Caray, Caray!

Miranda has just received Fab’s call and Bertha prevents her from calling the cops. As the local kidnapping recovery expert, Bertha advises that they wait and find out how much the ransom is.

Renata is finishing up her very special talk with her in-laws. She goes in to wake up Juan, starts crying and shows him the ugliest doll in the world. Juan tells her that Fern is going away…she says she can’t because she has to take care of Flo…he says, she’s just going to wait until she stabilizes and then is going somewhere far away where no one knows her. The in-laws are commiserating about the 3 girls emotional wounds from having such screwed up parents.

Al is telling Luciano about his concerns regarding Fab. Daira’s trying to get Lis all excited about their trip to Italy, but Lis is acting ever the sulky, spoiled little brat. Daira asks if she’ll tell who it is that hit her, Lis says no she won’t tell because she was treated badly because she acted badly. Then Daira starts in with the Public Service Announcement about how no woman deserves to be knocked around (I think the Mexican Dept. of Health and Social Services sponsored this segment). Lis goes on with her attitude of, when you love someone, you have to accept everything (I think the everything we’re talking about here is when they fart in bed and leave the toilet seat up, honey). Alejandro asks Lis how she is and she kicks the sulky, spoiled little brat act into high gear.

Miranda continues to ask Bertha for advice with the kidnapping issue. How fortunate for her, because now she can steer her right where she wants her. She tells her to call Cesar, but not to tell him what’s going on, just to ask him to come over. They have some more brandy (a lot more, based on how full those glasses were!).

Flo is complaining to Fern about Fab and worrying that it was her craving for mangos with chile (yum!) that is causing his absence. Daira & Lis show up to say goodbye, Lis complains about her brother. Wah. Fern notices Lisania’s shiner and she and Flo give her the same advice she’s been hearing…well, from everyone. She continues on with her justification that she deserved it.

Bertha’s on the phone with el Guapo making sure the tracks are covered. The two sadists are discussing Guapo’s plan with Fab—Bertha gives him the green light as far as pain is concerned. Bertha continues on with her instructions…to tell the pretty boy exactly what she told el Guapo to tell him.

Fern examines Lis. She tells Lis not to allow herself to be hit like that. Lis reiterates that she likes it. Fern continues with the second part of the Public Service Announcment about healthy relationships. Lis is like, whatever. Then, when Fern says, if you can’t feel the pain, you could die without even realizing it…Lis thinks this would be a really beautiful way to go. Someone should just shake some sense into this girl…oh wait, that might not work.

Luciano’s looking at the investments and accounts, and can’t believe what’s going on. Alejandro asks what he’s talking about, but doesn’t want any more surprises….sorry Al, not very likely. Luckily, it’s the good kind of surprise…the capital is frozen and not even Bertha can screw around with it. High fives all around.

Back at Fab’s dungeon…el Guapo shows up with two of the healthiest looking rats I’ve ever seen. He wakes up Fab with a bucket of water and starts tormenting him psychologically about his very hungry rats.

Cesar arrives and Miranda tells him that Fab’s been kidnapped. The phone rings and Miranda hears Fab’s cries of pain. She faints, Cesar catches her and Alejandro sees it, but Bertha steers him away from it. Bertha fills him in on her & Miranda’s new found friendship. She asks him, Who am I? Without hesitation he answers, you are a cold, calculating woman, who enjoys the suffering of others. You are short of saying you’re an angel, but we all know what you did. When he asks her how Cesar & Miranda ended up together, she gives him the very long, round-about, complicated version of…Fabricio was kidnapped.

Fab is freaking out about the rabbit sized rat that el Guapo is threatening him with. Then Guapo takes a sample of Fab’s sweat/blood, asking “do you know what fear smells like?”

Francisco, driving his taxi, picks up some chick despite not wanting to. What a nice guy…clearly, he and Leonardo (from Mundo de Fieras) share a car and a kind-hearted, honest disposition (this message brought to you from the United Federation of Mexican Taxi Drivers).

Cesar & Al call each other imbeciles…always a good way to work together to solve difficult situations…as they work out what to do about Fab. They argue about telling Flo or not. Miranda decides to go see Flo…Cesar buts his snarky nose in and offers to drive her there. Alejandro, in his Bee-Gees outfit, tells Cesar to remember that Miranda is his wife, like it or not. Bertha advises him to go after Miranda.

Luciano & Lisania are discussing her abuse issues. She says it’s good to go to Italy…a little break. He asks her to tell him who it is, she says no, besides it doesn’t matter since it’s her fault, not his (ugh.) When her mom asks how she is, she starts crying about not wanting to go to Italy, even though she know she has to do it. She almost lets the name slip. Daira gives her a medallion that she received from Alfredo when Lis was born. Lis finally apologizes to her mom.

Fern tells Cesar to call the authorities. Cesar doesn’t want to. He hasn’t told Rebecca about it either. Cesar says they’ll probably have to sell the house, and that Rebecca will probably agree that her son is worth it.

In Flo’s room, Miranda & Al are lying to her about Fab’s whereabouts. They tell her he’s with Rebecca, since she’s had a little nervous attack. She buys it, hook, line & sinker, but says to tell him to visit her tomorrow…she’s more important than Rebecca (she must be feeling better…the old, self-centered Flo’s coming out again). Again, Dr. Mom, resorts to prescription meds to shut her up (or down…). Fern asks to speak with Miranda, who agrees to a little sit down. Alejandro tells Juan not to tell Flo about Fab.

Carola is whining about Juan to…his brother. Raul doesn’t give too much sympathy, telling her it’s all her own fault, not Renata’s. Raul tries to distract her with the new computer (wow!). Renata shows up with a shrink-wrapped printer & some programs. Carola & Renata decide to have a little woman-to-woman chat about Juan.

Rebecca is sitting around feeling sorry for herself because Julio, the man she’d lied to for the past 20 some years, left her. Cesar shows up and breaks the news in the most suspense-building way possible…they have to sell the house, it’s for Fab’s own good, well, Fab was kidnapped. She says sell everything, the house, my jewels, the country house…and then lets it slip that the country house is actually in Fab & Flo’s name.

Miranda tells Alejandro & Fern about her special moment with Bertha. She’s confused. Alejandro tells her to wake up and smell the coffee. Fern says, well it is true that she was never violent toward the girls. Alejandro says, yeah, yeah, yeah but she set the fire at the farm and did lots of other really bad stuff. The happy couple start yelling at each other. Fern plays referee. Miranda (not liking the smell of this coffee) says maybe it was a mistake to talk about this, Alejandro says, yeah maybe you should tell Cesar. (Um….Miranda you really are being stupid here).

Looking forward to tomorrow, it seems that Rodents of Unusual Size will be the least of Fab's worries as el Guapo ratchets it up a notch...

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