Caray, Caray!

We open tonite with Gavi telling the Jimadors to bring it on, she is one of them. The Jimadors scoff at her, with her fancy clothes and her city ways and her fine, soft hands. It’s on Gavi challenges Serafina & Rosa to a Agave down. Five thousand pesos (slighty less than $500 US) is riding an Agave chopping contest.

Gavi grabs the Agave tool and the games begin…the crowd goes wild, the men are standing around and cheering, certain hawt chick mud wrestling can’t be far off.
Up to the big Hacienda, the Hil replacement tells Rod that Sofie and Frankie have arrived, now he is off to get Roman.

Meanwhile let us stroll on over to Dry Gulch Acres where we see Mr. James calling for Acacia, why now he is becoming worried, he is screeching for her. Oh poor Mr James, Acacia can’t hear you cause she is in "Barn of Many Secrets", where she has lit a candle and is having a bit of a Jersey sit down over the tomb of Meliton. Is it just me or does that pile of rocks seem to get bigger? Anyway she is crying and lamenting over the death of evil Meliton. I mean it really was an accident, she did not intend to kill him, so I’m thinking man-slaughter at the most with time already served. Anyway, James comes in and asute judge of human nature that he is, he questions Acacia. "Que Pasa, Pequena?" Then James actually has the nerve to say "What is that?" while gazing at the "Tomb of the Unknown Incest Committing Uncle". Now I must interject here, could this AssHat be any more worthless? He hasn’t been in the barn in two months? Has he just been at that school teaching other young men how to tie that totally effeminate tie? Go on Acacia…do it the first murder is always the hardest, it just gets easier. But no, Acacia blurts out she killed Meliton. James is horrified…he can’t believe it. Acacia is one blank stare away from a catatonic state. She begs James to understand, she has blood on her hands, but it was an accident. James will not be an accomplice to murder, oh no little missy, you are not getting him involved in that. She begs him not to leave her…but noble Englishman that James is, he stubbles out. Ahhhh good James that you went to Mexico, cause had this been the West of Ireland, you’d be in the bog with Meliton. Damn Acacia wails like a lost motherless child, oh wait she is a lost motherless child. Mr. James, my hate for you knows no bounds.

Now on the lighter side Gavi whipped up on the two Jima girls and she didn’t even break a sweat, see that lugging around fifty pounds of out of print encyclopedias really paid off. It is congrads all around and Gavi tells her CRT guy to go buy bottles for everyone..There is a party goin on right here.

Up to the big Hacienda, Sofie walks in and Frankie kinda slithers behind her. Hand shaking and fake platitudes all the way round, when in walks what I at first mistake for a life size version of the new "Skanky Mama Bratz" doll, but no wait is it our favorite "embarazada ella". Damn she is wearing a black mid top with gold lame embossed design, some pregnant women knit others bedazzle. A totally fetching belly ring (I bet no CZ) there and some low ridin black pants. Girl friend, did someone put a "InStyle" cover over a copy of "Easy Rider" magazine? Hmmm I think maybe Dani & Elvis played a little joke. Rod always the diplomat is like "Que the Hell are you doing here?" Well Isa was tired of being alone (she does a point), so she decided to join the family at the ranch. Rod has the look of a fourteen-year "I never get to have any fun."

Now through the magic of TeleVisa we are transported to Miami, where there is an awesome shindig going on. It is a party with all of Aaron’s who’s who list. Pamela and Fedra come in an Aaron chastes Pamela for being late. She has her Ma & Pa in tow. Pammy’s mother having red hair does not explain that never seen in nature shade that Pammy sports and Pammy is nowhere near cool enough to wear that color cause she is making a statement. I also must add that I think Aaron is being way harsh with Pam tonite cause by the look of her lips she has had some sort of near fatal allergenic reaction. Aaron says he is going to have to go to Mexico and to the wedding of Sofie. Pamela is angry, his own family won’t attend their Wedding and she suspects he is only going to hook up with Minnie. Pam stomps off. Aaron has another slight stroke and orders the maid (this is the same one who was covering for Pam and Aaron), to get his bag ready and find his passport. Pammy sneaks up to the bedroom and takes Aaron’s passport.

Now back to the Hacienda, Gavi is talking to the Jimadors who are enamored with her. She tells them of the dangers of the Agave diseases. Of course the Jimadors want to stop this disease cause what is good for Montalvo is good for them, not to mention that for a work break and free booze they’d listen to George Bush explain his Iraq policy. There was a time when for free booze I too would have listened. Gavi says she has to go, but the people encourage her to stay and drink with them. Gavi agrees she feels at home being with "Her People", can a waving scene off a balcony and an Evita speech be far behind?

Up in the Big House, Sofie, Frankie, & Rod are chatting it up. Sofie says she wants to have a kid in a year. Isa thinks Stupida, I’m thought bubbling the same thing. Isa is sitting silent on the couch. Rod asks her if anything is wrong, but she denies it. James arrives and asks to speak to Rod, he then picks up a bottle of Tequila..he tells Rod he can’t stay at Dry Gulch. Rod hands off the bottle to the ever-present SannnaWanna and escorts James out of the room. Frankie is like "Que the Hell?", Isa answers that James is the former boyfriend of Sofie and James married a poor Campesina. Sofie says they broke up a long time ago and Frankie says the past is the past. You know Frankie after seeing James is totally feeling like the man.

Rod and James are sitting out on the patio drinking Tequila. Would you think, that maybe just once; Rod would STFU long enough to at least ask James what the problem is? But oh no, Rod just serves another big steaming heaping plate of rehashed hash. Rod regales his Gavi tales of how he tries to forget her but can’t finally he is like what do you think? James does not answer, Rod is "Are you listening to me?" Really at this point I so want James to say, "I quit listening like two years and nine months, yet your lips just keep moving." Once again I am disappointed. Finally Rod asks what is wrong, like an afterthought, but James says he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Sofie and Isa are in the bedroom and Sofie’s Wedding Dress, which I shall Dub "The Dress of Future Disappointment" is perched on a stand. James comes in, I think he was looking for the room he was supposed to sleep in. He says it is a beautiful dress, Isa excuses herself and leaves the two of them alone.
Now then I was completely wrong earlier when I said could James be anymore worthless? Cause yes he could and he proves it. James laments his decision years ago not to return to London with Sofie. Sofie is like "Well it is a little late for that", James is all emotional and their hands meet over the Wedding Dress, thankfully James has not gone into a full blown Stigmata and he does not bleed on the dress, but it looks like James is gonna try and cop a feel..Sofie wanting no part of it, other than to twist the knife a bit, is like well it is what it is. She leaves. Gawd I got the Rod asking Isa to get married feeling here. Like hey my marriage didn’t work out, but can we twist like we did in England baby? Really you know I am glad the IRA made peace, but whacking James would a been a most excellent fund raiser.

Now The FrankMaster is out on the patio with Rod, note that while the manly men and manly women drink Tequila, Frankie drinks what look like Brandy. He is telling Rod how the Ranch is just paradise, paradise I say, virtually the Garden of Eden. Well with the way Frankie slithers I’ll take him at his word, (wouldn’t it just be great if he had a little sssss sound when he spoke?), he says how it is so much better than the dirty, smogging, crime infested city. Frankie then queries how do people make a living there. Rod says there are many jobs and names a long and rather boring list. Why doesn’t he just hire Frankie to carry his boom box and flip over the "Songs for My Rod" cassette? Rod says Frankie can stay there…but Frankie does not give him an answer. My husband says he is holding out for more money. Meanwhile during this manly gabfest, Gavi has crept up along with Rosa and Serafina, to gaze upon Rod, the girls having been putting away the Tequila and Gavi isn’t the least bit shy about focusing on Rod. I guess this is what girls do in places where they don’t have a car to drive past Bobby’s house all night. The girls are giggling and Gavi tells them to be quiet. Finally they say, hey we gotta get up early. Gavi just wants to stay and watch. Gavi has apparently forgot that sunup to sundown of cutting Agave is a bit much. Rod moves closer to the edge of the darkness as if he can sense Gavi in the darkness. Finally he goes in and falls on the bed fully dressed, Isa wakes up and asks if he isn’t going to put on his footed bunny sleepers, later he says. Isa can sense a disturbance in the force.

Gavi and her two new best gal pals go over to the "Burned out Shell of Misspent Dreams", the girls tell her that that is where Rod burned the bungalow down. Gavi is tortured by the thoughts of how now the dreams are gone and she is alone.

Back over in Miami, Aaron makes a little, Geez ain’t life grand speech and how happy he is that he is marrying into the fine Tequila family of Pammy. Pammy’s Pa makes a speech about how fine Don Amador was; how he contributed to more cirrhosis than any other Tequila manufacturer. There was not a sober person in the crowd. (did you notice the floor they were standing on was glass and you could see the water below? This probably has a calming effect on Pammy.) Well the servant girl comes back and tells Aaron she can’t find the passport, so Aaron has another small jaw clenching, pig snorting stroke, tears up the bedroom and threatens the servant. Fedra gives the all knowing eye to Pammy. Later Pammy & Aaron (the party is still going on) get into a clench where is grabbing her and threatening her. She accuses him of trying to hook up with Minnie and says he only wants a spawn to claim the Montalvo fortune.

Stay tuned tomorrow looks like a great show, Aaron is sporting sunglasses (covering a drug habit?), Minnie is getting out her best thong underwear, Gavi is croonin in the Agave & Isa does not disappoint in what looks to be a taupe & white stripe baby showing belly top as she confronts the crooner of tunes in the Agave fields.

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