Monday, April 23, 2007

Destilando Amor 04/23/07 "They're creepy and they're kooky"

DA-da. DA-da. da da da da da da ...Hilario wheels around, it is FemJaws, TWB in her sleek little white bikini is on him like a shark on a hapless swimmer...he gives in major lip lock..Well it has been a very long dry spell for TWB and as the song goes "If you can't be with the one you love....". No No much as he'd like to tap that..he can't she is married to the Patron. Hilario runs off in a fit of testerone and adrenaline, his manhood says stay....but his self-preservation says run like the wind. TWB now gets a call from uber WASP Sofie, TWB is slammin Rod, he pays no attention...blah blah blah, the usual rant from women who have never had sex with their good looking healthy strapping husband and to add insult to injury, just been turned down by the stable boy. Sofie tries to calm her down, TWB must learn to control the situation. Excuse Me why would anyone take advice from the poster girl for spinsterhood? Just sayin.

Gavi & Ma are pawning Gavi's "promise watch" in lieu of a promise ring. They get 6 mil pesos for it, close to $600 American. Gavi says take good care of it cause she'll be back.

James and Rod are visiting the weird Jimador place again. Meliton (creepy Uncle), yells for Acacia, to bring some Tequila. Acacia brings out the Tequila and Rod asks some questions about the Jimadors...in his never ending search for Gavi. James is muy impacted with Acacia. James offers to work for free, learning more about Tequila; working towards his life's goal of becoming a Master Tequila Guy.

Hilario is sitting in the barn sucking on a pint of yes, you guess it Tequila, he is crying about what a sinner he is God will never forgive him. Here comes SanWanna, she tries to cheer him up with a roll in the hay, but Hilario screams, "Leave me in Peace". SanWanna leaves angry and Hilario throws the bottle against the wall.

Rod goes home and TWB is a bit standoffish..Rod suggest she go visit her parents for a little diversion...Yeah Rod that is just the kind of diversion she is looking for. No she tells him, she only longs to stay at the side of her beloved husband.

James enters the kitchen of the creepy ranch, Acacia is cooking, he asks for a glass of Agua, she gives him one with out ever looking up...James says that the dish she is preparing smells Ummmmm muy rico. She says it is chicken soup. Per Meliton's orders it is her job at the ranch to sacrifice the animals....Que the creepy music...The Uncle comes in and runs James off and says he doesn't want James in there with her. The Uncle leaves and Wednesday Addams picks up a knife and stabs the cutting board. Ewwwww Dead Eyes, she has Dead Eyes.
*****Hey would it not just be the best evah, if the Addams Ranch was actually some devil worship sacrificing animals and maybe an occasional "Sofie" to bring an awesome Agave Harvest?*****Just a thought...the old ways die hard out in the rural areas..

Gavi tells Clara that once again she is going to Montalvo to stalk Aaron til he hires her. Clara accuses her of just wanting to see Rod, to try and run into him. Gavi comes up with some crap about missing the country and agave, and I guess working at Montalvo will get her back in touch with her roots.

Rod is slaving away at his laptop..he slams it closed, he takes out the cassette from Gavi and begins to play the music, he moves his chair over in front of the window and we get to see Rod TV, he is envisioning Gavi singing or having a flashback, whatever, I think I saw this episode like ninety times so the thrill is gone, but Rod seems to enjoy it. Here comes TWB, she asks about the music and snatches up the player, she is BSC jealous and throws the player against the wall.
"Gaviota, Gaviota, Gaviota", it didn't work for Jan Brady and it's not gonna work for TWB. She storms out. Poor Rod runs over and picks up his little player, the only thing he has left of his little Gavi.

The Next Day

After the little temper fit of last night, Rodeo and Juliette need some time apart, he is shipping her off to MX DF. He asks Hilario to drive her to the airport...Si Patron...

Gavi gets her benediction from Clara before she enters into stalker mode.

Crispin and Roman try to have a heart to heart with Rod, forget Gavi they say, she is not coming back. Rod has spent mucho dinero and they can't find her. They are like hey, you got yourself one hot babe, forget the jimadora. Rod rages..no they don't get it "Gavi is his life, his one and only love, he can't get her out of his head". Yes another one of those awkward television moments when manly men blurt out things to other men, that well, they never wanted to hear.

On the drive to the airport, TWB asks Hilario to keep the little attempted pool side seduction on the downlow...Hilario is more than happy to agree to never mention it. Possibly staving off eternal damnation.

James is working the agave fields at the Addams Ranch...He is shirtless and I might add, not bad not bad at all, button down shirts and argyle sweaters do him no favor. Acacia or Wednesday is coming down the row, James spots her and runs up to stop her. ****Dude you are so borrowing Rod's tale of seduction, James may have all ready located a "doin the deed tree". He has a present for Wednesday, it is a small box. She opens it, it is a music box with a mirror...well she is casting a reflection in it, so certain evil creatures are ruled out. Just then Uncle Gomez, I mean Uncle Meliton, screeches for her, she runs off clutching the music box. Yes oh Yes, James is smitten.

Over in Mexico City, TWB is in the apartment Granny Pilar bought for TWB & Rod. Sofie comes in and is once again all up in her brother's amorous business. Now this is really starting to bother me, for someone who looks so prim and proper she is bent. Her advise to "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" TWB; is to see a sex therapist, to try and find a way to get through to Rod. I am certain TWB could take Sofie and I would have just gotten up and knocked her into next Tuesday. I don't even like TWB and I was offended...like TWB needs to see a therapist? I think all her stuff is working okay. I'm sure if you just looked in Sofie's eyes you could see the $$ signs.

After dropping TWB off, Hilario stops off at a lingerie store, he is hanging around outside when the owner comes out and drags him in....We see Hilario leaving with a bag.

Now Gavi is standing outside Montalvo, she tries to enter but security guy, says no can do. Aaron issued a memo she is not allowed in the building. Well that means nothing to our spunky little jimadora...She paces until Aaron leaves the building. Gavi runs up and introduces herself as her alter-ego Mariana Franco Villarreal and asks for a few minutes of his time. Aaron has heard bad things about her, but she counters...Aaron's secretary "Jane Hathaway" runs out of the building threatening to call security. Aaron tells her to back off, I guess that collar is a little tight around his neck. Aaron asks Gavi to go to lunch with him at a French Restaurant.

Back at the ranch...Rod has just gotten news that Gavi has been spotted in VeraCruz picking oranges..He is ready to take off. He has spent lots of money following false leads.....
****I wondered if every migrant farm woman between the ages of 15 and 55, had gotten a perm and was trying to pass themselves off as Gavi****

Hilario is in the kitchen trying to make nice with SanWanna, she is standoffish, til he pulls out the bag, goody a present. She is feeling inside the bag & here comes Hilario's Ma...she wants to see, ***I was certain it was going to be a "Just you wait til you Father comes home moment", but no, SanWanna takes the bag and leaves. Hilario looks relieved..life was some much simpler before puberty.

At some point, but I don't remember when...Rod was having a crying talk with Dead Gramps under the Dead Gramps tree...oh how he misses Gramps and how he must find.....yep Gavi...I am glad Gramps is dead so they didn't have that awkward man pause.

Gavi and Aaron are seated in a French Restaurant..When asked for her choice in beverage, Gavi orders a Montalvo Tequila, smirk smirk..you work it girl. When the waiter takes their order, Gavi shows off her flawless French, then comments about her English and her smattering of German. ****Shout out to Catholic School Education, six months with the Nuns did far more for Gavi, than twelve years of Public Education, did for me****Gavi speaking very rapidly goes on to tell about being in Europe, well she left out the good parts, the whore-house, the being hit by a car. She informed Aaron that Montalvo is the be all end all, the cat's PJ's when it comes to Tequila...Oh Aaron was loving it.

Meanwhile Nosy Secretary is telling Minnnnnervvvvva the news. Minnie is very displeased.

Aaron takes Gavi back to the business, Old secretary, tries to throw a hizzy, but Aaron shuts her down, PR guy comes in and shows Aaron, Gavi's excellent, if somewhat fabricated resume.

Minnie shows up at the departmento of doom, lamenting her worthless dawg husband chasing "lil Mariana Franco Villarreal", hee hee hee, no really it is TWB's husband that is chasing her...oh well if Lety Padilla Solis can have two, I say Gavi is more than deserving. Once again Sofie has to bring up the TWB/Rod lack of sex....for the love of Gawd, get a hobby.

Rod is off to VeraCruz, TWB is in Mexico City, Rod hates MX City and says he will never go back...evah (famous last words).

Aaron offers Gavi the job of receptionist, he will replace Margarita. Oh No...that is Gavi's friend who tried to help her. Take it or leave it...that is the only offer. Gavi agrees to take it and leaves the office.. Just when it looks like Aaron is not so bad, He opens his mouth and sucks in all the air he can....savoring the scent of Gavi....

Little receptionist is sobbing..Gavi says she is sorry and vows that she will quit if lil receptionist is not hired back in one month...Wow Gavi plans to climb the Aaron, ooopppppsss, sorry I meant corporate ladder. Well she can speak English, French and a little German.

Tommorrow....everyone has a stunned look on their faces...
Rod is walking down the hall....
Does he find Gavi/Mariana Franco Villarreal?
or
does he bring news that Mister James was found slain in a strange Satanic Ritual..but on the upside the Agave crop is outstanding?

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Acorralada #69 Friday 4/20/07

Paco watches Fedora drink herself into more of a drunken stupor. He again explains that Alicia and Octopus are indeed the same person, and he loved Alicia many years ago. Fedora asks how he could do it, how could he unite his life with someone like that?

Over at Lala's house, we remember that Octopus just came in. Paola asks, Mom, what are you doing here? Octopus says that Pancho is going to prison for bigamy. Her face is completely immobile as she utters these fateful words.

Max drops by Iggy Plaza again. Camila is wearing her Carnaby Street getup again: White go-go boots (I so wanted a pair of those in 1968, and my mother so refused to buy them), a really short skirt, a lacy bustier, and a white newsboy cap. Max is still wearing his ugly black sweater over a glaring white shirt. He laments that he can't find work because his old friends have abandoned him, given his new MDH status. Camila has just the ticket for cheering him up--dive in for a kiss. But no, he pulls away, demonstrating his best lemon-sucking face.
He reminds her that he doesn't want romance and he only came there to get away from Marfil.
Camila's reaction? Naturally she thinks: Sooner or later you'll be mine.

In the selva, the fearsome foursome are still arguing. The only change I can note is that Andres is now quite filthy. Diana and Iggy have large perfectly round holes in the middle of their shirt fronts, showing how the costume designers realistically achieved the effect of fabric tearing in a plane crash.

Back at Lala's, Caramelo sneeringly asks Paola if "that woman" is her mother. (Again, still not clear how she could not have known that before.) Pancho, ever the gentleman, tells them all to stop, because he doesn't want any scandals in his house. He tells Octopus to leave, and Octopus repeats how he will go to prison. We now see that Paola is wearing such a skimpy black halter that it barely contains her ample boob implants. She is also wearing little red hot pants, but the hot pants aren't as short as Caramelo's mini skirts. Paola and Caramelo begin fighting over their prizewinning husband, getting in each other's faces like guests on Jerry Springer. The gist of the argument is over whether they dye their hair. Caramelo, pointing her fingers and throwing her head around, says, no, I am a natural redhead.

Back in the jungle, there is more of the same.

Octopus says she didn't send her daughter for all that education just so she could marry a naco like Pancho. (I suppose we're supposed to understand that she went to college?) Caramelo wants Pancho to throw the witch out of the house. Octopus asks Paola if this is what she wants. Paola says that yes, she has more love than she ever had in the mansion. Pancho says, Look, suegra, get out. O says, don't call me suegra (mother in law), little man. Pancho repeats that he is "muy hombre," which seems to mean big man, real man, quite a man, who knows. He's so big, he gets to have two women! (Another narcissistic jerk.) Octo leaves saying that this fatal flaw is what will get him sent to prison.

Paco is still trying to appease Fedora. He is the grand apologist for Octavia. It's not her fault--it was her hubby's. Fedora scoffs over his delusions. He tries to get her to stop drinking, and they repeat: I loved you too much, you wanted revenge more than you wanted me, etc. He leaves, and she cries.

Pancho and Caramelo leave the little house. Octopus tries to get Paola to leave. She wants to stay with her husband and also Lala, who gives her more love than her own mother. Octo says she can't stay with a naco--she is an Irascible! What status! After all, Octo is now married to a naco and living in a similar house with bars on the windows. And now her darling Paco has lost his star singing attraction at the bar. How is he going to make a living? Perhaps more ladies' nights.

Speaking of the bar, Pancho and Caramelo are now there arguing. He's annoyed that the bigamy is out in the open on account of her and he'll have to go to prison. (Actually, I think prosecutions for bigamy are probably rare--and would hardly result in a long prison sentence.)She seems happy about this, as he would be out of circulation. She loves him so much that she'll wait for five years, whatever. Then she begins to remember Paola and launches into another round of "I hate her. I hate her."

In the selva, Diana has some flashbacks: kissing Max, giving birth, and even Diego. She says she misses Max, her baby, and even Diego. She is sorry she can't love him.
Iggy and Andres are looking at a map of the island trying to find the manicomio and also water. They see a river. How come for the last two days they didn't seem to have a map and were wandering around aimlessly?

Back at Iggy's, Silvia is dressed in the Wonder Woman costume again. She tells Camila she's going to a casting at Venevision for a children's show. Camila exults at how all is going her way.

Diana and Marfil drink water in the selva. They whisper a plan to escape. It doesn't make much sense that Iggy and Andres leave them so unprotected.

Now it's Lala's turn to get Fediota to stop drinking. No luck.
She tells Fed that Max is here. Enter Max. We now see that his ugly sweater actually has leather elbow patches. Lala tells Gav to take a cold bath and go to sleep. Gav says she's not going to sleep while Diana is missing. More booze!

Silvia comes to the TV studio and runs into Larry. She imagines that they both succeed in acting, and they are walking the red carpet. She is dressed as Marilyn Monroe in the white halter dress from "The Seven Year Itch." The fantasy ends with her skirt being blown upward, a la MM.

Kiki now shows up with Gaby, as he is casting for the same novela as Larry. Larry grabs Gaby and pulls her aside. He tries to explain that it was Kiki's fault for his leaving her at the church. She looks like she wants to believe, but just then he is called for his casting call. Kiki comes over and tells her "don't believe a word he says about me."

In the selva, the fearsome foursome get lost some more. They argue, and now Iggy wants to kill Diana and "Debora."

Back at the mansion, Nancy is wielding a mop and talking to Diego. At least his concern for Diana has caused him to leave off painting for a while. Nancy thinks this is the opportune moment for her to confess her long secret love for Diego! She used to watch him give Paola piano lessons. She says that if Diana doesn't come back she will take care of him. Of course, he takes this the wrong way and rises into full Diego rage mode: You want Diana to die! Get out of here.

Nancy is devastated and retreats to get advice from Lala, who is watering some plants with a hose. (Wouldn't they have automatic sprinklers and a gardener at the mansion?) Lala, who does know her sons all too well, says that Diego always takes things the wrong way.

Camila wants Max to go out to dinner. He is not in the mood. In a brilliant parallel to the previous scene, she offers to be at his side if Diana never comes back. He says no, he will never be happy unless he has Diana.

Diego screams for Gaviota to come quickly. He wants her to fire Nancy, as Nancy wants Diana to die. Lala intervenes and says that he has taken it all the wrong way. Gaviota agrees, probably because she is too drunk to take action.
Lala tells her stupid son he should ask Nancy to forgive him.

In the woods, it appears that Iggy wants to make out with Diana. He grabs her, but she wriggles out of his grasp.

Octopus now is telling Paco that their two daughters have married the same man. Paco is impactado. He didn't know! Bruno pipes up: he should go to prison. Octopus thought bubbles about how they are sisters, but of course, she is not telling him. It now appears that the two girls are going to share Pancho, but it won't be a happy household.

In the selva, the group are arguing about whether to keep going or sleep. Iggy shoots Andres in the leg! I give the orders here! Of course, if he wants them to keep going, shooting someone in the leg is not going to help with that goal. Nurse Diana applies a tourniquet using Andres's belt.

Lala announces Max again to Drunkiota. Max comes in and wants to see the baby. He wants to find out if the baby is his! Credits roll.

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La Fea Más Bella #259 4/23/07 in which Fern gets unwelcome news from the wrong person.

Every time Aldo and Lety are together: kiss, giggle, sweet nothings. Over and over. (However, if I were Aldo I'd be concerned by this careful wording: "I want to be able to love you the way love me.") Occasionally a cloud passes over Lety's consciousness: "What am I going to tell Don Fernando?" Aldo says it will be hard to tell Fern now that Fern is being so noble...

The cuartel: (1) "How will we find the mysterious woman, so that we can win the dinner with Colunga and the trip?" They decide Omar and Caro are the only ones with clues; (2) "Those among us on Team Fern and Team Aldo must unite, or we will come to blows, and then how will we win the contest?"

Fern's conversation with his dad continues. "Lety is on some kind of astral voyage, she's confused, that's why she thinks she might want Aldo. She'll end up with me, I'm sure!" (Looks unsure.)

Omar visits Fern to gossip about discovering Aldo has taken an ordinary cooking job. Omar does upper-class mocking but Fern says Aldo's decision to take a job to pay his bills (now that he's sold everything to rescue Conceptos) is dignified and deserves admiration. Omar makes fun of Fern and Aldo for being bewitched by the little Gargoyle. Then he blabs about being smitten by Aurora! If it weren't so obvious it would be fun. Fern throws him out. Omar gets back at him later by taking a picture of him in Lety's old office: "Look at the little bat in his cave."

We find Alicia in Marcia's bed, stuffing her face with potato chips and reading cheesy magazines. When Marcia tries to throw her out, she pretends to be asleep and snores very loudly. "This is hell, this is horror!" exclaims Marcia as she leaves. Alicia goes back to chomping the chips.

An exhausted Tomas drags himself out of bed early in the morning because Lety has summoned him - "I need somebody to talk to in the flesh!" - to tell him she's chosen Aldo. Tomas brightens up and shouts: "Aldo's the best guy I've ever known!" - Lety says "Keep it down, I don't want my parents to know till I've told Fern." Tomas is ready for breakfast but Lety kicks him out! She eats later with her parents, her long face worries her mother, her father warns: "Don't do anything you'll regret." Roses arrive from Aldo.

That same morning, Marcia - who hasn't slept a wink - is sitting with a meager breakfast when Alicia struts in with an overflowing plate, complaining: "There's almost nothing in the refrigerator. And the interior decorating around here is horrendous, I'll change it." Marcia: "Now I understand how your ex-husband felt. You're intolerable, abusive, and stupid."

In the president's office, Fern and Lety simultaneously say "I have something important to tell you." After a few "you first"s, Fern says: "I told my father I love you. I'm not trying to pressure you, it just - made me happy." Lety makes a twisted face and tries to tell him HER news, but he says, "I'm in a big hurry to see my clients, but, see, I've left your desk in perfect order, just as you like it." He rushes out.

Caro and Lety rehash. "If you've decided for Aldo, I hope you'll drop your plan of wreaking vengeance on Omar." "Of course, I can't risk getting discovered. You invent something to tell Omar." "No, I can't! He's so stubborn." Caro's cell rings, it's Omar.

Meanwhile, Fern has come back and wants to see Lety. "How can she still be talking to Caro?" The cuartel says women can talk a long, long time about men. Aldo arrives, he also wants to see Lety. Fern says: "I'm first in line." Aldo leaves; Fern has to get back to his clients so he asks the cuartel to make sure Aldo doesn't get in first.

Caro, who in the end told Lety she didn't mind handling Omar, that it was in fact kind of amusing, goes to his office. He can't believe Aurora ran out on him. "Well, there's always a first time. And how about all the times you stood ME up?" "Well, that's my strategy." "Well, Aurora told me she doesn't like you and doesn't want to see you." Omar can't believe it and thinks Caro's fooling with him because she's jealous. She just laughs: "This time your seduction failed." As she leaves he soliloquizes: "Nobody rejects Omar Carvajal, it's an error."

Marcia does a little actual work. So, surprisingly, does Fern! He is promoting Conceptos to a bunch of potential clients, talking fast, showing them the hi-tech equipment (he wants them to have their commercials made at the Conceptos production company). They're pleased to hear Luigi works at Conceptos.

Meanwhile, Luigi visits Lety, saying "St. Aldo" has made him promise to make nice. He takes her to his studio, asks if "between us girls" he can call her Orni (short for platypus), shows her bits of his brilliance, tells her she'll never be as feminine as he (Luigi) is, and complains about the ugly cuartel. He is "stupefied" by HER brilliant perspective when she points out that the beauty of beautiful people is enhanced when contrasted to ugly people in the vicinity, therefore the feas are an advantage for Luigi.

Aldo and Fern meet outside Aldo's office. Fern shakes hands with Aldo and embraces him, simultaneously warning him: "This doesn't mean we're friends." Fern's doing it because he respects Aldo's decision to cook for a living, but Aldo thinks it's the loser's gracious gesture and says, "This is noble of you, considering that Lety chose me." "What?" The golden circle of goodbye encircles Fern's twitching, impactada face.

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Acorralada #67 – Wednesday, 4/18/07 ¡Perdidos!

Somewhere in an uncharted jungle, the camera pans across the flaming, smoking wreckage of the Manicomio Express and the immobile bodies of our friends. The Orchestra of Doom plays somberly as we are treated to close-ups of everyone but the pilot. He probably didn’t make it.

Villa Vengeance. Upstairs, Gaviota is huddled up on the bed. She is still on her crying jag. Downstairs, Caramelo is waiting to talk to her. While she’s waiting, she regales Diego with yet another rendition of “Pancho is mine and I’m going to get him back.” Diego marvels at her capacity for forgiveness. Enter Fediota, and as Caramelo stands up I marvel at her denim micromini. Swimwear aside, it’s got to be the shortest garment I’ve ever seen on a telenovela. But this is Caramelo and she’s wearing the Blouse of Virtue, so it’s okay. She gives Fedora a brief account of her showdown with Octavia and is invited to take up residence at the Mansion.

At Intercoastal Five Star Rentals, a.k.a. Dr. Evil’s Lair, Camila is determined to rekindle the old flame and Max is finding it increasingly difficult to resist her insistent, slutty charm.

Back at Villa Vengeance, Fedora’s alone with Diego. This may explain why she feels the need for yet another drink. After knocking back a few fingers of scotch, she offers Diego one as well. He accepts. Enter Nancy, who announces that Caramelo is settled in her room. Exit Gaviota, to spend more quality time with her new best friend, John Barleycorn. Diego cries over his drink. Nancy says how sorry she is to see him so preocupado. He expresses regret for having been such a pendejo to Diana ever since they got married. Nancy gives him a loving pep talk. Diego’s response is negative, as usual.

La Selva. Close-up of Andrés, coming to. He looks around, then scoots over to Diana. Remembering the emergency technique Our Heroine used on Diego, Andrés tries to revive her by calling her name, slapping her, and shaking her head. Close-up of a bloody hand. It twitches. It’s Dr. Evil. He, too, regains consciousness. He looks around, then crawls over to the pilot. The pilot’s dead, all right. Ignacio goes over to Marfil and rouses her. He then demonstrates his superiority over Andrés by reviving Diana with the correct shake-and-shout technique. Once everyone is up there’s a few seconds of commotion before Dr. Evil brandishes his gun and takes charge of the situation. The manicomio can’t be far away. Diana and Marfil had better not try to escape. Our Good and Evil Sex Kittens are force-marched into the jungle where giant polar bears, a lost tribe of cannibals, guerilla warlords, or worse might await.

While Ignacio is fighting for bare survival, Camila is enjoying the luxuries of his TeleMiami condo. Over a copita of tequila, she thought-bubbles us a reminder of her position on the Max-Diana situation. Emilio calls looking for Max. Camila smiles and claims that Our Hero was there but he left. She keeps on smiling as the camera pans to a midshot of Max in the shower. There is no shower-curtain, no door to obscure the view of his mighty guns and perfect abs. Camila takes a good look, then turns to the camera with a lascivious grin to inform us that Max is hers.

Over at Emilio’s, Larry and Yolanda are killing time before their audition for "Sabado Gigante." Larry’s on the phone with Emilio, trying to locate Max. Yolanda panics after he breaks the bad news to her. Max drunk and on the loose is as bad as Larry sober and on the loose.

Back in the jungle, Diana insists that they’re signing their own death sentence by continuing to wander through the jungle. Marfil and Andrés agree with her. This enrages Dr. Evil. He and Andrés argue. Ignacio settles the argument with a punch in the mouth. Andrés warns him not to do that again. He’s very nervous, and when he’s nervous, he becomes brutal and dangerous. Dr. Evil gets the message. Marfil does, too. Diana, on the other hand, has that blank, uncomprehending impactada look. (There’s not much to get, querida: He’s got a short fuse and a loaded gun.)

Meanwhile, Max has finished his shower. He checks in with Larry. The Airhead Adonis vainly tries to persuade Our Hero to rejoin the family. Max has no desire to see Marfil’s face again. That jogs Lunkhead’s memory and he tells Max that Bruna is his mother-in-law. Our Hero furrows his brow as he sucks on the Invisible Lemon of Deep Thought.

We come back from commercial to find Bruna at Paco’s little love-nest. Octavia notes the tear-streaked face, the tangled hair, the torn sleeve. Bruna is in a vulnerable position which Lady O could turn to her advantage. Her Ladyship graciously lends an ear as Bruna weeps and tells her tale of woe. The String Quartet of Doom builds to a crescendo as Octavia widens her snake-like eyes.

Larry and Max have the same conversation as above, with the same result. Max is going to hang with Camila while Dr. Evil is out of town for a few days.

That’s our cue to see how Ignacio and his little band of followers are doing. Andrés tells Dr. Evil that here in the selva, they’re on equal footing. This escalates into an argument. Our Heroine shows her fine nineteenth century values by telling them to stop fighting. “You’re the men, you’re supposed to protect us women!” Marfil chimes in with something equally ridiculous. Ignacio declares that he and Andrés will have to unite against the women to make sure they don’t try to attack them, or escape. The march continues.

We take a helicopter to the perfume factory. Emilio’s in his office and Larry’s just given him the update on Max. Enter Paola, in a low-cut tight camisole and a silver-gray micromini. She’s here to pick up the money Emilio promised to lend her. Emilio tells her she looks sad. Cue piano music. She denies it, he doesn’t believe it, he offers his love, why’d she marry that guy, because she loves him. Emilio is desanimado. He writes her the check. She thanks him sadly and leaves. Pobre de Emilio.

As for Pancho’s legal wife, she’s still in the Jolly Green Dungeon with Diego. It’s the same old song. She blames Paola for stealing her man. Never mind the fact that her man has repeatedly shown himself to be a lying, conniving, faithless ratbastard.

Back at Paco’s, Bruna tearfully brings her story to a close. Ever the soul of tact, Octavia giggles when Bruna recounts the fight. Bruna wrings her hands and begs for a job. Lady O considers a moment, then magnanimously decides to make Bruna her “lady’s companion.” Somehow I do not think this will involve genteel conversation over embroidery hoops, or reading aloud from sentimental novels, or fetching the smelling salts. No, Her Ladyship needs an accomplice. Bruna drops to her knees to give thanks. Without sound or color, Octavia’s near-paralyzed features and Bruna’s Kabuki mask reactions would make a fine scene in one of Erich von Stroheim’s extravagantly stylized tales of decadence and degradation.

At Dr. Evil’s Lair, Camila tells Max she will make him forget Diana. Max furrows his brow. Commercial.

Upstairs at Villa Vengeance, Nancy brings Fediota a fresh decanter of scotch and a bucket of ice. She suggests that maybe our disconsolate songbird has had enough. “Get me a drink. I need it,” Gaviota replies. She stares moodily in close-up.

Back in the jungle our band of adventurers is suffering from dehydration. Andrés and Marfil go off on a tangent about her identity. Apparently Marfil can’t cite any conversations or information that only she could have known – some detail of the kidnap plot, for instance, or the amount of money they paid Isabel. Bueno, there’s a bit more screaming before Ignacio remarks that they’re turning into fierecitas. The march continues for about three feet. Diana falls into a pool of water that is also about three feet, in depth as well as circumference. She becomes hysterical.

From the muddy waters of the selva we go to the chlorinated waters of the pool behind the mansion. Little Doormat also found one of Octavia’s halter tops, a black one that she has paired with white trousers. Nancy enters, closely followed by Pilar. She’s here to have a showdown about Larry.

The studmuffin in question is lying on Emilio’s couch when the doorbell rings. Kique swaggers in. They need to talk about the woman that they love. Close-up of Larry with an “Aw, mierda” look on his pretty face.

Gaviota’s headed back to the dresser to pour another drink. The level in the decanter is noticeably lower. Caramelo is seated on the bed. She too suggests that maybe Fediota should ease up on the booze. All she gets for her concern is an itemized list of reasons why Gaviota’s drinking so much lately. This is followed by remorse for having filled Diana’s life with hatred and rancor.

Since Caramelo doesn’t have much to say, we head over to Intercoastal Five Star Rentals. Max is dressed again and on his way out when Sylvia comes in, accompanied by la Maestra de las Ciencias Ocultas. Silvia claims that the Occult One is a friend of the family. The great Estrella Cosmica is muy impactada by Our Hero. Her thoughts are definitely not on the astral plane as she watches him leave. While Silvia explains who Max is, Camila enters. Once again she disses la Maestra, who throws glitter in her face and utters dire warnings. Nevertheless, they’re going to make another attempt to ensnare Max.

Meanwhile, Gaviota’s rambling on in much the same vein as above. She fears she will never see Diana again. Commercial.

Back in the jungle, Our Heroine splashes around in the pool and screams for help while the other three argue about whether or not they should just leave her there. I vote for leaving her there. She’ll eventually figure out that it’s just a deep puddle.

Poolside at Villa Vengeance. Pilar and Gaby have the usual fight over Luscious Larry. Cut to Emilio’s, where Larry and Kique have a similar argument about Gaby, during the course of which Lunkhead declares that Little Doormat is his property, his wife. This line, as well as Diana’s insistence on chivalry from her captors, leads me to wonder if la gran Estrella Cosmica has been channeling Victorian sensation novelists like Wilkie Collins and M. E. Braddon on the writers’ behalf.

Speaking of La Maestra, she’s waving fists full of greenery over Camila, who is standing in a footbath wearing only panties, bra, and shower cap. She lets out short, artificial little screams while Sylvia dances around her, sprinkling her with a bottle of “pheromones”. Camila brings the proceedings to a halt with one long, loud screech. We are treated to a lame explanation by the Estrella Cosmica and assorted nonsense from Sylvia. The ritual and the screaming resume.

In the jungle – which seems oddly devoid of fauna – our friends have decided to save Diana after all. The girls want to rest, so Andrés goes off to look for a river. Marfil and Diana distance themselves from Ignacio. Our Blonde Fury tells Diana that they have to find a way to escape. Close-up of Our Heroine, dirty, disheveled, and frightened.

After commercial we return to the pool at Villa Vengeance. Little Doormat hasn’t succeeded in getting rid of Pilar. But have no fear, Nancy’s got her back. She has returned with Diego, who gets a little too excited by this opportunity to play the Big Man. He wheels over to Pilar and tells her to get lost, but he gets a little too close to Our Scheming Sex Kitten and into the pool she goes. Hilarity ensues.

Meanwhile, Kique and Larry are still arguing. They don’t come to blows or shout anything new before Luscious Larry throws him out, vowing that Kique isn’t going to take Gaby away from him.

Alone in the Jolly Green Dungeon, Caramelo answers the phone and what do you know, it’s Octavia. Without a perfume empire or her children’s lives to run, Lady O has a lot of spare time on her hands. She renews her threats to destroy Paco if Caramelo crosses her in any way. Caramelo calls her a bruja and hangs up.

Fediota is on the bed with her sorrows and her security decanter. She cries, drinks, and tells Diana to come back.

Meanwhile, Marfil tells Our Heroine that they should make a run for it the first chance they get. Diana is skeptical about their chances of survival without a couple of big, strong villains to protect them. Dr. Evil approaches with his gun drawn and tells them to shut up. Enter Andrés. He couldn’t find a river or anything else. Ignacio says the forgotten manicomio can’t be far. The March of Misery resumes.

We leave our friends to their search for lost insane asylums and potable water to check in with Luscious Larry. Like many of the other characters in this capítulo, he needs a drink, so he helps himself to Emilio’s best whiskey. Enter Max. He’s just here to pick up his clothes. Larry still doesn’t get why Max is shacking up with Camila. (Nor, for that matter, do I.) Our Hero asks for news of Diana. Still nada. Enter Debora, looking as if the catfight with Bruna had never taken place. She and Max quarrel briefly, then she tries to seduce him into staying. Until she gets a whiff of perfume on Max’s collar. She immediately recognizes it as Camila’s L'Essence de Scanque and this infuriates her. Close-up of Max, exasperated.

Back to Gaviota, still drowning her sorrows. The phone rings again. It’s Paco. He seems to know that she’s drunk, because he speaks very slowly. How does she feel? How does he think she feels? There’s still no news of Diana. Although Fediota has recovered her fortune, it hasn’t occurred to her to shell any of it out to hire P.I.s to investigate the recent activities of the most likely suspects, Octavia and Ignacio. To be fair, it should be noted that since Our Heroine disappeared, Gaviota’s put away enough scotch to decimate the 42nd Royal Highland Regiment. The conversation degenerates into “You betrayed me, you deceived me, you married my worst enemy, Octavia de Irazabal!” Close-up of Paco, impactado.

Roll Credits

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Duelo April 20

Haa Orlando’s little problem was funnier than I imagined. It looked like he was having trouble taking a dump, rather than the ‘other’ problem. I especially like when he spits all over the mirror. And drinking. Yeah, nothing gets the soldier to salute quite like booze.

Donkey goes nuts barking, his psychic bond with Duhlina is telling him something is wrong. Thelma tells Vera some crap about Orlando being a nice handsome guy for Alina and insinuating that Alina is all over that plan. Vera runs off to do something and Thelma comments how she is so easily manipulated. She tries to play with Donkey but Donkey kind of resists her. Thelma lets Donkey loose, he runs off.

Alfonsina and her amazing body try to get out of her locked room. Wardrobe did a great job with her dress today, a very skin tight red dress. She sees Elias out the window and wonders who she is. She figures out that he is here to see Soledad.

Vera is in the kitchen and hears donkey barking, she leaves a teapot there when she runs outside. Thelma runs in and washes the pot to cover the evidence of drugging Alina.

Alfonsina pieces together that Elias is the ‘other man.’

Rosita tries to comfort Hottie Mom, Braulio comes home and has found nothing when searching for Santos. He remembers something about Santos going by the highway construction, he leaves again to go look there. Hottie Mom is not encouraged, she has a feeling that something very bad has happened.

Santos and crazy fake wig and beard doctor try and figure out who Santos really is.

Alfonsina and her excellent dress talk to Vera, Vera tells her that Don Loco is with Mariana and the doctor. Alfonsina looks forward to telling Don Loco that Soledad is cheating on him yet again.

The doctor says that Mariana should be getting proper care and therapy, though otherwise she’s doing well. Don Loco refuses. When they leave, Soledad encourages Mariana, saying she’ll get all better, and that Dr. Love sure does love her a lot. Mariana smiles a little bit. I guess she can smile, but not talk? She has that special localized paralysis of the tongue.

Singing Aunt is in a carriage with Emilioooo and a very coughing coughing Angel, wrapped up in a blanket. Emilioooo wants to know what is taking so long, SA says she was buying baby clothes, etc. She never got the telegram that Emiliooo was returning. Anyway, they finally get moving along to La Rinconada.

Gasca opens his eyes to see feet coming into his room. It’s Alfonsina, she climbs up onto the bed. Gasca asks her when did she get here? Alfonsina doesn’t answer, she just pulls out a huge knife and stabs him in the chest. He screams awake, it was a dream. He wonders if Alfonsina is really capable of that, of being a traitor to him.

Orlando sits on the bed, limp and flaccid, and whines about not getting it up. He finally realizes that the booze doesn’t help and curses his bottle. He realizes that he can’t get it up because he knows that she really loves Emilioooo, something like that, he decides that if he can’t have nobody can, he pulls out a knife. He puts it in her hand, like she is going to cut herself, then starts to push the blade into her opposite wrist, moving eexxttrraaaaaaa slloooooooowwwwwwwllllyyyy……………

Another great commercial today, for Hanes. A roomful of nice-bodied babes dancing around in their underwear. I love this channel.

Of course, by going so slowly, Orlando is interrupted by a knock at the door.

Angel feels like he is dying. Well, it’s true, he is.

Thelma storms in and yells at Orlando for not doing the deed. He admits to her that he can’t get it up. She goes off on him and tells him to be a man and make her his. What? That’s a man? Whatever. Thelma storms out, Orlando drops his pants and gets into bed.

Elias is drinking with Dr. Love and they make plans regarding Soledad and Mariana. Sergio spots them from the door, they don’t see him. Sergio leaves to go report back to the Don, I’m sure.

Adela gives Don Loco food, then gives him a strange look. She tries to convince Don Loco to let Dr. Love take care of Mariana, he doesn’t go for it.

Soledad feeds Mariana. So she can swallow too, but not talk? This is getting stranger and stranger. Soledad talks about various things, Mariana starts getting worked up again, so Soledad changes the subject and tells her all about Elias. She can’t love anyone again like she loved Don Loco before. She babbles on for another minute.

Adela in the kitchen, says bad things about Don Loco. She remembers Don Loco looking for the box. Adela looks in the cupboard, but some dude walks in. Adela shoos him out, then puts a padlock on the cabinet. She must have the box in there.

The funeral didn’t keep Coral from wearing something revealing. Other people have nice words for her, but evil nephew cusses her out. Coral decides to stay in the mansion, it’s hers now, right?

Alfonsina wants Don Loco to come say good night to her like she deserves. Since he is a complete and utter fool, and apparently BLIND, cripes DL look at her in that dress, how can you even remember your own name, he turns her down and tells her to leave. This is the nail in the coffin for him, he is truly over the edge crazy for turning this little package away. Sergio busts in and says he saw Elias with Dr. Love. DL looks at Alfonsina and says he gave her an order, why isn’t she complying? She leaves and Sergio continues his report.

Luba snores in her cave. Gaspar sleeps, he dreams of Alina running around scared, away from Orlando, Gaspar wakes up and says he’ll help her.

The carriage continues on to LR, Emilioooo has an orange flashback of making out with Alina. He’s thinking about how Angel is going to propose, but oh mi Alina, oh oh oh. Whatever. THIS is the guy who needs a pep talk telling him to ‘be a man.’ Angel then thought bubbles about how he is dying. SA babbles. Angel passes out, Emiliooo shouts at him, “what is it?” He’s dying you dumbass. SA says “don’t tell me he died!” Nice one SA, no he just passed out. The stop the carriage to do, I don’t know what they are going to do.

Sergio tells what he saw at El Meson to Don Loco. DL orders Sergio to find out what they are up to.

Gaspar sneaks around the cave looking for something to help save Alina, he finds a bit stick he can use as a club, then trips and falls all over the floor, he pretends to have fallen asleep there. Luba wakes up and yells at him about going to see Thelma, he says no, he was going to help Alina. He describes his dream. He says he has to save her. She prohibits him from leaving the cave. She tells him that the servants there think he was plotting with Thelma to hurt Alina. Gaspar says this isn’t true (Duh). She forbids Gaspar again from going anywhere near the house, or Don Loco will banish them forever. Also, there are people looking for them, if they are found, they’ll stop living.

Emiliooo administers some foul chemical to Angel, which wakes him up and makes him cough. SA says they should take him to La Rinconada, there is a doctor there. Emiliooo the genius asks Angel if he wants to go there, Angel doesn’t even know what planet he is on anymore, he’s just coughing his lungs out. Emiliooo says let’s go, off they go to LR.

Elias takes Dr. Love back to his shack to work on the plan. The plan has something to do with Soledad opening the house, then they’ll wheel Mariana out. Really complicated and well thought out. They shake on it.

Don Loco mumbles about Elias and has a flashback of some wedding. It appears to be the wedding of Don Loco and Soledad, DL takes some guy who must be Elias aside and tells him to lay off his woman, they are married now, take a hike. DL was always an ass apparently. In the present, DL swears that the Dr. Love/Elias team will not succeed.

Vera and Mexican Larry discuss if Alina really is in love with Orlando. ML doesn’t want to talk about it any more and heads off to bed.

Gaspar says nothing will happen to them. Gaspar starts hitting himself, saying it’s his fault that they are having trouble with Thelma. Luba screams at him to stop hurting himself. He wants to kill himself. He has given himself a bloody mouth from hitting himself, he says he’s going to die like the son of the cacique. Is he going to take poison? Luba goes completely nuts, screaming at him. Of course he’s big and strong, there isn’t anything she can do. They wrestle over whatever Gaspar has in his hand, must be the poison.

Castulo rides around on his horse in the dark with his gun drawn, he can’t find Santos, he decides that the coyotes got him.

Gaspar and Luba continue their tug of war. He says he’s useless. Luba says he’s the best thing that ever happened to her. Gaspar gets the bottle open. She says she’ll die first, is that what he wants? She manages to get him to give her the vial. She sobs in relief, while Gaspar just sobs. He’s feeling very sorry for himself, that isn’t something I imagine somebody mentally deficient to do, they usually aren’t self-aware, not that I’m an expert.

Everyone is sitting around at LR, Angel is just sitting on the couch coughing. Everyone ignores him until Thelma finally says hello, he coughs back at her, Emiliooo says “he needs to see a doctor right away.” Then why the hell do you just have him sitting on the couch? If this guy were my brother I’d kick him in the nuts. What an ass. Thelma sends Ifgenio to get the doctor and get the suitcases. They help Angel up off the couch to take him upstairs, the only thing he can say is “Where is Alina?” SA and Thelma exchange dirty looks. Hey – hasn’t Orlando been up there with her for, like, hours at this point? Jeez. Well he probably passed out from all the drinking.

Rosita and Hottie Mom pray for Santos at the home altar. Braulio enters and has no news. Nobody even knew where Elias had been when he went to the construction site. Hottie Mom decides to go confront Don Max to find out what he knows. For a second I thought Braulio was actually going to let the women go alone, finally he grabs his hat and follows them.

They tell Angel that he just needs to rest, forget about Alina for now. They promise to bring her to see him when he is resting.

Ifgenio rousts Mexican Larry and Vera to get downstairs, the boss is home.

Coral lights a candle, nice music plays, then we hear a sound. Coral takes a deep breath and looks at Celso’s picture and tells him not to scare her like that! Duh you bimbo it has to be Evil Nephew, coming to make trouble. So this is how they make this damn show so long – they keep spinning unrelated plotlines in to stretch it out. This whole Coral getting married thing is completely filler but it makes the show longer.

Emilioooo tucks Angel into bed, Angel says he’ll feel better when he sees Alina. Vera comes in and Emiliooo wants to know where Alina is, Vera doesn’t know, SA and Thelma look guilty some more.

Orlando lays in bed smoking a cigarette. He says something to Alina about now not being the time. Whatever dude you just couldn’t get it up. You laid here for hours drunk and just bah whatever. You’re a loser and I hate you. A knock on the door, it’s Vera looking for Alina, she says the Patron is back.

Angel is almost crying wanting to see Alina. Vera busts in and says that Alina’s door is locked and she won’t answer. Also she says that Alina had seemed nervous earlier in the night. Emilioooo wants to know what’s up but Thelma interrupts and says it’s nothing. Emilioooo will go see what’s going on.

Don Loco talks to himself some more when someone knocks on the door, it is the bodylicious Alfonsina. She has news that will interest DL, something about Soledad’s new lover.

Vera tries to get out of the room but Angel won’t let her leave. He thinks she is lying that Alina has been treated well. Vera is a horrible liar. She babbles on and on. Angel says he wants to save Alina by marrying her. Vera asks if he told her before he left, Angel says no, he wanted to see the doctor first. Vera says it might be too late now to declare his love for Alina, at this Angel starts coughing and coughing like mad.

Alfonsina wants to know what Don Loco will give her for the information. He asks if she is trying to blackail him, she swallows hard and looks very nervous.

Angel wants an explanation. Is it Orlando? Vera says yes, Orlando won her heart. Yeah right. Angel can’t believe it, he goes into a coughing fit. Vera runs for help.

Emilioooo knocks at Alina’s door, no answer. He finally kicks the door open. Wouldn’t he have a key? He bursts in to see Orlando in bed with Alina. Alina is rolled over on her side, appearing to be asleep after getting busy or something like that. Orlando looks back at Emiliooo kind of half like “what are you gonna do?” and half “oh shit.” Emiliooo looks on with his one look that he has for everything.



I tried to be more efficient in my writing today, I resisted pausing as much as possible. Hopefully the descriptions of what happened are still good, but I have to admit that not adding in all the extra stuff that drifts through my head while watching sure took a lot of the fun out of it. On the plus side, it only took about 90 minutes to watch, write, and post. So I still don't know what the long term plan will be. I would prefer to write a lot more, it's more fun, but eats up so much time. Anyone want to pay me to write stuff like this full time? That would solve that issue. I could recap a couple hours worth of TV in one standard work day. Ah, I can dream.

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Acorralada #68 Thursday 4/19/07 Let the drunken wallowing continue . . .

The episode starts with Paco telling Fedora that he did not lie--Octavia and Alicia are the same person. Fedora's really drunk. She tells him not to play her. He asks her forgiveness. (Yeah, right! Not a vengeful bone in her body.)

We are back to Emilio's apartment, where the loony Camila is standing in a bucket of ice in her undies and the weird swami is back casting her spell. I missed whatever was going on with this yesterday. She wants 1000 dollars, and Camila and Silva say she told them the price was only $500. She says there's inflation, and besides, she has six children. If you don't pay, I will undo the work I have done. I must say that I can't give much time to recapping this nonsensical part of the story. Silvia then asks if the swami can grow hair. Of course, she says. I can give you the hair of samson. But it will be $5,000. Silvia decides to remain a baldy.

Max comes back to the homeless shelter. Debora (FM again) says she smells Camila's perfume. Max tells her to calm down. She forbids him to be with Camila, as she's his wife. He reminds her that he caught her cheating with Andres. Camila saw them at the party. He says he's getting a lawyer and he doesn't love her.

Back in the jungle, the group is fighting about whether to go back to the plane or push forward to the manicomio. There's something about how the pilot is missing, so he will have gone off and will come back for them.

Caramelo and Fedora talk. Fedora can't believe Paco married Octavia after only one day.

Yolanda tries to stop Max from going to stay with Camila. She says Diana will return. Larry also says he should wait for her to return.

Debora calls Camila. Camila tells "Marfil" to open her eyes.

Bruno asks Octave if she really loves her new husband. She says yes, but that she also married him to get revenge on Fedora. Fedora has left the Irascibles with nothing.

Caramelo comes in. Octave's vinyl outfit now looks like a crumpled trash bag.
Octave says she's duena of her new small house, and Caramelo must turn in her keys.

Max comes back to Iggy's apartment. (Don't they all wonder where Iggy is?) Silvia seems excited, but he says don't worry he's not accustomed to walking around nude. (But for us the audience, we got treated to a lingering closeup of the bulging biceps yesterday. I think David Zepeda looks like a wax dummy.)
Camila comes out and she's thrilled to see Max. He brought his bags. She tells Silvia to vanish.

He says he can't stand Marfil. The last thing he wants is a romance at this time. She then thought bubbles that she will make him want her. In her arms he will forget Diana.

Octave and Caramelo continue fighting. Paco comes in, and Octave plays nice. She was just trying to get Caramelo to move home.

Paco, or how he should now be known, Big Lunkhead, tells Caramelo that Octave is not bad--she just wants to win her over.
O smirks and drops the keys. What a pity. Bruno smiles.

This is Bruno, she says. She has come to be my companion. The pretension of Octave having a lady's maid in the barrio is very Blanche Dubois, I think.

Yolanda is meeting with Rene again. She laments how sad the family's predicament is now. Maxi is divorcing, Larry is suffering, and Paola has married an MDH. She cries and he holds her in his arms.

Back in the jungle, the fearsome foursome are still fighting. They have not had any water for hours. Diana still wants to go back to the plane, but Iggy doesn't because if rescued, he and Andres will go to prison for life. Better to go to the manicomio.

Lala, Diego and Nancy fill time by saying there is no news of Diana.

In the office, Fedora is getting over her latest hangover. She has no head for work--just for Diana. She puts Emilio and Gaby in charge and goes home.
Emilio says that Larry is really suffering.
Cut to the sufferer jogging shirtless on the boardwalk!
He meets Rene. They rehash the usual. It's my fault. I love her, Kiki is trash.

Bruno and Paco speak about Octave. Octave is a saint, Bruno tells him. She always spoke well of Fedora. Then she giggles about how easy it is to fool men (varones).

Max and Camila are talking. Maxi is dressed for a job interview in what else but a new ugly sweater. He says that after the interview he will go to the mansion to see if there is news. (of course phones don't work.) (and by the way, how is Max getting all these interviews.)
After he leaves, Camila exults again in her new plan to be the one to tell Max that Diana's baby is his, thereby earning his eternal love.

Caramelo is trying to get Gaviota to stop drinking. She is really blotto now. She is also wearing that black sheath dress with the white flower that she wore to defend Diana at the trial. Perhaps this is meant as a symbol by the writers. Diego whines about the kidnappers. He thinks it's odd that no one has contacted them.

Octave laughs with Bruno at what Bruno told Paco. He's crazy in love with me, she bubbles. Paco is going to pay his employees at the bar. Bruno says he's eating out of Octave's hand.

Gaby dials the phone and gets Larry's cell on the beach. Rene picks up and calls Larry over.

In the jungle the foursome continue to fight. These jungle scenes are really boring and repetitive.

Yolanda and Bruno are catching up. Bruno says that Octavia has offered her a position as a bootlicker, and she is very grateful. Bruno wants to know if her Marfil has asked about her. No. Octave comes out in a new black halter, not vinyl. Yolanda tells her that the beach did her a lot of good. Bruno stands in the background with her best humble hangdog look.

More running around in the jungle. The girls are essentially being chased at gunpoint by the boys.

Paola telling Rene that she has a terrible secret, and if her brothers knew they would kill Pancho.

Yolanda wants to know when Octave is going to tell Paco about Paola. Never--and neither will I be guilty of bringing down Fedora. She doesn't really explain this, but you figure it's another nutty revenge plan.

Back to Paola and Rene. She says Paco is married. Yeah, to you. No, silly. He's married to someone else. A girl called Caramelo. So he's a bigamist. He'll go to prison. How can you defend this guy? I love him.
Rene advises her to dump him.
No, she shouts. I hate that Caramelo with all my fuerzas.

Lala wonders why Caramelo is so sad, after all now she can live in the mansion. She says she prefers the humble home she has with Pancho. Forget him, says Lala. She's very quick to call her son trash. She then reminds Caramelo that Paola is also a victim. Lala has a stupid way of rubbing this fact in all the time. This always brings on the waterworks.

More filler time in the jungle.

Diego now is taking his turn in getting Fedora to stop getting plastered. Max comes in and asks for news of Diana. Diego tells him to get out as usual. It's beginning to seem as if Diego is phoning in those repetitive lines. His "largates" are getting weaker. Fedora staggers away and orders Nancy to bring another bottle of Jack Daniels or whatever she's drinking.

Paola calls Andres for drugs. No answer, of course.

Caramelo comes in. Paola tells her to multiply by zero. Caramelo laughs at this phrase. There ensues a bitch fest. Paola calls Caramelo a super naca. Caramleo says she is better educated than Paola because her papa taught her not to steal husbands. Enter said husband!

What are you doing here, Caramelito? he says. Paola tells him not to call her that. Caramelo says she has a right to be there. Isn't it Lala's house? You're her son, and I'm your wife, your only valid wife. There's a fight. The bell rings. Enter Octave!

Paco enters the bedroom of Fedora. In her drunken stupor, she says: Oh, you've come to see the fruit of your betrayal. No, I've come to ask you to forgive me. They stare at each other as the credits roll.

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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Zorro-Friday, April 20, 2007: Fernando Sanchez makes a deal with God and Diego doesn’t know his name

Show opens with PT trying to explain to Diego who he is and what happened to him and Diego looking bewildered as ever. Diego continues asking PT who he is, he never seen him before and who’s Diego, that’s not his name. My name is …..(his mind is drawing a blank). PT wants to get close to Diego but Diego pushes him away and then passes out. PT tries to wake him up.

Out in wide open spaces Esme, SK, Hermes, and Renzo are walking to where the gypsy men are loading the spear type weapons into a wagon. Not for nothing but aren’t they a little afraid that they are going to get caught? Anyway SK is worried she doesn’t like seeing the gypsies geared up for war when the gypsy people are supposed to be happy, joyful, etc. Renzo tells SK that they are doing it for her, when she returns to Spain to reclaim her rights and the crown stops chasing them then they will go back to the happy go lucky people they used to be. SK promises to have everything that was stolen from them returned back. Renzo then recognizes the danger being out in the open and he escorts Esme elsewhere while SK and Hermes stay behind. Hermes tells SK he’s sorry he doubted her story when they were imprisoned (that would explain the rolling eyes and sarcastic tone but I guess we can’t blame him I mean it does sound a little far fetched). SK seems shocked by the confession but promises to compensate him for being with her and comforting her when everything is cleared up, even if he thought she was crazy. They share a laugh, aww.

Meanwhile Piza is at the prison locking up Dolores who is claiming its an injustice. Obviously Dol but don’t bother pleading and crying, Piza is like Emiliooo from Duelo, wooden. Dol in her funny accent calls Montero a demon (you ever paid attention to it, her Ds sound like Ls, demonio sounds like lemonio, jejeje) and prays for the de la Vegas. We hear some shushing and hey SAM is sharing her cell (I guess they are low in prison cells in el Callao). SAM tells Dol don’t bother the guards are stubborn as his mule and gives her his hanky. I like SAM, I want him to have Monty’s job. SAM tells Dol how he got into the slammer and Dol wants to know what’s going on in the world. SAM puts his military coat over Dol and tells Dol about the SK escape plan, but includes the de la Vegas. Dol says they had nothing to do with it (technically she’s right, Diego was not around and Alej was meeting with White Buffalo) but SAM tells her at this point who cares what’s true. Monty has always used whatever reason to go after the de la Vegas and this one is perfect.

FS is talking to a sleeping wounded MP. He tells her she can’t leave him alone, he won’t permit it. He tells God that he can’t take her. He asks God if he’s being punished and offers God all he has and all he is but to save his Maria Pia. FS cries and let me you, I want to cry too. I kinda want God to hear his prayer and I want his plea to be true. We shall see.

Meanwhile Alej and Yumi are following the hacienda worker with the giant sombrero. Everybody is hiding behind a tree. Well the worker is, Alej (who apparently donned a Poncho at some point) and Yumi are just standing there like sitting err standing ducks while we get a nice look of various guards around the hacienda. What did they send the whole army here, and why is everyone gathered around in the front of the hacienda, geez, like the Zorro version of a SWAT team or something. Bern sneaks up to them and signs to Alej what we already know, Monty has the hacienda surrounded and has imprisoned Dol and some workers. I gotta say I like the sign he used for Monty, almost like pulling a fake beard on his chin, not sure how this translates as Monty but its funny that Alej knew who Bern was talking about. Alej asks Bern about Dena, Mangle and Diego but Bern doesn’t know. Alej looks worried and tells Bern to accompany him and he’s going to tell him what’s going on.

Meanwhile MP is just waking up and trying to talk. FS asks her to not exert herself. FS adjusts his eye patch (considering this is like the third time I have seen him do this, I gotta wonder if the prop guys tightened the eye patch for the last guy who wore it and now its cutting off Peniche’s circulation and if this is the case how many eye patches does Telemundo keep on hand only one? Or does it belong on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean and Telemundo is just borrowing it?). FS tells MP that he’s sorry, forgive him he acted out of craziness seeing love snatched from his hands. MP says nothing matters, she feels like she’s dying. FS tells she won’t die and she’ll live and he’ll learn to live without her. There’s a lot of crying and sadness and FS tells her she has to live because FS is giving himself up to God. I’m impactada at this revelation. FS begs MP not to die.

Back to where gypsies are gathered. Renzo tells Esme they are going to Padre Tomas and Esme likes the idea and she’s sure PT will help them a lot. Renzo apologizes for not divulging this part of the plan sooner but everything happened so fast. Esme says its everything is Olmos’s fault, he convinced her that he was on the good side and she feel for it. SK says don’t bother with it, its in the past and the important thing is getting through this. Esme only worry is that Diego is not with her and she didn’t even get to say goodbye to him. SK thinks it’s a bad idea to go with her. Esme tells her mom that’s decision is made and she will not leave her alone.

PT puts a passed out Diego in bed and puts the blankets on him. PT puts warm compresses on his head while PT laments the memory loss and that he doesn’t know he is Zorro. PT tells a sleeping Diego he has to get better, his health and the lives of many others is in danger and everybody needs Zorro.

Cue Amor Gitano

Cut to the Cardinal talking to some guy cloaked in purple, a Padre Aaron. Padre Aaron tells the Cardinal that he was able to get message so quick because he was in Mexico and to not call him Padre, cuz while he’s authorized by Vatican to do exorcisms but he’s not a consecrated priest, HUH!!???? Okay I am not familiar with Vatican rules and all that but I would think in order to be approved by Vatican for exorcisms you would have to be consecrated. Cardinal expresses this same thought, well not in my words but you get the drift. Aaron says he and demons know each other from a while back (okay I am not comfortable with this story part, exorcism okay but people talking about demons like this not so much) because he was touched by him and that’s why he can’t take the priestly vows. Cardinal looks like he’s thinking oh boy this is a fine kettle of fish but tells Hermano Aaron about Nutty and Aaron wants to see her eyes to confirm possession

We go back to Camba singing to Nutty and enter Cardinal and Aaron. Hey where did Camba go? Nutty is terrified and recoiling on the bed and I would be too if some guy who isn’t a priest walked in to perform an exorcism. Cardinal tells Nutty not to worry Aaaron is here to help her. Nutty looks like she’s having a killer headache and Aaron says if she’s possessed the evil one will make himself known. Aaron tells Cardinal to pray and not to stop no matter what. Aaron tells Nutty that he’s there to free her and pulls back his cowl and he looks freaky, one eye is mad droopy. Aaron looks at Nutty weird like he knows her and Nutty looks back at him impactada before letting out a scream.

Back to MP and FS. FS is kissing MP’s hand when Monty walks in. Monty tells FS he spoke with Agapito and he’s sorry for what’s happened. FS adjusts his eye patch again (should we count the eye patch adjusts as well as ulcers?) and asks want he wants. Monty tells FS what happened in the prison and they took Sara Kali. FS tells Monty that’s his problem, that’s why he pays him, find her. Monty is worried about getting buried alive by the crown if they find out. Monty then tells FS about Alej being involved and his mysterious disappearance including Esme. FS seems a little surprised about Esme but tells Monty to leave him alone, he’s got bigger fish to fry. God is paying him back for his sins. Monty doesn’t think his problems are bigger but to prove his point FS turns around and gives him the evil eye and tells him to LEAVE!

Piza who was waiting for Monty asks what happened. Monty tells him FS told him, you’re on your own. Piza finds this hard to believe but Monty tells him that FS knows his goose is cooked but is more interested in MP than in Sara Kali and is leaving us out to dry. Monty wants her found and Piza tells him his men on it and even put the word out to the mercenaries. Monty likes this idea and Piza tells him sometimes bounty hunters (cazarrecompensas) work better than the authorities. Monty tells Piza that he could care less if Esme and SK are killed, they are worth more dead than alive. I hate him and I remember reading a post to the actor that said something like, Cmndr Montero I hate you and I want to kill you myself. I think that’s a sign of a good villan.

Back in the open spaces, the carriage with Esme and company stops when they meet up with two dudes on horseback. Esme wants to know whats up. Renzo tells Esme that there are bounty hunters out there (how did he know this, are they wearing name tags, Hello my name is bounty hunter or cazarrecompensas?). Hermes asks Renzo what needs to be done, he’ll fight if necessary, way to go Hermes! Renzo tells everyone not to worry and Esme tells him to be careful. Renzo asks them what’s up? BH 1 (he’s the one with the hat) points them out as a gypsies and if he knows Monty is looking for a very important woman, a rebel who says she is Queen of the gypsies who escaped with her daughter. Esme who is listening is impactada. Renzo and Javier (?) laugh and play it off, like Monty is off his rocker and is only saying that to exterminate them but BH isn’t buying it and says that maybe the Queen and daughter in the wagon. Esme is again impactada, this time commercial impactada.

Back from commercial, you ever notice that whoever is shown when the novela comes back is who gets the next scene. We saw Alej and guess whose in the scene. I guess Bern has just finished tell him that Olmos is behind everything cuz Alej says just this. Alej wonders why Olmos would want to kill SK. Bern signs something and then does his imitation of an eye patch. Alej of course deduces FS had something to do with it. Yumi tells Alej I told you so about FS and Alej figures that Monty has declared martial law and no lots of innocent men’s lives are in danger. The worker with the huge sombrero, WHS (whatever) says that something needs to be done and Alej’s military mode kicks into action. Alej is going to need the men who escaped the hacienda to get together and confront Monty’s men. Also, we are gonna need firearms and water but wait the water and firearms are in the hacienda, okay new plan. Bern then interrupts and signs something that makes Alej say that Bern knows the hacienda better than anyone (that he knows another way in?). Yumi wants to go in too, she can move like an animal get anything necessary.

Mangle is dressed and ready to exit but is detained by Monty’s guards who says nobody in or out. Mangle tells them surely not the Gov’s daughter too?, You know I am sooo tired of that line, Gov’s whatever. I think that’s not scoring any points with anybody apparently being Gov’s anything has no perks. I have yet to see somebody allow something to the Gov’s relative. The guard tells Mangle that they are waiting for the de la Vegas. Mangle threatens them if they harm Diego and then asks what Monty said about her. The guards say it doesn’t concern her so she takes that as a cue to leave and threatens the guards to no touch her, else she will have Monty make them pay.

Back to FS and MP and in walks Dena. Dean wants to know what FS did with MP. FS says he killed her, he killed the love of his life.

Back to Renzo and the Bounty Hunters. Bounty Hunter # 1 wants to look into carriage, no harm right? Renzo says its just his wife and kid sleeping. BH 1 tells Renzo he is in position to give orders and they point a gun at him and they all go to the carriage. Meanwhile Javier goes for the knife in his boot and is about to slice the throat of BH # 2. Renzo then pulls out his knife and points it at BH # 1, not for nothing but I don’t think Renzo’s itty bitty knife is going to do much against BH #1s pistol but Renzo is brave, stupid but brave. BH #1 advises that they should drop their weapons and BH # 2 escapes from Javier’s grip and pulls out his pistol. Esme explains the situation to SK and Hermes.

Back to Diego in the Batcave with PT. Diego is waking up and judging by the worried look, I take it he’s memory is still out to lunch. PT tells Diego not to worry and identifies himself again. I guess because he is not is his priest robes, PT thinks Diego doesn’t recognize him and tells him so. Diego is saying nothing but by his cute puppy dog eyes, the answer is no, robes or no robes the name Padre Tomas doesn’t ring a bell and neither does his name. PT tells Diego that he got really mean bump to the head and lost his memory and its temporary he’ll get better real soon. Diego is just looking at PT all sad like, like he’s getting a death sentence. PT then asks Diego if he’s going to trust him and gives his him hand. Diego nods but doesn’t give his hand. PT tells Diego to rest and tucks him in again.

Back to Renzo and BHs. Renzo says there’s a better way to handle this squirmish. BH says the best way is for them to look into carriage. BH yells into the carriage that they are armed. Javier tells BHs they are a peaceful folk but if necessary will defend themselves. The BHs don’t care they want to see in carriage. Hermes says he’ll go out and distract them but Esme says no, she’ll go she’s the Gov’s daughter (here we go again with this) and Monty’s wife (hello Monty prefers you dead). SK begs Esme not to go (listen to your mother Esme!) but Esme says she has to and will meet up with them at the mission. SK is happy to have a daughter like her and Esme sneaks out and runs off. Renzo and Javier drop their knives. BH is distracted noticing Esme run off and then Renzo gets the upper hand and starts punching him.

Back to the de la Vegas where Bern and Yumi are about to sneak in while guards backs are turn.

Renzo & Javier finishing tying up the Bounty Hunters. Renzo tells SK & Hermes to go on ahead, he’s going to find Esme. SK says no she’s staying until they bring back Esme. Renzo says that they can’t stay there its dangerous. SK is refusing to budge until she knows Esme is okay (okay now we know where Esme gets it, she is her mom’s daughter). Renzo goes off and agrees with Javier about a meeting place. Hermes tells SK not to worry everything will be fine.

Bern and Yumi sneak to another part of the hacienda. Bern takes out a funny looking wooden cockroach thing from Yumi’s pouch and winds it up. While the guard is distracted with squashing it and looking pretty pleased with himself (apparently it takes very little to distract these guards, when have you ever seen a wooden bug?), Bern and Yumi make a dash into the hacienda.

Renzo is running screaming out her name, way to go Renzo just scream and let people know where you are. He hears some footsteps, hides and then lunges at the intruder. Lo and behold its Laisha. Laisha tells Renzo Piza’s message. Laisha tells Renzo that if the queen isn’t returned, he’s going to kill the gypsy women. Renzo is impactado.

Esme is running and running and by the way how is she running so fast without tripping over that dress? Esme can’t belive she isnt’ being chased by the BHs. She hears some horses and runs off again and falls/ducks behind some greenery. Its Monty’s guards doing a search one of them mounts off and sees something. They go to look and it’s part of Esme’s dress. Esme is impactada and freaking out.

We come back from commercial with Piza and Cat in bed on her side. Piza is kissing her face trying to get something started but it’s a no go. Oops my bad, Piza is angry because tonight was different than before. Cat tells him she’s worried. Piza tells her don’t be, they we’ll get the prisoner, trap Zorro and everything will go back to normal even her marriage. Cat doesn’t like being married to a prisoner (this from a women having an extra marital affair with Piza?). Piza doubts Diego is going to escape with Esme out of town. Cat doesn’t doubt it, she’s noticed that’s capeable of a lot, she says he’s bold and starts getting dreamy eyed. Piza starts getting a little green but Cat says she just known Diego for years. Cat then asks about Tobi’s release. Piza says he’s going to visit him and if he’s smart he will get out and if not, he’ll decide. Cat gets mad and Piza yells back that Tobi is going to make contact with Zorro.

Tobi is totally against the idea of having his head cut off by Zorro. In fact Tobi is upset because when FFM accused Tobi of being Zorro he was promptly arrested and treated like a criminal. Piza said well we had to be sure (yeah right) but this plan is foolproof considering they are almost certain Zorro is dead. Piza tells about Zorro’s appearance in the prison and now they need the people to hate Zorro. Tobi doesn’t understand why if they think Zorro is dead. Piza tells them they have to get the people to despise Zorro by making Zorro the worse bandit ever. I am watching Tobi and damn does he have deep dimples, they look like bullet holes. I wonder if he ever has kids with Cat will they be born with those sockets. Tobi worries about being confused with Zorro but Piza tells him don’t worry the guards know truth. Tobi being sensible for once says no like a gazillion times. Piza threatens him with being locked up for ever if he doesn’t agree. Tobi capiches.

Back to MP, FS and Dena. Dena wants to be alone with MP but FS says no. Dena then rehashes everything that has happened and how its incited Monty’s revenge on the people and FS is completely destroyed. Dena begs him to leave, not only has he finished with MP’s life but everybody else. FS stroked MP’s hair one last time and leaves a very tearful scene.

Renzo brings Laisha to the meeting spot with Javier. Renzo informs Javier about Piza’s message. They have to do something and SK agrees. Perhaps it woulda been better not to resuce her. Hermes says never say that. Renzo is positive they can get the women out somehow but SK says Monty is evil and would figure out a very cruel way to make gypsies suffer. No, she’s going to turn herself in.

Back to the guards and Esme. The guards discuss what the piece of fabric means and because they aren’t very bright, they assume that the dress has been there various days judging by how dirty it is. The guards decide to leave maybe Piza needs them but of course not before rehashing Zorro’s mortal wound while Esme listens in. One of the guard says that maybe Zorro has made a deal with the devil so not even a bullet penetrates him. Another guard says no way, Zorro is human and perhaps will never be s seen again and they all ride off. Esme can’t believe Diego may be dead.

Bern gets Padre Tomas up to speed about Alej’s plan. Padre Tomas can’t believe Alej would go against Monty’s men. PT can’t believe what’s happened and now Diego has amnesia. Bern can’t believe it and shows it hitting a wall and pulling out his hair. Padre Tomas tells Bern to go with Alej and he’ll stay with Diego. He’s also going to talk to the brotherhood, they are the only ones who can help them. Bern and Yumi reunite and Yumi is packing a sword into a sack (won’t it break?) and Bern has a pistol? I sure hope Yumi has more than one sword in that sack cuz there are more than two guards guarding the place. Yumi tells Bern to lets move before the guards know they are there and head off.

Aaron is informing the nuns in training about him being there to see if Nutty’s problems are from God’s world or the kingdom of darkness. Let me interject here, if Nutty is possessed okay that comes from dark forces but if Nutty is mentally sick I’m not sure how disease would come from God, so this logic confuses me. Aaron tells the nuns that he has come to the conclusion that Nutty is inhabited by the evil one and he has to perform an exorcism and he’s going to need all their help. Okay again I have to object, I would think an exorcism would best be left to professionals unless you want to cause irreparable harm to both the exorcist and the exorcised. The Nuns are impactadas and afraid that the demons will possess them. Aaron says don’t worry he’ll make sure that don’t happen. He asks them to help him as an act of faith and love. The nuns in training agree to help and are off to find their rosaries. Aaron looks at them surprised that they fell for it or worried about the ordeal one of those.

Mangle goes to the Moncada residence and calls for FS and Dena and pissed because nobody answered. A maid tells Mangle that FS arrived a short while ago but he is locked in his studio. Mangle says of course right in the middle of a time when he should be controlling this chaos. The maid asks Mangle not to go, he doesn’t want to be disturbed. The maid tells Mangle FS didn’t look well but Mangle tells her to shut up and goes to find him. Oh boy, FS is about to kill himself, he has the pistol pointed at his chin when Mangle walks in and screams no Daddy no.

Back to Esme who guesses that the gypsies made it to the mission and starts running. We get scenery with lots of trees instead of the greenery. She trips and who should ride up but Piza. They state each other into the end credits.

END OF EPISODE

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