Monday, May 18, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #63, 5/18/20: Post-Mortem Etc.
Since the comments just keep coming in, days after the final chapter, we decided to open an additional heading, just so our friendly Patio could keep in touch during this time of social isolation. Some of us are still grinding our teeth about the inconsistencies and writing flubs of this telenovela that seemed so promising at first. Others of us are just checking in while sequestered at home and sanitizing every box and bag of groceries that arrive on our doorstep. A few of you, too young to have seen Tea and Sympathy the first time around, may have watched it this weekend. It related a bit to one of our side stories. At any rate, Nina once described this Patio as the friendliest, kindest group of people ever, so feel free to stay in touch, right here at CarayCaray where "everybody knows your name," or at least your internet moniker.
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Labels: culpable
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #62 5/13/2020 - EL GRAN POR FIN!
This is it, MDCers, the end of our crazy roller coaster ride
full of crazy characters and lame storylines. It was another
day of mental pinball with the scenes, so some scenes have been combined, for
the sake of organization and sanity. I know our little Patio will understand.
FRANQUILO
We open with Franquilo (kudos to 💗susanlynn for this one!)
holding his newborn granddaughter. Upon
Natalia telling him she will name the baby Alba, Franco remembers
EVERYTHING. TODO! And he doesn’t even get an aneurysm, so,
yay!
Outside the Labor & Delivery room, Franco tells Julián
that his memory returned and to scram.
The marriage will be annulled.
There is some antler bashing, Juls leaves, and Franco goes to tell a
waiting Paolo that his child has been born.
Labels: culpable
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #61, 5/12/20: Penultimate Perils
A Game of Keep-Away
Gael attempts to negotiate with Paolo over the baby that nobody but Natalia actually wants. He basically concedes that the kid probably would be better off somewhere other than jail, even if it's with Katia and Paolo, but it would be more like a loan -- when Nat gets out of prison, they'd have to give it back. Paolo says no deal -- they're going to trial, and he'll win.
Gael tries to give him a flavor of the questions he'll be asked: Do you have a job? No? Any income at all? How do you plan to provide for this infant? Katia thrusts out her little chin and says she's paying the bills, and Gael starkly points out that the legal question here is can Paolo support a CHILD, not can he find someone to support HIM.
Best line goes to Gael: "So far you've known me as a friend. You don't want to know me as a lawyer."
Who Let the Blonde Out?
Alba brings coffee to The Tiz, who wonders aloud why he's getting personal service. Is he suddenly "mas sexi" because he's married now? Alba gives him the guacala face and says she just stopped by to tell him to put a leash on Roberta, because she's jumped the fence and gotten into somebody else's yard.
Tizzy bursts into Franco's office and asks him point-blank, "Are you sleeping with my wife?"
Best line goes to Franco: "Yes."
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Labels: culpable
Monday, May 11, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #60 5/11/2020 Roberta's Sweet Dream is Slip Slip Slippin' Away
Quite a bit happened in this one, sweet Patio. Alba and Roberta tussled like fish-wives over Franco; Katia was pressured by Emanuel to tell Paolo they were an "item", Tizzy locked Bertie in the laundry room which sent her right back to Crazy Town, Julián (always there, never wanted) proposed to Nati as a way to keep Paolo from taking her baby, and Ingrid has morphed into a sweetie pie who's now Alba's best friend. If it all seems nuts to you, don't worry. We're in ultimos capitulos where anything goes, and the writers are having fun driving us as looney as poor Roberta. On top of that, the scene changes were every few seconds or so. I'll consolidate a bit for my own mental health.
We begin in the drab jail where Katia is waving Tizzy like a red flag in front of Natalia's eyes. Castolo is our lawyer now and taking your baby away from you is a done deal. Nat promises to fight with every fiber of her being. Meanwhile SoggyPaolo looks guilty and conflicted, but at least he doesn't cry.
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We begin in the drab jail where Katia is waving Tizzy like a red flag in front of Natalia's eyes. Castolo is our lawyer now and taking your baby away from you is a done deal. Nat promises to fight with every fiber of her being. Meanwhile SoggyPaolo looks guilty and conflicted, but at least he doesn't cry.
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Labels: culpable
Friday, May 08, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #59, 5/8/20: For a Dead Man, Franco Sure Looks Good (Especially in a Rented Tux)
Subtitle: This was an Ingrid-, Gabe- and Javier-free
episode. Enjoy.
HOSPITAL CAFETERIA SCENE
Gael excitedly learns from Mauro that Franco is not all
dead, only partly, the memory part—and not all memory has been wiped out, only
the last year. Gael and Gramps chew the fat over coffee in the cafeteria, while
Franco is back in his hospital room catching up on the latest doings among the
social set. He sees a huge photo (above the fold AND below) of Bertie and
Tostito (thanks PJJ) joined at the hip. Gulp. He’s stunned to learn they are
husband and wife.
OFFICE SCENE
Julian gets a visit and a barrage of invective from Pao.
Julian spews garbage at Pao and it smells like it, too. He tells Pao he’s just
an idiot to have believed Julian’s lie bout being the father of Nat’s baby. Nat
could care less if he believes her or not. After the way Pao treated her, she’s
not interested in having a father like him for the baby. He taunts him, a cripple, on
becoming an unbecoming father. His legs don’t work. How is he going to kick a ball, walk to school together, etc. etc. Julian says he and Nat
will do it, the four legs between them ought to do it perfectly. Pao objects to
the future scenario.
Labels: culpable
Me Declaro Culpable #58, 05/07/2020: The one that made me wonder what I did to deserve this torture
Here is the recap. I made it out alive. This is almost as bad as "La Gata". I'm not sure what I did to deserve this.
Let's get to it: Franco has been missing for four months, Roberta and Tostito paid someone to leave the country using Franco's passport to make everyone believe that he went to Spain. Wait, Im assuming it was them but it could also have been Mauro. I was not paying attention.
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Wednesday, May 06, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #57 May 6, 2020 --- Franco’s wedding ring is finally gone!
Some scenes are combined.
Some stuff omitted (I’ll probably pay for that later). And some translations might earn a C+. No snark, just some frustrated recapper comments. I’m so ready for this show to be over and to get these people out of my life. Never thought I would say this,
but I miss Hijas. (Ack!) I WANT
A COMEDY NEXT!
GABRIÉL
When Gabe and Mia (a/k/a lollipop girl) overhear the police
are looking for them, they take off running.
Mia is really weak and cannot keep up with Gabe. He finally realizes this when he looks
behind him and she’s not there.
Oops. He lost her a mile
back. He finds her, she is running a
fever, and she tells him she cannot take the pain anymore and begs him to help stop her pain Gabe ponders that this is what his dad said,
too, when he asked Alba to end his life. (nothing
like insight, eh?)
Gabe takes off running back to the bus station, screaming “Help!”
all the way. By the time he returns to
Mia with the police, she has passed away.
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Tuesday, May 05, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #56, 5/5/20: Premios del Patio
Best Alternative Medicine Award:
Franco, treating Alba in her hospital bed with ultraviolet light from his teeth.
Best Opening Conversational Gambit Award:
Roberta to Mauro: So when's the funeral?
Most Toxic Telenovela Parent Award:
Mauro to Roberta: If you don't shape up, I'll set you on fire TOO! No one would miss you. Then Alba can move in with me and be my favorite daughter.
Best Monkey Typist Award:
When the van in whose windows Gabe & Lollipop are admiring his new luke pulls away, and behind it is...Julieta in a taxi.
Lemon Frog Award:
Natalia's potato-dress, which is easily six inches shorter than Alba's.
[And now, another commercial break from St. Jude's. Do you think they pay Televisa to give all those kids leukemia?]
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Labels: culpable
Monday, May 04, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #55, 5/4/2020: Time To Wrap This Mess Up!
We're nearing the finish line, Patio. Still a lot of loose ends dangling, and they may still be after the gran finale, but at least some of our side stories are winding up. So let's just hunker down and get this one over with.
We start with a reminder of Tizzy and Bertie's latest murderous pact. Roberta eggs him on by promising to be a passionate, committed lover once he takes care of Alba's assassination in jail. And together they happily propose a toast to that grisly prospect. Our gruesome twosome are well matched, don't you think?
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We start with a reminder of Tizzy and Bertie's latest murderous pact. Roberta eggs him on by promising to be a passionate, committed lover once he takes care of Alba's assassination in jail. And together they happily propose a toast to that grisly prospect. Our gruesome twosome are well matched, don't you think?
Read more »
Labels: culpable
Friday, May 01, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #54, 5/1/20: May Day—May Day, Save the Women and Children First
There are four in play that need saving STAT--Gabe, Nat,
Nat’s baby and Alba (and maybe Franco later) First things first—a petit revue from yesterday, hooked onto
today’s episode.
Bertie pays a call to
Alba (first of many prison visits this episode)
Bertie is gloating as she tells Alba about her questionable
parentage. Her cruddy old powerful lawyer daddy thinks it’s so, so he must have
had some proof, like DNA test results. The result is that Gabe is now living
with Papi and not only has had custody transferred from Ingrid to Mau, but he’s
also now Gabe’s legal guardian. (I guess that’s good news for now.) Alba is all
cara de impactada that she is Mau and Maria Luisa’s bastarda illegitimate
child. She asks Alba to say hi to Nat and that she loves and misses her. Alba
says to tell her herself. Bertie can’t stand the idea of seeing her daughter
from behind Bullet Proof Plexiglas, but promises to give Gabe some hugs for
her. Alba recoils in anger. Bertie enjoys her verbal conquest with a witches' laugh saying that when the end comes for him, she’ll be there to pull his plug—an
act of love, no?
If Pao had been an
oyster, he’d be a dead one
Julian drills down through Pao’s thin shell of
self-confidence in the most emasculating way. Julian claims to be Nat’s baby’s
daddy calling into question Pao’s manhood. He tells Pao how Nat would seek him
out, left unsatisfied by Pao’s prowess en la cama.
Labels: culpable
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #53, 4/30/20: Just another day on the crazy train!
Our Thursday recapper has had life get in the way, so we are all jumping in to get something up on the board. Please add to this, if only in the comments. I'm working from memory, since I watched and deleted hours ago.
- Mauro goes to the Turquoise House of Horrors and Skankiness and tells Gabe he is invited to come live with him. Bianca is in the background, shaking her head a big ole YES! Gabe hasn't had enough chemo to have the dreaded "chemo brain" , so he totally agrees to do that. He does not trust Ingy. Ingrid tried to guilt trip him on staying, Mauro called her on that, and I had to mute the TV to shut her up.
- Alba's day in court. First, did I miss something? She and Franco are acting like they have kissed and made up. Seriously, did I miss something? But I digress. Gael is there, too, and he has done his homework. He has Javier's attending nurse on the witness stand, with a timeline. Alba checked in at 11:43 to see Javier. Shortly after, she ran down to the nurse's station all freaking out, because she had unplugged Javi and plugged him back in. Expert witness said the alarms did not sound because the equipment had been unplugged for thirty seconds, not long enough for alarms to ring.
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- Mauro goes to the Turquoise House of Horrors and Skankiness and tells Gabe he is invited to come live with him. Bianca is in the background, shaking her head a big ole YES! Gabe hasn't had enough chemo to have the dreaded "chemo brain" , so he totally agrees to do that. He does not trust Ingy. Ingrid tried to guilt trip him on staying, Mauro called her on that, and I had to mute the TV to shut her up.
- Alba's day in court. First, did I miss something? She and Franco are acting like they have kissed and made up. Seriously, did I miss something? But I digress. Gael is there, too, and he has done his homework. He has Javier's attending nurse on the witness stand, with a timeline. Alba checked in at 11:43 to see Javier. Shortly after, she ran down to the nurse's station all freaking out, because she had unplugged Javi and plugged him back in. Expert witness said the alarms did not sound because the equipment had been unplugged for thirty seconds, not long enough for alarms to ring.
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Labels: culpable
Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #52, 4/29/2020 -- "Luke, I am your father."
Okay, it wasn’t quite like in Star Wars, but today Mauro
tells Gabe, “Gabriel, soy tu abuelo”. But first we must suffer….. Many scenes have been clumped together because today’s
episode was like being the silver ball in a pin ball machine on a Saturday night. During Happy Hour. My head hurts from all the bouncing back and
forth between story lines. Hopefully I
did not leave out anything crucial.
ALBA
The police are trying to haul Alba to jail while she is
screaming (of course) and calling Franco names, chastising him, same-old
same-old.
Later on, there is a near cat-fight in the
prison when some of the other inmates are harassing Natalia. Alba defends her and has one in a very fake-looking
choke move. That’s enough to get Alba
taken away to solitary confinement. THAT cell looks like a dungeon with water running down the walls. Ew.
Labels: culpable
Tuesday, April 28, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #51, 4/28/20: Meanwhile, Back at the...Other Place Where Everybody's Screaming
The Victims
We open where we closed yesterday, with Alba scuttling around in the middle of the post-traumatic street like a particularly shrill windup toy, but soon enough we find ourselves back at Aqua House for the world's worst soiree. Both women are completely verklempt, but Alba has the marginally cooler date: while Franco burps out empty promises and "tranquilates," Mauro just hulks on the couch like a superannuated garden gnome.
Ding-dong! If you haven't watched yet, be sure to be looking right at Franco when Julieta arrives and Alba announces, "This is the woman my son loves!" High point of the entire season, I promise.
The Perps
Gabe, trussed up and blindfolded on a nasty mattress, is the only resident of Alternate Mexico City to wonder why anyone would want to kidnap him.
Gabe: There must be a mistake! We don't have any money!
Thug 1: No kidding. You're dressed worse than us.
Gabe explains the side-effects of chemotherapy, goes green around the gills and threatens to vomit, causing Thug 1 to run away in a panic. He signed up for kidnapping and false imprisonment, not a yorking teenybopper with a fatal disease. Guess he shoulda read the fine print.
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Labels: culpable
Monday, April 27, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #50, 4/27/20: Just About Everybody Has a No Good, Very Bad Day
Well Petite Patio, it hit the fan hot and heavy today. Lic. Tiziano may still be flying high, but everyone else was brought low. And even though young Gabriel and Julieta got their rocks off, it's fair to assume neither one was very happy by days end. But let's delay the cascade of calamities and spoon feed the episode to you bit by miserable bit. Sounds fun, doesn't it? And if some of you choose to fast-forward through the whole dang thing, well...I've done my best.
Paolo's Really Really Sad Apartment
We begin with our depressing duo: Natalia and Paolo. She's still waxing poetic about how much she loves him, and he's all minor chords as in "Yeah you changed my life too. FOR WORSE! First you broke my body. And then you broke my heart!" This earns him a string of perdonames, and when that doesn't fly, she calls the police station, confesses to her crime and turns herself in. In no time at all, the cops are there, handcuff her and haul her off, while Soggy Paolo cries some more. All I can think of is--if these two ever get back together again and their kids one day ask "Hey Dad, how did you and Mom ever meet?" Do you suppose they'll get the real story?
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Paolo's Really Really Sad Apartment
We begin with our depressing duo: Natalia and Paolo. She's still waxing poetic about how much she loves him, and he's all minor chords as in "Yeah you changed my life too. FOR WORSE! First you broke my body. And then you broke my heart!" This earns him a string of perdonames, and when that doesn't fly, she calls the police station, confesses to her crime and turns herself in. In no time at all, the cops are there, handcuff her and haul her off, while Soggy Paolo cries some more. All I can think of is--if these two ever get back together again and their kids one day ask "Hey Dad, how did you and Mom ever meet?" Do you suppose they'll get the real story?
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Labels: culpable
Saturday, April 25, 2020
WEEKEND DISCUSSION 4/25/20: Karmageddon for the guilty in Me Declaro Culpable
It's
that time again, amigos!. There is a lot of guilt to go around in
this cuna de locos.* Too much to resolve in the last dozen
episodes. Not to mention that anything with a title like this will
have lots of consequences for its denizens' actions.
As
usual, this will be a two-part question:
- What fate do you think they deserve?
- What do you think the writers will do to these perverse creatures?
Labels: culpable, Karmageddon, weekend
Me Declaro Culpable #49, 4/24/20: It All Starts to Unravel
Subtext: Your dogged Caray reporter sunk her teeth into this
episode, but came up with nary a funny bone.
Sub Subtext: Confessions are not good for the soul in telenovelas, especially when there’s no padre, except for weddings with
comatose grooms.
Sub Sub Subtext: Thank goodness we’re past the apex of this MDC-Virus
and heading for El Por Fin.
Lawyer, Employer,
Father-in-Law (To Be or Not To Be, Depending on the Ending)
Paolo has been in Franco’s office since the last episode
wanting to know about the latest developments in his case, as he heard there were some leads.
Franco looks uncomfortable. He admits there are some new developments but
mumbles an excuse to put it off for a few days yet. He knows he promised Pao to
put the guilty one in front of him and he’ll do it. Next Pao wants to know if
he can come back to work at the bufete. Franco says anytime, the doors are
open. That aside, Pao starts to wax poetic about his love for Nat, etc., etc.,
while Franco is trying to keep his bowels in check. He tells Franco that he
wants to ask for Nat’s hand in marriage. Franco looks at him studiously and
starts his own waxing poetic on what a good guy Pao is. Pao is waiting for a
but. Franco doesn’t add any. Pao suspects he’s saying it because he
feels sorry for him. Franco says no,
never think that. Pao asks him to keep him informed on the case. Franco
desperately wants to head for the bathroom a meeting and says he will.
Pao then delivers the coup de grâce: next to Natalia, Franco is the one
he believes in the most. Franco can’t move.
Labels: culpable
Friday, April 24, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #48, 4/23/20: La Neni comes clean
Oh man, what an underwhelming episode. I could probably recap this episode in like half a paragraph, I might actually do it.
So in todays episode Natalia finally gathers the courage to come clean and tell Franco that she is the one responsible for Paolo's accident, unfortunately it takes her forever and I day to spill the beans and before she's able to tell her father the unfortunate truth he gets an edited video of Alba and Julian discussing the accident, the video makes it seem like Alba is trying to keep Franco in the dark about what Natalia did, this deeply upsets Franco and he later breaks up with her.
Read more »Labels: culpable
Wednesday, April 22, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #47, 4/22/20: "AND THE WHEELS ON THE BUS SPIN ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND ..."
Well DARN, I had my recrap all written, previewed, and accidentally lost it and some of my brilliant snarky edits. You've been spared. LOL 😀 And now I have to proof and edit again. Here is v.2.0 of today’s “recrap”, Patio.
Some stuff just isn’t worth the bother to report. Nothing major happened, so here we go:
NATALIA
Cara de impactada upon learning that Pao is going home to
live with his mom. (hopefully not in the basement) She wears the most stupid looking dress (even I was choking) to
chase him down at the bus station. No tix left so she buys a ticket to another
destination just to get past TSA. She
tries to stop the bus but it takes off without her. Then she gets into her car and drives next to
it, yelling like a fool, for it to stop.
As if the driver could hear her . . . So she pulls her car in front of
the bus, forcing it to stop, and she forces her way onto it to ask Paolo for
yet(!) another chance. Natalia lines….
Paolo lines …. then we see the bus finally pull away and both of them are on the
street.
Read more »Labels: culpable
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #46, 4/21/20: Everybody's Running, But Nobody's Getting Anywhere
Bride of Frankenstein
Paolo crawls and bawls. Natalia sobs and snivels. Roberta tells Franco if he doesn't do something about Paolo, she'll call the police. He tells her if she doesn't shut up, HE'LL call the police. Julian plays almost-dead. The padre looks everywhere but up.
Franco drags Paolo out into the waiting room and tells him it's very sad, but we can't fix everyone's lives for them. Based on literally everything we know about him, this is clearly a case of "do as I say, not as I do." He finally persuades Paolo to go cry somewhere else.
Roberta marches out of Julian's room and tells Franco everyone is waiting. He says they can wait longer. She tells him the padre has to leave. He says offer him overtime. She promises to take a wedding picture for him and marches back in again.
Franco drags Natalia out into the waiting room and tells her she's a grown woman, then proceeds to treat her like a two-year-old. I guess he's both good cop and bad cop. Apparently it works, because he returns to the room and coolly announces that Nati has left the building.
And Julian still doesn't move a muscle. What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?
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Paolo crawls and bawls. Natalia sobs and snivels. Roberta tells Franco if he doesn't do something about Paolo, she'll call the police. He tells her if she doesn't shut up, HE'LL call the police. Julian plays almost-dead. The padre looks everywhere but up.
Franco drags Paolo out into the waiting room and tells him it's very sad, but we can't fix everyone's lives for them. Based on literally everything we know about him, this is clearly a case of "do as I say, not as I do." He finally persuades Paolo to go cry somewhere else.
Roberta marches out of Julian's room and tells Franco everyone is waiting. He says they can wait longer. She tells him the padre has to leave. He says offer him overtime. She promises to take a wedding picture for him and marches back in again.
Franco drags Natalia out into the waiting room and tells her she's a grown woman, then proceeds to treat her like a two-year-old. I guess he's both good cop and bad cop. Apparently it works, because he returns to the room and coolly announces that Nati has left the building.
And Julian still doesn't move a muscle. What if he really is dead? Wouldn't that be funny?
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Labels: culpable
Monday, April 20, 2020
Me Declaro Culpable #45, 4/20/20: Another Hot Mess of an Episode
Would you believe, Patio, that I'm beginning to miss the crazy hijinks of Hijas these days? It's true. At least we had some beach scenes. And some muscular fellas in bathing suits. Now it's Nose-Hair Mauro, Beady-Eyed Julian and Soggy Paolo. Oh well, moving on...here's what happened today in our storm-tossed, über-dramatic world of suspect lawyers and star-crossed lovers.
In a nutshell, Bertie and Tiz tighten the screws on Papi Mauro. Ingrid and Julian get busy in his hospital room. Natalia has a passionate night with Paolo as a way of "saying good-bye". Gael learns he's going to be-- not a dad but a lawyer who helps place his baby for adoption. And Alba finds out Franco is off her case and her son has leukemia.
I'm tempted to leave it right there. And maybe you are too. But for those who want more detail, buckle up. And suck it up. 'Cause here we go.
Read more »
In a nutshell, Bertie and Tiz tighten the screws on Papi Mauro. Ingrid and Julian get busy in his hospital room. Natalia has a passionate night with Paolo as a way of "saying good-bye". Gael learns he's going to be-- not a dad but a lawyer who helps place his baby for adoption. And Alba finds out Franco is off her case and her son has leukemia.
I'm tempted to leave it right there. And maybe you are too. But for those who want more detail, buckle up. And suck it up. 'Cause here we go.
Read more »
Labels: culpable
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