Caray, Caray!

We start with a repeat of yesterday's episode in which Max walks into the blackmail plot among "Las Primas" and Octave. He asks again, "What secret?" referring to Camila and Sylvie's plot to extort $50 grand from Octave in exchange for their not telling Max that Diana has his bun in the oven. Lots of "miras impactadas" all around the room. What in heaven's name is Sylvie wearing? She looks like the 103^rd Dalmatian, except for the fuchsia wig.

Debora is sitting in Isabel's now-abandoned apartment, explaining to Andres how she took Marfil's place after Marfil ended up in a coma. Andres can't believe that Max hasn't figured it out. "Duh," says Debora, "we're IDENTICAL twins!" You can see that little pea-sized brain of Andres working over-time. Of course Debora isn't much brighter. The thought of Andres blackmailing her hasn't even occurred to her. This truly is a scene between Dumb and Dumber. I have to point out that Debora is wearing what appears to be a short rayon bathrobe. Do all rich vixens leave their homes in bathrobes? I guess I wouldn't know.

Diana and Diego are continuing their tasty meal of ramen noodles and fighting over Diana wanting to name the baby Max. As much of a psycho stalker as Diego is, I must say I have to side with him on this issue. It's totally lame on Diana's part to want to name the baby Max, while at the same time trying to convince everyone the baby's father is Diego who became a paraplegic the day of their wedding. Actually, I think Max is the only one in the entire cast of characters that doesn't know the baby's true dad. Diego gets even angrier as the scene progresses and finally he throws the plate of noodles across the room. He then rolls out of the room in a huff. Diana seems truly surprised by this display.

El licencio, Reynoso, has called F/G at Paco's bar. He has some news about her children. He has found the delinquent who stole her kids. F/G wants to talk to the delinquent "El Alacran" (AKA The Scorpion) right now. Reynoso says that's not possible, he has to make arrangements first, "But relax, you're going to find out about your daughters. I'll explain in person." After Reynoso hangs up, F/G tells Paco she's finally going to find out about her girls.

Camila asks Octave if they should speak or not. Octave tells Camila and Sylvie to wait outside while she talks to Max. After they strut their stuff out of Octave's office, Max asks Octave if she's going to explain what the heck is going on.

Debora is now trying to convince Andres not to tell Max about her impersonating Marfil. She tries to seduce him and tell him how much money is in it for him if he keeps her secret. Andres basically tells Debora she's full of it and he's not buying a word she's trying to sell him—she's a manipulator. The only problem, Debora points out, is if Marfil returns. She then tries to enlist Andres' help to kill Marfil.

Max is still trying to push Octave for an answer. Octave covers and says the secret has to do with how she ended up with F/G's fortune. Max calls her a thief and tells her she needs to give F/G back her money. Things start getting rather testy between mother and son. Yolanda-the-Peacemaker suggests they (Yolanda and Max) go to the mall to buy a little gift for Granny DS who has now recovered from her fever. Max, with the attention span of my cat Elwood, seems to forget about the whole "secret" thing and goes off to the mall.

Debora is still trying to use her feminine wiles on Andres. Lots of face touching, fondling, sweet-talking, kissing, etc. Andres seems to be playing along with her until he points out one thing to Debora. "I'm not a killer." Debora points out there's a first time for everything. . .Andres clearly isn't buying any of what Debora is selling. Debora gets mad and leaves. Andres thought bubbles, "I've hit the lottery now!"

Gaby tries to talk Diana into going to the mall to buy some things for the baby. Diana is reluctant at first, but puts down her knitting and says, "Ah shucks, why not?!"

Octave delivers the first $50,000 check and lets it fall to the floor at Camila's feet. Sylvie dives down to get it, all but salivating. Octave says "It's the only check you're getting from me." Camila says "Au contraire. This is the first monthly installment." At this point the elevator opens up and it's Emili-Oh. He wants to know what's going on. Camila tells him to ask the witch. Camila and Sylvia hop aboard the elevator with their new-found wealth. Octave tells Emili-Oh to step in to her office. Poor Emili-Oh!

Max and Yolanda are strolling arm in arm at the mall discussing what happened between F/G and Octave. Yolanda is trying to make peace. Gaby and Diana are strolling arm in arm at the same mall, discussing clothing for the baby. You know where this is going...WHAM!!!! Diana sees Max and is impactada. Max is clueless as always. We're then treated to a commercial.

Emili-Oh asks if Camila is extorting money. Octave tells him that Camila is threatening to tell Max that Diana is having Max's baby. Emili-Oh is speechless. I'm not really sure, but I believe it has something to do with Octave threatening to fire Emili-Oh if Camila says a word to Max. Octave concludes by saying "Don't worry, I'm going to pay the money." ***Is there someone out there who can clarify this exchange for me? ***

Gaby pulls Diana behind a display of belts as Max and Yolanda walk by. Of course Max doesn't see them. As Yolanda and Max are walking by, Gaby and Diana pop out of hiding. "Whew, Max almost saw I was pregnant!" Diana then waxes poetic about Max and how good he looks. Gaby states Diana is looking through the eyes of love. Ugh!

Debora is telling Bruno about Andres and how she has him under her thumb. We have a nice close-up view of Debora's cleavage for all you guys out there who care. Bruno is worried that Andres is going to rat out Debora, but Debora decides if Andres gets to be a threat, she'll just kill him.

Dinner at the happy Soriana household. Wait a minute, Diego is sitting in his chair glowering. I guess not everyone is happy. The three women are nattering on and on about the baby clothes when Granny M asks Diego why he's not as excited as they are. Diego asks why he should care about a baby that isn't his and won't even be carrying his name!!! He seemed just fine with it nine months ago when he was coercing Diana to marry him. I can understand why he's mad, but the moron knew what he was getting into when he was stalking and strong-arming Diana. That alone wipes out the sympathy factor in my book.

Yolanda and Max are showing Granny DS all the gifts they bought her. Granny DS wants to know if they bought her a new doll. "But you've got thousands already," says Max. "One can never have too many dolls," replies Granny. Max is trying to coax Granny to eat. Granny then starts in with how much she misses Diana and wants to see her. Max tells her unfortunately that won't be possible.

Diana and Diego are in the bedroom with that horrible, creepy painting in the background. Diana is asking Diego why he's not as excited about the baby as everyone else, and keeps wanting to show him all the "cute new clothes." We're then treated to the same discussion about Diana's insistence on naming the baby Max, and how it's such an insult to Diego. Finally Diana admits she can "kinda, sorta" see Diego's point. Could the glassy look in Diana's eyes possibly be getting clearer? Nah, false alarm. Diego laments that he really thought Diana would love him and forget about Max by now, but he doesn't think she ever will. This whole scene reminds me of those scenes in "When Harry Met Sally." Remember how Sally's best friend kept whining that her married boyfriend was never going to leave his wife and how Sally finally told her "Of course he's not!"? Déjà vu here.

F/G is in her room with Paco and pouring herself a drink. She is waiting for Reynoso to visit. F/G is wearing some black and white polka-dot dress that looks like it gave birth to Sylvie's black and white spotted outfit. F/G's dress has a bright yellow obi with another one of those cabbage-sized flowers. There's a knock on the door and it's Lorenzo. F/G has a visitor. Reynoso walks in and says he was able to track down "El Alacran" in jail. Would she like to go talk to him? ***Would I like to have the winning lottery numbers?!***

Rene is fondling a cherub's butt when Yolanda walks into the room. He calls her "Bomboncita" again. Yolanda gets flustered and asks him to stop calling her that. Rene asks her to go dancing with him and Peyote, but Yolanda turns him down. She's likes quiet activities like reading and watching movies. She then asks him to take care of Peyote and not let her take drugs. Peyote is a good girl. "You can count on me!" exclaims Rene with an exaggerated wink and a grin, showing off his adorable 6-foot deep dimples. Too bad he's such a goof.

Diana is now adjusting Diego's pillow in her old twin-sized bed. There is one other twin bed in that room that is/used to be Gaby's. What's with the sleeping arrangements now? At any rate, Diana is tucking Diego into bed. He tells her after the baby is born he doesn't want her going back to work. He wants her to stay at the house and take care of him and the baby. Gaby can work. Diana says she needs to work. Diego asks her if she wants to work to earn money or if it's just an excuse to see Max again. Diana yells that she's tired of his jealousy and accusations (in fact, so am I!). She points out that she's a decent woman. Diego retorts that a decent woman doesn't get herself knocked up by a married man! Diana stomps out as Diego is screaming at her to come back--he's not finished with what he has to say. I think he is finished at this point.

Reynoso tells F/G and Paco that "El Alacran" is on his death bed in jail. F/G and Paco are convinced they will now find out the truth about the children he stole from F/G.

Rene is swearing to Yolanda he's never done drugs. He's straight, a university student, etc. The only things he takes are vitamin supplements. A public service announcement about drugs follows. Finally we are saved by Peyote flouncing down the stairs. She's ready to P-A-R-T-Y!!! Larry follows Peyote downstairs, but tells Rene he's not going to join them, he has to work. Rene calls him "Grandpa." After Rene and Peyote leave, Yolanda sits Larry down for a fire-side chat.

"Larry, why aren't you happy? Pilar is back, but you still seem miserable." Larry wants to know if Octave knows. "Of course not," says Yolanda, "she'd go through the roof." Larry admits to Aunt Yolanda that although Pilar is back, he's just not fulfilled. Pilar bores him, etc. L—"I just don't understand why I feel this way! All I can do is think about Gaby. I'm so confused!" Yolanda, in sage mode, tells him "I know what the problem is. You're in love with your wife!" Love theme music plays, Larry is still confused, and we cut to three hundred commercials.

Little Doormat has just appeared at Paco's bar. Caramel is trying to cheer her up; Gaby needs to forget Lunkhead. Gaby says she'll never forget him. Caramel points out Gaby is young and has her whole life in front of her-she just needs to get rid of the 1980's glasses and modernize her frumpy attire. Caramel says with a make-over, she'll meet a bunch of guys. "Speaking of guys, there's this gorgeous waiter that works here. You need to meet him!" Gaby points out that Caramel is a married woman. "Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't read the menu!" She then calls over Bar-Stud Jorge to meet Gaby. They shake hands and just as Jorge tells Gaby she's pretty, Andres shows up and is a total buzz-kill. "If it isn't the blind and gray sister of Diana!"

Debora shows up in Max's room in a sexy little yellow acetate item with black stockings and garters. She announces that she's ready for some action. Max, who is bare-chested, is reading a book and clearly not interested. Debora then goes into her "Chihuahua on Crack" mode. "Why don't you want me? You haven't touched me in months." Blah blah blah. Max tells her to lower her voice, he doesn't want to fight. I can't blame him for not wanting to listen to that incessant screeching. He tells her he's not interested in her "as a woman" and throws her across the bed.

Lunkhead denies he loves Gaby. Yolanda assures him he'll figure it out one day. Yolanda walks out, Lunkhead sits down with his "pensive look," and Larry and Gaby's love theme plays in the background.

Andres continues with his insults. Caramel tells him if he doesn't behave he'll have to leave. Andres says he hasn't come to make trouble and orders a whiskey and ice. Gaby decides it's time to leave. Bar-Stud kisses her cheek and says it's nice to have met her.

More caterwauling from Max's bedroom, when the phone rings. A voice asks for "Debora." Debora is impactada. Max tells the voice (AKA Andres) there is no "Debora" at this number. Max hangs up and announces he's going to sleep in the guest room. Debora is furiosa and calls both Max and Andres stupid. Now them's fightin' words!

Some local daytime filler scenes of Miami. I guess this means it's the next day.

Granny M and Diana are sharing breakfast on the patio. "Where's Diego?" asks Granny. "He's talking to Pancho," replies Diana. Granny M admits she heard the fight last night. Diana says it's strange, but Diego seems to get worse every day. Granny, clearly showing the wisdom of her years, points out perhaps Diego and Diana's marriage was a mistake. No putting one past ol' Granny, that's for sure. . .

Andres is talking on the cell phone to Debora who is poolside. Or dock side, as the case may be. Debora is yipping at him for calling and talking to Max the night before. Andres says she's in no position to be barking at him, since she's the imposter. He can send her to jail. Debora is impactada.

Pilar and Larry are fighting on the dock. What's with the guys in this show having one half of their shirts tucked in and the other half hanging out? Pilar is squawking about Larry being afraid to confront his mother. She wants to marry him soon! Finally Larry tells Pilar the two of them are finished. Pilar clearly doesn't think that's the case.

Back to breakfast at Chez Soriano. Granny M is telling Diana she needs to buy a new bathrobe for when she's in the hospital. Diana agrees. The bathrobe she has is old and faded.

Andres is continuing to threaten Debora. He's going to come by and talk to her in a couple of hours. If she's not there, he's going to tell Max that Debora wants Marfil killed. Debora says fine, she'll meet him, but she wants to meet at Isabel's old apartment. Debora ends the call and keeps telling herself that she has Andres in the palm of her hands. She's clearly nervous—and delusional. It's nice to see she's met her match.

F/G and Paco are at the jail in El Alacran's room. F/G flashes back to the day that her children were stolen by Octave and her gang of thugs. Lots of coughing and belabored breathing by El Alacran. F/G and Paco demand to know what happened to the children. Suspenseful music plays as the scene ends.

Granny M and Diana are shopping for bathrobes at the mall. Granny announces she needs to use the restroom. TMI. Diana says she'll wait right there. Meanwhile Max is yapping on his cell phone to Granny DS. "Yes, I'm going to buy you a beautiful new doll." Diana and Max's love theme plays in the background. Suddenly Max and Diana see each other. Diana grabs her belly for emphasis. Max has the look of constipation again. He looks at her belly. "You're pregnant!!! Is that my baby?" Close-up of Max's face looking at either Diana's chest or her belly. Close-up of a hand scratching a pregnant belly. Suspenseful music! Glassy-eyed stares! Credits roll!!!

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