Caray, Caray!

We begin today with a recap of yesterday's finale, in which Max, in a really ugly tight blue sweater of some sort, confronts the evil Octave, who is still in her "jaunty" nautical-themed Love Boat attire. "Did you steal F/G's fortune?" Octave wants to know how he could even conceive of such a hare-brained idea, deftly avoiding the question. Max tells her Diana's attorney told him.

Back to Luscious Lunkhead's room where Rene is asking him about "the servant" Larry's married to. Larry gets cranky and defends Little Doormat, saying her name is Gaby and she doesn't deserve the pain she's suffered. Rene, in his usual grandiose hand gestures, tells Luscious Lunkhead that LL is obviously in love with his wife and but too dense to even know it. Doe-eyed look from LL.

F/G, still in her red polka-dot dress, with the bizarre black velvet cabbage-sized flower around her neck, is turning down the bed for Dimwit Diana, who looks dazed as usual. F/G tells DD she needs to rest after her busy day. DD is going to need all her strength for tomorrow. F/G kisses Diana on the forehead. "Your kiss is like that of a mother," exclaims Diana. Heart-warming music plays in the background.

Now we're in Diego's room at the hospital where Pancho is at Diego's side. Diego-the-Stalker wants to know where Diana is. Pancho says she went home to rest. Diego asks, "Is it true I'll never walk again?" Alas, Pancho says it's true, "but don't worry, I will always be at your side." Heart-tugging violins play in the background as Diego says all he wants is Diana.

RM is back in her bed after dinner. She tells Isabel that the therapy is taking too long, to which Isabel replies therapy is a slow process. "Isn't there something else we can do?" I—"Well, there is a hospital in Houston that caters to people in similar conditions. They have special equipment that provides electrical currents and warmth, which expedites the healing process." ***Why on earth this hasn't been brought up before is beyond me. We've already established RM has a ton of money in the bank and could probably afford to buy the Houston clinic if she wanted.*** The good news is that there was no mewling in this scene. Yippee!

Max is still confronting Octave, with a busty red-acetate-robed FM in the background, arms folded in such a way as to offer maximum cleavage. Yolanda makes the mistake of walking into the room at this point. Octave tells Max to ask his aunt about the kind of trash F/G is. F/G even murdered her own husband! "Is it true? asks Max. Yolanda is impactada.

F/G has now returned to Paco's bar, still in her best wedding-guest attire. She tells Paco she can't perform after all the trauma of the day. "No hay problema" says Paco. F/G goes on to proudly state how she told Max what a low-life, scum-sucking, sea-hag his mother is. "I'm sure right now Max has a thousand questions for his mum. I'm sure she'll deny everything, but at least I've planted the seed of doubt." Paco is saddened by F/G's all-consuming hatred of Octave.

The scene among Max, Octave and Yolanda continues, with Octave laying it on thick and heavy to Max, and wanting Yolanda to back up her story. Yolanda hems and haws and finally, vaguely states that F/G was sent to prison for killing her husband. Octave tells Max that F/G was her best friend, but that F/G stole Octave's husband. Max orders Yolanda to tell him the truth, not what his mom is coercing her to say. Yolanda "ums, and ahs" to the point where Max FINALLY catches a clue as to what's happening. At this point the scene shifts to RM and Isabel.

RM is telling Isabel that they both need to go to Houston and rent an apartment. RM has more than enough money for them to stay there for an extended period and get all the therapy she needs. Isabel can be her personal slave—I mean assistant. Further, if Isabel goes with her, Isabel will get a healthy stipend for her efforts. Isabel seems to be digging this idea.

Little Doormat and Diana are having girl-talk in their room. Little Doormat tells Diana that Max came to the hospital but F/G prevented him from seeing Diana. Gaby goes on to tell Diana that F/G tore Max a new orifice about what a lying sack of. . . his mother is. Gaby mentioned F/G being in jail. Diana says, "speaking of jail, there something I've been meaning to tell you. Our mother is apparently in jail." A bucket of foreshadowing is introduced.

And we're back to a continuation of the scene between Max and Octave. Even FM finally walks off in disgust. Octave says she took over the perfume company when F/G went to jail. Max accuses her of stealing the company and Octave counters it's the perfume company that has made them rich. Max, as expected, states he'd rather be poor and how ashamed he is of his mother. After Max leaves Yolanda and Octave discuss Octave's confession. Octave smugly points out that Max only knows the partial truth; he has no idea F/G was innocent and that F/G's husband was killed by his father.

Gaby wants to know why Diana thinks their mother is in jail, since Granny M has always maintained their parents were dead. Diana tells Gaby she heard it from a neighbor. Gaby wants to know what mom did; Diana doesn't know. "When I asked Granny M, Granny M repeated our parents were dead, but acted really nervous." G—"Do you think Granny M is hiding something from us?" D—"I do."

FM is gossiping to Bruno about the confrontation between Max and Octave. "Octave is a thief! Imagine that!" FM apparently now thinks Octave is her hero. FM also thinks there's some other skeletons lurking in one of the thousands of closets at Psycho Mansion.

Octave and Yolanda show up in F/G's room at Paco's Bar. Lots of posturing. Fiera v. Fiera while poor Yolanda cowers behind Octave. Each tells the other "You're in BIG trouble now." Of course that's not exactly what is said, but you get the idea. F/G and Octave each tell the other to be afraid, and that the other one will be going to jail forever. F/G asks Yolanda if she's afraid; Yolanda is quaking in her boots. Octave, of course, can't be intimidated. Octave is clearly a Joselyn wanna-be.

We are treated to an airborne Rene launching himself at a leather sofa while Larry looks on. Larry has on his tight olive t-shirt, but has now added an extremely dorky-looking camouflage hat. Lunkhead is telling Rene that Pilar wants to get married and he should probably find an attorney to talk to Gaby. He can't face her after he's treated her so badly. He's "Oh so confused!" Rene, in his usual effusive way, thinks it would be a huge mistake to marry Pilar. Pilar is a liar. Despite replaying the scene several times, I can't tell if Rene thinks Larry should be with Gaby or not. Can anyone out there help me with this?

After Rene leaves, Lunkhead calls Little Doormat, who is curled up on the sofa, crying and looking completely forlorn. She's whispering Larry's name when the phone rings. Speak of the devil. . .Larry says "Soy yo, Larry." Little Doormat is impactada.

Lots of predatory circling in F/G's room, with Yolanda begging to leave. Yolanda wants no part of this cozy little scene. Enough said. . .

FM shows up in Max's room to stir the pot about his mother's admission. She wants to get a drink, a Screwdriver. Max looks surprised. "You've always detested vodka!" Oops!

Lunkhead and Little Doormat are on the phone. Gaby wants to know why he's calling. "Is it to talk about us?" L—"Yes. Pilar wants to get married." Gaby tells Larry that Pilar doesn't love him. In fact, the day he sent Gaby to get his cell phone, Gaby caught Pilar in bed with Kike. "Why didn't you tell me?" asks Larry. "Because I didn't want to see you hurt. However, if you love her and want to marry her despite all that has happened. I'll sign the divorce papers." Gaby hangs up on Lunkhead, and you can see the hamster running overtime on its little wheel in Larry's head. "Gaby? Gaby? " I guess Larry was in the "Hot Bods" line when the brains were passed out.

F/G v. Octave continues. Come on now, we get the idea. Let's move on.. . . Dramatic music reaches a crescendo!

Max continues to press FM about her sudden change in drink preferences. FM makes some lame excuse. Max says he's noticed something different about her, but he can't quite put a finger on what it is. She looks the same but she's different some how. She even kisses differently. FM tries to blame it on the two-year coma, but Max is having difficulty accepting that excuse. FM tries to seduce him, but he's suddenly developed a headache. He stands there with his bathrobe open showing part of his bare chest. More gratuitous chest shots of all our young nubile/studly actors. FM says she'll be in the Jacuzzi if he's interested. She heads to the bathroom and starts freaking out that Max is going to figure out she's an impostor.

Gaby goes into the bedroom crying. Diana asks why and Gaby tells her about Larry's phone call asking for a divorce. Diana says F/G is right. "We need to take revenge on these Irascible boys for wreaking such havoc on our lives." Diana convinces Gaby to join the "I Don't Heart the Irascibles" club.

Next day at the only hospital in TeleMiami. Lala is sitting at Diego's side and stating she wants to make his favorite flan. Diego doesn't want flan. Diego wants Diana. "Why didn't she stay the night with me?" Dang, this guys creeps me out! Right on cue Diana arrives and Lala heads home to take a bath and change clothes. Right as Diana is asking Diego how his night went, in walks Doc Evil. Diego wants to know why he's there. Doc Evil replies that Diego is his patient. Diego gets himself worked up into a lather and accuses Doc Evil of paralyzing him.

Isabel tells RM that she's obtained all the information about the hospital in Houston. All they need to do is call and RM will be admitted. RM wants the call placed yesterday. Isabel asks if they should tell Bruno and Debora about their leaving. Absolutely not! "They'll find out when I confront them after I'm healed!"

Diego continues to be mad that Doc Evil is his physician.

Pilar and Larry are hiding out somewhere with lots of shrubbery around them. Larry has his purple shirt unbuttoned half way down his chest. Thank heavens he has ditched that ridiculous hat. Pilar tries to kiss Larry but he pushes her away. Pilar is back on the marriage bandwagon and wants to know why they have to continue to sneak around. Larry points out they can't exactly hang out at Psycho Mansion, mother wouldn't like that. Pilar continues to protest saying he needs to tell mommy he is divorcing the servant and marrying her, at which time Larry uses the spine he was given and says "I'm not going to marry you." He tells her he found out about her getting caught in bed with Kike right before the wedding. Pilar is impactada.

See above. Diego continues to be mad that Doc Evil is his physician. "Get me out of here right now!"

Max is at the office telling Emili-Oh that Octave is a thief. She stole the mansion, the factory, everything from F/G. Now F/G is turning Diana against him. "Oh, woe is me!"

Larry and Pilar are arguing. Pilar asks how Larry can take the word of a servant over her. Gaby is manipulating him. "What about Peyote?" asks Larry. "She confirmed what Gaby told me." Pilar tells Larry that Peyote was mistaken. Larry says the only manipulator around here is Pilar. "Gaby wouldn't lie. Gaby is pure". . .blah blah blah. Glycerine Tears of True Dolor are running down Luscious' cheeks.

Back to the hospital. Will this ever end? I meant to point this out earlier, but Diego's squawking about not being able to provide for his family reminds me. How are they going to explain Diana's baby now? Diego was paralyzed before their wedding night. I suppose it will come up sooner or later. This question is far more interesting to me than the actual conversation between the two of them, in which Diana says she will work and provide for both Diego and the baby. "A job won't be a problem now that I have been declared innocent."

Emili-Oh is telling Max he should go to the hospital and see Diana. M—"What if the big, bad, scary F/G is there?" Emili-Oh tells Max not to be an idiot again.

After some discussion about Diego wanting to leave the hospital to get away from Doc Evil, Diana tells F/G she's ready to the join the Vengeance club.

Diego and Diana are outside. Diego wants to know who shot him. Could it be Max? Diana says Max isn't capable of shooting anyone. Diego, in stalker mode, is furious. "Why are you defending him? Do you still love him? You do, don't you. Answer me!" ***News flash…how many different ways has Diana told Diego she doesn't love him, she still loves Max. Is Diego just now hearing what Diana's been saying for months? What a narcicist!***

Max, in a lavender shirt and tie, goes to visit Granny DS, also head to toe in lavender. Even the dolls are in lavender. All the lavender is distracting. Max and Granny DS discuss Diana and how sad they are that Diana is no longer a part of their lives.

More dull conversation between Diana and Diego. Diego is going to be the only father that Diana's baby is going to know. B-O-R-I-N-G!

FM walks up behind Max and throws her arms around him. She asks him what he's thinking. FM says to herself Max will never know Diana is having his child.

Pancho joins the family soirée on the patio. He wants to know why Diego left the hospital. Lala says Diego wanted to leave. Diana joins in saying she's a nurse and can care for him. Pancho, with furrowed brow, tells Diana if she ever leaves Diego for Max, he will personally kill her. Lala is impactada! Diana has that usual dumbstruck look.

Credits roll!

Labels: acorralada

We open with a reprise of the scene where Diana is questioning how Doc Evil, someone with a clear conflict of interest, could be doing the surgery on her beloved Diego. Doc Evil says why not? I’m one of the best doctors in Miami. (and the only doctor in TeleMiami, as Alex has pointed out). I am a professional. He is my patient (whose shooting he was celebrating only a minute ago).

Octavia is thinking again about Paco’s voice . . .

Doc Evil thought bubbles at the operating table . . . this operation is risky: I could leave him an invalid for life. (Yeah!) The scalpel, please.

In the waiting room at Hospital TM, the family gathers around. Pancho is blaming Diana for everything that happened. Paco and Gaviota tell him to stop, it’s very unjust.

FM stares at a drunken Max. Max has the same torpid expression asleep that he has when awake.

Paola is still wearing the spider web costume from the clearance rack at Frederick's of Hollywood. I notice there is a bad reproduction of a Miro painting in the room. Another masterpiece from the Irascibles' world-class art collection.

O wants Paola to go to rehab, because she is becoming a libertine. Paola says she’s tired of having to keep up appearances. She asks her mother, why do you treat me different from my brothers? Cut away before impactada Octavia can answer.

Back at the hospital Gaviota is also saying that Doc Evil should not perform the surgery.

At the little house, RM is trying to stand up in her wheelchair (silla de ruedas).

Now O answers Paola: Why are you asking such a stupid question? Well, mom, I never got a hug or a kiss, you never congratulated me on my school degree (or something having to do with school). I’m sure that Paola was another model student, like RM.

O thought bubbles: because you are a child of sin, and the only man I ever loved. Then she tells Paola not to waste her time.

Back at the hospital, Doc Evil tells everyone that there were two bullets and Diego is not going to be able to walk. There is a spinal cord injury.

Appropriately enough, we cut to RM, who now manages to stand up out of her chair. I did it, she shouts triumphantly. (“I can walk, mein fuhrer,” to quote Dr. Strangelove.) Oops, she falls down. Isabel tucks her in bed and warns her that she’s doing too much.

Cut to Doc Evil’s office, where Andres is lounging around on the couch. You get a good view of Doc Evil’s cheesy seventh grade anatomy illustrations. I've been meaning to comment on these. You know you're in a cheap production when they use these types of illustrations in a doctor's office.

Paola is now commiserating with Yolanda. Yolanda points out that Octavia is a very special character (understatement of the year). Paola asks Yolanda to hug her. Pobrecita.

Max now wakes up. FM calls him a drunk, but he says he had to drink to escape her shrieking. He has a point. She says she does it because she loves him so much. He says she is talking too much. I can’t live without you, she claims.

Back at the hospital, Diana goes into the room where Diego is on life support. You don’t deserve this, she says, crying. Gaviota tells her to be strong, not to cry, but she can’t accept it. Paco says they should go to the cafeteria to get a snack.

Lala is praying in the chapel and Pancho comes in. She is worried about how to tell Diego he can’t walk. They should break it to him gently. She begs Pancholon not to be hard on Diana, she says Diana cares for Diego. Pancho is still grumbling about how this would not have happened if not for Diana.

Caramelo calls the mansion to tell them that Lala can’t come to work. She actually says: “Is this the Irascible Mansion?” Max answers the phone. She tells him what happened. Betcha can't guess where he's going next.

Nancy cries over Diego. Naturally, she seems much more upset than Diana.

Max leaves the house and FM shrieks.

Diego is having a nightmare in his hospital bed. Nancy tells Diana to be strong.

Doc Evil laughs at Andres.

More boring blabber between Diana and Lala.

Yolanda begs Octavia to treat Paola better—the poor girl is falling into an abyss. O reminds her that she conceived the baby when her husband was on a business trip and she’s a product of sin, yada yada yada. O is losing patience and wants to throw Paola in the street, if I understood correctly. (P.S., I apologize for an error I think I made the last time this was mentioned. I thought she said she went on a business trip, but now it seems that she said the husband was on a business trip.)

Max now shows up at the ER. Gaviota calls him trash. No, you’re trash, he says. You were in prison. (hasn’t he learned anything yet?)

As usual, O asks FM where Max is. She should get a LoJack. FM tells her he’s drunk again, on account of that nurse.

Diego is waking up. Pancho continues to blame Diana right in Diego’s earshot. Way to go, bro. Lala tries to get him to stop. Diego wakes up. What’s going on? I can’t feel my legs! Where’s the rest of me? I heard shots and got a big pain in my back. I can’t feel or move my feet. I am paralyzed. Pancho, the soul of discretion, blurts out: You will never walk again!

Meanwhile, Gaviota and Max are trading insults. Yes, I was in prison too long, but I am not a killer. It was an injustice by the Irascibles. Your mother gave false evidence, she took everything. (I think she also said that O killed the husband.) You’re crazy, Max says. Yeah, I’m crazy with the injustice. Then you took Diana and Gaby. You’re ruining everything. Look, Lady, he says: You have no right . . .I like the way he resorts to high-handed classism. Muertas de hambre should never have the temerity to make accusations against their betters. Gaviota vows to get back everything and avenge the injustice. Gaviota tells him to leave. She doesn’t want him near Diana. Granny M wants to avoid a scandal.

Diego is railing at the long useless life that stretches before him in a wheelchair. He wants to die.

Nancy comes in to see O. O yells at her. I gave you two hours off for the wedding of that piano teacher, and you come in hours late. Nancy is crying bitterly. She says it’s terrible, that Diego was shot after the wedding by a masked man, etc. She cries hysterically. Is he dead, asks O? Stop crying. You’re acting like he’s your husband! Nancy says that he will be paralyzed for life. FM affects her gleeful look.

Rene comes in to see Lunkhead. We haven’t seen much of him for a few days. He is lounging on bed in his usual position, but this time his nether regions are clothed in jeans. He is wearing an odd green T shirt with embroidered gold dots. Rene tells Lunk that Paola is out cold in her bed. He asks if Lunk was thinking about Pilar. No, he was thinking of Gaby, of a kiss. You’re thinking of your wife, the sirvienta? Could be that you love her without realizing it?

Nancy tells O that by the way, Lala won’t be able to come to work for a few days. O dismisses the igualada. Now O and FM rejoice over the news. This development means that Diana will be out of Max’s life for good. She won’t dare leave her husband if he’s a cripple. She’ll have to stay with him and play the saintly wife. They cackle like two hens.

Back at the hospital, Lala wants to stay all night, and Diana says that she will stay. Pancho throws Diana out, and Lala scolds him.

FM and O continue their figurative high-fiving. That baratija Diana cannot steal Max. He’ll have to come back to his wife. “Baratija” is defined as “trinket,” but their tone implies a heaping helping of “muerta de hambre.” We should just start abbreviating it as MDH.

Max bursts in with a burning question on his lips: Tell me the truth, Ma. Did you steal the house, the fortune and the perfume factory? I want to know if you’re a thief. Cut to O’s shocked face, no surprise. It will be fun to see her squirm. Credits roll.

Labels: acorralada

Casa Soriano. Gaby’s making dinner, Diana answers the door. The String Quartet of Doom plays. Enter Max, come to apologize. He was an idiot, he admits it, etc. Close-up of Diana, looking sullen. “Habla,” she says.

At Intracoastal Five Star Rentals, a.k.a. Dr. Evil’s Lair, Andrés and Ignacio are being a couple of sore losers. They haven’t come up with a scheme yet, just something on the order of “ruin that nurse and make her crawl before delivering the final blow.” The only thing that’s changed is motive. Now they’re adding their humiliation in court to the list of grievances against Our Heroine. Oh, and Andrés owes Diego one. Flashback to Diego’s brief, shining moment as a Fiera just to make sure we remember. Andrés is going to get revenge on Diego and Diana. Close-up of Dr. Evil, mildly impactado.

We are now transported to Casa Irazabal. Paola and Rene hurry in and sit down on the lovely gold velvet couch in the foyer. Paola’s managed to save herself from the police, but will she save herself from her fiera of a mother? Yolanda comes running in and they decide that Paola should hide in her room. Octavia would never think of looking for her there.

At Casa Soriano, Max is still apologizing. It’s an awful lot of dialogue, but he’s getting through it. Diana wants to know why it was easier to believe Camila and Dr. Evil. Especially since she gave him her virginity. Max doesn’t have a good answer to that but Diana’s not interested in listening, anyway. It’s her turn to do the talking after the way he dogged her 'round.

In Paola’s bedroom. Octavia runs her house like a concentration camp, and Paola’s already served 20 years. She’ll stay until tomorrow, but she doesn’t want any more confrontations with Mamacita. Yolanda replies that Paola needs help. Once again she entrusts her wayward niece to Rene. Once again she expresses the hope that Rene’s not using. Paola asks her to ease up on the sermons. Yolanda tells Rene to give Paola some counseling (come again?) and asks him to stop in the library before he leaves. The door closes behind her and we know there will be no remorse from these Bright Young Things because we get a few bars of the “Fiera” song. They burst out laughing and joke about what delinquents they are, how they really put one over on poor Yolanda. Kids these days.

We return to Casa Soriano, where Diana is circling Max, getting him told. Our Heroine may speak softly, but she carries a big guilt-stick. Every grievance is a blow which Our Hero stoically endures until Diana pulls him around to face her. She’s going to deliver the coup de grace, I just know it. “You’re the one who lied to me!” And then she starts flailing away like mad, starting with his claim of being a widower and building to a grand little speech on the evils of machismo. Max is taking one for the team here, no doubt about it. This is followed by the “Not with married men” speech. Her prim outrage and the virtuous little diatribe make it easy to picture her in a candle-lit room, hair in a chignon, angrily slapping her fan against her hoopskirt. “Your worst punishment is losing me forever!” He promises to get a divorce but she doesn’t want to hear it. Tomorrow she’s marrying Diego. Max looks like he had a line…it was right on the tip of his tongue…was it…damn. So much for attractively impactado.

Paola’s boudoir. Rene has decided to take his bomboncito Yolanda seriously and advises Paola to stop seeing Pancho. They argue but don’t tell us anything we don’t already know. After Paola says she doesn’t want him to badmouth her Panchito, Rene leaves. Paola sulks for a second or two, then picks up her phone and calls Pancholón. She wants to have a Serious Talk. He tries to soothe his “fierita”. Paola thinks it’s time for a career change. The illegal jewelry trade is too risky.

We check back in with that other fun couple, Max and Diana. He’s telling her not to make the mistake of marrying Diego. You don’t love him, Max protests. I’ll grow to love him is her response. (Diego’s got Lala, Gaby, and Diana all drinking the same Kool-Aid.) You’ll never love Diego the way you loved me. (That’s an interesting approach. Stupid, but interesting.) Max repeats that he’s an idiot. I repeat “Damn straight you are.” Diana’s getting increasingly bitter as the scene progresses. They continue to argue until she tells him to go back to his wife, who needs him. “From now on,” she decrees, “you and I are two strangers.” Close up of Max, with the Glycerine Tear of True Dolor. Pobre de Max. Before he goes, he says he hopes she doesn’t regret this. All she regrets is having met him. Ouch. Bye, Max. Thanks for playing. The door’s hardly closed when Granny M. and Little Doormat enter to find out what happened. Diana hurries to her room, with Granny and Gabby right behind her. They heard it all. He deserved it. Diana gets all weepy. Despite the noble platitudes, she loves him with all her might, will never love another like she loved him (didn’t we just hear that somewhere?) etc. Little Doormat, a.k.a. Pollyanna the Glad Girl, points out that Max didn’t know how to appreciate Diana any more than Larry knew how to appreciate her. Granny M chimes in, saying that Gaviota was right about the Irazabal clan getting enjoyment out of stepping on people and hurting them. Diana would like to hate Max, but she can’t. Every day she loves him more. Awkward-looking group hug.

Bar Don Paco. The seven extras came back – we can hear them going wild. Gaviota has just finished a show. She and Paco are in her dressing room. “Listen to that applause,” says Paco. “You’re a wonder.” (Because she kept them in their seats tonight?) She attributes her success onstage to her success in court. As usual this brings the conversation to Our Heroine. Gaviota would rather see her married to Diego than to an Irazabal.

At Psycho Mansion, Yolanda is beseeching Rene. Help Paola, advise her. Rene says he’ll give her more advice than a parish priest. Yolanda thinks rehab might be best for Paola. You can count on Rene. Close-up of our boy mugging. She’s charmed by this. Everything’s cute when Rene does it. He changes the subject by asking Yolanda out on a date. An open-air reggaeton concert. Va a estar de pocas pulgas. (Anybody know this expression?) Yolanda prefers classical music. Rene clowns some more before saying “As you wish”, followed by a lingering kiss on the hand. He departs. Yolanda sighs. Ay, bomboncito.

Paola and Pancho. Same conversation as above.

Max is in the parlor. Enter the spider, I mean Octavia, once more dressed like a seventies call-girl. She saunters over to the couch and asks Max if he plans on getting drunk again. What’s the occasion this time? Diana’s getting married tomorrow. Don’t lie down and die on account of this mujercita. Does Octavia know who the defense lawyer was? No. Fedora Garces Ledezma. Close-up of Mamá, her face so immobile you would think she’d gone for a botox treatment and told them “Super-Size me.”

Back in Gav’s dressing room, our torch-singing attorney tells Paco that she has to get revenge on Octavia, find her daughters, and make Diana and Gaby very happy. I guess Paco doesn’t remember the first 32 times she told him that. Or maybe Gaviota doesn’t recall. By the end of the scene, she makes it to rehash number 34.

Chez Diana. She’s lying on her bed. She’s unhappy. “Tomorrow I’m marrying a man I don’t love.” Close-up of Diana looking even unhappier. End of scene.

We return to Casa Irazabal, where Max is reminiscing about the last time anyone saw Fedora/Gaviota. Tía Yolanda met her in the street one day. And when did Fedora/Gaviota become a lawyer, Octavia wonders. A lot of people go to school while they’re doing time. Octavia also wonders how it came to pass that Fedora/Gaviota of all people was Diana’s lawyer. It could have been a coincidence. Max kisses her on the shoulder and they say good night. Octav thought-bubbles: “I don’t like this at all. These two, allies? What is this bond? What plots are brewing in Fedora’s twisted mind?”

Casa Soriano. It’s Our Heroine’s wedding day. At first I don’t recognize the hostess, then I realize it’s Granny M in her Barbara Bush party dress. In come Lala, Diego, Pancho, Caramelo, and Nancy. Nancy’s in surprisingly good spirits for someone who’s attending the ill-fated wedding of the man she loves. The Orphans of the Storm are in the other room, preparing the bride for her Big Day. Gaby is being endearingly officious. After all, the happy couple has her to thank. Nancy knocks at the door. Poor Nancy, Little Doormat says, dying of love for Diego. Sigh. She lets Nancy in and they’re all smiles. Nancy doesn’t beat around the bush with Diana. Diego was never going to love her. Diana is his great love. Nancy wishes her the greatest happiness. Diana stands and we get a good look at her wedding dress. It’s a strapless sundress with a wide band of black lace around the waist. It appears to have been made from a bedsheet and one of Granny M’s old girdles. Nancy and Diana hug. Close-up of Nancy. She is seriously bummed.

Now we’re in Max’s office. He’s got that blank stare under furrowed brow expression on his face again. He is remembering Our Heroine’s words: “Tomorrow I’m marrying Diego.” Enter Emilio. He has some orders to be signed. Max isn’t listening. He’s just sitting there, staring. Emilio finally gets his attention. “Diana’s getting married today.” Emilio gets a close-up so that we can see him thinking “Aw, man, not this again.”

Gaviota’s room. She’s sitting on the bed, putting on her shoes. For some reason I flash back to similar scenes from Pre-Code movies, except that the actress has usually just finished with a trick. Maybe it’s the black choker with the huge black rosette. Or the red dress with black polka dots and Gav’s signature extra-wide belt. But there are no folded bills tucked in her garter and she won’t light a cigarette and gaze moodily into the camera. No. She’s just getting ready for the wedding. There’s an insistent knock at the door. Adjusting her top, she goes to answer. It’s Octavia, just stopping by for a minute before she gets on the Love Boat. While the skin-tight halter-top with the nautical pattern is quite jaunty, I don’t think that’s why Gaviota is impactada. “Octavia!” Close-up of Octavia, staring at Gaviota the way a snake looks at a cornered rat.

Out in the bar, Lorenzo the lovable old barman is being questioned by Paco, the man haunted by the woman who betrayed him. Paco wants to know who just went in to see Gaviota. Lorenzo has no idea.

Back in Gaviota’s dressing room, we get a splendid shot of her idea of wedding-guest attire. If she slipped on a ruffled petticoat under that dress, she could entertain us with the can-can. But that’s not going to happen, it’s Fiera versus Fiera here, even if they’re not playing the Fiera song. Instead the Synthesizer of Doom plays loudly as Octav sashays through the dressing room to Gaviota’s bedroom. “So you live in this cow-shed.” Midshot of Gaviota in the archway, with her Gay Pride rainbow boa visible between the groovy beads hanging behind her. She smirks, as if to say, “Are you kidding me, bitch?” Octavia grills Gaviota on her acquaintance with las hermanas Soriano and Gav refuses to answer. Octavia grabs her arm and calls her an ex-con who reeks of jail. Although it pains me to say it, girls and boys, there are no prizes for guessing where that remark leads. Where it ends is the menacing violin music and Gaviota turning venomous as she states her intention of recruiting Diana and Gaby to avenge themselves on los Irazabal. Close-up of Octavia thinking “If I could shoot you dead and get away with it…”

We return to the boda. The justice of the peace arrives, out comes Diana, it looks like our young couple is going to take that fateful step on the road to unhappiness…No, not yet, Gaviota’s not there.

Back to the Gaviota, who’s still reciting her Litany of Revenge. She doesn’t get any reaction out of Lady O until she says Octavia will pay for the death of Gav’s husband. Octavia wheels around and calls Gaviota a miserable murderess. Gav slaps her and neatly intercepts the counter-blow. “Don’t you dare,” Gaviota warns, “because I’ll leave you bald.” She tells Octavia to get out, even holds aside the beads for her. Well, Octavia has to go, anyway, she’s got a boat to catch and Captain Steubing to vamp. They exchange rabid fiera glares as Octav struts out. After a last look at our Avenging Angel, we follow Octavia through the bar. Paco comes out of his office and calls out. She stops, but does not turn. He asks who she is and at first she looks puzzled, then as the camera pulls in closer, impactada. Commercial.

We come back to Andres, in a rental car, staking out the wedding. He calls Dr. Evil to announce that he’s on point and that the best part is yet to come.

At Paco’s bar, Octavia thought-bubbles: “Who does that voice remind me of?” That voice, a.k.a. Paco, keeps asking inane questions. Octav keeps her back to him and then Gaviota appears. “What are you still doing here? I told you to take off.” Octavia leaves without turning or saying a word. Paco asks Gav about the Mystery Woman. She fills him in. He’s sorry that he didn’t get to see the face of the woman who caused her so much harm. That’s okay, Gaviota’s going to destroy her the same way she destroyed Gav. One of Paco’s employees enters to remind Paco that they’d better get a move on.

Outside the unassuming little tract home where the unlucky boda is about to take place, Andrés watches Paco, Gaviota, and Lorenzo pull up. Inside, the guests are happy that the stragglers have finally made it. Pleasantries are exchanged and then it’s time for this wedding business. Diana forces a smile, but it only lasts a second or two.

Max is fiddling with a pencil instead of working on billing or signing orders. He tells us that they’re probably getting married right now, as he speaks, with the show’s theme song playing. He is so upset that he breaks his pencil. And he’s glad he broke it, too!

We cut to the ceremony, with Diana looking melancholy until Diego flashes that weaselly grin at her. She forces another weak smile and looks down. The theme song continues to play while everyone in the wedding party gets a close-up. We end with the bride and groom again. The expression on Diana’s face tells us she regrets it already.

In the rental car. Andrés opens the glove compartment and takes out a gun much like the one Faux Marfil pulled on Real Marfil several capítulos back. Since he’s got his back to us, we can only see his eyes and nose in the rearview mirror. Even so we can tell he’s got an evil grin on his face. That’s some pretty snazzy camerawork.

Back to the boda. Diana and Diego sign the register, then Gaby and Pancho. The justice of the peace declares them man and wife, applause all around, the newlyweds rise. “Now you’re my wife.” “Sí, ya soy tu mujer y tu esposa,” is her rather peculiar reply. The Orchestra of Doom begins to play, and it's not Lohengrin.

Poolside at Casa Irascible. Pilar is catching some rays and Luscious Larry is in the pool. He swims up, invites her in, she declines. They blather on a bit: Octavia would have hysterics if she knew Pilar was here; Pilar wants Larry to get Mamacita to forgive her; whatever happened to that sirvienta. From there it’s a short step to “I want to get married as soon as possible.” Larry wants to wait a few months. Pilar is not a happy camper.

The boda’s still not over. Lorenzo brings out a tray of champagne, and everyone toasts.

Max is drinking, too, but he’s having straight scotch and he’s not feeling too festive right now. They must have tied the knot, he tells us. He’s lost her forever because he’s an idiot. Enter Mamá. Max asks if she came to torture him. Not at all. But she hopes today is the last day he’ll think of Diana. Mmm, don’t bet the perfume factory on that, Octavia.

Back at the pool, Pilar hasn’t given up. She doesn’t see why they should wait months when he could easily divorce that sirvienta. They argue over her use of the disparaging word “sirvienta.” Larry speechifies a bit, extolling Little Doormat’s virtues and calling her an angel. He starts to walk away, then comes back to really let Pilar have it. While Pilar was off rolling around with Kique, Gaby was at his side, etc., etc., etc. He forbids Pilar to dis Gaby again. He leaves, only this time he means it. At first Pilar is miffed, but then she laughs. If he defends her like that, it’s because he’s in love with la sirvientita, only he hasn’t realized it yet. Why this amuses her is a mystery.

At Casa Soriano, the newlyweds toast each other. This leads to a sappy conversation in which Diego basically tells Diana that he is her love slave. Then he gets a little more practical. It turns out that in their mad dash to the altar, these impetuous kids forgot to make honeymoon plans. Diana is suddenly feeling very Scarlett O’Hara. She wants to think about it tomorrow. Diego is enchanted by this reply. “You don’t know how much I love you.” He leans in to kiss her, but she dodges by setting her glass down. “Let’s go out for a walk.” “Now?” Well, whatever his princess wants. Her wishes are his orders. He announces their plans to all and sundry. Lala tells them not to be long, there’s still the cake to be cut and photos to be taken. (And bullets to be fired, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.) The Synthesizer of Doom music swells as they leave the house. Andrés watches them, nodding. “There’s the happy groom,” he says and once more we are treated to a flashback of the scuffle in the courthouse hallway. Back in the present, Andrés tells the new Sr. y Sra. Suarez to get ready. He puts on his sunglasses and starts the car.

Irascible Manor. Max comes stumbling in. He looks like he really tied one on. Faux Marfil is flipping through a magazine – probably Vogue, although Guns & Ammo is also possible. She’s wearing a low-cut, baby-doll kimono, or something like that. It’s hard to focus on the actual dress with all that cleavage screaming for attention. But about Max and the little woman. He announces that he’s the biggest idiot in the world. She’s not happy to see him drunk in the middle of the day. I don’t listen to her any more than Max does. Suffice it to say that she gets him up the stairs and onto the bed. Again he says he is the world’s biggest idiot, but Faux Marfil has decided to use this to her advantage. She starts undressing him. “Kiss me, kiss me, tell me you love me, that there’s no other woman….” And so on. Max must be wasted, because he’s returning her kisses and declaring he loves her, only her, only…Diana. Diana? That little slip of the tongue causes Faux Marfil to go right into Chihuahua on crack mode. Max begins to realize that he didn’t just get drunk, he got puking drunk. He struggles to rise.

The boda again. Pancho and Caramelo are admiring the cake topper. Paco pulls on the bride’s little tulle veil and predicts that Diana will never love his idiot brother. The marriage is a farce. (He may be a muerto de hambre, but he’s right on the money there.) Pancho then pulls the cake topper off, stealthily puts it on the floor and steps on it, grinding the bridal couple’s little plaster heads to dust.

Cut to Diego and Diana walking down the street, with Andrés driving three feet behind them. They of course do not notice him. He stops to put on a ski mask, gets out of the car, walks up behind Diego, shoots him twice in the back, and flees. Diana drops to her knees in hysterics, screaming for help, screaming Diego’s name, shaking him – wait. Isn’t she a nurse? Shouldn’t she have some rudimentary knowledge of emergency first aid? Fortunately we go to commercial and I can have another glass of wine.

Back in the mansion. Faux Marfil has worked herself up to complete fiera hysteria. She screams and screams and screams and screams, pausing for breath just long enough for Max to bellow “Shut up!” Gracias, Max. By now he’s up and moving again. Faux Marfil isn’t finished, however. She was just getting her second wind. I don’t really follow it too well, but this tantrum is not only genuine, it’s operatic. (Scary, Expressionist operatic, not the Mozart in powdered wigs variety.) I gather Faux Marfil’s lambasting Diana because she screeches “She doesn’t love you!” about six times in a row. And then Max does the unthinkable. Close-up of Our Hero, suddenly sober. Attractively impactado. Well, I’ll be damned.

We move on to Ignacio’s office. He asks Andrés how it went. Andrés sums it up very neatly. She got married, and he widowed her.

At Casa Soriano, Lala and Granny M are hoping that their kids find happiness together. Paco, Gaviota, and Lorenzo are behind them, nodding sagely and murmuring in agreement. The phone rings and Gaby answers. It’s Diana. Bit by bit, as the String Quartet of Doom gets louder, Little Doormat is told that Diego’s been shot, is in the hospital, and is muy grave. He’s lost a lot of blood. But he’s alive, thanks to Diana’s emergency response technique. I’d hate to think what might have happened if she hadn’t repeatedly screamed "¡Contéstame!" while shaking his head like a maraca. But back to our friends. Gaby is impactada. She breaks the news, rather perfunctory pandemonium follows, and everyone hurries out.

Back at the hospital, Andrés tells Dr. Evil he’s sure he killed Diego. A nurse knocks on the door. They have an emergency. A man with two gunshot wounds. Gee, I wonder who that could be? Andrés is sure he killed Diego.

The operating room. Diego is face-down on the gurney. Dr. Evil thought-bubbles: “This is Diego? The husband of Diana Soriano?” He tells the nurse to prep the patient. He’ll be right back.

Diana is pacing up and down in front of the desk. Dr. Evil approaches her. Diego’s condition is serious. They’ll need to operate. And Dr. Ignacio Montiel Evil himself will perform the surgery. Close-up of Diana, impactada.

Roll Credits

Labels: acorralada

Labels: duelo

On our local station here in Nueva York, the channel is running spots during the show asking viewers to call in if they recognize where Fernando is walking. The first callers win two tickets to a concert of some singer I don't know at Madison Square Garden. So far I think he is walking near Grammercy Park and Battery Park. I am still not sure he is really in New York or they are scenes of him in front of a blue screen image.

Labels: fea

Alicia is told that Marcia's been looking for her; Alicia goes into Marcia's office, and Martha wonders where Cornilocks got the phone. Lola guesses that it's from some poor idiot.

Marcia congratulates Alicia for thinking. Alicia says that Tomas admitted that he only said Aldo loved Lety in order to get Alicia to himself; Alicia is thrilled, but Marcia is disappointed because it means Aldo won't be keeping Lety away from Fern after all.

Next, Omar hides in the batcave and overhears Lety and Aldo talking about exercise and apples. (I'll irrelevantly add here that I love what everyone is wearing today.) I sure hope Aldo has nice breath, because their faces are awfully close. (I hope Lety has nice breath too, but Aldo's the one who's always leaning in.) He crowds her onto the desk, makes the "scary snicker" noise as previously described by Amanda, and takes his leave.

New stuff

Alicia sees that Aldo, the apple-polisher, has brought Lety more gifts, and questions Tomas again about their relationship, but he insists that there's nothing going on. This delights Alicia, who does him the great honor of kissing his cheek and then goes back to admiring her "engagement" photo.

Lety sets about working at her desk; Omar frets in the cave. Sara is looking for him; she checks in his office and then worries to the cuartel that she can't find him.

Meanwhile, Marcia asks Alicia to check on the tickets, passport, money, etc. for the trip; she's eager to get out of there. Fern's gone, and they'll both be back in 20 days, before the expo. She'll think things over during that time, and after the trip, she and Fern will figure out what to do, once and for all.

Alicia generously offers to accompany Marcia to London to help out... but then changes her mind. She doesn't want to be away from Aldo that long. Marcia says she needs Alicia to stay there, anyway. Alicia then generously offers to car-sit for Marcia. She says she deserves the loan of Marcia's car. Marcia says maybe, but asks Alicia to first do what she's been asked.

Alicia reminds Marcia of what a great friend she is. Marcia tells her that the company pays Alicia for her work. Alicia points out that she doesn't get paid to be Marcia's friend; her friendship is priceless. (Marcia diplomatically doesn't mention the many pesos Alicia already owes her.)

Alicia goes back into the Vortex of Stupidity and makes a great show of calling Papi to tell him that Marcia's going to let her borrow the car. With a nice car, she says, she'll be her old self again. She invites Papi to hand out her new phone number to all and sundry. She promises to call him back and stuffs the phone back into its holster (frankly I'm very surprised that there's room in there for a phone - even a small one).

Meanwhile, Lety is on the phone with the bank, saying she knows the interest is due on their loans. She is flustered when he tells her that the deadline is at noon. She prepares to call Tomas and tell him to hurry up, but is interrupted by PM, who asks if she's seen Omar. The cuartel saw him earlier, but now it's like he's fallen off the face of the earth. An important client is trying to get in touch with him.

At this perfect moment, Omar's cell phone rings. While he fumbles for his phone, Lety and PM wonder where the sound is coming from - PM thinks it's coming from the batcave. Omar answers the phones and the ringing stops. Lety says her phone doesn't sound like that, and PM says cell phones lately sound pretty weird. (It's true. I like a "ringtone" that sounds like a phone ringing, myself.) They dismiss this weird occurrence and Lety asks PM to find Tomas's cell number and call him for her.

The call to Omar is from Fern, who is still at the airport. Omar tries to hide under the not-very-soundproof desk and whispers that he's trapped in "Lety's office." (A sleeping woman I'll call Dot snuggles up to Fern while he talks.) Omar explains what has happened (and doesn't even flinch when he says "gargolita"). He didn't want Lety to catch him hiding photos of Fern's lovely snout all over the place. Fern is confused. Omar says it's so that Lety will be reminded of him all the time. Fern gets up from his seat and scolds Omar for his lack of creativity. He sits down again, almost on Dot's head, and she wakes with a start. Fern reminds Omar not to get caught. Nobody must find out what he's doing.

Omar tries to stand up, not realizing that there is a desk on top of him, and hits his head. PM and Lety hear. So does Fern, who is now letting Dot listen in on the call. Omar makes that little scream again, and Lety and PM go into the batcave to investigate. "Me? Here?" Omar asks, stalling for time. He says he was looking for some old documents among the archives. ("He couldn't come up with a better excuse?" Dot asks Fern in disgust.) Lety asks how long he's been in there. He says it's been a while, because he couldn't find them. Lety says she doesn't believe him - there are no papers in that room that would be useful to him. Then he comes up with another cockamamie excuse - that he was looking for Lety's father. He checks the desk drawers - nope, Erasmo's not there. He'll just have to talk to him later instead. He nervously excuses himself and leaves. PM and Lety wonder what Omar was up to.

And now for something completely different

Luigi is sooooooo happy to see Aldo. He comments on how nice Aldo looks in black. "Thank you very much, you too," Aldo replies. Luigi says he's not wearing black. Har, har, har. Aldo starts to explain/apologize about the mixup with the bear. Luigi would rather talk about Aldo's bruises from yesterday. Who's the savage bear who disfigured Aldo's gorgeous face? Aldo deflects the question and says he wants to talk about the commercials.

Luigi says he's going crazy. They're all in various stages of completion. Some still in design, others in preproduction, etc. But, see, he found this flower (it's one of those individually-wrapped roses that you can buy at the gas station on the way home from work), and he didn't know what to do with it, so he wants to give it to Aldo. Aldo thanks him for the pretty rose and says he's going to work on his book. "If you need me, call," he tells Luigi.

"I always need you, Aldo," Luigi says in Spanish. "I need you, guapo," he adds in mostly English.

Aldo takes a few steps towards Luigi, and I brace myself for a moment of truth. Finally, Aldo is going to explain to Luigi that he's interested in someone else, right?

Wrong. Aldo says "thank you for the flower, Luigi," and goes into his office. Um. Waaaay too subtle, Aldo!

"That wasn't a flower - it was a compliment," Luigi sighs to himself.

Back to the Vortex

Sara is trying to get Omar's client back on the phone, but the guy's cell phone is out of range. She notices the camera strap across Omar's neck - he has moved the camera so that it's hanging down his back, and it's making a huge lump under his jacket - and denies that there's anything strange, but says he wants to go outside because he feels like something's choking him! Sara worries that he will disappear on her again. He walks backwards out of the room so no one will notice the ginormous camera-lump under his jacket.

Lola gives Tomas's cell number to PM. PM dials the number from Lola's desk. Immediately, Alicia's boobs start ringing. Oh, wait, it's her phone. She answers. PM asks for Tomas. Alicia hangs up. PM seems confused. (Alicia's desk is maybe 15 feet away. Maybe. I don't think it's even that far.)

As Alicia struggles to wedge the phone back into her bodice, Lola, Sara, Martha, and PM combine their brainpower and figure out that it probably wasn't a coincidence that Alicia answered and hung up at the same time as Tomas's phone. Wow. What's next, cold fusion?

PM informs Lety of this incredible development. She says she tried to call Tomas, but a woman answered. Lety doesn't have a flashback, but she might be remembering the time that Tomas went out drinking with the HaHas and gave his previous cell phone to a cocktail waitress, and had to go out drinking again on the night of Lety's birthday party in order to get the waitress to pay for all the calls she'd made. (She didn't pay, but he won some money at bingo, so it turned out OK.)

And that's why my recaps are so long. I have flashbacks even when Fern and Lety don't. PM fills Lety in on the cuartel's theory.

Out in the Vortex, Marcia asks Alicia if she's completed her tasks yet. Alicia says she doesn't know who to ask for the tickets, etc. Marcia reminds her that Tomas is the person to ask, and her flight leaves at 7 that evening. Marcia is displeased that Tomas isn't around and tells Alicia to find him. After Marcia stomps out, Alicia harasses Lola about Tomas's whereabouts. (Martha hisses at Alicia, and Alicia asks if she's deflating.) Lola offers to call Tomas's cell phone. Alicia backs off.

Lety and PM step into the Vortex with Lety's phone. Lety dials.

Alicia (facing away from Lety): Hello? Yes?
Lety: Tomas Mora?
Alicia: He's not here, this isn't - uh - who's calling?
Lety (hanging up walking towards Alicia): It's LETICIA PADILLA SOLIS!

Ah, the look of horror on Alicia's face.

In Lety's shiny new Bored

Tomas stops at a traffic light and pulls out his photo of Alicia. He explains to the photo why he couldn't tell her the truth about Aldo being in love with Lety. He feels badly that this is going to hurt her. He marvels at Lety's luck and wonders why he can't have the same kind of luck. He admits he's as ugly as Lety, but more likeable. He giggles. Good, no self-esteem issues there!

That's it for Tomas in the car. For the life of me I don't know why they bothered with the expense of such a pointless location shot. Perhaps it was part of a longer scene showing off the beauty of the practical, affordable, yet sporty and luxurious Bored.

Back to the Vortex - no one can escape!

Lety asks Alicia what she's doing with Tomas's phone. Marcia shows up and grumpily asks Lety when Tomas is coming back. Lety says she's looking for him too. Marcia wants her plane tickets and such. Lety says Tomas let someone borrow his phone. Marcia angrily says that the whole company is paralyzed because Tomas lent his phone. Lety asks Alicia to tell Marc where the phone is. Alicia plucks the phone out of her top - it's about ready to fall out on its own anyway - and "explains" that she's borrowing it from Tomas.

With grim satisfaction, Lety informs Marcia that the whole company is paralyzed because Miss Ferreira borrowed Tomas's phone. She asks Alicia to give Tomas's phone back when he returns so the company can resume its functions. She goes back to her own office.

Marcia complains to Alicia that she can't stand Lety. She thinks she owns the place! (She does!) Alicia tells Marcia that she came on a bit strong, too. Marcia teases Alicia about Tomas being her ex-lover. The cuartel leans forward to hear better as Alicia denies that Tomas was ever her lover. "So what was he, your sweaty handyman?" Marcia says (I think). Alicia claims it was just a screw-up on her part. Marcia says if she hates him so much, why did she ask him for his phone? (Martha and/or Sara fall over their desks trying to hear.) Alicia insists that he offered it to her; she never asked. He gave it to her. Marcia scolds her for not having any dignity. Alicia says she'd rather be without dignity than be without a phone.

Based on what they've overheard, the geniuses of the cuartel are even more sure than ever that Tomas and Cornilocks were lovers.

Marcia stalks off towards Lety's office, while the cuartel wonder if they're going to fight. Huh, ya think?

Tomas enters the Vortex just as Marcia leaves. The cuartel greets him excitedly, and he thinks they're admiring his New Look. They advise him that Lety's looking for him. Alicia mentions that Marcia's looking for him too, and she's very annoyed. She pulls Tomas aside and tells him that Lety found out about the phone. Tomas insists that she keep it. She seems so happy that he expects another kiss, but she waves him away, saying that Lety's waiting, but he hints to her that he's going to stop in his own office first. (Amazingly, she doesn't follow him there to express her gratitude.)

Alone in her office, Lety observes that the Monster Ladyparts Seashell of Doom hasn't been turned over in a while. She meditates on that for a bit until Marcia comes along to ask for something. "I have it here," Lety says, opening a folder - but inside that folder is a copy of the Fern photo with Marcia's arm. Lety slams the folder shut and thought-bubbles that she's sure now why Omar was hiding in her old office.

Marcia is yelling at her that Tomas has disappeared and she's not going to be able to make her trip to London. (So... I guess there's only one flight from Mexico to London per month. How unfortunate.) "Do you think this is a game?" Marcia asks. Sheesh, what a grouch! She says that Lety and Aldo came up with this trip to get rid of her and now she has to beg for her ticket and money! Lety says it's not a game and Marcia doesn't have to beg, but neither can she come strolling into Lety's office demanding the tickets when she doesn't have them.

Marcia then begins a sarcastic rant about "your office" and how, thanks to the liens, she's now the owner, soul, and mistress of Conceptos. Lety tells her that every time she has to leave Conceptos and come back, she likes it less. It's like being surrounded by enemies.

Marcia says it's all Lety's fault, and she's resentful and vengeful, and the only thing she wants is to take Fern.

Lety tries to tell Marcia that she's been very correct with Fern, when Marcia spies a copy of the photo in Lety's in-box. She demands an explanation, but proceeds to give that explanation herself: "I recognize this. I was in this photo and you copied it and cut me out of it. This is the limit. Do you want my wedding dress too? And I can also give you the wedding gifts that I haven't returned yet."

Lety denies all of this and asks why she would want a photo of Fernando. "You tell me," Marcia answers, and she looks like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown. (Tomas watches nervously from the doorway.) Lety says she suspects Omar. Marcia finds this charge laughable. Lety insists that she doesn't want to hear about Fern, talk about him, see him, etc.

Marcia says she doesn't believe her. Lety says that's Marcia's problem, but since they hate each other so much, Marcia can keep the company, and Lety will leave.

Marcia says "Excellent." Tomas interrupts and tells them he went to the bank, made their interest payments, and took care of things for Marcia's trip. It's ready now and she can have them at any time. He begs Lety not to resign and reminds her of her obligations. He rehashes them for our mutual convenience, taking a lot of the wind out of Marcia's sails, and reminds both women that they need to work together. Marcia agrees and says she can't wait to be done with this hell. Lety says she wants the same thing.

In a much more civil tone, Marcia asks Lety if she thinks they'll really be able to pay their debts on time. Lety says she's trying to do the impossible. Marcia says something about returning in 20 days and she and Lety won't have to share... (Lety gives her a funny look) ...an office. Lety says she would love not to have to come in and see her, too.

Marcia gives her a radiantly sarcastic smile and leaves. In the Vortex, inspiration strikes (Marcia seems uniquely unaffected by its stupidity rays) and she makes a detour to Omar's office, where a quick search reveals a folder containing the cut photo and several copies of the Fernando half. Marcia vows to pluck out his eyeballs.

She asks Sara where Omar went. Sara says he went outside for some air. He was (she mimics him) "choking." "Choking? And he hasn't even run into me yet." She asks what time he arrived this morning. Sara says he got there at 8, which is early for him, and was using the copy machine.

Back in the Monster Ladyparts etc. grotto

Lety shows Tomas the copied half-photo. "I'm sure it was Omar," she tells him. Marcia bursts in, a cyclone of rage. "I want to get as far away from Omar as possible!" She rifles through Lety's things wanting to know if there are more photos. Lety talks her down and says she's just glad Marcia understands that it wasn't Lety's doing. Tomas is aghast at Omar's prank. Marcia asks if Lety knows anything else about this. Lety says she didn't see Omar do it, but he had been hiding in the batcave.

"Fantastic! Marvelous!" And with that, Marcia turns on her heel and marches out of Lety's office.

Funny, I don't recall hearing an "I'm sorry I accused you of stalking my ex-fiance who loves you and hates me," but perhaps that will come later. ;-)

Lety pulls Tomas's ear and yells at him for letting Alicia have the phone. She demands that he take it back from her. He begs her not to make him do that. He tells her not to worry - he'll pay the bill. Lety warns him that she can get more use out of that phone in three days than normal people would in a month (something like that, I think). He promises that he knows what he's doing.

Lety finds another copy of the Fern half-photo and is bummed. Tomas reminds her that Aldo loves her. Lety promises she will dedicate the next 20 days to forgetting Fernando, but Tomas worries that she'll want to throw herself into his arms the minute he gets back.

Steam is still coming out of Marcia's ears when she re-enters the Vortex. Alicia wants to know what happened. "If you want to know, try asking Omar," Marcia retorts, on her way someplace else. Alicia complains about her bad friend.

Omar comes back from "taking air," and Alicia immediately attempts to pump him for information as to why Marcia is so angry. He doesn't know. He asks Sara about that client. Alicia continues pestering him, saying that Marcia has to be in a good mood so she'll let Alicia borrow her car. Sara tells Omar the client is away at a golf tournament someplace and can't come in to sign the contract. They discuss (joke?) that Sara should deliver the contract to the client.

Aldo on the phone

Aldo's on the phone with Gil, telling him how well things are going. Luigi comes in to talk about the commercials and the expo. Aldo notes that it's a lot of work. Luigi says that being with Aldo turns work into nirvanalike pleasure.

Later, he tells Aldo that he'll take charge of the choreography of the big show at the expo, and Aldo will be in charge of the banquet. Aldo wants to include a tribute to mole (I hope he's talking about the buffet and not the big show). Luigi loves the idea. Aldo wants to serve the 12 main kinds of mole, four of which he's never made himself. Luigi wonders how Aldo will pull this off. Aldo says he knows someone who can supply the necessary recipe. Luigi wants to know who is the great chef whose recipes are good enough for Aldo. Aldo says he'll tell Luigi later.

I think we all know who this great chef is! Her most devoted consumers are Tomas and Moty!

Nueva York

At Yankee Stadium, if the Yankees win, they play the Frank Sinatra version of "New York, New York" at the end of the game. If the Yankees lose, they play the Liza Minnelli version instead. I know this sounds like the kind of thing I would make up, but it's true.

Anyway. In the short amount of time that Omar was getting air outside, Fern managed to get on a plane, fly to New York, go through Customs, and start walking around the city, complaining of the cold. His phone rings - it's Marcia. "Tell me one thing," she demands. (He is not thrilled that the first thing he hears in New York City is Marcia's voice.) "Hi Marcia!" he answers her cheerily.

"Did you order your little friend to put a photo in Lety's office?" And with that, Marcia nips Operation Aldon't in the bud.

---

Mañana
Fernando acquires another admirer.

insult of the day
pelos de elote=Cornilocks. Because "pelos de oro" would be "locks of gold," or Goldilocks; "pelos de elote" is "locks of corn." How sweet it is!

Labels: fea