
  

I like Elle's idea too.

Emilia, it's a date. Not sure what year he was but 2005 sounds about right.

Mike, I like El Alcatrash. Pedro is so funny every time Lucrecia comes on to him. He always looks like he just smelled a fart or something. She's incredibly persistent. Didn't she tell her nieces she was going over to bag her future husband?
  

martaivett--
Can't find Frenno Bros. Circus in the Yellow Pages. Is it Frenno or Fresno--I'd like to include them as one of the Activities for Tourists when visiting the Avocado ranches in the area.
  

Martaivett--Actually I like Frenno--Venevision should have put the frenos on this before it started.
Anita
  

Do we know where Doris was dropping the girls off at the end of the ep? School? And what did they smart mouth to her that made her so exasperated she almost cracked her head on the steering wheel?
  

R la O, weren't the girls commenting on how much makeup (maquillaje?) mommy was wearing? Really, dunno.
  

Anita,
that actually was a typo, meant to say Fresno brothers circus.
  

and totally agree on Venevision should have put a freno to this before it even started.
  

Elna June, I said in a post in yesterday's discussion that Venevision tends to cast actors who are too young, as though the half century mark is a death sentence to an actor's career.

Imagine if Televisa had cast the role of Victoria in TdA with Blanca Soto. Venevision did something like that in Sacrificio de Mujer, which is their latest version of the story. Marjorie de Sousa was only 30. I'd rather see an older actress who looks ten years younger than she actually is and has more talent.

The other thing about Venevision is that -- at least back in the 90s -- their actors looked like they were stamped out of a Xerox machine. All the women looked like Vogue models and the men like GQ models. At least Televisa actors have a more individualistic look.

The opera is a definite place where these rules don't apply. The production I saw of Aida two seasons ago had a bass who was making his Met debut at 28; the mezzo playing his daughter was old enough to be his mother. And Placido Domingo is 71 and still gets the girl...
  

The girls were unsettled by ma's maquillage, like wearing a lot of makeup is some big crime or something. It didn't look like she WASN'T that made up before. I didn't really notice she looked that much different except the escuincles kept harping on it.
  

I was just at the art museum at lunchtime to see the Gaugin and Polynesia exhibit, and I came across a face that was startlingly familiar. Scroll down to the Stone figure (tiki ke'a to) and tell me if that dude doesn't look just like Gagorio.
  

Definitely has that Unibrow thing going on, Julia, so yes!
  

Blue Lass, this is awesome. You and Elna June make such a fantastic team for Tue.And of course and this TN is a perfect fit for the two of you. I probably should apologize for saying that but it is meant as a compliment... really.

Glad to see Tal*Mart open for business, Anita.

My guess last night about the trees was also avocado though I couldn't be certain.

I'm fascinated by Doris. Where does she go? What does she do? Who selects her outfits?

And of course I worry about Mariana. elle, I hope you are right... or perhaps she's now the queen of a biker gang that'll soon roar up to Casa Alcatraz and rain down Hell.

I have neighbors who've made more of an effort to find lost dogs than Pedro has made to find Mariana.

Carlos
  

Martaivett--How about the Fresno Frenno Brothers Circus???
  

Julia--haha, but I thought Pere Paillard looked like him, too (the horns part) especially.
  

No longer feel like suffering the pain of viewing, but I can't resists reading these recaps and all the comments! Brialliant all of you!!!

And I agree the "Pop goes the Sleazy" deserves the hall of fame sideboard placement. Sort of sums this whole telenova up.

Oh, and Sylvia - the Chevy placement is on purpose. There was even an article about it on Univision. Same as happened with Eva Luna and the Ford product placement. Paid the dollars, get the placement, primary too. Wouldn't want to be the guy in the GM ad department explaining use of their product on this dredge. :)
  

I am just loving the offerings at Tal*Mart. It is my new favorite place to shop. I think I'll serve Raspatooty at my next fine fancy dinner par-tay.
  

Oh if only I had time to read all the commentary!

Blue Lass--this is seriously funny sh!t. I was p!ss my pants laughing from beginning to end. Thank you!
  

Julia...yes! It's him! Very scary that these things are on our minds throughout the day, not that you could miss the similarity at all.
  

my problem with avocado as the product is that those plants looked awfully small (like tobacco) and i have had avocado trees at home, they are taller and bigger than orange trees, not small.
  

Maybe someone with a nice, big HD TV can keep an eye out for a telltale fruit that will give us a clue.
  

I'll watch for it.

I'm hoping it will be like on Mi Pecado, where the whole orchard was full of uniformly bright red apples ALL THE TIME.

Maybe they won't show us because they were hoping for a product placement gig with the California Avocados people or something, and if they ever get a deal inked then suddenly all the characters will be making delicious avocado treats and swooning about them. Or whatever other crop they can get a deal to promote.
  

Considering when this series debuted, they should have already had avocado placements. Stupid Bowl Sunday is the second biggest Day of the Avocado on the US holiday calendar.
  

Avocado: comes from the Spanish 'aguacate' which in turn comes from the Nahuatl word ahuácatl, which means 'testicle', a reference to the shape of the fruit. Avocados were known by the Aztecs as 'the fertility fruit'.

I can see the Negretes growing some testicles on their land. Perhaps Pedro needs to start growing some too...
  

Hahahahahahaha!!!!

Vivi, you slay me.
  

Maybe the trees grow money, hence the bare look and idle time.
  

Whoa, Vivi!! I didn't see THAT ONE coming!! LOL!
  

"Pop goes the sleazy" may be the funniest thing I've read all week. Excellent, BL!

Is anybody else having trouble telling Margarito's sons Claudio and Gabriel apart, though? At least Fabiola (Doris's snarky brunette daughter) and Florencia (blonde) are color-coded...
  

Claudio is the darker skin toned one that likes Florencia a lot. Gabriel is the one that always speaks later, and is rather quieter
  

Thanks, everybody, for your kind words today -- I'll be more specifically effusive later, but now I'm all played out from STAYING UP SO LATE.
  

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