Caray, Caray!

Larry is comforting Octavia as she reads the terrible newspaper article. Is it true? He asks. No, it’s yellow journalism. Larry apologizes for being a lazy himbo and playboy. He wants to make it up to mom. He wants to start working at the factory.

Emilio comes in to talk to Max about the article. He says everyone in the factory is reading it. Emilio wants Max to defend his mother, but Max doesn’t want to do anything At this moment I am not proud to be an Irascible, he says.

Diego, the hairy chipmunk, is back to his usual pastime when not making hideous paintings: nagging Diana about how she doesn’t love him and is thinking about the real father of her baby. Duh. She gives one of her bland blandishments. You are the baby’s father. Diego keeps talking about the Irascibles, and Diana asks him why he won’t stop. He says that would be like asking the sun not to come out or the earth not to spin. For fire not to burn. Don’t ask me not to think about him. I hate him because he is the father of your child and you love him. I hate him with all my fuerzas.

Yolanda and Deborah are sitting out by the pool. Deborah, as usual, is able to compartmentalize nicely. Although she is worried about being blackmailed by her real husband, she is busy slathering on the Hawaiian Tropic and sipping a Cosmo (or some kind of cocktail). No sense in having a pale look. Yolanda says she looks worried. Deborah says that Max hasn’t been interested in her in bed. Yolanda says she has to give it time (hasn’t it been nine months?) Deborah scoffs in her best shriekazoid voice. Yolanda warns her not to pressure Max. But he’s stuck on that disgraceful Diana. Yolanda tells Deborah that Diana’s not all bad—she just had the misfortune to love a married man. And it wasn’t her fault. We all thought you were dead. Deborah gets angry at her for taking Diana’s side. Yolanda says she’s just trying to be objective.

Cut to a scene of Diana massaging cream into Diego’s poor useless legs. Yuck. He wants to know why she’s so quiet. I am not thinking of anything. I am concentrating on the massage. No you’re not. He accuses her of thinking about Max. Diego why are you tormenting me? Because I’m a cripple living with a woman who doesn’t love me, he shouts. Diana, you just have pity for me. Don’t deny it. She shouts for him to leave her alone and she leaves the room. Now he calms down. I love you Diana. I love you so much, and it hurts to much at you don’t love me. I wish one day you could love me the way I love you. (Just keep up with the jealous outbursts. I’m sure that will work.)

Max is talking to O at the factory. I thought you weren’t coming in today. She looks very sick. He asks if she realizes there is a scandal. He goes back to suggesting that they return the factory to Gaviota. No. She hates me too much. He suggests she go to the country for a while, but she refuses, because she doesn’t want anyone to think she’s a coward. Then return everything you have stolen to the mother of Diana. She’s back to crowing about how she has tripled the empire. Max is dismissive. No one would deny it Mama, but you did it by stealing and selling someone up the river and stealing children. Shut up. She is worried about that piece of trash that wants to take her down.

Octavia works herself into a frenzy and collapses in a dead faint.

Bruno answers the phone at the mansion. Isn’t it interesting that whenever someone calls the Irascible mansion to speak to a particular character that one is always the one to pick up the phone? Hello, friend. It’s Andres. Always the punctilious overreacher, Bruno says that she has no friends of his class. He points out that she’s just a servant too. He goes on: I suppose Deborah told you that I called at the mansion two hours ago. Deborah is not here. Period. Nancy comes by the door and overhears her speaking about someone named “Deborah.” Andres tells Bruno that he will call back in a half hour and if Deborah is not there she can go to the devil. Don’t threaten me. Andres, don’t hang up. She spots Nancy. Nancy tries to act as if she didn’t hear anything.

Max is giving smelling salts to his mother. They lead her away.

Nancy heard her reference to Deborah. Bruno tells her do not dare repeat a word. She pinches her, and Nancy gives a grito. Why did you pinch me? To assure myself that you would obey. Keep your mouth shut, clear?

Max and Lala are putting Octavia to bed. Lala asks a nosy question, and Octavia asks her what business is it of hers. Lala is sent to bring tea. Octavia wants Max to call the newspaper to get them to retract the story. Max says ixnay.

Now here comes Granny DS. She is wearing a lovely new lime-green hat and a powder- blue poncho (the poncho goes well with Max’s powder blue sweater. I note that often Max’s outfits coordinate with Granny’s). When Octavia goes to prison, she can crochet similar ones using Martha Stewart patterns.

Granny DS tells O that O looks very upset. Are you seeing ghosts from the past? O tells her to get out. Granny says it is time for O to pay for her bad deeds. O continues to tell the old bat to get out (“largate”).

Deborah sidles in from the pool, and Bruno tells her that Andres is coming around. Deborah looks exasperated.

Granny M brings a nice big glass of milk to Diana, who is winding blue ribbon in the yard. She is very worried. I know that Diego wants to have his name for the baby, but I can’t allow it. Still, if Diego rejects my son, I will divorce him.

Lala offers O a pill for her nerves. O asks her if she poisoned the pills. Lala is shocked, but O asks why she should trust Lala—her son is married to her enemy. Okay. If you don’t want it don’t take it. O changes her mind and takes the pill anyway. Larry and Paola and Rene come in. Rene, the soul of tact, says that O doesn’t look so good, and Rene gives him a big elbow in the side. She then says something quite funny; I think it would be better if you “multiply times zero” (multiplicar por cero) and wait in the living room. This seems to be an idiom that means cut your losses, since you have already put your foot in your mouth, as multiplying by zero equals zero.

Now F/G is reading the scandal sheet. She is talking to an imaginary Octavia: How all your friends in your prestigious social circle will now start to talk about you. You rotten one, she says as she rips up the paper like a voodoo doll. Start paying now! Paco comes in. What are you doing? I am ripping up the photo of Octavia. How convenient. Paco has never seen Octavia, amazingly enough, so he now misses another chance to realize that Octavia is his old girlfriend Alicia. Why did you tear it up? He asks. So many years you have been talking about her, but I have never seen her. I was curious. I assure you that she is nothing extraordinary. Simply the face of evil.

Now Diana is getting up from her chair. Max is at the door. Max and Diana stare at each other. They vie for which has the more blank look. Except vie is too strong a word for their their passivity.

Caramelo is at home perusing folders for a possible college course. She wants to study computers. Pancho jokes that she is not smart enough, then he says she is very smart. He is going out without a shirt. She doesn’t want him doing that. Don’t put the horns on me, she warns. He tells her it’s a business meeting. She implores him to give up the contraband business. He could work in the bar with her Papa. He says, what, me be a waiter, no way.

Diana tells Max to get out. He doesn’t want to go without their talking. Granny M says that if Diego realizes he is there he will be furious. Diana tells Granny to go distract Diego. He says that he is sorry that Gaviota is teaching her to hate him. She says she didn’t need tutelage, she already hates him.

Now comes possibly my favorite part of the episode. He is showing his latest painting to Granny. It’s a ghoulish self-portraint of the giant chipmunk head in black and white, but he has brightened up his palette a bit by adding some brown. He asks Granny M if she likes it. I love her answer: Well, I don’t understand much about paintings, but I think it needs more color. He asks where his wife is. She says she’s cooking in the living room and helping her

Back at the mansion, Deborah comes into the bedroom. Andres is hiding behind the door and grabs her. What are you doing here? He reminds her that she didn’t call. How did you get in? A door is no impediment to me. Have you forgotten how we got in places when we were robbing people? Just then Granny DS comes by and asks who is this man and why is he in your room. Anyway, I know you are not the real Marfil.

Max is telling Diana that she cannot hate him. Why, don’t I have motives? (Sure, it’s that ugly yellow tie and turquoise shirt.) Our love is too big for that, he says. I don’t believe you hate me. Give me a chance . No, what you ask is impossible. I am expecting my husband’s baby. Now Pancho bursts in and catches them. What’s this? You’re cheating on my brother in his own house.

Granny DS, Deborah and Andres continue arguing over how Granny realizes she’s not the real Marfil.

Why have you come here to make problems. No, The problem is you are the my wife. Come here. When I am bad I am worse than you. She tries to run out of the room, but he wants his $5,000. She tries to tell him she will get it by tomorrow. Get out. Okay, I’ll go now, but I will come back at nine tonight.

Pancho says, this is the last straw. They continue shouting. Now Diego hears. Granny M tries to keep him from going in the room, but he wheels in. A good fight ensues between Max and Pancho. Pancho gives Max a head butt. Diego wants to fight from the wheelchair. Diana holds up her pregnancy belly. Max and Pancho go pitching over the couch.

Yolanda tries to get O to relax. Now O says she understands why Fedora defended Diana in the trial (except Fedora didn’t know then . . .oh, well). Now we have double the enemies who know the damage we did. What goes around comes around.

Paco and Gaviota are looking at pink baby booties. They are the ones that Fedora had for her own girls. She says this is all she has for her girls. He says that when she recovers her fortune, her new grandchild will lack for nothing. She actually says, Oh, I forgot I am going to be a grandma! Duh. Of course he tells her that she will be the prettiest grandma. Then she tells him they will all move to the mansion. He asks, don’t you want to continue to live here and sing at the bar? Won’t I see you every day? Of course, she says. (well we’ll see what happens when she finds out he slept with Octavia.)

The men are still fighting, but now Diana gives a big shout. She’s going into labor, of course. Max carries her out. Diego wants Pancho to find the car. At Hospital TeleMiami, Doc Evil is talking to the other doctor about how slow things are at the ER. Just then the nurse tells them there’s a woman in labor—it’s Diana Soriano. Cut to Granny M comforting Diana on the gurney. You are a nurse. Don’t be afraid. You have worked in this hospital (be afraid, be very afraid).

Max comes in. You shouldn’t be here, they tell him. Please, everything will be fine. Your child will be strong and healthy. It’s your son, Max, she thought-bubbles

Caramelo is picking up broken dishes after the fight. Gaby walks in and asks what happened, She hears the story and they run to the hospital.

At the hospital, Diego discovers that Max is in the labor room. There’s the expected back and forth.

Back at the mansion, Granny DS is playing with her dolls in a small outdoor playhouse. She is playing with her favorite doll, “Dianita.” Bruno and Deborah come in. They call her pathetic, then they actually grab the doll and pull its head off and pull out its stuffing. This is mean, even for them. They leave Granny crying. I suppose they want to warn her that’s what they will do to her if she spills the beans about Deborah.

Back in the bedroom., Bruno and Deaborah laugh hysterically. That was brilliant when you pulled the head off the doll, Bruno says. The phone rings. Doc Evil is calling. He is pleased to tell “Marfil” that her husband is over at the hospital with Diana, who is in labor. They are impactadas. Back at the hospital, the doctor says Diana has to decide who stays in the room: Diego or Max.

Octavia is still in bed with her headache and ice pack. Of course, she is glad to hear Deborah’s latest shrieking. (I almost feel sorry for O.) Deborah tells her that the nurse is giving birth, and Max is with her! No puede ser.

Caramelo comes to the bar with Gaby and they begin shouting for Gaviota. What’s all the hubbub. Diana is giving birth.

Jorge the bartender says, Congrats, Gaviota, you are going to be a grandmother. Oops. Gaby wonders what he’s talking about. Gaviota looks uncomfortable.

Back at the hospital, Diana is working her blank look while she decides who will stay with her. Granny pats her head where she is wearing a paper shower cap. Finally she utters the fateful words: Maximiliano, you go. I want Diego to stay. He is my husband and he has to be here. Max thought-bubbles: He is your husband, but I am the father of this baby. Tune in tomorrow!

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