Caray, Caray!

Marfil confronts Princess Fi, who is lounging by the pool in her black bikini with a black mesh cover-up. Marfil asks "What do you think this is? A five-star hotel? Why are you lounging by the pool?" Princess Fi asks, "Are you more upset that I'm using your pool, or are you more upset I've come to seduce Maxi-Mundane? I obviously have a better body than you." This happy little scene ends when Marfil pushes Princess Fi into the pool.

Cousin Eddie yells he needs to talk to Maxi-Mundane. "Who are you?" asks Dimwit. Iggy comes running in to back up his cousin and sees Dimwit. "Who do we have here? It's the woman who caused me to lose my medical license!" Dimwit retorts that he's the one who got her fired from the hospital in the first place. "Do you know this yahoo?" "Sure do," replies Iggy. "It's Cousin Eddie! And Max wants to steal his wife!" "Ah," says Dimwit, "You're the hubby of Princess Fi. She was here yesterday looking for Max." Iggy says he saw Max and Fiona kissing here yesterday. Dimwit says that's impossible, "Max wasn't even here. Princess Fi left alone." Beatriz enters and offers to call Security. Iggy refuses to be thrown out. Dimwit then gives him the option to leave on his own. Iggy threatens Dimwit; she's going to pay for what she's done. Iggy storms out and Cousin Eddie apologizes for bursting in.

Marfil tries to get Yolanda to throw out Princess Fi, but Yolanda doesn't want to get involved. Marfil starts calling Yolanda "gray" among other insults, but Yolanda is in love. She refuses to rise to the bait. She tells Marfil she refuses to get upset by the insults. She's in love with a wonderful man, and they're getting married! He's on his way to pick her up to buy things for the wedding. Yolanda is on cloud nine. I'd be on cloud nine too if I was marrying someone with dimples like that.

Cousin Eddie is now pouring out his tale of woe to Dimwit. Princess Fi is Cousin Eddie's world. He got so wrapped up in business that their love was confined to Saturday. Now he's sorry. Blah, blah, blah. Dimwit again assures him Max wasn't in the office yesterday because he's been out of town. Cousin Eddie makes some comment about the problems between Dimwit and Iggy. Dimwit doesn't want to discuss the former Doc Evil. Cousin Eddie then apologizes for anything Iggy may have done to her. Finally, Cousin Eddie apologizes again for everything and softly asks, "So what's your name?" Dimwit tells him "Diana Soriano." Cousin Eddie gazes at her with puppy-dog eyes. Heart-string tugging music plays in the background. Could another man be falling at Dimwit's feet? I've lost track of all the guys who've fallen for her since January.

Diablo and Puncho are in the warehouse guarding Max. Diablo announces he's going to the house to pack a suitcase. "Be sure to not let Maxi-Moron escape."

Cousin Eddie asks if she knows Max well. "I'd rather not discuss him either." Cousin Eddie sappily apologizes again for being so rude and introduces himself. He then leaves and we see a pensive, glassy-eyed Dimwit with her signature head-tilt.

Lunkhead jumps in the pool and swims over to Princess Fi. Princess Fi refers to Marfil as a viper with two heads. She then tells Lunkhead he's an excellent swimmer. Lunkhead says he just had a discussion with Marfil, and as much as it pains him, he needs to ask Princess Fi to pack her things and leave.

Fidiota has now assumed the presidency of Perfumes 'R Us. Emili-Oh is in her office. Fidiota wants to know where Max is, since she's not seen him around for awhile. He replies that Dimwit said Max left town on business. Fidiota wants Max's letter of resignation when he returns. As Emili-Oh is leaving, who should walk in but Pasta. Pasta wants to invite Fidiota to lunch. Some love song starts playing in the background. Fidiota says something about giving her hand to Roddy, and wants to know what Pasta thinks of that. Why is he REALLY there? Pasta repeats he wants to take her to lunch. Fidiota asks, "What if I refuse?" Pasta replies he doesn't think she will. The love song drones on.

Dimwit is moaning about how much she wants to see Maxi-Moron when Caramel bursts in. They are going to go to Lala's house and follow Diablo. Perhaps he'll lead them to Max. How many days has Max been held captive now? Still no police involvement? Geez!

Princess Fi begs Lunkhead to let her stay. She has no place to go, she has no money, she doesn't love her hubby, etc. Lunkhead tries to tell her Max loves Dimwit, but Princess Fi cannot be persuaded. Finally Lame Larry caves and tells her she can stay.

Caramel and Dimwit have followed Diablo to the warehouse. While Caramel stands guard, Dimwit sneaks in to save her hanging hero. She has to slap him around a few times to revive him. Does he want to escape ASAP? Of course not. He wants to discuss the fact that she allegedly slept with Diablo. He doesn't know whether he should believe her or not! For that alone, he deserves to be left hanging. Finally Dimwit finds a knife and cuts the ropes that bind his arms and feet. Maxi-Moron falls to the ground and she frantically begs him to escape before Diablo finds them. Too late. In silhouette, in comes Diablo carrying a pistol. He yells at them and we see him firing a bunch of shots in the direction of Dimwit and Maxi-Moron. Commercial.

Caramel confronts Puncho. Puncho exclaims he's heard four shots. Caramel is impactada. Diablo has killed Dimwit and Maxi-Moron! Suddenly we hear sirens and there is a police car filled with three cops.

Kike has come to visit Little Doormat at Perfumes 'R Us. He wants to know why the most beautiful fiancé in the world has responded so coldly. He doesn't even get a little kiss? "As you wish," says Gaby. He goes to kiss her, but she turns her head to give him her cheek. Kike announces he wants to ask if she'll marry him in three days. Gaby looks at him with those big doe-eyes of hers and the Orchestra of Doom crashes.

Diablo announces, "Those were just warning shots. Next time I won't miss!" Maxi-Martyr weakly lunges at Diablo and falls to the ground, at which time Diablo kicks Max. Dimwit is screaming at Diablo to have mercy on Pobre de Max. "You mean like the mercy you showed on me?" screams Diablo.

Puncho is going to investigate the shots when the cops (who look like Junior Explorers) all tumble out of the car. They've come to arrest Puncho for bigamy. Puncho is clutching his pistola, as if he has no plans to be taken alive. Caramel watches in horror as this scene unfolds, "Pobre Puncho!" cries Caramel. Apparently what Puncho has done to Max is not as awful as her Puncho being arrested for bigamy.

Gaby is trying to make excuses for not marrying Kike so quickly. Kike can't be convinced. He wants a small, intimate wedding at Psycho Mansion. Even his parents won't be there since they live in Mexico. Gaby is still stuttering and trying to come up with excuses when Fidiota barges in. "Three days is plenty of time to plan a splendid wedding!" Kike points out even Fidiota thinks a quickie wedding is a great idea. Pobre de Gaby is getting pressured from all sides.

Princess Fi is still throwing a pity party about how awful her marriage is. She and Lunkhead are sunning themselves side-by-side next to the pool. Suddenly, who should show up but Pillow! Lunkhead stands up and suspenseful music plays.

Diablo is still threatening to shoot Max while Dimwit is trying to talk him out of it. Max makes some comment about Diablo being too much of a coward to fight like a real man. Diablo lowers the gun and decides to take Max up on his challenge. Dimwit is still begging them to stop this nonsense. Max makes some crack about Dimwit failing him by sleeping with Diablo. This nonsensical scene ends with both Maxi-Moron and Diablo facing each other with fists raised. What a bunch of buffoons!

Puncho is telling the cops he won't be taken alive. He'd rather be dead than lying on the floor of a jail. Caramel tries to talk him into giving up, and the one Junior Explorer tries to hold her back while still holding a gun on Puncho.

Lunkhead introduces Pillow to Princess Fi. When Princess Fi finds out that Pillow and Lunkhead used to be engaged, she leaves them alone "to talk." Pillow announces that she's decided to move to Spain and live with a friend. She needs to forget Lunkhead. Lunkhead says he supports her decision. I am really excited since if she leaves, that must mean this telenovela is winding down. They've already eliminated Bruno and Andres. Now Pillow is on her way out.

Fidiota asks Gaby if "she's got a minute." After they leave, Pasta asks Kick Me why on earth does he want to marry a woman that doesn't love him. Kick Me responds his love alone is sufficient. Meanwhile, Fidiota asks Little Doormat if Little Doormat plans on challenging her like her evil big sister, Dimwit. "I would never cross you," says a subservient Little Doormat. Fidiota is now all smiles. "Then it's done. You'll be marrying Kick Me in three days. He'll make a swell mate!" Gaby tries to protest but Fidiota starts getting nasty. Finally Little Doormat gives up and agrees to marry Kick Me. Fidiota is happy again.

Pillow and Lunkhead are still discussing her plans. Pillow tells Lunkhead he should try and get Gaby back since he apparently loves her so much. Emotional violin music plays in the background. Just when I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be the train. Lunkhead asks Pillow to stay. Pillow is all too happy to change her departure plans.

A gun fight erupts between Puncho and the Junior Explorers, with Caramel crying and trying to grab the cop's arm.

Diablo, Maxi-Moron, and Dimwit hear the shots. Dimwit tries to get Diablo to leave while he can still escape. Max tells Diablo that the two of them are not finished yet. After too long a period, Diablo runs out of the warehouse. Maxi-Moron tells Dimwit she failed him. He then collapses on the ground and Dimwit kneels next to him crying. The Orchestra of Doom continues.

The gun fight continues until Puncho's gun finally jams. He then surrenders. The cops haul him off as Caramel is wailing about how much she loves him. Puncho says he loves her too, but that he also loves Peyote. As the cops ride off into the sunset, Caramel, wearing a very tight vest showing lots of cleavage, collapses on the ground with her chest heaving. "Puncho, Puncho, I love you! I love you! Puncho!" Commercial.

Gaby is crying in her office about her upcoming nuptials when Emili-Oh walks in. "You can't hide it from me. You've been crying!" Gaby then pours out her tale of woe and how she's obligated to marry Kick Me, since that's what her mother wants. Emili-Oh tries to talk her out of marrying someone she doesn't love. If only she could forget Lunkhead!

Iggy and Camila are at a restaurant bagging on Dimwit to Cousin Eddie. Cousin Eddie doesn't get it; he thinks Dimwit's a good woman and very sweet. More bagging on Dimwit by Iggy and Camila until Fidiota and Pasta show up. Apparently Fidiota couldn't turn Pasta down. When Iggy sees Fidiota and Pasta, he can't help himself; he has to run and call Octopus. He leaves Camila to explain the situation to Cousin Eddie, who still looks dazed and confused.

Octopus picks up the phone. She's dressed in her best leopard wanna-be outfit; a tunic that hangs down to her knees. Octopus is none too happy to get the news that Pasta is at a restaurant with her worst enemy.

Dimwit is trying to get Maxi-Moron to stand up. He's doesn't want to see her since she was with Diablo. Dimwit tells him she had to lie or Diablo wouldn't let her see Max. Maxi-Moron, true to his name, says he doesn't believe her. Meanwhile he's all splayed out on the floor with his best attempt to look pathetic, along with his finest white shoes. These white shoes will outlive us all.

Caramel runs in crying that Puncho has been taken to jail for bigamy. Finally they agree that Max needs medical treatment. They want to carry him to the car, but Maxi-Morose doesn't want Dimwit touching him. Caramel, alone, can carry him to the car. He continues with his pathetic attempt to stumble out of the warehouse, where Dimwit remains alone, crying. Commercial

Cousin Eddie is whining about Princess Fiona leaving him. She's his world, etc. Camila tells him to suck it up; the world's not going to end because Princess Fi dumped him. At that moment, Iggy returns to the table. "Did you tell the witch about Pasta and Fidiota?" "You betcha!" replies Iggy. Camila and Iggy toast to the occasion.

Pasta is groveling to Fidiota. He made a huge mistake when he married Octopus. He hadn't seen her in 20 years and didn't know what he was getting into. Now he's living a nightmare and wants Fidiota back. He realizes how much he loves Fidiota. Fidiota tells Pasta he's too late. She's found someone that she intends to love. Meanwhile, Roddy is in his office grinning ear to ear and repeating Fidiota's name. Ugh!

Dimwit is tucking Maxi-Moron into his hospital bed and tenderly kissing his forehead while he sleeps. How sweet! The man she loves stills believes the worst about her. Their love song plays feverishly in the background. Am I supposed to be all warm and fuzzy?

Caramel is on the phone telling Lala Puncho is in jail and that they found Max. "No, Max is not going to denounce Diablo." Dimwit walks up. The two women cry together about their luck with men. Dimwit has apparently called Larry and Yolanda who are on their way to the hospital. Caramel says they'd better leave before Marfil arrives. They stroll out arm in arm, snuffling all the way to the car, I'm sure.

Lala is lamenting about what horrible sons she has. Now Puncho is in jail. Etc. Diablo is scowling on the sofa telling Lala to give it a rest; he's tired of hearing the same thing over and over. After Lala leaves, he swears that he isn't finished with Max yet. Commercial.

The gang arrives at the hospital, including Princess Fi and Marfil. Marfil refuses to let Princess Fi in Max's room. As the gang is trouping towards Maxi-Moron's room, Yolanda asks Princess Fi to please wait outside. Princess Fi is not happy.

Pasta comes in to his apartment all excited. He has good news to tell Octopus; Puncho's finally in jail! Octopus comes stomping out of the bedroom and wants to know how his lunch with Fidiota went. "Did you tell her how unhappy you are with me? Did you tell her you want to reunite with her?"

Little Doormat and Dimwit are commiserating about the unhappy state of their love lives. Gaby tells Dimwit that Fidiota is making her marry Kick Me in three days. That's not enough time for her to forget about Lunkhead. Dimwit is telling Little Doormat that she couldn't tell anyone about Maxi-Moron's capture because Max's life was in danger. Now Maxi-Moron believes she slept with Diablo. Pobre de Ellas!

There's discussion in Max's hospital room about what happened to Max. Why did Caramel and Dimwit bring him to the hospital looking like this after Dimwit said he was in Chicago on business?

Dimwit is telling Mini-Max that his father wants nothing to do with her. She is feeding Mini-Max a bottle, and I must say Mini-Max is looking Mighty-Cute. He looks like he's about to fall asleep and keeps making these grunting noises.

Iggy is waxing poetic about how much he hates Maxi-Moron and Dimwit. They are the two people he hates most in the world. Suddenly the phone rings. It's Diablo. Doc Evil wants to know who in the heck is Diablo. Diablo reminds him that Doc Evil was the one who left Diablo an invalid. Doc Evil wants to know why Diablo is calling him. "To form an alliance."

Credits roll.

Labels: acorralada

Permalink posted by klee @ 8:07 PM