Friday, August 22, 2014
TELEMUNDO - Reina - The Wisdom of the Dragon - Weeks 1-6
For Reina and Dragon Fans
THE WISDOM OF THE DRAGON
(REINA DE CORAZONES)
2014
Week One – Jul 7
Subtitled: I Am Not Making This Up
Always take your dragon to work.
Always “borrow” a Yellow Miata rather than a black SUV when following a pretty girl.
When the object of your interest tells you she is a virgin, tell her you’ll take care of her (this has the advantage of being appropriately vague). Proceed as human nature dictates.
If you have been spotted and identified by a former employer who has eyes for you, make like you are invisible. Toss away your bouquet of flowers, hold on to the handles of your motorcycle and peel out of there, but do NOT say a word.
You may dress up as a doctor and appear in a hospital as long as you don’t treat anyone.
Spending time in prison allows you to hone your fighting skills, arm wrestling, poker faces and keep your bod well toned. It becomes especially useful against security guards and assassins.
Dragons get out of everything.
When “The Company” changes your name, it’s always something heroic you have to live up to. In my case it was Bolívar, The Liberator of South America (with a few exceptions).
Learn to climb trees, just in case security guards get too close.
It helps to have a good memory for license plates, even during stressful action-packed events like attempted assassinations.
Study the Complete Guide to Guns handbook and be able to describe every type of handgun without looking, but be careful about sounding too knowledgeable in the presence of ordinary law enforcement officers, it could raise suspicions, if your current undercover personality is a humble taxi driver.
Suck up to small children, especially little girls.
Learn how to draw dragons.
Learn some dragon stories to go along with the drawings.
It helps to plant microphones where the housemaids won’t find them when they are dusting and cleaning (don’t ask how I know).
Always have a backup in case you need a booty call.
Practice pick-pocketing with your roommate. It WILL come in handy.
It helps to have people confuse you with Sebastian Zurita.
Week Two – Jul 14
Subtitled: I Did Not Make Any Of This Up
Abandon all reality, ye who enter here; ye are all in this together.
Always keep your motorcycle handy—or anyone’s motorcycle—just in case you need to rescue a damsel in distress.
A Dragon is never scared.
Trust me, Ice Coatings do melt.
Always makes sure what a lady really means when she says, “I want to spend the night with you,” before making any moves on her.
Trust me, never answer an incoming call on a hands-free speakerphone if said lady mentioned above is in the car with you. The mission always comes first.
Never tell a woman she weighs too much. She might bite the hand that holds her.
When face to face with a screaming woman, kiss her (it helps if she’s beautiful to make it convincing).
To ascertain your true value to the company, barge into your boss’s office and resign on the spot.
It helps to have awe-inspiring hair.
Always keep your motorcycle helmet on when trying to protect damsels (don’t ask how I know).
Learn the difference between magenta, crimson and red...or sand-colored from beige or tan. When asking about the color of a getaway car, remember that women have many more names for shades of colors than men (it’s in their genes).
Always carry two or more working cellphones on your person when out in the field.
Always wear a shirt you can rip up to use as a tourniquet. Leather jackets do not come apart easily and cost more to replace.
Chloroform is available in brown bottles on pharmacy shelves everywhere.
Never leave your roof-climbing shoes at home.
A Dragon trusts no one.
A Dragon is capable of anything.
A lame dragon is of no use to anyone.
If you are born a dragon, you die a dragon.
A Dragon is not afraid of anything.
A Dragon can go shirtless if it is in his contract.
Week Three – Jul 21
Subtitled: I Have Not Made Any Of This Up
A Dragon never needs a doctor; only gauze, cotton, and disinfectant. A beautiful lady to hover over you is only incidentally useful in case you come down with a telenovela fever.
Always leave your belt attached to the belt loops of your pants if you have removed them for a lady, in case there is a jealous husband on the loose (don’t ask how I know).
A Dragon becomes invisible as soon as he steps outside a house.
If the belt fits you, make sure it fits someone else, too.
Always wear a baseball cap and dark glasses (even if your curly locks are exposed) to keep from being spotted by the enemy (even if they are your colleagues).
Never leave your roof-climbing shoes at home (see last week).
Exacting vengeance takes precedence over sex with an older seductress.
Making love in a shower with your true love takes precedence over exacting vengeance.
When fighting off two men and you are carrying a full-grown woman in your arms, make sure your legs are not otherwise engaged.
A Dragon is better at protecting damsels than anyone else.
A Dragon can take care of himself.
If the backstories get complicated, there is always electronic wizardry, magic screens, and amnesia to help you get on with the mission. (Telenovela viewers don’t care about complexity, as long as they can watch pretty people and you take your shirt off frequently.)
Make use of the fact that your boss’ computer password is Dragon.
A Dragon cannot fall for a lady’s sweet nothings, it complicates the mission (well, maybe a well-deserved one time, if it’s in a bed and not in a shower).
A Dragon might get in trouble with his boss if in the process of protecting a damsel he is accused of kidnapping.
A Dragon makes the best student, but the boss is still the TEACHER.
A Dragon does not make the best-behaved prisoner.
Week Four – Jul 28
Subtitled: I Could Not Have Made Any Of This Up
Always wear a baseball cap and dark glasses for covert missions if it worked before.
Always be able to do 5 things at the same time, sometimes in different locations (i.e. arrange an escape from a hospital clinic, get a pass as a photographer to cover an event, identify an assassin from among all the lovely bridal models, assault and kill the assassin, get a posse together and kidnap your former BFF cell mate and BFF parking jockey).
Learn the difference between Injecto-Death 3000 and Bouquet O' Death 6000; one is worse than the other.
Always remember to button up your shirt correctly after an amorous breakfast.
A Dragon marks his territory with the fire of his passion.
Always put your pants back on after using the toilet, even if you are in a clinic wearing a hospital gown.
It is useful to go over your class notes from Secret Agent 101, especially the reference to Big Blue Glowing Watch Secret Recorders (not that I’m admitting anything—I am the Dragon, after all).
A Dragon is good at almost everything, including math.
A Dragon obtains all he sets out to get. (ISBIS--It Sounds Better in Spanish—Yo consigo todo lo que me propongo.)
Always make your boss think she or he is in charge. Your boss might reward you with a free pass.
A Dragon always stays focused.
Always tell the truth. If forced to confess a truth, make sure it sounds like a lie…no, no, always tell the truth if forced to confess a lie, but make sure it sounds like the truth…no, no, always tell a lie if forced to confess a truth, but make it sound like the truth….no….forgive me, I’m confused. Delete, delete, delete.
In a tough, heart-wrenching situation, just say, “OK, Bye” and leave.
In the light bulb box of life, many characters are 25 watters. A Dragon is a Philips, 500-Watt Halogen T3 Double Ended 4.7” Dimmable Light Bulb.
To move forward with the mission, an Old Leonard Nimoy can be invited to the set to explain curses and spells.
A Dragon needs to be needed (it’s his only weakness).
Regularly test your associative skills (Play Concentration on Game Night).
Nothing escapes a dragon, ever.
Warning: a dragon might drink too much coffee.
Remember that if you make love all day, you will have to work all night.
A Dragon is indispensable.
A Dragon is human lie detector.
Betrayal is not paid with blood, it’s paid with tears.
A Dragon can still get pithed.
Warning: a dragon might fall into his own trap if there is a damsel involved.
A Dragon should always remember to knock before entering.
A Dragon does not step aside for anyone.
A Dragon obeys in his own way.
A Dragon can be difficult and does not pardon (according to his rivals).
Week Five – Aug 4
Subtitled: I Would Not Have Made Any Of This Up
A Dragon has super sniper vision.
A Dragon doesn’t like to work in the dark (that’s information-wise, not light-wise).
A Dragon is not obedient and is far from being a kitten.
A Dragon can personify a priest or just about anyone that works out of a booth.
A Dragon cannot be bought because the buyers couldn't afford the price.
A Dragon’s shirt is multi-purpose; it can be used as a face mask against smoke, as well as a tourniquet.
A Dragon does not wear an undershirt.
Actually, contrary to made-up fairy tales, dragons are impervious to fire.
A Dragon should use mouthwash liberally.
Body-language reading doesn’t work if subject is in a bubble bath.
Reminder: Do NOT place listening devices where clumsy maids can reveal them while dusting (see week 1).
A Dragon always does what he can’t.
A Dragon does not need Magic Horseshoes.
A Dragon protects a damsel like a MAN, not like an angel.
A Dragon can love and hate the same damsel at the same time; improbable but true. Unfortunately, it complicates human relationships and wastes a dragon’s time.
A Dragon must always look good in a hospital gown, especially when visited by a damsel.
A Dragon’s weak spot is a damsel in distress, especially beautiful ones.
Power Rings are optional; used only under extreme conditions.
A Dragon should not drink any beverage he hasn’t prepared himself, especially coffee.
A Dragon should not drink coffee out of teacups, ever.
Week Six - Aug 11
Subtitled: I Cannot Have Made Any Of This Up
A Dragon can anticipate questions that a damsel wants to ask, just by reading her.
A Dragon’s word that everything will be alright is sacrosanct. It’s only the telenovela world that prevaricates.
A Dragon can hear all important conversations under sedation.
Important to remember: Sedatives do not work on dragons.
It’s to your advantage that mere mortals think a dragon seems to have nine lives since in reality, he is immortal.
A Dragon never needs a nap; naps are for babies and kindergartners.
A Dragon does not care to know who his parents are; except that he does.
A Dragon always has information no one else knows he has; but he also doesn’t have information everyone else has.
Remember to always lock all four car doors when you park and do a 100% check of the back seat before you get in to drive away (don’t ask how I know).
A Dragon is vulnerable around pretty little damsels in pink dresses who tell him dragons are invincible.
It’s OK to drink a Dr. Pepper ™ from a can you open yourself.
A Dragon is untamable.
Hiding in a coffin during daylight does NOT make a dragon a vampire.
Pretending to be respectful, modest and humble can get you the best job in the world.
THE WISDOM OF THE DRAGON
(REINA DE CORAZONES)
2014
Week One – Jul 7
Subtitled: I Am Not Making This Up
Always take your dragon to work.
Always “borrow” a Yellow Miata rather than a black SUV when following a pretty girl.
When the object of your interest tells you she is a virgin, tell her you’ll take care of her (this has the advantage of being appropriately vague). Proceed as human nature dictates.
If you have been spotted and identified by a former employer who has eyes for you, make like you are invisible. Toss away your bouquet of flowers, hold on to the handles of your motorcycle and peel out of there, but do NOT say a word.
You may dress up as a doctor and appear in a hospital as long as you don’t treat anyone.
Spending time in prison allows you to hone your fighting skills, arm wrestling, poker faces and keep your bod well toned. It becomes especially useful against security guards and assassins.
Dragons get out of everything.
When “The Company” changes your name, it’s always something heroic you have to live up to. In my case it was Bolívar, The Liberator of South America (with a few exceptions).
Learn to climb trees, just in case security guards get too close.
It helps to have a good memory for license plates, even during stressful action-packed events like attempted assassinations.
Study the Complete Guide to Guns handbook and be able to describe every type of handgun without looking, but be careful about sounding too knowledgeable in the presence of ordinary law enforcement officers, it could raise suspicions, if your current undercover personality is a humble taxi driver.
Suck up to small children, especially little girls.
Learn how to draw dragons.
Learn some dragon stories to go along with the drawings.
It helps to plant microphones where the housemaids won’t find them when they are dusting and cleaning (don’t ask how I know).
Always have a backup in case you need a booty call.
Practice pick-pocketing with your roommate. It WILL come in handy.
It helps to have people confuse you with Sebastian Zurita.
Week Two – Jul 14
Subtitled: I Did Not Make Any Of This Up
Abandon all reality, ye who enter here; ye are all in this together.
Always keep your motorcycle handy—or anyone’s motorcycle—just in case you need to rescue a damsel in distress.
A Dragon is never scared.
Trust me, Ice Coatings do melt.
Always makes sure what a lady really means when she says, “I want to spend the night with you,” before making any moves on her.
Trust me, never answer an incoming call on a hands-free speakerphone if said lady mentioned above is in the car with you. The mission always comes first.
Never tell a woman she weighs too much. She might bite the hand that holds her.
When face to face with a screaming woman, kiss her (it helps if she’s beautiful to make it convincing).
To ascertain your true value to the company, barge into your boss’s office and resign on the spot.
It helps to have awe-inspiring hair.
Always keep your motorcycle helmet on when trying to protect damsels (don’t ask how I know).
Learn the difference between magenta, crimson and red...or sand-colored from beige or tan. When asking about the color of a getaway car, remember that women have many more names for shades of colors than men (it’s in their genes).
Always carry two or more working cellphones on your person when out in the field.
Always wear a shirt you can rip up to use as a tourniquet. Leather jackets do not come apart easily and cost more to replace.
Chloroform is available in brown bottles on pharmacy shelves everywhere.
Never leave your roof-climbing shoes at home.
A Dragon trusts no one.
A Dragon is capable of anything.
A lame dragon is of no use to anyone.
If you are born a dragon, you die a dragon.
A Dragon is not afraid of anything.
A Dragon can go shirtless if it is in his contract.
Week Three – Jul 21
Subtitled: I Have Not Made Any Of This Up
A Dragon never needs a doctor; only gauze, cotton, and disinfectant. A beautiful lady to hover over you is only incidentally useful in case you come down with a telenovela fever.
Always leave your belt attached to the belt loops of your pants if you have removed them for a lady, in case there is a jealous husband on the loose (don’t ask how I know).
A Dragon becomes invisible as soon as he steps outside a house.
If the belt fits you, make sure it fits someone else, too.
Always wear a baseball cap and dark glasses (even if your curly locks are exposed) to keep from being spotted by the enemy (even if they are your colleagues).
Never leave your roof-climbing shoes at home (see last week).
Exacting vengeance takes precedence over sex with an older seductress.
Making love in a shower with your true love takes precedence over exacting vengeance.
When fighting off two men and you are carrying a full-grown woman in your arms, make sure your legs are not otherwise engaged.
A Dragon is better at protecting damsels than anyone else.
A Dragon can take care of himself.
If the backstories get complicated, there is always electronic wizardry, magic screens, and amnesia to help you get on with the mission. (Telenovela viewers don’t care about complexity, as long as they can watch pretty people and you take your shirt off frequently.)
Make use of the fact that your boss’ computer password is Dragon.
A Dragon cannot fall for a lady’s sweet nothings, it complicates the mission (well, maybe a well-deserved one time, if it’s in a bed and not in a shower).
A Dragon might get in trouble with his boss if in the process of protecting a damsel he is accused of kidnapping.
A Dragon makes the best student, but the boss is still the TEACHER.
A Dragon does not make the best-behaved prisoner.
Week Four – Jul 28
Subtitled: I Could Not Have Made Any Of This Up
Always wear a baseball cap and dark glasses for covert missions if it worked before.
Always be able to do 5 things at the same time, sometimes in different locations (i.e. arrange an escape from a hospital clinic, get a pass as a photographer to cover an event, identify an assassin from among all the lovely bridal models, assault and kill the assassin, get a posse together and kidnap your former BFF cell mate and BFF parking jockey).
Learn the difference between Injecto-Death 3000 and Bouquet O' Death 6000; one is worse than the other.
Always remember to button up your shirt correctly after an amorous breakfast.
A Dragon marks his territory with the fire of his passion.
Always put your pants back on after using the toilet, even if you are in a clinic wearing a hospital gown.
It is useful to go over your class notes from Secret Agent 101, especially the reference to Big Blue Glowing Watch Secret Recorders (not that I’m admitting anything—I am the Dragon, after all).
A Dragon is good at almost everything, including math.
A Dragon obtains all he sets out to get. (ISBIS--It Sounds Better in Spanish—Yo consigo todo lo que me propongo.)
Always make your boss think she or he is in charge. Your boss might reward you with a free pass.
A Dragon always stays focused.
Always tell the truth. If forced to confess a truth, make sure it sounds like a lie…no, no, always tell the truth if forced to confess a lie, but make sure it sounds like the truth…no, no, always tell a lie if forced to confess a truth, but make it sound like the truth….no….forgive me, I’m confused. Delete, delete, delete.
In a tough, heart-wrenching situation, just say, “OK, Bye” and leave.
In the light bulb box of life, many characters are 25 watters. A Dragon is a Philips, 500-Watt Halogen T3 Double Ended 4.7” Dimmable Light Bulb.
To move forward with the mission, an Old Leonard Nimoy can be invited to the set to explain curses and spells.
A Dragon needs to be needed (it’s his only weakness).
Regularly test your associative skills (Play Concentration on Game Night).
Nothing escapes a dragon, ever.
Warning: a dragon might drink too much coffee.
Remember that if you make love all day, you will have to work all night.
A Dragon is indispensable.
A Dragon is human lie detector.
Betrayal is not paid with blood, it’s paid with tears.
A Dragon can still get pithed.
Warning: a dragon might fall into his own trap if there is a damsel involved.
A Dragon should always remember to knock before entering.
A Dragon does not step aside for anyone.
A Dragon obeys in his own way.
A Dragon can be difficult and does not pardon (according to his rivals).
Week Five – Aug 4
Subtitled: I Would Not Have Made Any Of This Up
A Dragon has super sniper vision.
A Dragon doesn’t like to work in the dark (that’s information-wise, not light-wise).
A Dragon is not obedient and is far from being a kitten.
A Dragon can personify a priest or just about anyone that works out of a booth.
A Dragon cannot be bought because the buyers couldn't afford the price.
A Dragon’s shirt is multi-purpose; it can be used as a face mask against smoke, as well as a tourniquet.
A Dragon does not wear an undershirt.
Actually, contrary to made-up fairy tales, dragons are impervious to fire.
A Dragon should use mouthwash liberally.
Body-language reading doesn’t work if subject is in a bubble bath.
Reminder: Do NOT place listening devices where clumsy maids can reveal them while dusting (see week 1).
A Dragon always does what he can’t.
A Dragon does not need Magic Horseshoes.
A Dragon protects a damsel like a MAN, not like an angel.
A Dragon can love and hate the same damsel at the same time; improbable but true. Unfortunately, it complicates human relationships and wastes a dragon’s time.
A Dragon must always look good in a hospital gown, especially when visited by a damsel.
A Dragon’s weak spot is a damsel in distress, especially beautiful ones.
Power Rings are optional; used only under extreme conditions.
A Dragon should not drink any beverage he hasn’t prepared himself, especially coffee.
A Dragon should not drink coffee out of teacups, ever.
Week Six - Aug 11
Subtitled: I Cannot Have Made Any Of This Up
A Dragon can anticipate questions that a damsel wants to ask, just by reading her.
A Dragon’s word that everything will be alright is sacrosanct. It’s only the telenovela world that prevaricates.
A Dragon can hear all important conversations under sedation.
Important to remember: Sedatives do not work on dragons.
It’s to your advantage that mere mortals think a dragon seems to have nine lives since in reality, he is immortal.
A Dragon never needs a nap; naps are for babies and kindergartners.
A Dragon does not care to know who his parents are; except that he does.
A Dragon always has information no one else knows he has; but he also doesn’t have information everyone else has.
Remember to always lock all four car doors when you park and do a 100% check of the back seat before you get in to drive away (don’t ask how I know).
A Dragon is vulnerable around pretty little damsels in pink dresses who tell him dragons are invincible.
It’s OK to drink a Dr. Pepper ™ from a can you open yourself.
A Dragon is untamable.
Hiding in a coffin during daylight does NOT make a dragon a vampire.
Pretending to be respectful, modest and humble can get you the best job in the world.
Labels: reina-corazones, telemundo
Comments:
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Anita, it is best if you create your posts in notepad or some other text program and then paste them WITHOUT FANCY FORMATTING into the box on caray caray. I just stripped your formatting for you. If you ever want to see what you've created as far as coding goes, go to the second tab (it says HTML) and you'll see why I ask folks not to go overboard with the formatting. - your blog mom
Thanks so much, Anita! I'm glad the Dragon is finally getting his place in the spotlight. I am especially delighted by your weekly subtitles:
1. I Am Not Making This Up
2. I Did Not Make Any Of This Up
3. I Have Not Made Any Of This Up
4. I Could Not Have Made Any Of This Up
5. I Would Not Have Made Any Of This Up
6. I Cannot Have Made Any Of This Up
I'm quite curious to see how you will keep the streak going, though I shan't be surprised if you somehow manage to do it.
Me, I think I'm going to start listening for the Wisecracks of the Dragon.
[snort].
1. I Am Not Making This Up
2. I Did Not Make Any Of This Up
3. I Have Not Made Any Of This Up
4. I Could Not Have Made Any Of This Up
5. I Would Not Have Made Any Of This Up
6. I Cannot Have Made Any Of This Up
I'm quite curious to see how you will keep the streak going, though I shan't be surprised if you somehow manage to do it.
Me, I think I'm going to start listening for the Wisecracks of the Dragon.
[snort].
Okay, I have no idea what this dragon show is that you are talking about, but this is the most hilarious thing I have read in forever. It is an instant classic and I think should be published as a guide to life. Because who doesn't want to be a dragon?
Anita, I posted a thank you on the Reina, Week of August 18, thread, but I wanted to also post it here.
Terrific job on the Wisdom of the Dragon compilation. I see you got some love from Julia, who isn't even watching Reina de Corazones.
Terrific job on the Wisdom of the Dragon compilation. I see you got some love from Julia, who isn't even watching Reina de Corazones.
Anita-Thanks for putting the Wisdom of the Dragon in one place for us.
Julia- You'll be happy to know that the Dragon from Reina de Corazones of which we speak is one of your faves, Eugenio Siller.
Julia- You'll be happy to know that the Dragon from Reina de Corazones of which we speak is one of your faves, Eugenio Siller.
Woot! dragon wisdom - my screen background is a dragon guarding her treasure
I loved "a dragon does not care to know who his parents are; except he does"
and "Dragons get out of everything"
and "don't ask how I know"
I am watching and loving this tn and ES's perfect hair (actually everyone's perfect hair) even though I'm 1 or maybe 2 eps behind (I forget) and the weekly recap roundups are so helpful for someone like me with an unreliable VCR/clock who is never home in time for primetime Thanks all
I totally get why Navier likes Estefy I'm half in love w/her myself even though she might be a psychopath, she just looks so vulnerable with those big dark eyes I forgive her anything (well almost anything)
I loved "a dragon does not care to know who his parents are; except he does"
and "Dragons get out of everything"
and "don't ask how I know"
I am watching and loving this tn and ES's perfect hair (actually everyone's perfect hair) even though I'm 1 or maybe 2 eps behind (I forget) and the weekly recap roundups are so helpful for someone like me with an unreliable VCR/clock who is never home in time for primetime Thanks all
I totally get why Navier likes Estefy I'm half in love w/her myself even though she might be a psychopath, she just looks so vulnerable with those big dark eyes I forgive her anything (well almost anything)
Permalink posted by 
: Friday, August 22, 2014 at 5:12:00 PM EDT
: Friday, August 22, 2014 at 5:12:00 PM EDT
Romy--Thanks for the reminder. He does, indeed, make good hamburgers. Makes good love on the couch, too. Hmmmmmmmm.
Anita- posting my thanks here in addition ro the recap page.
Dragons always have nice buns of steel when seen in their undies.
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Dragons always have nice buns of steel when seen in their undies.
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