Tuesday, May 05, 2020

Me Declaro Culpable #56, 5/5/20: Premios del Patio


Best Alternative Medicine Award:

Franco, treating Alba in her hospital bed with ultraviolet light from his teeth.

Best Opening Conversational Gambit Award:

Roberta to Mauro: So when's the funeral?

Most Toxic Telenovela Parent Award:

Mauro to Roberta: If you don't shape up, I'll set you on fire TOO! No one would miss you. Then Alba can move in with me and be my favorite daughter.

Best Monkey Typist Award:

When the van in whose windows Gabe & Lollipop are admiring his new luke pulls away, and behind it is...Julieta in a taxi.

Lemon Frog Award:

Natalia's potato-dress, which is easily six inches shorter than Alba's.

[And now, another commercial break from St. Jude's. Do you think they pay Televisa to give all those kids leukemia?]

Blunt Instrument Award:

It's a tie!

Roberta to Gabe: Here's a packet of pesos to go after Sra. Robinson -- and hurry up; you'll be dead soon.

Tiziano to Julian: If everyone finds out Roberta tossed the witness off the roof, I'll be her only option...I LOVE IT.

Worst Cover-Up Award:

Emanual and Katia: We weren't in a compromising position! We were...um...moving the couch.

Stupidest Idea Award:

Two underage cancer patients smuggling themselves over the border in search of middle-aged women.

Best Alternate Pronunciation Award:

Julian to Roberta: If you don't pay me off, I'll tell Franco toe-doe. TOE. DOE.

11th-Hour Really Big Surprise Award:

Difunto Javier to Ingrid: What if your baby didn't die? What if it lived? Whoops! Guess you'll never know, coz YOU KILLED ME.

Postscript: What Everybody Knows

Franco knows that Roberta knew about the accident from the beginning, was in cahoots with Julian, and put up the money to bribe Rufino Santos.

The Patio knows Mauro really did kill Roberta's mother.

Roberta knows that the wall around her mansion is completely useless.

Paolo knows nothing.

Julian knows it's a bad idea to meet anyone associated with the Monroys in a secluded place. He also knows it's a mistake to call a Mafioso a Mafioso, especially when he's holding a gun and wearing an ascot.

Natalia knows Emanuel's still in love with Katia, and Emanuel knows Paolo's still in love with Natalia.

See you tomorrow in the Reynosa bus station! Bring your own ham sandwich.

Labels:


Comments:
What a buena idea to give us Los Premios on cinco de Mayo! And they could not have been funnier!

Franco treating Alba in her hospital bed with ultraviolet light from his teeth!!! OMG! Hilarious!

"Paolo knows nothing." Exacto.

And while there is nothing funny about sick kids, your irreverent "Do you think they pay Televisa to give all those kids leukemia" was hysterical! Only you, Blue. I can only imagine the premios you could win with your sense of humor.

It looked like Lollipop girl was about to pass out. Hopefully the police will come to her assistance and take them both into custody. It would be nice if Gabe could then fall instantly in love with her. Except she isn't a boy, or an older women, so we'll have to see if he's attracted to a GIRL his OWN AGE.


 

I know not to capitalize mayo. I'll blame it on autocorrect.
 

Blue Lass - thank you for a snarktastic recap ... er ... Premios del Patio. I continue to bow to your snark skillz.

"Difunto Javier to Ingrid: What if your baby didn't die? What if it lived? Whoops! Guess you'll never know, coz YOU KILLED ME."
Well, THAT was an interesting twist to the story, no?

"Franco treating Alba in her hospital bed with ultraviolet light from his teeth!"
Priceless.

Alba really has bounced back quickly, for someone who was stabbed in the stomach and had to have her heart jump-started.

Wow, so Mauro really did do all that stuff to young Bertie and killed his wife. Why he didn't just leave Bertie in that basement today is beyond me. And Bertie is like whack-a-mole; she keeps popping back up on the scene. (Let's hope Alba never makes Mauro angry.)

Julian scaling the wall was funny. I hope that guy gets everything he has coming to him.


R la O - ITA that lollipop girl is not in good condition. She has no eyebrows, but great eyelashes. The camera made us see her take that medication quite often and she did look like she was going to pass out at the end of the episode. But the police are there looking for them anyway, so, convenient.
 

It looked to me like Paolo saw more than what Katia and Emanuel think he did. Of course, whether Paolo mentally processes it or not, we'll have to see.

I hope the Fin shows our friends and frenemies a few years down the road. We need to see if Gabe pulled through and Gael and Bianca's baby.

The happily ever after for Alba and Gabe, and I guess Franco will be there too, will be for Mauro and Roberta to die and she inherits it all.

After seeing Roberta having basement flashbacks, we can assume that house is where she grew up? But where was the fire?


 

Ay yi yi BLUE LASS. That was the most original, and hilarious recap I've ever read. What an imagination!

Like everybody, I was especially charmed by the Alternative Medical Treatment of ultraviolet light from Franco's teeth, but everything you noted was hilarious. And especially so since this was a sooper ultra heavy-duty serious I'm-not-kidding dramatic episode.

So yeah, when's the funeral? Good grief. Daniela Castro plans wicked well, but she certainly deserved better material than this.


Worst Cover-Up Award:

Emanual and Katia: We weren't in a compromising position! We were...um...moving the couch.

Honestly, if Paolo doesn't get a clue now, we'll know he's hopelessly stupid. That makes him a good match for either Katia or Natalia, though of the two, I think Nat is even dumber.

And you're quite right, our Nene has a mini-skirted prison garb and some rather fetching ballet slippers to go with them. Prison Chic.

I have to admit to some very dark thoughts indeed. I was rather wishing Alba would die from her stab wounds. And I was also hoping that Julián would expire. That's not a good direction for the mind to go. But starting off the day with one of your hilarious recaps makes all the difference.

Of course the coincidence of Julieta going by in the taxi just as Gabe and Lollipop Gal were sitting there was absurd. But I've have some strange coincidences as well. Twice, when I lived in Paris, I ran into people I had known from college (and NOT in French studies). Once, at the Paris airport, and once in a mad, crazy throng of people celebrating the l4th of July. What are the odds that out of millions of people, I would run into two that I knew from little old Bloomington, Indiana? El mundo es un pañuelo.

Judy, off to think nothing but Good Thoughts now #emptypromises
 

Thanks, Blue Lass/. A snarkfest for interesting times. I hope all is well.

Roberta probably can't deal with any basement and based on the view of her during the earlier flashback, I don't think this is the same house. She was in a doorway that was on the same level as her mother had been during the fire and that doorway wasn't in this scene, which showed an open space with a staircase leading to the door to the main floor. What just occurred to me as I typed this is the question of how the fire was extinguished and what Mauro would have had to say to the authorities in order to avoid an investigation or to keep anything quiet about it. A fire in a basement has the potential to wreck the entire house from the foundation, so it's possible that he might have had to allow the entire house to burn down, make an insurance claim, and buy the gorgeous mansion he now has [I don't think the writers thought about this].

That doesn't really matter, though. What matters is that Roberta's madness has escalated throughout her life. I wish we had actually seen her mother in flashbacks and gotten an idea of what her madness was all about, although mental illness was less understood in those days. I don't believe it is mostly inherited but someone in an earlier episode said that Roberta has schizo affective disorder and that is on the list of what is heritable. Natalia should be worried.

Mauro, smart conclusions about your evil daughter, but what will you do about it?

Gabriel, Mia is the right girl for you.

Mauro, is this a real confession or a mind game?* Roberta is an expert at this and you gave her the master class whether you intended to or not.

How the hell could Alba go back to the prison only a day after her emergency surgery?

Mauro, are you sure this was your best move with Tizzy? I think a sneak attack would have been better.

Gabriel, ignore Roberta and don't tell her anything. She is not only a liar she is a killer.

Natalia, don't lose your nerve now. Tell your dad the rest. All of it.

Franco, now you know at least most of it. You and Gael need to go to court for Natalia.

Julián, you just proved our opinion of your immediate ancestors ...and Roberta's opinion of your I.Q.

Katia, how many words are there for slut? They all describe you.

Julián tell it all anyway.

Alba, you're not out of the woods yet.

Tizzy, you are a madman.

*Without visual evidence of Mauro lighting the match, I don't think Mauro's "confession" proves he is legally responsible for that fire. While Roberta's pain looked genuine during this basement scene it doesn't exclude her ongoing tendency to blame everyone else for her pain. He could just as easily be playing along with her madness because it is his only option right now.

More later.
 

The stairs had a very nice camera shot in this episode, such a focal point that I couldn't even tell you who was on them. Might there be an escaleracide in ultimate capítulos? I haven't seen one in ages, in telenovelaland.
 

Right when Judy has us convinced she is kind and caring and empathetic, we get "I was rather wishing Alba would die of her stab wounds". LOL!!!!
 

Dear Blue Lass...wow wow wow. Thank you so much for starting my day in a good way. I read your clever, funny recap on my phone before I got out of bed,and it really lifted my spirits. I love your frisky sense of humor. You should get an award, too. I appreciate the laughs. I needed them on this gloomy, I overcast day. Xo

Alba certainly has some good genes because she bounced back from that belly stab and was ready to get back into her cheerleading uniform . Go Team Go!!!! Fight , Figbt, Fight. Give me an "F" Give me an " R" etc

Stationary Roberta, on the other hand, is at the disadvantage of having to threaten , intimidate, and harass people from afar from a seated position which takes a lot of scary facial expressions.

I, too, wonder if dear old dad actually set the fire or if it was actually Roberta who did it , and she is projecting the deed unto dad, as some folks are known to do .

Regarding Tiz and Julian , I like when the baddies start turning on each other.

Katia seems to have moved quite a few couches. Is that what the kids are calling it these days ???




 

Thanks for playing, everyone!

Top o' the Comments:

Doris: "Bertie is like whack-a-mole; she keeps popping back up on the scene."

UA: "Julián, you just proved our opinion of your immediate ancestors ...and Roberta's opinion of your I.Q."

R la O: "Right when Judy has us convinced she is kind and caring and empathetic..."

Susanlynn: "Go Team Go!!!! Fight , Fight, Fight. Give me an "F" Give me an " R" etc"

 

Oh, and another gem from Susanlynn: "Katia seems to have moved quite a few couches. Is that what the kids are calling it these days ???"

I think she's ready to start recapping, don't you?

So today we're divided among 3 tables on the patio: those who think Mauro killed his wife, those who think she committed suicide, and those who are beginning to suspect Roberta might have done it. Guau! Can't wait to see who wins the extra pu-pu platter.
 

I loved SUSANLYNN'S couch quip BLUE LASS. And we've been begging her to learn Spanish for years so she could recap. She'd be fabulous. Alas, we're just going to have to settle for her being a fantastic commenter.
 

Aaaawwww, Susanlynn, all the Spanish you need is right on the bingo cards: Sueltame! Que haces aqui? Te amo tanto! They can (and do) build entire plots around just those three.

Doris, I was concentrating so hard on the dialogue I didn't even NOTICE the stairs. Crossing my fingers...
 

It's a grey day, but Blue turned it sunny yellow and bright as Ultraviolet. What a clever recap and you still gave us all the hot cr*p served up in a pretty fruit bowl. Muchas gracias.

UA "How the hell could Alba go back to the prison only a day after her emergency surgery?" It's actually in days on the Monkey Writers' calendar.

Did he or didn't he? Julian has the recording where Mauro says he did it, but did he "confess" just to hurt Bertie even more? I'm still holding out that it was Bertie that actually set the fire to her mother. She has no compunction to hold back from murder or ordering a killing.

Still, even if he didn't kill his wife, Mauro's treatment of Bertie is inexcusable and makes him an unredeemable ogre even if he is going to love and protect Gabe and Alba. He certainly seemed pleased to see Franco work his ultraviolet magic on Alba.

Watching Julian come over the garden wall was a hoot. Why would he think no one would let him in? Well, he was running away from Gael and Franco, but Franco doesn't live there anymore. How did he know Bertie had moved back to the marital palace?

I think I heard Bertie tell either Gabe or somebody, that this was the house she grew up in. I bet they used a double for Mauro hauling Bertie down the stairs to the basement. We never saw her face. Did we see a "locked in the basement" scene in any flashback? We did see her peeking through a door during the supposed immolation.

I loved, loved, loved watching Julian grovel, snivel, sniffle and whine during his ordeal with Tizzy and the two "grave diggers." I really believed Tizzy for one hot second that the end was near for Jules.

The "moving the couch" scene was probably one of the best "break aparts in a hurry" ever. I did notice they were both hot to trot fully dressed. But that's the way it is in most of the PG-13 rated telenovelas we get to watch.

Tragically, Lollipop Girl is terminal. That's what Alba heard on the phone call with her relative. She was supposed to check into the hospital the morning she ran away with Gabe. He doesn't know that, of course.

 

Dear Blue Lass, even though I have been watching these telenovelas for quite awhile and have had many Spanishspeaking students, I still understand very little Spanish. I studied Latin and French in high school and French in college but I could never understand spoken French. I am better at reading a language than understanding or speaking it.I am definitely not an auditory learner. Even if someone is trying to explain something to me in English, I have to take notes and then study those notes.
Through the years, I noticed the same tendencies with my students. Some quickly learned to understand and speak English, but they struggled with reading, grammar, and vocabulary ,and others were the exact opposite. Oddly, I can speak and understand Arabic better than Spanish. My students taught me words and I wrote them out phonetically.

Anyhow, what I am evidently good at is being a smarta**. ..but ....in English only.
 

I can see that " moving the couch" just might replace "bunnyhopping"as our favorite euphemism for" mmppmhm "as the Outlander fans refer doing it. #gottaloveverbs...making ...having...doing
 

Susanlynn--I vote we all adopt "moving the couch" but it has to be IN ADDITION to bunnyhopping. We are such a small patio that we will have to explain it the first few times we use it elsewhere.

You are the verbal and grammar grand master of the Patio. Remember the "prepositional" mating that went on in AV? That was a hoot. You said, "Wow...'on the desk, against the wall, on a chair, in the hallway, on a bed, on a patio, and against a window.' Woo...How do I love thee? Let me count the places. I could use that sentence to teach prepositions...but I'll probably just print it out for me." (The original comment to which you referred was Anonymous, but I think it was Cynderella.)
 

Anita..yes..I remember. I felt much sparkier in those days. Cinderella also told me why Miss Vicki always wore dresses instead of capris or shorts which I preferred. Cinderella was a hoot. Memories of appier tines for me. Makes me sad to think of how things have changed in so many ways since I watched that show.
 

Blue Lass I missed this episode but From what I've read it was a hoot to watch and even hootier to read the recap. I'm gonna have to go back and watch it on-demand. Probly tomorrow it
Won't be on there today. This is what you do when work is goin on.

Looks like the whacky bunch is getting
Whackier. Can't wait to see what you
Recapped and the commenters commented
About. We could all use a good laugh in these dark days of diseased spring.

Thank you BlueLass
 





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