Caray, Caray!

Before I begin, I must confess Oklahoma lost its Univision Digital Cable and after rebooting the cable box and trying to get it, I was forced to watch it on basic cable with no captions…So hold on we are in for a bumpy ride..

We rehash the Ines, Saintly & Ma debacle. Realizing that Ines is too enamored with Vasco, Saintly & Ma have arranged for Ines to jump the broom with Ascancio. Never, Never if she can’t have Vasco she doesn’t want anyone.
Give this girl a pink notebook, a pink feather sparkle pen & we’d have Vasco & Ines 4ever.

Anyhow, Saintly runs into ever drunk Vasco and threatens to smack the crap out of him, if he encourages Ines. Dude talk about closing the barn door after the cows got out.

The editing leaves much to be desired..we now see Ines flee to Vasco. He is home and asleep. The servant gets him and he comes down to see her. Geez Ines; I certainly hope this doesn’t affect his staying up all night whoring and puking.

Ines tells him about Saintly and he says okay…play it cool, pretend that you are going to marry Ascancio & meanwhile, I’ll write when I get work. Okay I added the last part, cause we all know Vasco isn’t going to work. Anyway Ines is horrified that Vasco isn’t ready to jump the broom.
Oh little girl…

Don Justo goes to see Sofia about the Cami/Gonzalos debacle. I’m sorry but could this guy be a bigger wuss? What is the problem in this town, why to all the men above the age of thirty suffer from a serious testosterone shortage? Just slap some lipstick and a fake mole on him and he can sit around with Fortuna chowing on bon bons. He fills Sofie in on the Cami/Gonzalos prenuptials.

Meanwhile in the den of sordid secrets..Whorehey & LaFont of the seven-inch widow’s peak hair, converse over the next caravan they plan to waylay. Sofia interrupts the conversation with a “Que the Hell, is up with you trying to marry off Cami to Gonzalos?” She proceeds to tell Jorge that Cami & Ric gotta a thing goin on. He is appalled, Ric could be a bad man.
Jorge…here is a shout-out from the audience, yeah a bad man in the best way, we are counting on it.

Sofie counters, well he was good enough for Ursula.
Jorge retorts, hah he dumped Ursula cause he had a girlfriend and now he is after Cami. Hmmmm Jorge thinks Ric is up to no good.

Mario moves his belongings into Cami house of unrelated ner do wells. Jimena is giving him the flirty look.

Jorge says that if Ric stands in his way, well death is a solution. Egads the heart or other organ wants what the heart or other organ wants. If only his heart would fail like his other organ. Now I am not sure he said Ric would die, but what the hell? Somebody is gonna die.

Sofia tells Justo that Gonzalos is as depraved as Jorge. Now normally this would enrage a father and he would send his daughter into hiding or a nunnery. However, I am sure Justo will simply keep a better eye on his goat flock.

Ofelia stops by with the poor motherless child Paco of the Mullethead to visit Cami, she is a bit nervous to see Mario there.

Justo comes by to tell Cami it is a no go with Jorge.
I’m sorry, but don’t widows pretty much get to do what they want? Think Scarlett. I mean seriously once you’ve been wed and the old virgin urgin thing is done.

Cami like all good TeleNovela heroines goes to the church and pray, where she lays out all the bad things that have happened to her.

Ric is on the ship and spots Gonzalos the Depraved chowing down. I guess that seasickness passed. Anyway Ric tries to make conversation with him, but Gonzalos blows him off. Ric has a pissed pirate look on his face.

Finally it is night and Jesus; no not that Jesus comes to see Mario. The gang is about an hour away.

Ofelia tells Saintly that Cami and Ric are an item. Saintly is enraged (well not enraged like normal people are, but he is a bit miffed for Saintly), how can this be? Ric could be a bandito for all they know. Yeah he is a regular Clyde Barrow and Bonnie is faking her blindness and they are traveling with Tia Barker.

Now Ines, the unchaste comes in and says she saw Vasco. He doesn’t want to marry.
At this point my picture frozen and I had zombie Saintly staring frozen on the screen.
Please I beg Saintly, I am sorry I have mocked you through two entire TeleNovelas, breathe. Alas my cries of anguish are in vain.

Okay…I missed some stuff.
When I turn on basic no captions cable…
Mario is with the pirates, he puts a pistol to Lazarus’s? head. I think this was the guy who was supposed to free Claudio, Angel, Cami & Jimena, but pocketed the dinero instead.

Next we see Ric and others departing the ship on Isle de Somewhere. He gives a boy money to follow Gonzalos the Depraved.

The sea journey has done Ric no harm, he is sporting a fine tan and the fresh sea air has brought the curl out in his hair. He is not disguised. I guess he figures no one will recognize him with out his trademark pirate doo-rag.

Justo the spineless and Sofia are visiting Ofelia’s family. Sofia is still trying to find out if WhoreHey is the father of Saintly. I for one certainly hope so. Vasco has done Ursula, the half sister of Saintly and Ines the other half sister of Saintly. Now the way Sofia was talking ol’ Whorehey had a boatload of bastard daughters. With any luck, Vasco could nail another one and he’d have a trifecta. Well country rube relative of Ofelia, gives up the 411, yes indeed, Ofelia was accosted by a rich important man before she was wed, but never gave up the name.

Ric goes to see his padrino, he is a religious guy. Actually it is Eric Castillo, I don’t know what his name is in this. Ric tells him the story of how his Tio & Tia framed him for the murder of the whore. Padrino looks weary and tired of life. Dude perk up, it is your job. He gets up and walks around. That is an awful wig and he is wearing like a religious fat suit. That is yards upon yards of billowing cloth. Somewhere in the TeleVista cafeteria a table (a very large table) is missing its cloth.

Now Ric is checking into a hotel.
Bad editing…he is bursting into a squalid room with dirty people and a fat guy with bad teeth. He accuses the fat guy of murder. Fat guy denies it. Ric pulls out a sword and goes all Guantanamo Bay on his ass. Yep a sword to the throat and people will confess to anything. I’m glad he confessed cause it would have taken Ric sometime to set the waterboarding up.
The soldiers come in and arrest fat guy. Ric gives the poor slaves money and just in case you were wondering, yes that is where Abe Lincoln got the idea.

Meanwhile Gonzalos has gone to the Clinica de Dysfuncional Penes, alas the doctor is dead.

Now Gonzalos is having dining with some local. Not only the local but everyone in this establishment have the worst wigs I have ever seen. They aren’t even on straight. Gonzalos the Depraved is like digging in his mouth for food that has wedged up around his gum line. This guy is quite the catch. The local tells Gonzalos that he doesn’t know Lopez de Carvajal, but Lisabeth has a pirate cuz, named Ricardo de Salamanca.
Funny he should mention that cause Ricardo is back with priest guy. He does his best young boy act and tells him that he is now in love with yes, Cami. Priest guy, is thrilled for Ric yet apprehensive too about the problems that may ensue. You would just think Godfather Priest guy would just be happy that Ric is not eternally damned for killing a whore, he just slept with her which is easily forgiven with a few hail Mary’s and a couple of Our Father’s.

Also at some point Ric mentioned he has been on the lam for 15 years for a crime he did not commit. So I guess that makes him about 34 and a fine specimen of a man.

So anyway…Stay tuned
Tomorrow Cami is talking to Jorge on the street, about what? Beats me.
But Cami I do have some advice for you. Jorge is shorter that you and staring right at you bountiful breasts. You may want to wear a shawl when he is lurking.

Thanks for reading my recaps..
I think this is my last one for Pasion
as next week I get to start mocking Cesar Evera, he has a kid that was dumped off at the Church and an Amante..No Puede Ser..

Labels: Pasion