Caray, Caray!

The sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
Bears spit in the woods.
Water is wet.
The snowplow pushes the snow towards the wrong side of the street.
Death and taxes.
You get the idea.

Modesto disappoints.
The guy is going to have to buy his own ugly necktie next Father's Day, is all I'm saying.

Alternate title: Genie's Big Adventure

Daniel ridicules Claudia for worrying about Eugenia, but agrees to go get her and bring her home. He complains that Claudia's turning out to be a real drag. She's not the mischievous little minx he thought she was.

Eva rushes off to Helena's place, hoping to get all the juicy details about the breakup with Pluti. Helena doesn't tell Eva about the rotten things Pluti did; she only admits that she didn't love him. She adds that this doesn't necessarily mean she's going to give JC another chance.

Chepina worries that Eugenia isn't home yet and isn't answering her phone. Claudia carelessly suggests that Eugenia turned off her phone for the audition. WHAT?? Chepina asks how Claudia knows about the audition. (Chepina suspiciously notes that Claudia was out when Eugenia got the call!) Chepina wants to call Modesto. Claudia says nahhhh, why worry him?

Daniel goes to the shelter where he left Eugenia, but she's already left, so he tells Claudia he's done with this caper. He insults her some more and blows her off. (Will this diminish her interest in him, or did she inherit her mother's love for useless jerks?)

At a bar, Pluto tells Onesimo about the breakup. He blames it all on the kid. He predicts that Helena will come crawling back to him, begging his forgiveness, when she realizes that she's nothing without a man and can't find a better one than him. Then he insults Onesimo and tells him to get lost so that he can finish drinking in solitude. He makes Onesimo pay for his own drinks, too. Pluto grinds his teeth in frustration. He'd better hope Onesimo isn't terribly offended.

Marcela finds Kevin writing some serious mush about Claudia. She's muy surprised to hear that Eugenia is Claudia's stepmother. She's even more surprised to hear that she's Claudia's wicked stepmother. She always seemed so nice! And to think that Modesto had additional children outside his marriage! Marcela reminds herself and Kevin that it's none of their business. She says it's nice that Kevin likes this girl, but asks him to dial back the enthusiasm a little and slow down. He's too young to get quite so hung up on a girl. His inexperience could get him hurt.

Chepina really wants to call Modesto about Eugenia. Claudia says he'll just get mad; Eugenia's probably out with that husky woman friend of hers. Chepina agrees and calls Eva. Even if they're not together, maybe Eva will know where she is.

So Chepina calls Eva, and Eva tells Helena. Eva rushes off to Eugenia's house. Helena wants to call Juan to let him know his mother's missing!

Dogbert wants to rent a room from Mimi. (Did he buy his jacket at the Televisa Thrift Shop for Recycled Props? Can the pear robe be far away?) Mimi looks as though she's trying to decide whether she should rent him a room for some princely sum, or just punch him in the nuts. He gives her some sob story about how he'll find a nice comfy bench to sleep on at the bus station. I can't tell whether he's making a serious attempt to guilt her, or just trying to be cute; either way, Mimi relents.

At Eugenia's house, Eva questioning Claudia and Chepina. All Chepina remembers is that the chauffeur was very young. Claudia says she was out. Then she hesitates and adds, "but...." She is interrupted by Eva's phone... actually Juan's phone, Helena's calling... so Eva goes into another room to take the call. (Again, seriously, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE EVERY CALL RIGHT AWAY!! Claudia was just about to say something!) Juan promises Helena he'll be right there so they can look for Eugenia together. Eva excuses herself to Chepina and Claudia, and - hey, I see a wall full of clocks behind Eva. Does anyone remember Dr. Cuckoo from Familia?

Eva goes home to change her clothes and let Mimi know what's going on and give Dogbert some dirty looks.

Claudia summons Luis Renato for help. At first, he thinks they should let Modesto take care of it. Then Claudia admits that this is her own fault: a joke gone wrong.

Juan and Helena are wandering around, looking for Eugenia. She wasn't at the theater she disappeared to last time. Helena wants to call Eva to compare notes on the search so far. Fortunately, Juan's own phone rings. His mom is calling! Well, not really - but it's her phone. Someone at the shelter found it and is calling to let Juan know that she was there and she left it behind and might be in trouble. Juan and Helena hurry over there. The woman at the shelter tells them what she knows, which isn't much. But Juan knows his mother couldn't have gotten very far without her purse or any taxi fare, so she's probably still nearby.

Claudia tells her brother about the joke. She hates Eugenia! She's so smug ever since Mom died!!

Renato cannot believe his ears. He explains very clearly to Claudia that, like it or not, Eugenia is their father's wife, and they and their mother were Modesto's "casa chica." They're not his family. So what if he's giving them his name now... after all this time. It doesn't make up for all the years they had to live in the shadows while Modesto bragged about his favorite, Juan Carlos. This is all Modesto's fault, not Eugenia's. And speak of the devil, heeeeeere's Daddy now! He greets Renato: "What the hell are you doing in my house." Heartwarming.

Eugenia is drifting around, confused, quoting from Hamlet, Richard III, As You Like It, and other Shakespearean hits. She runs into a bum who tries to steal the rings right off of her hand. Juan and Helena show up at this moment. So do the police. The day is saved! Juan tells the police this woman is his mother. They want her to go to the station and give a statement, but Eugenia is obviously not well, and the police agree she should go to the hospital... but they're going to drive them over there. Will Juan's identity be revealed?

In short, no.

And Renato doesn't reveal Claudia's secret. He tells Modesto he's here because she was upset about Eugenia's disappearance. "More upset than you, apparently," he adds snidely. Modesto says that Eugenia's wandered off before, but JC always helped him look for her. ("Helped"? As I recall, Modesto did nothing. If only he were aware of the irony.) Renato is so. very. sick. of hearing all about this mysterious sainted half-brother of his that Modesto is always saying such great things about. (Again, irony: maybe Modesto should have said more of those nice things to JC's face.) I keep hoping Renato will launch into a full-blown rant, but Chepina interrupts: Helena and Eva have called to say that Eugenia's safe at the hospital.

Zero time has passed... not even a commercial break... but Eugenia is already tucked into a bed, snoozing peacefully, and the doctor is telling Juan she'll be fine. As she sleeps, Juan tells her she'll be back to her acting career soon and people will be throwing flowers again.

Helena tells Juan she tried to call Eva with an update, but she's not answering. Juan thinks she'll call soon. :-) Helena asks, "Why doesn't your father know you're alive?" "Because when I told him about the fraud, he turned his back on me. And you wouldn't believe what else I've found out about him!" But he doesn't have time to tell Helena the rest (about his father's other family). He has to go before his father shows up.

Mimi and Dogbert have also been helping in the search for Eugenia: they've been asking around at the police station. Juan calls to let them know she's been found, and to ask Mimi to keep Dogbert away from the rooming-house for a while so he can change back into Eva. Mimi gets Dogbert to take her to a taco cart for dinner. He wants to hear all about this guy she's so stuck on. Mimi says he's FFF - feo, fuerte, and formal.

Juan worries that he's going to get his two phones mixed up one of these days and blow his cover. (Does the sun rise in the east?)

Modesto gets to the hospital and asks the doctor what's the name of the person who brought Eugenia here. Eva arrives before the doctor can answer. Modesto blames Eva for all of this because she encouraged Eugenia to, you know, have a life and stuff. (Remember, nothing is EVER Modesto's fault.) Eva chews him out for being so clueless about his wife and all the years he was betraying her with Carmen.

Now Saint Modesto is scolding the doctor because it's all his fault, too. "What kind of doctor are you?" Why'd he release her from the hospital the last time if she wasn't all better? (Of course Modesto would have been just as happy to let her rot there.) The doctor says he's as surprised as anyone - she seemed to be doing very well on her new meds. He'll do a full evaluation in the morning.

Then the doctor asks Eva who found Eugenia. Eva gives a vague answer - "some friends and me - I, woman." She doesn't know what she was doing at the homeless shelter. She promises to come back and see Eugenia first thing tomorrow, whether Modesto likes it or not.

At the Caballero home, Renato is upset with Claudia for thinking that none of this matters now that Eugenia's been found. She insists it'll be fine and no big deal. Sure, she's having a nervous breakdown, but at least she's not dead like Mom! Doesn't she realize how serious this could have been? "You're just like your father," he accuses. Claudia is afraid Renato will tell Modesto what she did. He says he won't have to. Sooner or later, someone's going to figure out that she's the one who tricked Eugenia.

Next time:
Rebeca tells Angelica she has proof of Pluto's misdeeds (or is that an old scene?)
Helena answers the doorbell and finds a flaming bag of dog poop... no, wait - it's Plutarco!

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