Caray, Caray!

This is a compilation of  CarayCaray recappers’ and commenters’ impressions of Alonso covering Episodes #1 – 14 (August 13 -  23).  It didn’t take us long to figure him out.  Everyone, Enjoy!

This man is a predator in business wear and she should be able to recognize that. (We need to determine what species of reptile he is; I'm thinking Komodo Dragon.)

…did he really say "Are you grateful for this news of my proposal?"

Camila marries into a den of reptiles.

What a shame that the man Camila opens her heart to after the death of her first love is a creepy snake.  Love the big, fluffy dog.

I just hope that Camila doesn't stay married to Alonso for long. I can't stand looking at him.

He has that oily, smarmy smile.

Alonso as a Komodo Dragon= Perfecto!

Boy that creepy guy was the most creepy guy I have ever seen. It would give me the heeby jeebies to have to play a part with him. What a snake.

Waiting to see how come Camilla accepts what she don't want from Slimey. Please give us a smart heroine, please, please.

Alonso es un gran partido (great match), quapo, hard worker, and trustworthy. [This is only according to Gushing Gussie.]

[On the phone] Ximena reminds her [mother] that she’s said many times that happiness doesn’t exist, only happy moments.  So don’t come telling her that Camila has found happiness with that Don Nadie (Mr. Nobody).

[At the wedding] Alonso looks like the smarmy snake that he is and Isadora [his mother] looks, well, EVIL!!

[During the] (Luna de miel Amarga) Alonso finally returns [to the honeymoon suite, after a non-starter wedding night he blamed on Camila].  He climbs, no slithers, into bed next to her and asks for her forgiveness.  She pushes him away asking how he expects her to feel after the way he treated her.  He tries to explain how badly he felt about what happened (or didn’t happen). 

What a reptile. Did anyone else notice the evil eyes? Impotence is the perfect interim punishment for this predator.

He is one whack job. I agree, he has the most evil eyes. Like crazy X3.

I came in late after enjoying a wonderful prime rib dinner. Almost lost the meal, as I joined at the point of Alonssso in bed with Camila.

Well, it seems that AlonsNO has been doing some false advertising. The little weasel reminds me a little of Tony Randall ...if Tony had been a creepy reptile. I thought the shoulder biting at the end of this episode was especially creepy. Que the hell was that about?

What is up with Alonso. Is he gay, weird, wife beater, nuts, or is this all an act. Some kind of punishment for stuff that hasn't been revealed. And, Camila...are we to believe they have been hanging around for two years and she hasn't once glimpsed this nut bag, mommies boy let alone engaged in "canoodling." And, what are her reasons for marriage: it's time; it will make Mommie happy; it will make Tio happy. I know it is early on in this telenovela but this one should have come with a starter kit or instruction manual.

They haven't even been married a day, and already he's being a jealous abuser. Run Camila, RUN!!!

What reptile did Isadora sleep with to produce Alonsssso?

We have not heard much about the (presumably late) Senor Lazcano. [Isadora] had one line about him that suggests that he was much older than she.  But then again, komodo dragons are capable of parthenogenesis.

AlonsNO - perfect name for this reptilian leftover. He is really nuts. He is obsessed with Camila's money, takes orders from mommie (who obviously intimidates and emasculates him) and has absolutely no stones whatsoever.  Typical tn fashion to blame the victim (Camila) for his impotence! Couldn't happen to a better guy. He is creepy and hard to watch.

Like everyone has said, Alonso is a major creep. Scary, gross, dangerous. Mommy Dearest has definitely emasculated him. He can probably only "perform" with girls he considers un-marriable, or someone his mother hasn't forced on him. Although he is a bit thin, he did look a bit effeminate in that outfit at the hotel. It was only a light blue hoodie and white pants, but c'mon, look at the difference between him and Daniel, in yellow pants on his honeymoon - nothing effeminate about him at all.

Wow, I can't believe how creepy AlonsNo is. I give SN credit and acting kudos b/c the actor is so icky I wouldn't want to touch him.

Alonssssso...for some reason he reminds me of Francisco from Destilando Amor, only in a smaller package and with concentrated crazy (to save you money!). And damn if after one and a half episodes, I don't already want Eduardo Yañez to just run into a scene out of nowhere and punch him in the face.

I think Snakey Alonso is a psychopath. If Camila's mother says 'he aint so bad' I want Camila to reply: well you live with him anyplace else but here.

Alonso....Oh, I see. A female version of Cynthia in LQNPA [but without working equipment].

Personally, I'd have never looked twice at that smarmy-looking, cake-pop on a stick! Camila was one hard up broad to have ever dated the dude, let alone agreed to marry him! I just don't see it! I had to tighten my beanie and turn the dial up a couple notches on the antennae to even make it through the wedding…and that bed-scene??? OMG!

If Alonso doesn't realize that komodo dragons are capable of eating their own young he should do his homework on that as well.

Alonso starts to bite a claw, but [mama dragon] slaps his hand.

It is so unbelievable that Cam would have even fallen for this guy and he's such a whiny wuss.

No doubt! Isadora Dragon is definitely responsible for how her pup turned out.

He is so smarmy that it makes us despise him, which we are supposed to. Camila may have married him because she thought that she would never love someone again like she loved [Luis] and thought that at least Alonso cares about her and she was lonely.

AlonsNo is definitely a "whipped," weak man. I can't call him a puppy, it would be a slam to all puppies in viewerville.

[Camila] doesn't even want to share a meal with him much less sleep with him. Wondering how Alonso will get her to put up with him.

Alone-so definitely reminds me of a smarmy, nasty version of Tony Randall, who I still enjoy watching in those Doris Day/Rock Hudson movies.

Little lesson for you here, dumbass…when you have to explain to people that you're the one in charge…YOU'RE NOT!  Real men don't have to remind people every five minutes that they're men.  You are nothing but a boy with a Napoleon complex and a cheap suit.  He walks out and she looks sadly at the portrait of Tio Don "I Never Had To Remind Everybody My Balls Were The Biggest" Daniel.

Amanda agrees it's not easy to have one's husband underfoot all day.  (But Camila works outside with the cows, so Alonso’d only be underfoot if he was under the feet of the cows, so…hey, that's an idea!)
 
Once again, Alonso fails.  And blames it on Camila.  She castrates him with her attitude or something.  Camila now brings up the possibility of it being an emotional problem, since the doctor cleared him physically.  He keeps blaming her, saying she does it to him.  "Fine, then the problem is leaving!"  She storms out, while he's left behind in his robe and socks.  That's, um…not the most virile look he's sporting, there.  He has carnal relations with a pillow.
 
Backward up the stairs...a great description for this marriage. Camila, get away from that creepazoid. Alonso is the Bates Motel.
 
My guess is Alonso's "problem" has more to do with his mom than it does with Camila. Did they ever say what happened to his dad? Mom doesn’t seem to miss him one bit.
 
I like that this TN is not doing the obvious by having Cam feel bad about herself, believing Creep Boy's accusations.

Lonnie dearest pays a morning visit to MamaDora.  She reminds him this is no time for problems with his wife.
 
Lonnie slithers out from his hidy-hole and gripes about having to wait on this [Daniel] Acosta dude till his wife gets better.
 
Okay, Alonso is total scum and an annulment or divorce can't come soon enough for me. Is it possible -- just asking -- that he is really attracted to Camila independent of the plot to get her dough? His pride is hurt, I get that, with the impotence, but he seems to want to make a married life with her. I'm not using the word "love", but strong attraction and a relationship (granted one where he's the boss).
 
Yes, Camila please go to Chile without Alonso and leave that craven, bi-polar, depraved, blow fish, psycho-perv playground of a husband behind. Stop off in Nevada and get a quickie divorce. And, while you are at it, reach across the table and slap the crap out of that bigoted mother of yours.
 
Alonso reminds me of a spider. I can't imagine crawling into bed with him.
 
…surely you realize that by posting that picture of Flavio Medina you just added fuel to my crazy "He's channeling Ariel Lopez Padilla!" thing? [from CS]
 
[Camila’ll] fall fast and hard once [Daniel] shows up, I'm certain! Which would we choose, a stallion or a lizard?
 
I saw [those] pix [posted] and thought, ugly as the poor little gila looks, Alonesome looked worse and could learn a bit of claw care from the little dude. At least the gila looks like he had sense enough to get a manicure.


 
Alonso bites his left thumbclaw.  (Does anyone else think he'd rather suck his thumb?)
 
Obviously Alonso has never been in the confessional booth.
 
El Diablo [Dionisio] nods subtly, but clearly sees that Alonso truly lacks cojones.
 
Alonso is asleep in red pyjamas. We all know that alpha males never wear pyjamas in the presence of their women.
 
Somehow it doesn't seem likely that Alonso knows the Venus Butterfly.
 
So I don't know about clues, but I do wish the creep had accidentally cut the [telephone] power lines and moved that story line forward faster. ZZZZt for the SSSS.
 
I wish Alonso had electrocuted himself cutting those wires. I can't stand that guy so creepy.
 
I hope Camila never sleeps with Alonso. Who would want to, he is so creepy and snakey.
 
Nothing like having your sex life - or lack of it the topic of conversation at dinner. And, how humiliating to have your own mother tell you to get on with it. Yuck.
 
Unwanted mental image: Isadora making Alonso sit down and watch an instructional video on sexual techniques. I totally blame you recapper for this!
 
The dog was trying to eat Camila's shoulder the same way her LizardMan husband did. Except the dog is way cuddlier.
 
Flavio Medina, AKA A-Loser-So, really does a great job playing a complete Nut-Job. The nail biting is perfect as is that thing he does when he puts his hand behind his neck and leaves it there making him look even more psychotic. He has the creepy face that is perfect for the role.
 
Didn't you just want to slap Alonssso when he dissed Viv's picture?
 
Alonso's weirdness is fascinating to me. Someone earlier said he reminded them of Tony Randall. He's starting to remind me of a cross between Tony Randall and Peter Lorre.
 
I still contend that Alonso looks like Mr Bean with those weird faces he makes.
 
I absolutely laughed when Alonso pulled out the sanitizer! So funny.
 
Alonso has some serious issues with women. His law degree and family money might have attracted some in the past, but I'm going to bet that a combination of his control issues, lack of sexual talent, and -- perhaps -- inferior equipment made them bail.
 
Maja is a smart dog and she senses that Alonso is a reptile. I dearly hope she can protect herself from him and/or his evil mama.
 
The two mamas with boundary issues are creepy. I almost lost my lunch when Mama Metiche talked about her grandchild. Alonso must not be allowed to reproduce!

Camila tries to extricate Alonso’s foot from his mouth and tells him Viviana is a photographer and the photo she has is representative of her work.
 
Re: Viviana--Alonso so obviously doesn’t want Camila to have a friend.

[Ed. note—this whole scene was too good to leave out.]  Camila says she only left [Viviana’s party] to avoid further scandal.  Alonso tells her she could have avoided the scandal altogether if she hadn’t come to begin with.  Camila: “You behaved like a complete jerk (patán), arrogant and omnipotent as though I were your property and I will not allow it!”  Alonso pulls over and tells her: “You provoked this because you left when I didn’t want you to [go]!  Don’t forget I’m your husband.”  Camila: “But you’re not my owner.  As for being my husband, well that’s only on paper.” Oooh, fightin’ words!  Alonso grabs her forcefully, accusing her of purposely provoking him because he wasn’t able to, er, perform.  She denies this saying she’s only trying to say that going to a party alone isn’t a big deal, whether you’re married, divorced, or a widow.  NO!  The only thing he understands is that what he’s feeling, this impotence (he points to his groin, ha!)  doesn’t matter to her.  If she felt any solidarity to him, she wouldn’t have taken off with that “vieja,” she would have stayed and supported him, give him some assurance.  That’s what they both need, because this isn’t just his problem.  She’s as much to blame as he is.    Wait, what?
 
I knew Alonso would eventually do this. It was all about him and his shortcomings.
 
His attempt to isolate Camila is textbook evidence of an abusive spouse. She should head to Padre Baldomero and a lawyer toute de suite to discuss an annulment.
 
Alonso thou art in need of some serious meds.  Camila you are a vet and you do have animal tranquilizers.
 
The animal tranqs are a great idea, but can they be sneaked into a drink? Camila would have a tough time sticking a hypo into this creep's bony ass. She'll need Rodolfo (our handsome ranch hand) to help her.
 
I hope Maja stays far away from Alonssso.
 
It's hard for me to watch Alonsoso...well, Alon-not even-soso. The perpetual expression he wears always makes it seem that he's smelling something unpleasant..those bulls, perhaps, or the bull**** he himself is continually spewing. What-a-loser. Run for the hills, Cammie.
 
Alonso doesn't want Camila hanging out with Viviana because Viviana is a DIVORCEE and he doesn't want Camila getting any ideas.
 
The heck with tranquilizers, just have one of the bulls gore him - problem solved.
 
Camila has plenty of reasons to end this farce of a marriage right now. Alonso's behavior at the party was outrageous and embarrassing for both of them. And look at all these hunks waiting in the wings to snap her up, even before Daniel gets there!
 
Alonso getting gored by a bull would be a great idea, but getting him near one would be harder than trying to drug him.
 
At least with this type of dysfunction, he won't be raping Camila to consummate the marriage.
 
But TWO galans [for Camila]? That's not going to help with Alonso's slinky problem.
 
Since we all know that Cam should run as fast as she can away from Alonssso, it's probably going to take months to get rid of that lizard. We can imagine so many different ways to end this marriage - loved the reference to a bull getting him. Maybe Mama Dragon will do him in.
 
[On blood relationship] But the law of Telenovelaland says they can't be related as Daniel is the main galán. We just had a "which one will she chose" show. They couldn't possibly give us another, could they? Camila is for dang sure no Cupcake! And Alonso is no Gus/Rogelio! Heck, he's not even Ulises.
 
I don't think that Alonso will be in the running for Camila's heart. Either Camila will divorce him or he will get killed in the end which paves the way for Daniel/Andres. Alonso can't perform so he's out. One less person to worry about. I fear he may try to harm her though.
 
Alonso is a real sicko and sleaze, but he's doing a fine job.
 
… rumor has it that  Camila and Al's honeymoon marriage is more like the Luna de Manicomio, and that ownership of the ranch is pretty shakey right now.
 
… there is so much pressure from all the people he [Alonso] is responsible for taking care of and protecting: Camila, Agustina, Maja, etc. and that no one appreciates him. Camila says, "You're a great guy, but love is about trust and er sexuality," and clearly this is not happening.
 
[Cami’s] Mom begs to differ saying Alonso is a nice guy. Camila agrees "sin dudo"  (really?) but adds he just isn't the right "nice guy" for her (remember that line ladies when you need a smooth breakup line).
 
Camila tells Padre…She thinks she should not have married Alonso, as he has now shown her a completely different side of himself that she is none to happy about.  He is controlling (creepy), possessive (creepy), oh and she mentions has "su problema."  Here I nearly fell off the chair wondering if she was really going to talk about "su problema" with Padre?  Camila proceeds to get straight to it using euphemisms like "we have not yet completed our marriage" and "I haven't been fully completed by Alonso as a man.”  [Recapper means fulfilled his obligations as a man.]
 
[Camila] notices the huge bunch of roses on the table…and is directed to a card which basically reads "Sorry and I will never do this again".  We in viewerville know he really means "I need to reign in my general creeptitude and make nice to Camila or else the scheme will go bust and mummy will be real mad. And when mummy is mad, things just don't ‘work right.’"  Camila is touched by the card and hugs hubby loco while Augustina gushes and smiles.
 
Isadora (aka Nora Bates) starts up with talk about "the problem" (which of course can do nothing but aggravate "the problem").  Alonso gets into his psycho mode covering his ears and begging mummy to stop this talk.  Isadora cannot believe that Al hasn't whipped the little lady into shape by now and have her obeying his every word.
 
The best thing about this TN so far is the dog. Maja steals the show when he is onscreen.
 
Isadora can learn to knit from Cynthia Montero (LQNPA). She has a lot of time on her hands.
 
Alonso's floral purchase is a textbook example of abuser behaviour. It's also a public display for Augustina, who didn't witness the ugly scene he made at Viviana's party.
 
I especially enjoyed the suggestion about there being a "third member" of the conversation between Alonso and Camila [in the car on the way home].
 
There's one more person that I think of when I see Alonso: former president Richard Nixon! Especially the sneer and the jowls.
 
Alonso, stupidly, keeps arguing with Camila [about Tio’s will], which only pisses her off and she pulls rank as the executrix and goes back to her veterinary duties.  It seems to have slipped Alonso's mind that all his machinations will come to nothing if he doesn't stay married to Camila.  So much for his flowery apologies.
 
Alonso is driving behind a bus, but he gets into the other lane to pass it, while honking his horn and yelling, "Quitense, muertos de hambre, tengo prisa!" (Get the hell out of my way you frickin' bums, I'm in a hurry!) ….   And he's not even passing the damn bus, so apparently his car's engine isn't performing any better than his p*nis.
 
Viviana asks how things are going with Alonso.  Camila isn't happy.  She admits that nothing's going on with them…you know, as in nothing..um, as in nada de sexo.
 
[Viviana tells Camila] You can't let this [nada de sexo] affect your self-esteem!  I don't know why he hasn't been able to rise to the occasion, but I'm sure it's not because of you."

[Alonso] tries to accuse Camila of being some kind of depraved nympho for actually wanting to have sex in this decade.
 
We learned Camila is a sad about not having sex...although I don't see why she'd want to have sex with someone who is about as appealing as a sea urchin.
 
Camila learned Al-No-No only went to the therapist once.
 
Alnocando is driving me nuts. He whines incessantly and lies. And who in their right mind wears a business suit and tie on Mexican stud bull ranch? Hopefully, they will put us out of misery pronto and kill him off.
 
I'm sure we'll see a shirtless Daniel many times in contrast to that reptile Alonsssso who is skinnier than the Geico gekko.
 
That's who Alonso looked like last night. Maybe that explains his "problem": He'd rather be with chickens.

Compilation by Anita