Caray, Caray!

In the lawyer's office, Diego explains to Nat that he's owed her the divorce for a while and hands her the papers.  I believe cake is also customary…no?

Eleazar downs a glass of champagne in an effort to exorcise the ghosts of Carmen's past enamorados.  Carmen declares she's alllll his and after some steamy smooches, retreats to the bathroom to get…ahem…more comfortable.  Unfortunately, El is still having auditory hallucinations of the exes in question and starts checking the room for them.  Carmen, in a gorgeous purple negligee set gets El back on track.  They fall to the bed and I seriously hope the audible commentary from Los Ex playing in the background while the animated hearts float by was only for us and not playing in El's head.

The lawyer explains that since they were both in agreement to divorce in the first place, all they have to do is sign.  Natalia refuses to sign and walks out.  Hey, now, I'm SURE there's a mandatory declaration of "No te voy a dar el divorcio!" (I'm not going to give you a divorce) that's supposed to go with that.



El is having difficulty closing the deal.  He decides to turn on the TV so Los Ex can appear to him yet again.

Outside the office, Nat says she won't divorce him because she thought it was him when she married him and she was in love when she married him and she married him because he was the only man she was ever going to love, and if she signs the divorce it will mean she wants to be done with him and she doesn't want to be done with him.

Irene wanders around the apartment wishing she could talk with Tad right now.  She thinks handing her off to Al was very generous of him, but she can't give herself to Al while she still feels like Tad is with her.  She asks Tad for help.

El drives Carmen home where she helpfully suggests a medical solution.  El swears it will never happen again.  Carmen's willing to wait, since she's been waiting so long already.

As soon as Carmen walks in, Brigitte tells her that Rod called her and she needs to talk to El because "thanks to me!" El will be able to catch him.  Carmen says they'll have to go find El since his cell phone is off.  Brigitte smirks to herself while Carmen goes to tell Paolo to watch Lupita.

Natalia goes to Caprico, of all places, to cry over Diego wanting a divorce.  Grumps is there, even though even he says it's late, and wants to know why she's crying.  He insists on hugging her, even though she doesn't want to talk.  Nat cries on his shoulder.  Oh, no, that's not weird or anything.

Diego gets back to Al's and tells him that Nat wouldn't sign the papers…"Because she luuuuurves me!"  Oh, he was dying to hug her, but he's decided to keep playing hard to get.  Al, of all people, tells him to cut that out already.  And when AL's advice about your love life is sound….  Al laments how complicated humans can be.  Humans.  Riiiiight….  Then he scolds Diego for saying he kind of likes it that Nat is so desperate right now.  Kick him in the shins for me, Al.  You're closer.  Diego swears the next time Nat tries to get back together with him, he'll say "yes" to her.  The goofy music playing would seem to foreshadow that the joke's going to be on him.

Irene has apparently received a message from Tad from the beyond and she promises him she won't repress her feelings.  The Artist Formerly Known As Grumps brought Natalia home because she was having a sad.  'Cause that's what a caring grandpa would do.  I'm not sure if he's just doing it instinctually or if he got a copy of "How To Be A More Benevolent Patriarch" or what.  Nat goes off to her room to mope alone while Irene explains that she and Diego are having problems.  "I'm going to talk to him."  Irene and I both practically scream "NO!" at the same time, only she does it with more words and some stuff about letting the kids sort things out on their own.  This won't be easy for a recovering puppetmaster.  He hates seeing Natalia upset and if kicking Diego in the pants will help that…  Irene distracts him with an offer of food and drink.  NotSoGrumps compliments her on her beautiful and tasteful apartment, but he suggests moving so she won't be reminded of Tad 24/7.  Irene doesn't think that's necessary.  She feels like she's a little freer now.

Alonso is getting impatient and thinks if he goes off to London for a while that will help him keep from bugging Irene.  The dudes lament the complexity of chicks and wonder why they can't be more like dudes.  Yeah, ok, Henry Higgins, whatever you say.  They decide to go to an action movie, because dudes.  Eleazar won't answer his door because….

He's getting acupuncture for stress and those pesky hallucinations, but the acupuncturist doesn't intend to cure his, ahem, other issue, with needles.  Instead, he's giving El a "pomada" (pomade, salve, balm) that he needs to rub on three times a day, whether he expects to have an "encuentro carnal" or not.  Congratulations, Acupuncture Guy, on winning the Euphemism of the Day Award!  And, yes, El is welcome to start rubbing it on ASAP.  Dudes!  What channel am I watching?  Did I only have the one glass of wine with dinner?

Rod injects his painkillers, which I still can't believe are available OTC.  And maybe they're not working because he's not actually injecting it into the vein?  I mean, does he have any experience?  Mumble, mumble, Brigitte will come through.

Brigitte and Carmen are also getting no answer at El's door, but the man himself shows up smelling of, in Carmen's words, cheap perfume.  Brigitte tells El that Rod called.

Irene comes into Nat's room to tell her that NotSoGrumps is worried about her.  "So, what did Diego do this time."  Nat tells her.  And she doesn't know why Diego did it, but it hurt.  She pretty much gives Irene the same speech she gave Diego.  Irene says she's jumping to conclusions.  Nat vows to keep fighting and make a big symbolic gesture, like renting somewhere with a pool and….

Brigitte explains that she's supposed to call Rod when she has the money.  El asks how he sounded and Brigitte said he sounded like he had trouble talking.  El tells her to call him, on speaker, and tell him she has the money.

Nat and Irene view some…boutique hotels?  Rental properties?...Irene's job is to help her find the right location and then lie to Diego to get him there.

Carmen looks uncomfortable listening to Rod smarm to Brigitte about how awesome she is in her selfishness and how much fun they'll have in the Caymans.  He doesn't give her his location, though.  He smirks to himself about how he's going to take the money and leave Brig behind.  El alerts his guys to be ready to trace a call and they head for the station.

Irene rents the….house?  Apartment?  Natalia is plotting something that involves rented palm trees and a hula or Jane (as in, Tarzan) costume.

Rod calls Brig again and tells her (and Carmen, El, Ceñudo, and El's boss) to meet him at 11 tomorrow in the Plaza Mireles, near the stairs to the parking garage.  Oh, great.  Plaza Mireles is near Nat's rental love shack.  Ceñudo is worried about what will happen if they don't send Brigitte; Carmen is worried about what will happen if they do.  Brigitte insists on going.

Al and Diego get home and Diego gets a call from Irene.  Her ruse is that she accidentally double-booked herself with both Amanda and a supplier, so can he please meet with the supplier.  He smirks to Alonso, saying he thinks Nat and Irene are cooking something up.  "Is it anything to do with me?  Should I delay my trip to London?"  I just glare at him.  Diego laughs and says "No, bro.  I'm sure this is all about me." I'm not sure which one of our reactions was the less generous.

Brigitte, Ceñudo, and El's Boss are all on Team Brigitte Should Go.  Carmen and El are on Team Hell No She Shouldn't Go.  The Boss tasks El with catching Rodrigo.  El gets a bad feeling about this.  I second it!

Alonso visits Karina, who wants to gossip about HOTscar.  Al tells her he's going to London, but leaving her some cash, and he'll be back for the baby's birth.  Karina sighs tiredly when he says he needs to get away from Irene.  "Is there anything I can do?"  Alonso says he knows he's leaving her in good hands with HOTscar and they hug.

The next morning, Carmen still doesn't like the idea of Brig risking her life AND the baby's.  "Don't just do this to score points with your dad.  The information you've given the cops is enough."  When Brigitte goes to get ready, Paul shows up and Carmen tells him about her suspicions.  Paul goes to talk to her.  El shows up and he and Carmen hug like they're scared.  Carmen tells him that Paul is talking to Brigitte and El gets that "again with the exes" look.  I give him my "again with the look" look.

Rodrigo purchases something in khaki from a costume or uniform shop.

Paul tells Brigitte to leave it to the cops at this point.  Brigitte doesn't want to lose this chance to show everyone she's changed and is a sensitive woman who wants justice.  She's sure the cops will do their jobs and she'll be safe.

El explains about the, uh, smell last night and how he was embarrassed to talk in front of Brigitte.  He tells her about the, um, treatment, and offers to show her the marks from the acupuncture.  Brigitte says she's ready to go and she hopes when she gets back, Carmen thinks differently of her.  I wish she hadn't said it in a semi-threatening tone.  Brig and El leave, Carmen cries, and Paul tells her not to worry.

Brigitte is wired, but won't be getting a bulletproof vest, since it would be too bulky.  Brigitte is all bravado, saying she'll do her job and El and his team will do theirs.  This is sounding like a worse and worse idea every minute.

Nat is looking for black body paint and the girl in the shop suggests she use an airbrush, which can be purchased in the shop conveniently located BY THE STAIRS.

Brigitte's cab drops her off.  She's now wearing a jacket, in addition to the outfit she was wearing earlier.  And they didn't think she could hide a bulletproof vest under that?  She's pregnant!  Put her in a maternity top for f…. OK, whatever.  Rodrigo, pretending to be an electrician (or possibly a wannabe member of the Village People), sees her walk by and goes in the opposite direction.  Nat notices the store that's closed until 11.  She and Brigitte run into each other…BY THE STAIRS.  I'm beginning to suspect the stairs have some ill intent and are plotting against the cast.  I can't confirm it yet, but I'm going to be keeping an eye out.  I don't trust those stairs for a minute.

Vicente visits Diego's office to butt in like Irene asked him not to.  He asks Diego what his intentions are.  Diego admits he's trying to teach Natalia a lesson.  "Boy, have you got no game?!  You don't win a woman over by 'teaching her a lesson'!"  That's right, Chente, you tell him!  Diego insists he has to because Natalia is super-extra-mega stubborn.  Vicente says Amalia was like that.  He warns Diego not to take it too far.  Diego confirms that there's no meeting scheduled at 2 and tells Vicente the ladies are planning something.

Brigitte panics and tells El that Natalia is there.  She tries just plain yelling at her to go away, but nooooo, Natalia won't.  Then Brig hugs her so she's close enough that Natalia can hear El telling her to get the hell out of there, but nooooo, Natalia insists on knowing why Brigitte is risking himself.  Everyone in Casa Latina is screaming at Natalia to just go!  Village Rod shows up and points a gun at Brigitte's head, grabbing her around the neck, and Natalia tries to slap the gun away.  Rod's surrounded by cops, but he now has BOTH Brig and Nat as hostages.  Because he's Rod.  And, well, because Brig is Brig.  And Nat is Nat.  Did she really have to pick NOW to go back to "overly concerned even when the other person doesn't deserve it" mode?

Carmen and Paul are back at Casa Garcia, stressing.  Carmen wonders what Paul offered Brig in exchange for good behavior.  She's worried that Brig is doing this in anticipation of a material reward.  Paul thinks so, too, but hopes they're wrong.

Rod gets all the cops to drop their guns and kick them over.  He demands a car.  El tries to offer to trade places, but Rod won't accept.  El radios a guy to tell him to bring a car by.  Now the cops all have to handcuff themselves to the rail and throw the keys away.  Nat picks them up.  Nat even tries to get Rod to let Brigitte go because, hello, she's pregnant!  "I can't believe after everything she's done you still care about her."  Shut up, Rod.  Don't make me agree with you!  Rod, via El, tells his guy to leave the car running and get the hell away.  And off Rod goes, dragging both Nat and Brigitte.  I think Nat is mostly being held by the threat of Brigitte being shot if she doesn't comply, though he did occasionally get a grip on her hair.  They all get into the car and Rod drives away.

El screams at the team for not noticing Rod was there.  The excuse is that he wasn't walking around like a guy with a serious neck injury.  El has to admit to his boss that Rod got away with not one, but TWO hostages.  El asks for permission to inform Carmen before he goes back to the office, but The Boss tells him to get there right away.

Tomorrow: Carmen gets the bad news.  Rod still has a thing for Natalia.

Labels: te-quiero