Caray, Caray!

(Part 2 is up now. Scroll till you see purple.)

That's #291 by Univision's count; 293 hours of semi-unrequited love.

I don't like it when something that I've grown attached to ends. The first time my parents took me to see a movie - Mary Poppins - they were astonished when I started crying during the happy ending. I wasn't crying because of what was happening in the movie - I was crying because I didn't want it to be over. I would cry bitterly at the end of a trip to the zoo or the beach or especially a day at my beloved, now defunct Lincoln Park (and yes, I cried when they shut the place down too).

As I've gotten older, I've become increasingly reluctant to finish books that I've been reading. I get to the last dozen or so pages and a feeling of dread washes over me. Soon this wonderful universe that I've been visiting will cease to exist... or it mysteries will no longer tempt me... in any case, the magic's about to end. I've got a book that's the last of a series... I've had it for years... never cracked it open. I have the last two episodes of Farscape on a tape that I've never watched. Sometimes I've even sad as I get to the last bites of a good meal.

Is it any wonder, then, that as I sat waiting for the 8:23 train to arrive (I missed the 6:48), I wasn't upset that I wouldn't be home to watch tonight's episode "live"? Is it any wonder that even now, I'm totally absorbed by the Mexico/Cuba fútbol game... even though I supposedly hate soccer? Is it any wonder that I'm suddenly battling an unprecedented urge to vacuum the stairs?

But there are things in life that are worth seeing through to the end. I have faith in Fernando. I have faith in fictitious love, if not the real thing. I even have some faith in Lety. So I will forge on bravely.

And so away we go. Spin, little DVD-RAM disk, spin!!

The old lock-up-the-deadbeat-dad trick

The wedding festivities are interrupted by two policemen with a warrant for Efren's (aka El Cheque's, aka Flaquito's) arrest. Lola is horrified. Yazmin/Jasmine/etc. screams at Lola, blaming her for the trouble. Lola screams back that El Cheque owes her two months' child support. The judge warned him, and now here are the consequences. She, Lola, is well-informed and she knows that it (failing to pay child support) is a prosecutable offense.

The homewrecker's witty reply is "Don't tell me that, it's a lie, I'm not going to believe it, I'm not going to listen." Lola dismisses her and worries about her kids. The cops drag ol' Flaquito away. He says he's afraid to go to jail, tells Jaz/Yas that he loves her, and begs Lola not to let the kids know what's happened. Lola is distraught.

The old lock-'em-together-in-a-room trick

Caro calls Omar a womanizer. "Look who's talking," Omar retorts. Caro is stunned by this remark. "You know very well what I'm talking about," he hints. She demands an explanation. He explains that he saw a man come out of her house early one morning and they were talking about something electrical and incredible that had happened the previous night. She laughs at him, but not as raucously as he deserves. She agrees that that man had done a fabulous job for her. "And you're saying it to my face?!" Omar whines.

Caro laughs again and says yes, he fixed a blown circuit. She had bought a lamp for when... "for when we'd live together... uh... for when you would visit me..."

"Live together?" Omar asks like a happy little boy being offered a lollipop. Or a Furby. Whatever it is that the kids like these days. "You and me, me and you?"

"Who else?" Caro asks, adding mischievously, "unless you want me to ask the electrician..." He laughs, takes her hands, peers into her eyes, admits that he loves her, she says she loves him too, and he kisses her. Wow, his hands really are as big as his head. Nice.

They're still kissing. Those crazy kids.

Next day

Lety is babbling nervously to the Nuevo Leon lady that she can't personally be in charge of the campaign, but don't worry, she'll leave it in the hands of her assistant. Barbara, the Nuevo Leon lady, says that her boss Cristina insisted that Lety be in charge. Also, she heard that Lety's getting married, yay. Lety says that the wedding is kind of the reason she can't manage the campaign. Barbara has a suggestion: Lety can marry the love of her life in the Monterrey Cathedral, and do the campaign at the same time.

Barb is pretty excited about the idea; Lety is overwhelmed... that she, the fea, could marry in such an esteemed place. Lety eagerly accepts: she says it's the dream of every bride to marry in a cathedral. (So I guess Aldo is just going to have to stuff the boat then, huh?) "Monterrey, Monterrey, Monterrey," Lety sighs. (Not "Aldo, Aldo, Aldo.")

More mash notes

Marcia unfolds another anonymous note. "Hello my beloved, I hope you are well. I am moved to write to you again because I imagine that maybe you thought it was a joke in poor taste. Or even worse, something dangerous. I promise that it isn't. My interest is sincere; I am convinced that you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Your angelic face fascinates me - your marvelous eyes - so I'm sending you my email address again so we can begin corresponding, gaining first your confidence, and then your heart."

Marcia is intrigued. I still say this man is keeping way too many of the advantages to himself - he knows her name and where she lives and has even followed her around; he won't even tell her his name and yet she's supposed to trust him.

Well, maybe she can google his email address and find out if he has a myspace page.

The mystery of Luigi

Luigi lovingly caresses the face in the poster of himself that he has on the wall. "I can't go to Monterrey," he moans to Lety and Irma, patting his chest as if he's trying to induce a mimisqui. (Not to be confused with a maniguis!) He can't go to Monterrey, because he would have to go back and be born differently - liking women. Lety seems not to be interested in this and reminds him that they can't throw away this opportunity. Luigi refuses.

Lety puts her foot down. "This time, you're going to do what I tell you, or...." She trails off, realizing she's got nothin'. Luigi says "I'm not a horse!" He is starting to cry. He tells her he's about to speak to her sincerely, for the first time ever. He can't go to Monterrey, and he's not going to go. Never. NEVER. And if Lety insists, he will have to leave Conceptos.

Lety is sympathetic, but she doesn't understand. She asks him nicely for an explanation, but he doesn't want to give one. He gets overwhelmed and asks to be alone. "Please, get out, platypus!" Lety is speechless. Irma signals that she'll take care of Luigi; Lety leaves them.

Wow. Luigi really is crying. His whole face is red. He tries to turn Irma away, but she tells him that things happen for a reason; don't give up on this one just yet. She mentions forgiveness. "I can't, I can't forgive, Irmita," he says. He curls up in his chair and weeps for real.

Introducing... Mrs. Jack Tripper-Doubtfire

Aldo is saying that he'd gladly marry her in the Cathedral of Monterrey. What's important is that they get married. He kisses her and gets ready to take off - he has "many things to prepare." Lety invites him to the house dinner, but he says no, today they'll dine away, because they have many things to celebrate, one of which is that they're marrying in Monterrey, completing their marriage classes, etc. Smoochies. Then he reminds her that he has a chance to get back his old restaurant in Acapulco. He just needs Conceptos to pay him back.

But right now he wants they should go check out the catalog for wedding invitations, and look into decorations, music, chairs, tables, etc. She promises that she'll totally get into it so that their wedding will be a success. He hands her the business card from the restaurant where they'll have dinner at 8. More smoochies and Aldo leaves.

Ferni bounds in, cutely calling her "Doña Lets" and she happily calls him "Don Fets." He claims they have problems. (You're tellin' me!) He takes an orange (ORANGE!) highlighter out of her pencil-cup and starts fiddling with it. He whispers to Lety that Jax wants to have dinner with Aurora and Fernando this evening.

You can tell Fern is taking this threat very seriously by the way he's perched the highlighter on his upper lip. Can you imagine Aldo ever using his upper lip as a pen-tray? NO. And that's why I feel that he is utterly unsuitable for Lety. Lety is a very literate, well-educated woman. She often needs to have a pen around, for signing things, doing math, etc. Most people think it doesn't look very dignified to stick a pen behind your ear, and when you wear glasses it's hard to keep a pen there anyway. That's why it's important to choose a mate whose abilities complement your own needs.

Lety also takes this problem very seriously. She demonstrates this by balancing a pencil on her own upper lip. Too bad she got rid of the mustache, because the whiskers could have held it in place. As it is, it's just sorta hanging crooked, as if Lety doesn't know how to scrunch up her face properly.

Fernando goes on to say that Jax is about to give them some type of news, so it's necessary that Aurora attend. "Jax wants us to unite," he says. Jax wants them to dine with a Walter (he fishes a piece of paper out of his pocket to read) Stanleski, one of the richest media magnates of Europe - he saw one of their shows and he's fascinated with Aurora. Lety thinks that someone should tell Mr. (she takes the paper out of Fern's hand to read it for herself) Blahblehski that Aurora can't go. Jax says Aurora is needed to get this dude to sign a contract for millions of dollars. Fern's not sure what the millions of dollars are for, just that there would be a lot of money coming out of this guy.

Lety weakly protests that she already promised to have dinner with Aldo this evening, and... oh no. Does everyone see where this is going? This is going to be like that scene from Mrs. Doubtfire, combined with the episode of Three's Company where Jack had scheduled multiple dates on the same night. That's not going to be easy to live up to.

Naturally, Mr. (Julie checks her notes) Stanleski is only going to be in Mexico for one night, but Fern remembers that his prime directive is to protect Lety's relationship with Aldo, so he's just going to tell Jax it'll have to be some other time.

But I guess Lety isn't so eager to pass up an evening as Aurora with Fern. Fortunately, she has a great excuse: gotta pay Aldo. Not to mention get Conceptos back for Fernando and the Mendi-Roels.

"But what are we going to do?" Fernando asks. "I already know," Lety answers with conviction and a crazy gleam in her eye. "Lety and Aurora are going to eat tonight in the same restaurant."

Fern is worried about this plan. Lety reiterates the need to get this guy's money. He reluctantly agrees.

At the Deadbeat Dad Hotel

Lola visits El Cheque in jail. She has some clothes and a blanket and some food. He says he's there because of her. She says no, he's there because he didn't follow through on his fatherly obligations. She tells him the kids are worried about him. She shows him a photo of him with them. He's worried about what she told them, or if they saw him get arrested. She assures him that they didn't see anything, but they had asked for him and she had to tell them he had gone away. They miss him.

Ah, in a case of perfect timing, Jaz/Yas has come to visit as well. She is empty-handed, except for her purse, which seems to be a bit light in the wallet area today. Lola gets up to leave. He thanks her for the stuff and she's gone.

El Cheque happily turns to his beloved little chippie. She says she's missed him... so much... that she thinks it'd be better if her "name" were not associated with his for the duration of this "situation." El Cheque is aghast that she's worried about her reputation, but she claims she's doing it for his own good; that he knows that she loves him and that she'll be careful about his reputation so that Lola doesn't take everything away from him.

El Cheque abruptly accuses her (after all these months!) of only caring about him for his money. "You never really loved me, did you. Tell me."

"What do you think?" she replies coldly. Now that the party's over, the sweet fluffy little homewrecker is gone. She has dropped the act so quickly, I'm a bit dizzy just watching. She is even colder and more venemous than I ever would have imagined. "Did you believe, Fatso, did you think that I was going with you for your pretty face? Ha! It was always for the money, because you are no more than a fat guy filled with lonjas (markets?), insufferable and revolting."

Not so long ago, Efren Garcia had two women fighting over him. Today, all that's left is a photo of his kids. He holds it to his heart, looking remorseful.

Practice

Lety and Fern begin to develop the plan. Fernando is worried that Aldo will figure it out. Lety thinks they need an accomplice.

After the commercial, we're at the restaurant. Fern and Tomas (the accomplice) use a stopwatch to time Lety's transformation to Aurora. It's taking too long. (Hair up, black lace dress.) Lety complains that if they pressure her it will take even longer. Fern reminds her that there's going to be a lot more pressure soon. They continue badgering her until she emerges from the restroom - and then, they are speechless. For maybe half a second. Tomas says that was ten minutes; Fernando says wow. He is impressed. :-) They both beg her to do the Aurora voice. "Don't touch me," Fern hisses in imitation. She finally does it. Fern and Tomas laugh; then Tomas blows a whistle and reminds them to get back to work. Fern says she needs to spend maybe five minutes with Jax. Lety thinks it needs to be even quicker. She'll show up, tell Jax that she has another engagement and has to go. The diva treatment.

Fern wonders if Aldo will wait 15 minutes. Lety thinks he's smart (even though he can't balance a writing instrument on his upper lip) and will suspect something's up. Fern briefly mocks this, then remembers his Prime Directive (must... protect... wedding...). He tells Tomas that's why they need him - he's going to distract Aldo during all of this. Tomas wants to know how. Fern tells him to make something up. (BIG MISTAKE.)

Fernando tries to choreograph the scene. I don't know how he thinks he's going to have any control over where people sit, but I guess we'll see. Tomas refers to Lety as "Lety la fea," and Fernando corrects him. Lety explains why it takes so long to go from Aurora to Lety as well - all the things she has to do (do the hair, put on the mustache, etc.). "It's tough to be a fea nowadays," she tells them. Fern disputes the "fea" title again. He continues to describe his vision of how things will unfold. He figures by the time Lety comes out of the bathroom and comes to Aldo's table, it'll have been about 20 minutes. Tomas says his distraction will only be good for about that long, so Lety had better be on time. They squabble some more over minutiae and then take their places for another timed run-through.

Nice stalkers finish last

Carmina is in Aldo's office again. He's examining a couple of new Flavor of Life books. She's saying she supervised their printing personally, and tomorrow they'll be in all the stores, in the periodicals section (just in case anyone wants to look for it!). Aldo is very impressed with the books, if not with Carmina. He says these books are a signal that his wedding will be a success.

Unfortunately, even if you put the two books together, they're not quite heavy enough to effectively hit him in the head with.

But wait - not so fast with the head-thwapping just yet. Get a load of this: Carmina asks him if he'd like to go out to dinner to celebrate! Yes! She is STILL trying to get a piece of the Aldo-action! He says no, he's got an important engagement: he's having dinner with Lety!

Carmina looks disappointed that her clever seduction plan has failed.

Domestic bliss

Tomas kisses the side of Alicia's head and says "off I go." She wants to know where. "It's muy noche!" she tells him. He says he'd like to explain, but... he suddenly looks scared and makes for the door. She demands an explanation. She asks if he's steppin' out on her. "Are you jealous?" he laughs, snorting. Of course, she denies being jealous. He makes good his escape. "I don't like to be alone," she mutters sadly to herself.

Aurora spills the beans
Aldo says, "For the Flavor of Life!" He and Lety clink their wine glasses together. She congratulates him with a lot of words and forced emotion. She giggles something about hitting Carmina, or Carmina hitting her. Aldo says he's looking forward to spending this time with Lety, "you and I alone, just enjoying ourselves." Lety gets all goofy with him.

Fernando and Jax show up. To prevent Jax from seeing Lety, he pulls Jax around into a big hug. Fern signals to Lety, and Lety wiggles her eyebrows at him in reply. Aldo is concerned by Lety's apparently unprovoked twitching. Lety says she slept on her neck wrong, so he gets up to give her a massage. Now both he and Lety are facing towards Fern and Jax; Jax is recovering from the hug and about to turn around. Fern ushers Jax to a seat. Meanwhile, Lety experiences a miraculous recovery and gets Aldo to get back on his mark. I mean chair. I definitely did not mean to imply that Aldo was being treated as a prop in some insane charade without his knowledge. No sirree.

Jax wants to know when Aurora's coming. They talk briefly about some singer named Alejandro, I think. Fern reminds Jax that divas never arrive on time, and anyway, that magnate guy isn't here yet either. Jax points out that Walter what's-his-face is coming over from Frankfurt. But if he doesn't see Aurora, it will all be over. He's not going to want to sign, and they can say goodbye to millions of dollars that they can't lose.

Meeting with someone to sign a contract you've never seen, for millions of dollars to do you-don't-know-what, this is a good idea why? There are companies that do quite well for themselves by offering unbelievably large sums of money to small companies to do some project... the small company can't see the flaw in this... and it turns out that big company's project is so much bigger than the small company expected, that the ungodly sum was actually quite petite after subtracting out all of the expenses.

But I digress.

Fern tries to calm Jax and begins whistling loudly. Tomas whistles loudly in reply. There is some more gesturing, then Lety begins snapping her fingers. (She tells Aldo she's counting the minutes till the day of their wedding.) Aldo tells Lety he's got a big piece of news for her: he's made a big step towards getting his restaurant back. (Tomas is creeping along the floor toward them.) I don't get his explanation (it sounds like the restaurant's already in foreclosure??), but it's hard to pay attention to him while Tomas is still sneaking around with the whistle in his mouth. He takes a breadstick off of someone's plate and throws it at Aldo and Lety. Or maybe he only starts to. Lety suddenly exclaims, "I'm going! I'm going!", startling Aldo but appeasing Tomas. She tells Aldo she has to go to the bathroom right now. Tomas skulks around behind a plant and prepares to distract Aldo.

He has an idea. He goes and tells the chef that Aldo DomensaEEn wants to write about him. The chef is honored and thrilled. Tomas encourages him to speak at length with Aldo about all of his chefly secrets.

Meanwhile, Lety is doing the Aurora thing as fast as she can. She's in such a rush that she's being sloppy.

Aldo gripes about having to wait for Lety. Out comes the chef to tell Aldo all of his secrets. Aldo is bemused by the chef's impromptu visit, and points out that, chef-to-chef, he would never ask another chef to reveal his secrets. He asks the chef who put him up to this.

Tomas is looking at the stopwatch and urging Lety to hurry up. Lety warns him that she's driving him crazy, then wonders, if Tomas is there bugging her, then who's distracting Aldo? He tells her about the restaurant's chef.

Finally Aurora is ready. Tomas points out the chef to her and tells her to be careful. (The chef is calling Aldo "Saldo," which means "balance." Not sure I get the joke unless it's just the general amusement of another person getting his name wrong again.) Aldo is ignoring the chef and looking over his shoulder towards the bathroom.

Aurora walks right past Fern without looking at him and allows Jax to kiss her hand. Fern greets Aurora as well and takes her other hand. "Don't touch me," she reminds him. He drops her hand and tries not to smirk. (Tomas crawls along the floor to watch.) Fernando tries to make small talk and calls her Doña Aurora. She protests, don't call me Doña, there's only one of those - "may my friend La Felix rest in peace." (A reference to Mexican actress Maria Felix, who was known as La Doña.)

She warns Jax that she doesn't have much time. Jax tries to argue, but Aurora says that Fernando already told her about the big magnate Walter... (Fern hands her the paper so she can read, but she doesn't have her glasses on) Stanilaski. "Stasleski," Jax corrects her, miffed. Aurora says she doesn't want to wait for him, but Jax says he's the owner of the most important channels in Europe. Aurora stands and says that he can't be important enough to make Aurora Mayer de Salinas wait. Jax gets her to sit down again and says, "but you have to wait for him, right now, is that clear?" Aurora begins whining "I can't" in her Lety voice, but Fern cuts her off and says she needs to clear her throat. She does so with a glass of wine. I believe this would be her second - the first was with Aldo.

Speaking of Aldo, the chef is getting up and saying, "Please keep tasting, Mr. Saldo." Tomas, hiding behind some sparse-looking foliage, panics as Aldo looks at his watch and gets up to check the bathroom for Lety. Tomas jumps out to intercept him - thinking fast, he says he came over alone because his chica is busy "doing some things." He invites himself to sit down and tell Aldo all of his troubles, namely the gynecologist's alleged recommendations which have resulted in Tomas not getting any action for the last few weeks. And that's why he's here alone. If he stays at home, there's too much temptation.

Aldo's reply to this is completely drowned out by music and there's no caption. If anyone here can read lips in Spanish, we'd all be most grateful. :-)

Aurora hurries back to the restroom, complaining that she hates Walter "Malvaski." She's waving her arms around and seems slightly buzzed, but tells herself she has to go through with it. She reaches for some eye makeup remover.

A moment later, Lety emerges from the restroom. She gives Aldo a kiss, they toast, and she downs another glass of wine. Then she finishes his. (This makes four. Now I know for sure that Lety has never seen Mrs. Doubtfire - if she had, there's no way she would be drinking right now.)

Shortly thereafter, she's Aurora again. Walter What's-his-face has arrived. Aurora stumbles slightly as she approaches, and Fern hurriedly puts her in his chair. As he pushes her chair to the table, she looks like she's on a queasy amusement park ride. They all toast, and L'Aurorety guzzles drinky #5.

Next thing we know, Tomas is looking at his stopwatch again as Aurora dashes for el baño. She's now seriously impaired, but manages to pull herself together, more or less. Her granny blouse is untucked, but she's still wearing the right face and clothes and jewelry as she kisses Aldo and slumps in her seat, proclaiming "I love you so much, so much."

Now back to the bathroom. I don't know if she had another drink with Aldo just now, but the previous five we already know about (that's more than a 750 ml bottle's worth) are definitely catching up with her. She's draping the dress and wig over herself every which way and laughing in the mirror.

Somehow she finishes changing. She mushes her face against the bathroom window and crosses her eyes and grins goofily at the sensation of the cool glass on her lips, which are probably getting numb. She barely manages not to tear her dress as it gets caught in the door. She steadies herself between the wall and a potted plant, fixes her eyes on Jax's table, and proceeds with steely determination. Walter Blahblahski gives her drink number 6 (or 7) "for your beauty." She tries to toast to his something as well, but she slurs the last word. It sounds like "remate" which means "end." Hmm. She turns to Fern and whispers loudly at him to behave himself - "they're going to give us their business." Fortunately, Walter is charmed. Tomas grimaces nervously as Aurora finishes the drink.

She bumps into the bathroom door and then remembers how to work the doorknob. She laughs at herself in the mirror and tells herself that her boyfriend must be pretty desperate by now. She tries to drink out of the bathroom faucet, but can't reach. She mumbles some more as she reaches for her Lety clothes.

Walter is telling Jax and Fern that he likes Aurora, but unfortunately he has to leave. When he gets to Frankfurt, he'll send them the papers to close the deal. Fern happily agrees. Walter thanks them and gives Fern a big back-slapping hug. "How strong and fornidos (??) the Germans are," Fern says. Fern congratulates himself and Jax, and asks how many countries this will put their show in. Jax says that for now, it'll be 20 countries. Fern and Jax gloat over the immense amount of money they'll be making.

The evening's mission is accomplished. Conceptos will be able to pay off its debt to Aldo, and Aldo will be able to buy back his old restaurant. A happy ending is in sight. At this point, NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG.

Tomas is warning Lety that he can't distract Aldo any more, and that she needs to come out. She says she'll be out in minutes, or go to the dogs. (Something like that.) She assures Tomas that she's okay, so he goes to the bar. She is just a few steps behind him. She stumbles back to Aldo's table. "My love, my Sun" she crows loudly. Aldo looks up, stunned. "Another toast!" she howls, brandishing drink number 7 at least.

Now we can see why Aldo's so impactado. She's wearing Lety's jacket over Aurora's gown. She's wearing Aurora's face and Lety's hair. And there's a huge, scary, bright red grin on her face. Tomas rushes to her side, preparing to do damage control.

Aldo stands. He looks disappointed and bewildered. For a moment, Lety's grin seems to droop, as if she has figured out that something has gone wrong. But then she smiles again and wiggles her eyebrows at him.

---

Monday
Lety puts on her glasses, looks in the mirror, and realizes why Jax and Aldo are staring at her like that. Aldo's cold sore throbs with outrage.

Labels: fea