Caray, Caray!

First, a highlight reel for Tuesday and Wednesday:

The big trial begins.

We are in a courtroom in Miami, with an American flag behind the judge, but everyone is speaking Spanish. Oh, and by the way, they seem to be following some international system of justice, where the criminal trial and a civil case are going on at the same time. It seems like Doc Evil has a lawyer representing him in a defamation case involving Diana’s self-defense claims. Since she claims that he lured her to his apartment for sex and drugged her drink, and that she threw the drink on him to escape, and that he chased her, and that she pushed him down the stairs accidentally, he is defending his spotless reputation from her filthy lies, etc.

Gaviota as defense attorney wears the uniform of professional lawyers everywhere: a tight, low-cut black sheath dress with short sleeves, red FM pumps, and of course, bright red lipstick. On day 2 she wears a similar dress with white shoes and a white corsage. Gaby has lately been favoring a series of girlish plaid jumpers over sleeveless ruffled blouses. It's like she's channeling Dorothy, but we're not in Kansas anymore. If Sylvia were next to her in the Afro wig, they could answer a casting call for a Spanish-language version of The Wiz.

As the trial begins there are a series of scenes where Doc Evil says something and Diana jumps up and says “You’re a liar.” Then Diana says something, and Doc Evil stands up and says “you’re a liar.” Then the judge shouts “Order in the Court,” or whatever that is in Spanish.

Meanwhile, Pancho returns from his honeymoon and immediately sleeps with Paola. Paola begs him to let her be involved with his next jewelry smuggling incident—because she loves danger.

Diego comes to the trial and is very angry when he sees that Max shows up. (Max seems to be having doubts about his rejection of Diana.) Diego gets in a fight with Max in the hall and gets arrested, I think. Then he goes out and gets very drunk. Later he is at his mom’s house and is really blotto and raging like the lunatic stalker that he is. He’s raging that Diana should marry him so that he can give the baby a name. He is made that she went back with that “imbecile.” Caramelo tells him to sleep it off, and he says he can’t sleep. Caramelo is blinded by newlywed passion and burbles about how of course, she has married the right guy, and her love is so true, and she wants the same for Diego.

Larry sleeps with Pilar and wears a multicolored bathrobe. He then seems to scold her for not being Gaby. What a jerk.

Among my other favorite recent scenes:

FM went shopping at the mall with Max. She gets away from Max, but who should she see but her ex-husband Andre, who doesn’t know she’s FM. Well, they get in a fight in the parking lot, because he must want to know where she’s been for two years or so, and she shoves him into the trunk of his own car! She’s a real tigress! He was then acorralado, banging and shouting for passersby to let him out. But he didn't see her with Max. As far as I know, he still doesn't know she's the twin of RM, etc.

Also, we finally get to see Gaviota sing--or lip synch--at the bar. But she only gets out a few notes. It seems that Diana fancies herself an electrician and is taping together a frayed lamp cord backstage. Her inept repair is guaranteed to short out the circuits if not bring down the premises in a big fire. Sure enough, after Gaviota chokes out a few notes, the lights go out. All the patrons leave while the place is dark. Paco is a bit annoyed but smiles indulgently at Diana as if she is the dopey child who must be protected. Gav looks sheepish.

Back to Thursday 3/1

When we left Wednesday, during a break, Max came up to Diana in the empty courtroom. He kisses her and she kisses him back. We open on that scene. Gaviota comes in and tells Max to get out and scolds Diana for being with him.

Max and Andres discuss Diana. Max seems to be wavering.

Sylvia and Camila come in. Sylvia has a new wig today: A spiky pitch-black number. Camila gloats that Marfil doesn’t know that her beloved spouse is at the trial. Of course Camila doesn’t know that Marfil is really Faux Marfil.

FM tells O that Max went to the trial. O is impactada.

Gaby tries to comfort Diana. Diana says that she and Max will never be together. This makes no sense after the kiss.

Camila busts in and gloats that Diana is almost down and out—she throws in a muerta de hambre for good measure.

Now we cut to the beach, where Lunkhead is lounging in a multicolored Speedo. He’s mooning over Gaby.

Then suddenly we see a shot of Larry in the house talking to Bruno. He’s castigating her for doing something with those cards that Gaby wrote. I’m not sure what. It seems that the shot of Larry on the beach is an error in the editing room.

Camila adds insult to injury by calling Diana an igualada. Diana actually calls Camila “basura” (trash). Finally some gumption from her. There ensues a lengthy, repetitive catfighting scene.

Paola is talking to Rene in her room. She is mooning over Pancho’s sexual prowess, and she alludes to the special deal they have cooking.

More catfighting between Camila and Diana.

Now Doc Evil is on the stand. He says that Diana came to his house to talk about a difficult operation. She’s a cinica descarada—a cynical insolent one. I knew her for two years. She was always coming on to all the doctors but never delivering the goods. When I found out she took my gold watch I went after her, but she threw me down the stairs to kill me. (or something like that). Gaviota eschews cross-examination. Gaviota puts her arm around Diana at the recess. Diana’s bra strap is peeking out of her cap-sleeved dress.

Back at Mansion, O asks FM if Max has returned. FM screeches that he’s at the trial.

The family is standing in the hall talking about the trial. Andres taunts Gaby. Max comes over and Gaby defends Diana. Then she asks him how Larry is. She calls him Senor Maximiliano. He says she doesn't have to be so formal, as she is his sister-in-law. She should start to tutear.

Cut to Larry on the beach. Now we see him in full Speedo’d glory, lounging on a bench. Ay Gaby, he says. You are at the trial.

Max tells Gaby that Larry is okay, but he reminds her that Pilar came home. Yes, she says, she came to my house to insult me.

Max whips out his cell phone and calls Larry. Larry picks up (but a minute earlier he was clad only in Speedo with no phone or pockets). Max says that Gaby is asking for him, and Larry is silent.

O cross-examines LaLa about Max going to the trial. Lala makes like Sergeant Schultz. O is drinking a double scotch, and she accuses Lala of lying. O and FM toast to their future takedown of Diana.

Andre is the next witness. As he is sworn in, he thought bubbles, “Prepare, nurse, you muerta de hambre—I’m taking you down.”

Back in Paola’s room, she is swooning some more about Pancho’s super maximo sexual technique. Rene seems to be doing Pilates mat exercises on the bed. He is lying on his back with his legs straight in the air.

Paola is speculating on how much her mother would hate it if she found out that Paola was sleeping with the son of a servant. Gee—guess she’ll find out—because guess who’s listening outside the door: Bruno!

Bruno immediately goes and reports to O. FM smirks. O is impactada.

Back at the trial, the prosecutor asks Andre about Diana, and he repeats more of the same, and how on the night of the incident, she threw Evil down the stairs, etc. There’s something about a fire starting. I don’t really understand this part, and I never saw the original episode where this happened. Help, anyone?

At the mansion, O comes up to the bedroom and asks “since when are you doing it with Lala’s son?” A big bitch slapping fest begins. Rene peeps through his fingers as if he’s watching a scary movie.

Back at the trial there’s more shouting by Diana about the lies.

Back at the mansion, O shouts that Paola has brought terrible shame on their illustrious family by sleeping with the son of a servant. Paola points out that her brothers are worse—Larry married a servant. You were always hyper fastidious. Yes I love a “muerto de hambre”—and I’m proud of it. (using the masculine of our favorite insult).

Back at the trial, Gaviota cross examines Andre. How long have you been a liar? He denies it. So if I were to have two witnesses who contradicted you, what would you say? I would say they are lying. He shrugs. Wiggy Sylvia’s jaw drops.

The defense calls Paco.

Bruno and FM are gloating about the trial. This is odd, because I thought they weren’t getting along. FM reminds Bruno that her real hubby, Andre, is a witness. Bruno had forgotten.

O is now preparing to lock Paola in her room. Nancy—bring the keys. Yolanda tries to stop her.

Paco is on the stand. He testifies that Andre was at his bar the night of the incident—not at Doc Evil’s house. How does he remember that? Andre was getting very drunk. The police had to be called, and the bar was shut down. Max actually smiles in his constipated way.

O is talking to Lala. How long has your son been going out with my daughter. Lala denies anything. Reminds O of the car accident. Does your son use drugs? No! O gives Lala the afternoon off but sends her home to find Pancho. If I understand this correctly, she wants Lala to fetch Pancho back to the mansion. When last I checked, I don’t think that O has the power to compel Pancho to appear . . . but I’m sure he’d be happy to show up for a showdown.

O asks Rene if he uses drugs. In his best Eddie Haskell manner, he replies that no, of course not, he is a dedicated athlete and his body is a temple, etc. In this scene, O is wearing a very low-cut red dress. Her boobs are pushed up higher than Alicia Ferrera’s. You can actually see the line of demarcation where the implant is inserted.

Back at the trial, the defense now calls Viejo Lorenzo. Doc Evil asks his attorney “who the devil is this old coot?” Lorenzo testifies to the same stuff as Paco. “could he have also been at Dr. Evil’s house?” “No. Only if he were a clone,” he says triumphantly. Lots of laughter in courtroom. Camila looks perturbed.

O is pressing Rene on who is giving her daughter drugs. He “doesn’t know.”

Pancho is on his cell phone planning this evening’s caper. His mom comes over. We have to talk, she says. Why are you still seeing Paola? You’re a married man now. You can’t cheat on your wife. Uh-oh. Caramelo overhears!

Back at Granny S’s, they are happily going over the day’s trial proceedings. Diana tells Gav she’s a great lawyer. Thanks, hija (daughter!), I hope you are found innocent.

Now Diego the drunk comes in bellowing about Diana and Max. You said you were going to marry me, he says, but as soon as that imbecile comes around you forgive him. Does he know you are having a baby? Granny S is really impactada! So is everyone else. The camera cuts to each shocked face, and the credits roll.

Labels: acorralada

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