Caray, Caray!

To recap the end of yesterday's episode, Diana calls Psycho Mansion and "just happens" to get Nancy. I can't remember who pointed it out, but why is it that whenever someone calls The Big House, the appropriate person always answers the phone. But I digress. Diana wants Nancy to go into either Larry's or Peyote's bedroom and find Kike's phone number on one of their phones. I'm not quite sure why Lunkhead would have Kike's phone number, but I suppose they were possibly friends before I started watching this show. Nancy asks Diana what on earth she wants with Kike's phone number. Diana says Larry snubbed Little Doormat, now it's payback time.

Marfil and Debora are having a showdown at the jail. Debora wants Marfil to bail her out, "I'm your sister!" There's also some of the "I hate you!"--"Well, I hate you MORE!" exchange. The best part is when Debora starts begging Marfil to help her. Marfil tells Debora to apologize and beg…on her knees!

There's a meeting of the Irascible clan; Yolanda, Max, Lunkhead, Peyote, and Octave. Peyote wants to know why they've all been gathered. Octave announces that only Yolanda and Max know the story. Lunkhead pipes up "I know everything, too! Max told me!" Poor Peyote realizes she's the only one who has no idea what's going on, once again proving her point that Mama likes the boys best.

Octave tells Peyote there's a woman who is out to get the Irascible family, and in fact, is protecting Diana and Gaby. Peyote wants to know why this woman, F/G, hates the Irascibles so much. "What did you do to her, mom?" Octave tells her to quit asking questions. Finally Max steps in and tells Peyote the Irascibles will be hosting a party at Psycho Mansion, honoring F/G and the Soriano sisters. "Too much!" says Peyote, in what sounds like unaccented English.

At first Debora refuses to get on her knees and apologize for stealing Marfil's identity, but finally she does. Debora is still wearing her pink and black bathrobe-looking short dress. Marfil looks quite elegant in her all white outfit. After Debora apologizes and begs for forgiveness, she tells Marfil, "now pay my bail and get me outta here!" M--"It sucks to be you, Debora, because you can rot in this jail for all I care!" Debora is muy impactada!

Lala walks into the house where Pancho is sitting. He tells her to sit for a moment. Lala tells Pancho that she can tell by the tone of his voice that something is wrong. "Are you and Caramel fighting?" Pancho at first tries to deny it, but Lala says he can't hide it from her. "Marriage isn't honey, but making up is sweet." She then leaves and Pancho tells the camera, "If only Mamacita knew that I'm in love with two women! Peyote wants to get married – and I want to marry her – but I'm already married." What's a poor Panchalon to do?!

Lala enters Caramel's room and tells Caramel she knows about the fight. Caramel asks, "He told you?" "Yes," says Lala. Caramel goes on to tell her that Pancho said all these mean and ugly things to her and she doesn't understand why. Pancho was fine when he left that morning, but returned furious. Lala suggests that something must have happened out in the streets. Caramel asks Lala if she thinks Pancho is in love with another woman. "Of course not! I'm sure it's nothing. Perhaps you should go to the mall and buy yourself something "corte de tela." I'm sure in a few days everything will be fine." Caramel tells Lala she's crazy in love with Pancho, and if he leaves her for another woman, she'll just die!

Back to the showdown between Marfil and Debora. This scene is now getting boring to me. Marfil keeps whining that Debora is now going to pay for all the evil things she's done in the past. Debora then spits on her. Pretty good job of blocking that scene. I'd hate to be the stand-in! Debora then says she's going to kill Marfil. Marfil has "spit" dripping down her forehead. Marfil responds Debora is never going to see the light of day, when all is said and done. The scene thankfully ends with Debora screeching, "I hate you! I hate you more than ever! I hate you!"

We're now at Casa Soriano—not Casa Diego, as he'd have us believe. The doorbell rings and a voice off camera tells Gaby to get the door. It's Kike. Gaby asks what he's doing there. In walks Diana to explain everything. "I know you hate Larry, and now you're going to get the chance to humiliate him again." Kike has a look of "bring it on, sister!"

Octave is slugging down a drink of something, brandy perhaps(?), when there's a knock on the door. Nancy announces Octave has a visitor. Octave barks at her "I don't want to have any visitors!" "Not even me?" asks Reynoso as he walks into the room. Licencio Reynoso is bringing a list of names that F/G wants invited to the shindig. Octave is clearly not happy with this development.

Kike has now heard Diana's plan and loves the idea. He's going to escort Gaby to the fiesta. Gaby doesn't like the idea. Luckily for Diana, Gaby is such a pushover. Diana railroads Little Doormat into bringing Kike to the party and making both Pilar and Lunkhead jealous. Apparently Gaby is the only voice of reason, but since she has no spine, her half-hearted protests fall on deaf ears.

Octave tells Reynoso there is no way she's inviting Camila, Sylvie, or Kike to her soiree. Reynoso makes some sort of threat and Octave caves. She will include these three losers on the invite list.

Lorenzo is talking to F/G at Paco's bar. He tells her Paco is hurt that he can't escort F/G to the party. F/G says she wants to go alone with her daughters. She doesn't want her enemies to think she needs a man to protect her. That's not the image she wants to present. Lorenzo tries to be PC saying Paco loves her so much, and has been waiting for her for years. I believe he alludes to F/G stringing him along and F/G defends her actions saying Paco has known all along the way she feels.

Meanwhile, back at Psycho Mansion, Octave is saying how much she still loves Paco. She keeps repeating his name.

Good news for Debora! Some poor saps have finally come to bail her out! Heaven only knows why. It's Lunkhead and Yolanda, the Big Doormat. Octave gave them the money. She's free!!!

Max is skulking about in his room, when Octave barges in. She tells him she sent Yolanda and Larry to bail out his "wife." Max is not happy and tells her as much. Octave says FM is an "Irascible," and as such, is not going to stay in jail. She needs to be at the party. Octave goes on to say that Max had better stay away from Diana and play the role of devoted husband. Max all but stamps his foot proclaiming, "NO!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!"

Peyote is leaving a message on Pancho's phone, saying she hopes he's thinking about marrying her. Just as she makes kissing noises into the phone and hangs up, in walks Emili-Oh. He tells Peyote she is looking particularly pretty today. She replies she knows. After some small talk in which he says he wants to help the family, he finally gathers up the courage to ask Peyote if she'd like to go out to dinner with him. She dismisses him completely saying dinner is annoying – dancing is more fun. Talk about raining on his little parade! He wants to help her get off the drugs. It's bad enough she casually dismisses his heartfelt proposition, she then goes on to stick a knife in his heart by telling him he's "gray" and "boring." Emili-Oh says he wants to help her, be a leader to her, blah, blah, blah. Peyote laughs at him and sinks the dagger even deeper saying he's got a nice body and is cute, but he's "gray" and she doesn't like the color "gray." She'd never be interested in someone like him. She flounces out and poor Emili-Oh looks devastated.

Pancho walks into the bedroom where Caramel is standing in front of the mirror. She is wearing a floral robe that is covering some lingerie. Pancho asks why she's not at work. Caramel, clearly sad, says she doesn't want to fight with him. Pancho feigns ignorance. When she asks where he's been, he tells her at the gym. Caramel asks if he doesn't want her any more. "Of course I do," says Pancho. "You're my little hembrita (which the dictionary describes as meaning female, doe, cow, hen), my little woman." I won't speak for Caramel, but I'd not be happy if my husband referred to me as his little cow. At any rate, Pancho says he's going to take a bath. Caramel sadly realizes there must be another woman, but what type of woman would catch his eye? Then it slowly dawns on her…Peyote!

Debora blows into Max's room shrieking as always. How could he leave her in jail for so long? Max says it wasn't that long, and besides she deserved to stay there after stealing the baby. Debora screams back that it seemed like a 1000 years, and besides, "She stole the baby and pretended it was me!" Ooops! When Max asks what the heck Debora is talking about, she hastily replies "nada." Max tries to get her to explain, but Debora is doing the Chihuahua thing. Finally Max throws her out and tells her to spend the night in her old bedroom. Debora is incensed and squawks and yips the whole time as the door closes behind her.

Debora stomps into her old room where Bruno is fixing the bed. Debora is ranting on and on about Max. Bruno is trying to calm her down. Suddenly Octave appears in the door. "My adored mother-in-law," exclaims Debora. "Thanks for bailing me out; your son Max wanted me to rot in my cell!" Octave asks if it's true that Debora stole the baby. "Of course not! Believe me!" "Whatever, forget it" says Octave. "I need to tell you about a party we're having." "Party?" asks Debora. "What party?"

Reynoso is in F/G's dressing room reporting he gave Octave the list of invitees. F/G asks if there were any problems. "Nope," says Reynoso. F/G tells him that Paco has agreed to pay for fancy dresses for her and the girls, but she doesn't know what to do about the jewelry. "Don't worry," says Reynoso. "My wife just happens to own a jewelry store and once I tell her the situation, I'm sure she'll help you out."

Debora is now mad about the proposed party. She starts yelling at Octave, who tells her to put a cork in it, "you're getting on my nerves!" Octave tells Debora she doesn't like the idea of the party either, but she has no choice. F/G has her over a proverbial barrel. Octave leaves and Debora is now ranting to Bruno. She tells Bruno Marfil is the one who stole the baby and framed her. Bruno is impactado! "But Marfil can't walk!" Debora breaks the news that Marfil is completely cured and out for revenge. Bruno grabs her heart and collapses on the bed. Debora goes on to say Marfil hates Debora and the plan was to bury Debora in jail. "She hates me!"

F/G is at Granny M's house telling the girls she's made arrangements to get dresses and jewelry for everyone. They are going to be queens. Diana is excited. Gaby is nervous. F/G states "Right now, I bet Octave has her henchwoman, Yolanda, inviting everyone." The scene fades to Yolanda on the phone, checking something off in her little black book.

The doorbell rings at Isabel's apartment. It's Bruno. She's come to talk to Marfil. Bruno tries to explain why Debora took Marfil's place. Marfil yells at her and calls her a traitor. You tried to hide me here with Isabel, but Isabel helped me get better and now you all are going to pay for your treason. Debora can rot in jail now! Bruno, in between sobs, begs for forgiveness. She then tells Marfil that Debora got bailed out and is back at the mansion. Not the best thing to tell Marfil. Lots of yelling, Bruno groveling, and Isabel finally throwing Bruno out.

Gratuitous scene of Max and Larry in skimpy bathing suits discussing the party. Larry asks Max if Diego will be there.

Diana walks out of the bedroom into the living room where Diego is sitting. Diana babbles on and on about how great the baby is. Diego tells her to sit down, they need to talk. "For the 1000^th time, I don't want you going to Psycho Mansion to that party. "I'm sorry, Diego. I'm going whether you like it or not," says Diana petulantly.

Marfil and Isabel are discussing the party. Marfil says tonight she's going to reclaim her place as Max's wife. Isabel doesn't understand how she's going to pull it off. *** I don't understand either. Can someone explain their exchange to me? I'm just too tired to replay this scene 50 times to figure it out myself. ***

F/G walks into Paco's office, but Paco isn't there. Only Caramel. F/G has an updo and a long black dress with a bunch of dead-bird feathers around her neck and shoulders. Caramel does a double take and tells F/G she looks "mah-velous. Simply mah-velous!" F/G says the only ones she wants to see with open mouths are Octave and Yolanda.

Switch to Granny M's house where Diana and Gaby are getting ready. They both appear to be wearing bridesmaid's dresses. Gaby's is lavender and has an empire waist and lavender gauze over the top. Diana's dress is red with a pink gauzy thing and some faux bauble in the middle that is attached to a string that ties around her neck. It reminds me of the type of dress Cleopatra would wear. There is no shape to Diana's dress. At least they're not wearing dead animals. Gaby still has on her ubiquitous glasses. Diana takes the glasses away and demands that Gaby put in contacts. I must say Gaby cleans up nicely, so you can imagine where this is going. Diana is excited, Gaby is nervous.

Paco walks in and tells F/G how wonderful she looks. He warns her to be careful at the Irascibles. More discussions about how she's using the girls as pawns and her telling him the girls will be fine. Does this woman ever think of anyone besides herself? I am truly losing sympathy for her!

Pancho is at Granny M's house getting Diego all riled up, as if Diego wasn't already riled. Pancho tells Diego that F/G is a crazy woman. I must agree with him on this point. Gaby walks out and pours salt in the wound by telling Diego he's not going to believe how beautiful his wife looks. Diana walks out and Pancho announces she must be all dolled up for Max. Diana asks Max if he's got anything to say. ***Diana truly is dumber than a box of rocks. She can't honestly think Diego is going to be happy.*** He tells her, yet again, that he doesn't want her going to the party. Pancho stands there smirking. Diego sits there sulking.

F/G and Paco are still fighting. Actually, F/G is droning on and on again about how Octave stole her house and killed her husband. Poor Paco is just standing there taking it. Paco really needs a good woman who can appreciate what a wonderful, tolerant, faithful guy he is. This world truly needs more men like Paco! Anyway, he finally suggests they leave.

Debora is whining to Max about the party. She says Octave's face looks bitter. Given that Octave's face never moves, I'm not sure how Debora can tell. Max says the evening is going to be hard on Octave. Debora also refers to Diana as a tick (Una garrapata). ***What a wonderful description!*** Debora is also wearing a black dress with what appears to be the clone of F/G's dead-bird feathers. Her hair looks like something out of Petticoat Junction or Gunsmoke. She also has some bright pink lipstick that glows in the dark and looks like it was put on with a trowel. Max tells her "First of all, Diana is not a tick!" Secondly, you'd better be on your best behavior."

LET THE PARTY COMMENSE!!!!!

Lala opens the door and in walks Camila in some skanky peach dress exposing her navel. Her dress has the same tacky bauble between her breasts as Diana's, along with the attached string that ties around her neck. She is clinging to the arm of Doc Evil.

Sylvie, ah Sylvie. Never the one to disappoint!!! She shows up on Andres' arm wearing something out of a cabaret, complete with three huge yellow plumes sticking out of her blond wig. There are also lots of Mardi Gras beads hanging from her wig as well. They appear to be the first arrivals. Andres is mocking Sylvie's outfit. She tips her head to hit Andres in the face with the plumes and calls him indiorante. This word is not in my dictionary. None of them can figure out why they've been invited to the party.

We're now at Isabel's apartment. The camera is focused on the fabric that passes for a door. We hear Isabel asking if she can come in. As she walks in, she says how elegant and beautiful Marfil looks. The camera slowly pans from the floor up to Marfil, who is dressed in a pink dress with dead Easter bunnies around her shoulders. Marfil announces she's ready to go to the party and reclaim her spot as Max's wife.

We return from commercial break to see the party that has been hyped for three days or so. There are maybe 15 people in the room, and boring cocktail music is playing in the background. There are a bunch of extras passing as guests. Now there's a job I'd like – play the role as a guest at a party. Bruno is dressed up and actually looks like a woman. Her hair actually looks normal when it's not slicked back. Poor Yolanda is dressed in a hideous lime dress that laces up the back and, I believe, has some long fringe that hangs from her hips like that fringe in the infamous lamp from "A Christmas Story." It is not flattering and I feel bad she got stuck wearing it. I wonder if she earned extra pay to wear the get-up.

Max pulls Octave aside and tells her she'd better change her expression. Unfortunately, I don't think she can help it. She tells Max she's dying from humiliation. It's hard to focus on the conversation because Sylvie is in the background sticking her feathers in everyone's face. All I can focus on is yellow feathers.

Debora is asking Emili-Oh when that pelusa, AKA "lint," is going to arrive. Emili-Oh tells her to mellow out. Debora whines to stop defending that "zopilota." Zopilota is not in my dictionary either, but I can tell it's not flattering.

As Debora walks off, Andres stops her and says to meet him in the library. Debora says "no way!" Andres promises to make a scene and tell everyone she's an imposter if she doesn't do what he says. The library is suddenly looking pretty good to Chihuahua-on-crack-girl, and she heads in that direction.

Once in the library, Andres follows her in. He comments how good she looks in her dress with the dead-bird feathers. Debora says they can't stay there for long or her husband may catch them. "Let me remind you, I'm the only husband you have." With that, Andres grabs her and forces her to kiss him. It turns into some face-sucking event, with the day-glo pink lipstick smeared everywhere. Yuk! In the midst of all this passion, who should happen to catch them in the act, but Camila. At first she is impactada, then she starts smirking!

The doorbell rings and in walk Rene and Pilar. Pilar hones in on Larry and kisses him on the cheek, thoughtfully wiping off the lipstick she's left. Larry looks none too happy that Pilar is there. Peyote makes a snarky remark and Rene tries to get everyone to calm down. At that moment, the doorbell rings again. . .

F/G walks in with her nose in the air, followed by her faithful stoolies, Diana and Gaby. Reynoso brings up the rear. I now count 17 people standing stiffly on this sound stage. So much for this huge society party. What a joke! The cheesy cocktail music continues to play. I'd rather watch paint dry than hang out at a party as dull as this. "Buenas Noches!" states F/G. Lots of glares, stares, and dopey looks. F/G and Octave shoot death-ray looks at each other. Doc Evil is staring at Diana. Max has on his best "bitter beer face." Close up of Pilar staring. And so it goes. The only one who seems truly happy is Peyote. But that's probably because she's high.

I'm really disappointed with this party as the credits roll. What a letdown!

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