Caray, Caray!

In the Bat Cave, Diego asks Esmeralda if it is true that she is pregnant with Monty’s baby. She tells him that she is pregnant but the baby is his, not Montero’s. Diego is shocked, but happy. He cannot believe that she is going to have his child. He kisses her, but then reality sets in, what are they going to do. They are expecting a baby but both of them are married to other people, they are in quite a pickle. Diego is worried (after all, it’s in his genes). He’s worried about not being able to be at Esme’s side through the whole thing. Esme tells him that she’s sorry that he had to learn about it through Monty's announcement at the wedding reception. Diego says that she should have told him sooner, but she explains that she didn’t tell him because she didn’t want to interfere with his work as Zorro. He does great things as Zorro and the people of Los Angeles need him. He reassures her, “We’ll find a way to work this all out.” Esme tells Diego that they’ve got to get her mother free and then she’ll go muy lejos de Los Angeles. This bothers Diego. Esme says she’s got to protect her mother and find out whatever she can about her real father. She wants to find out how her mom is connected to the Spanish crown and then she’s going to make sure that Fernando and Montero pay. Diego asks, “What about me?”

In la casa de los de la Vega, Alejandro and Almudena are all sexily sprawled across their bed. We are led to believe that their wedding night fantasies are about to be fulfilled, but Al has other plans. Surprise, surprise he’s WORRIED (on his wedding night, he can’t even put it to rest, the worrying overtakes him---this man has got to have some serious ulcers---I wish now that I had been keeping track of how many times he says he's worried in this show. I could count each time as an ulcer and we'd have a running count of the state of Al's stomach lining). He tells Dena that he’s worried about Diego, he knows his son must be feeling terrible with Monty’s news. He wants to go look for him (sheesh, Diego is a big boy and capable of taking care of himself, now take care of your wife Al!!!). The newlyweds start their daily dose of rehash, let’s see they talked about Monty and Esme, Esme’s pregnancy, Esme and Diego, Diego marrying Mariangel….ummm I don’t think I left anything out. They start talking about love, but not in the way you’d expect newlyweds to talk. They discuss how love can be destructive if is develops in the wrong way. Ever the romantic, Al says that it can even destroy life. Dena suspects Al is talking about Fernando and Maria Pia (at least she didn’t think he was talking about their own love). The two rehash their respective siblings and their newly renewed relationship. They talk about Fernando’s wife being locked up in prison. Al doesn’t like it one iota. Guess what!!! He’s worried about Maria Pia. Dena says she’ll talk to Maria Pia. Al says that FS isn’t the man that MP thinks he is. Then Al asks if it is ok to go look for Diego. Since their conversation/rehash session was obviously a buzz kill, Dena says go ahead, she’ll be waiting for his return. Al leaves and finds Bernardo. He asks Bernie if he knows where Diego is, because he’s worried that Diego might have done something rash, like go after Monty.

Mr. Burns and Smithers (Monty and Pizarro) are talking about Tobi being accused by the Maestro of being Zorro. Monty says that there is no way that Tobi is Zorro, he’s just as likely as Diego was. Well, Smithers says, the Maestro said he was Zorro so we’ve got to go with that. Funny thing, Monty says, while you were arresting Tobi as Zorro, Zorro attacked my caravan and kidnapped my wife. So, Monty isn’t buying Tobi as Zorro and he tells Smithers that they have to get Zorro, for real this time. He’s sick of all of Zorro’s circus tricks and doing things right under their noses. Smithers suggests that they have the soldiers scour the countryside looking for Zorro’s hideout. Monty says that they’ve tried that and it is apparent that Zorro knows the area really well. They need to come up with a new plan. Monty wrinkles his little weasel nose and says that HE has to be the one to unmask Zorro and he’s thought of a way to trap him. Monty’s decided that since Zorro helps the poor, he’s going to use the poor as means to getting to Zorro.

Esme tells Diego that she wants him to come join her, but the first thing is to get her mother out of prison. She fills Diego in how the plan has developed with the gypsies. She fails to mention that Olmos is helping her, but she does tell Diego that they’ve got one of the soldiers in the prison on the take. Diego doesn’t like that idea, he says that you can’t trust Monty’s men. The two talk some about the logistics of busting Sara Kali out. Diego tells Esme to not do anything herself or have the gypsies do anything without him. (OK, my dog had a little problem during this portion of the show, so I know I missed some of what was said….I thought I heard Esme talk about Diego leaving town and with Zorro disappearing at the same time it might be suspicious, but it wasn’t clear to me….so if someone would gladly clear that up for me, muchas gracias.) Um, let’s see, Bernardo comes into the Bat Cave and tells Diego that papa is worried and looking for him. Bernie makes an exit and Diego mutters to Esme that pobre papa, it’s his wedding night. Esme reminds Diego that it is his too.

Opening credits…

Next day, the sun is rising. We are treated to Yumali in her native clothes riding horseback in the country side. She comes across Al, who is out riding around looking for Diego. Al warns Yumi that it is dangerous for her to be out riding alone, he's worried about her safety. He tells her to return to the house, she asks if she can accompany him in his search. What the hell, he says, why not.

Dolores finds Maria Pia sleeping someplace in the house other than her room. The women get in their daily dose of rehash as well. This time it’s all about Fernando and Maria Pia leaving the convent. Dolo says she’s glad to have MP at the house, but she wants to know why MP left the convent, was it for Fernando? MP says that she made a great mistake about Fernando. Dolo says that he is a demon and need she remind MP of all the terrible things he’s done, need she remind MP of little Diego’s cries for his mother after FS killed her. Don’t tell me you are in love with that murderer, Dolo adds. MP says that they were wrong, FS wasn’t the one responsible for killing Regina. Dolo says she doesn’t believe it because FS is a demon and besides what about the dagger we found on Regina’s body. Wasn’t it Fernando’s dagger? Dolo accuses MP’s heart of softening over the years, but the facts they had at the time are still true. “We were sure then, nothing has changed,” Dolo says. Maria Pia is convinced they were wrong, is there any other evidence other than the dagger?

Meanwhile, at the Sanchez home, Fernando is frantically tearing his office apart. He is looking for the maldita llave. Wee Willy Winky/Olmos comes in, obviously awaken from his slumber by all of Fernando’s racket. Fernando doesn’t laugh at Olmos’ jammies, probably because his mind is on other stuff. He wants to know if Olmos knew about the box with the hidden compartment (as if Olmos would admit it, dumb question Fernando). Of course Olmos doesn’t admit to it. Fernando says that someone stole something of value out of the box. Olmos asks what was it. Fernando is shocked by his curiosity, why are you asking? But then FS remembers that Olmos has always been the master of discretion, so he thinks no more about it.

Diego isn’t too happy about being reminded about Mangle. He tells Esme that he’ll never sleep with her. His plan is to play the bumbling idiot role around Mangle. Esme warns him to be careful, if Mangle wants him she’ll stop at nothing to make sure she gets what she wants.

Monty awakens to an empty bed, or so he thinks. He pulls down the covers and tucked into bed with him is a set of bones and a skull (I might add, very fake looking human remains). Monty jumps out of bed and demands his soldiers tell him who was in his room. No one, they answer, we were watching all night. This bothers Monty. One of the soldiers is inspecting the bed and comes across a note. It reads: “When you tell the Viceroy who killed his inspector, then I’ll let your wife free.” Monty is angry, yells at his men. When the soldiers exit, there is a large “Z” carved into the wood on the back of the door. Nice touch, Diego.

In the Bat Cave, Diego returns. He had left to look for Al and was out an hour, but couldn’t find him. He and Esme discuss the storm outside (apparently it’s started to rain, but it didn’t look cloudy in any of the recent scenes, minor detail, I’m sure). Guess what, there is a beautiful four post bed in the middle of the cave. Diego tells Esme that he’s tired and needs a place to rest. They kiss and head for the bed. They get it on.

Somewhere else, Yumi and Al seek refuge from the storm. Their clothes are soaked. Al is worried that Yumi will catch a chill and tells Yumi she needs to get warm, so he strips off his shirt and we are treated to the sight of his well defined pectoral muscles. Yumi is captivated by them as well, but I think she’ also a little bit afraid. Al finds a blanket and drapes it over her wet clothes. Not an effective way of keeping her warm (he removes his shirt, but her wet clothes can stay on, I’m not following the logic). He pulls Yumi close. I think he starts to feel guilty, so he talks about his wedding, the reception and how Dena’s at home waiting for him. Yumi asks if he loves her and Al says of course, he would only marry for love, that’s what marriage is for, well except for Diego, he got the bum’s rush---forced to marry Mangle. Yumi really isn’t too interested in the Diego rehash. Al ends it by saying that he loves Dena. Yumi says she’s a good woman and Al says yes, and I’ve promised to take care of her forever. Al immediately falls asleep (what is that condition where people just drop off to sleep like that---I swear Al must be suffering from that condition---now there's something that you can worry about Al) and Yumi whispers that she promises to take care of him.

Pizarro shows up at Catalina’s, looking for a little action and possibly some additional evidence that might incriminate Tobi. The two rehash the whole Tobi/ Maestro fiasco. Piza is making moves on Cat, but she’s worried that with Tobi being accused, her honor is at stake. Piza turns her around and starts undoing her dress, he tells her that Tobi has to be investigated and if they find nothing he’ll be set free. That seems to placate Cat and she and Piza go at it.

Dolores goes looking for Mangle. She finds her room empty---everyone’s gone missing, she mutters. Dolo comes across Juan, wearing a very stereotypical Mexican outfit, sombrero included. She asks if he’s seen Mangle. Yeah, she was riding off on horseback.

Out on the veranda, Dena is showing her wares. She’s dressed very inappropriately for a place where hacienda workers can see her, but if she’s not bothered by it, I shouldn’t be. Dena, who I think I’ll dub as the Queen of Rehash, has found someone new to talk to, it is Maria Pia. They rehash Al’s search for Diego and Esme’s news. Dena, la chismosa, tells MP that the baby is Diego’s, but that’s not what Dena wants to talk about. She gets MP on the subject of Fernando and MP’s leaving the convent. MP tells Dena that she made a mistake many years ago and she ended her relationship with Fernando because of it, but now she knows she was mistaken. Dena, like any good gossip, wants to know specifics, what was it that MP was mistaken about. MP tells her she cannot reveal what it was, but what is important is that she's given FS another chance. Dena asks if they’ve talked about marriage and tells MP don’t do it. MP is shocked, not the kind of talk you expect from a man’s sister. MP defends FS, she says he’s changed. Dena warns her not to believe everything Fernando says.

Fernando is still searching for the key. Olmos suggests that they should report the theft. FS doesn’t like this idea and asks Olmos to keep this all a secret. Olmos suggests that whatever it is that FS is looking for just might not be unpacked yet or could it have even been left back in Spain? Trying to appear to switch subjects, but really staying on the theme of the missing key, Fernando asks Olmos if he knows anything about cross locks. Olmos is a walking encyclopedia and provides lots of info. Fernando indicates that he’s interested in how the lock works w/o a key and then he realizes that perhaps he’s said too much to Olmos. Not one to stop, Olmos says that heat can be applied to the lock and it is possible to get it opened that way, it all depends on what kind of metal the lock is made out of. Fernando seems to entertain that idea for the flash of a second, but then realizing it would be rather difficult to apply heat to the lock, when a human head is what is being locked up. I’m sure he had a brief image of that paper mache mask bursting in flames ---it would burn up rather quickly, and faster than you could say Michael Jackson, Sara Kali’s (perfectly coifed) hair would catch on fire. So Fernando tells Olmos that using heat isn’t a possibility. Then he starts to wonder about the break-in. FS knows he packed the missing item and he knows for certain it was in this box's secret compartment. Whomever broke into his office had to know exactly what they were looking for because nothing else is missing. It also had to be someone who had complete access to all of Fernando’s things. Olmos senses that FS is looking at him as the prime suspect, and remembering that the best defense is a good offense, Olmos tells FS that if he (Fernando) cannot trust him, then he (Olmos) might as well pack up all of his things and head back to Spain. This comment works, Fernando says he knows that Olmos is loyal. Olmos leaves and Fernando mutters to himself, for the benefit of the audience, that if he cannot find the key he’ll lose everything.

Back in the storm refuge center, Al is dreaming of Regina. He wakes up with a start and sees Yumi. She says she doesn’t care who he thinks she is and she moves in for a kiss. That’s not quite enough for Yumi, she undoes her, can’t call it a shirt, her native outfit? Yeah I guess that’s good enough---ok well she strips down to nothing and throws herself at Al (yeah, I’m editorializing a bit there, but she was definitely the one making the moves, but Al was no victim). I believe Al called her Regina, but could be wrong about that.

Diego and Esme are in post united bliss, so they use this time to talk about Zorro some more. Diego says Zorro will complete his mission. One of them, can’t remember which one but suspect it was Diego, says that Montero will fall soon and then they will be together, all three of them-father, mother and baby.

Mangle goes to see Monty, she enters his office angry because his guards detained her. She demands to know where his wife is at. Monty wants to know why she is there. She tells him that he ruined her wedding night with his little bombshell at the reception. The two exchange words and Monty roughs her up. I thought they’d get romantic, because this is their usual foreplay routine, but not today. Mangle is on a mission and she’s royally pissed off at Monty. She tells him that she was going to provide him some info, but now she’s not. She storms out of the office muttering that she was going to tell him about Esme’s plot to get her mother, but forget it he can suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, she vows, she’ll make sure that there’s a stop put to Esme’s plan.

Dena talks with Dolo and asks for her help. La reina de chismosa tells Dolo all about her conversation with Maria Pia about Fernando. Dena says that they have to make sure that the two don’t get married, Fernando is not deserving of someone like Maria Pia. Dolo seems a bit shocked that Dena would talk about her own brother this way. Dena says that she’s sure that MP feels guilty about misjudging Fernando in the past, and if she were to marry him it would be because of this guilt.

Yumi and Al are still together. Yumi tells him that they both wanted this. Al answers that “What we want is not always the right thing to have, because we can hurt other people.” He adds, look what we’ve done and says it can’t happen again. He feels remorse because of what he’s done to Dena. Yumi insists what they had between them was beautiful. Al doesn’t deny it, but repeats that it can’t happen again. Here's another thing you can worry about, your wife, whom you've been married to for less than 24 hours, finding out that you slept with your indian God daughter.

Fernando meets with the VCR. They discuss what it is like for VCR to be living in the prison, not his typical kind of digs. VCR tells FS that he’s ordered the prison, every nook and cranny, to be thoroughly searched. He will find SK, because he knows that Monty is lying about her being there. VCR adds that he suspects that Fernando might know something about this, but FS insists that he is loyal to the crown. Well, the VCR adds, “once we find her, we’ll know who betrayed the crown.”

Nutty Nun is collecting alms for the poor. From the poor I might add---always a good source of charity to get it from those who need it. I know, let’s eliminate the middle man, and then Nutty would be out of a job. Out on the street, she gets bumped by a little boy. Nutty drops her coins. Maria Pia, in her fancy clothes, comes along and helps NN. Nutty looks jealous, I guess, at MP. MP tells her it is good to see her and Nutty replies that she can’t say the same. MP rehashes some and brings up that she should have believed Nutty when she said she heard Fernando’s voice in the convent. This revelation gets a reaction out of Nutty. She grabs at her head, I suspect that the voices she hears are having a pretty intense conversation in her mente. Next thing you know, Nutty is collapsing in the street and Maria Pia calls for some help.

Across town, the poor folk have been gathered and brought to Monty. One man pleads for mercy and Monty kicks him (what a great gentleman Monty isn’t). Monty addresses the crowd, he tells them that he has a message that needs to be given to Zorro. Bernardo is in the crowd listening to every word Monty says.

Back in the Bat Cave, Diego is entertaining Esme with his magic tricks. He makes flowers appear from nowhere and then he pulls out a little baby pair of moccasins. Now I say that’s quite a trick, I mean he found out about the pregnancy just at the beginning of the episode and he’s already got baby shoes to pull out of his hat for a magic trick---impressive. Bernardo arrives and puts an end to all of this fun stuff. He fills Diego in on Monty’s message: One entire family will be killed every hour that he has to wait for the return of his wife. The “Z” swishes across the screen and the music begins followed by the credits. END OF EPISODE Ulcer count=5

Labels: Zorro