Caray, Caray!

I am really vague on the first 15 minutes because I was trying to figure out why my DVR wasn’t recording, bad DVD, those things don’t last very long.

First I have to say, is this not the most dysfunctional family evah? Al is like the shining star, but that is only cause the rest are so one-dimensional. The only difference between this group and a Springer show, is a full set of teeth and we are missing the lesbian cousin/sister/mother that pops in during the last fifteen minutes. I mean come on, the drunk wife, the cousin boinking the other cousin’s girlfriend. The worthless brother-in-law trying to scam Granny with the fake kid. The Amante, either Al’s or Consti’s take your choice she has banged both. And while they don’t say it, Consti confiding in the Padre, cause they are all just good Christians. Alas Fluff, but entertaining fluff I must say and not an episode goes by that doesn’t make me feel so much smarter & better than the rich folks living in the big house. I swear they replay this plot line in Mexico to make the poor folks feel so much better about being poor, but moral than the rich folks who are rich but morally bankrupt.

Anyway I know we had a rehash of Al trying to make nice, while Hugo the sadly insane swooped in like the Zopalote de Amor (Vulture of Love) to watch the relationship die and then feed off the remains. Graphic yes, but I call em as I see em. Hugo tells Al, that he and Mili have been doing the deed. Mili screams at him that it is a lie, but Hugo only laughs and tells Al that he is telling the truth. Al storms off holding back his tears.

Meanwhile I believe there are folks in the bleachers, jeez how great is that? You think you are going to some lame ass kid’s soccer practice and as a bonus freebie you get the dueling rich cousins screaming boink details. I guess if you had a kid with you perhaps you would not be amused, but having none myself I would have been rolling and I would have been equally amused had by nephews been with me in their younger days. Hey I am not their parent.

Anyway enough about me, Mili is totally pissed, which she certainly has a right. Why did Hugo lie like that? “Because I love you”, Hugo answers. “You sick thing,” Mili counters, “that isn’t love, that is sick and twisted.” Hugo only smiles.
Hello, Mili like painting your head on deadgirlfriend’s nude body isn’t, well a bit unusual? Oh Hugo you are so in love, Dude cut off your ear and then we can talk about it.

Andrea and Consti have some kind of plan. Consti is like, well looks like it is over with Al, so now that you are single again, how’s bout we do the nasty? Andrea is like, lest you forget my ex almost father-in-law, you are still married. Andrea says on paper it has to look like Consti & Luci have a good marriage.
Andrea says to use Luci. How? “Make her happy” Andrea answers. “The only thing that makes her happy is a bottle of whiskey in her hand”, Consti answers. Andrea continues with, Luci is a primitive woman, simple, you just have to woo her with romantic gestures.
----What frickin planet are these people living on? He has abused her for like twenty years and this little plot is going to turn everything around? Why would anyone take advice from Andrea?----
During this lesson in love, Consti looks like he is too bored to even try and undress Andrea with his eyes.
Andrea just happy that someone is paying attention drones on. Luci feels like trash. Conti says it is cause she is trash. Jeez, this guy is just such a RatBastard. Well Andrea says, he has to play the game and seduce her.
----Consti perks right up at the thought, being that he is in the political spot light, he has had to give up torturing small animals, and Que the Hell, Luci is the next best thing----
It could be fun and besides it won’t cost him a thing. Andrea is going to put the plan into action by ordering some awesome flowers for Luci the Unloved.

Mili is have a one on one with Jesus, she is talking about Hugo and her ex.
“Mili”
She jumps thinking, Jesus has decided to an answer.
Nope, it is only Padre Manuel, who is worried about her. She beats around the bush with how did things start out so swell with Adam and Eve and end up so awful for women now?

Al has gone to see Granny, it is all over with Mili. His cousin has had his revenge for Carmen. Al leaves. Granny has an ah ha moment and goes over and digs a book out of her draw.

Andrea is ordering flowers to be sent to Luci, they must simply be the most exquisite available.
After the call, the phone rings again as Damien is entering the reception area. The call is for him. Damien tells Andrea to tell whoever, that he is not in. Damien feeling bad about his white lie, leaves. Andrea passes the message on and whomever is calling gets rude with her.

sThe brief details of the Mili/Padre conversation are she is very jaded, her Ma died cause of a man (getting her pregnant and her dying) and Mili is never going to trust anyone. The Padre says she is only 18.
Ah at that age it does seem like your heart will break.

Hugo is in his room, staring at the painting of dead girlfriend with Mili’s head attached. He caresses the face, down to the neck. Then thank all 365 of the calendar saints, a knock at the door. I so didn’t want that scene to continue. Yippeeee it is the voice of reason, Granny. She comes in and sees the painting. Mili?
“Yeah”, he answers. “Are you in love with Mili”, she asks. “Yeah” he answers. Then some talk about Al. Hugo the BSC says, “He betrayed me first with Carmen”. So Granny whips the book out. Hmmm, here is the diary of Carmen. Her family gave it to us after she died. You were too BSC to read it, so I have been holding on to it all these long loco years. She gives him the diary. Hugo sits down and opens the diary.

Val the Vapid and Sergio are in the living room, he is a bit touchy and she is a bit giggly. Luci is watching. Luci comes in and greets them. Gloves comes in carrying a huge ginormus bouquet of roses. Val the Vapid thanks Sergio. Hold on a moment, lil Miss Vapid; the flowers are for Luci. “Oh Ma, from a secret admirer.” Luci the sad lil alcoholic lights up. Maybe they are from her main man, Jack Daniels, thanking her for the many nights they have spent together.
----Sorry I couldn’t resist it was just too easy----
No, they are from Consti. Luci looks like she just swallowed the bile that rose.

Now on to the “Painful Truth”, Hugo reads the diary. We begin with, I am not in love with Hugo, but if Al is interested, well. I’m game, I want to have his kisses, his hugs and other assorted body parts, but they are primos and he is very sensible. So this very night, I am going to seduce Al.
Okay..I may have missed some of this, but basically it was like “I’m gonna bang him harder than a snare drum during a Mardi Gras Parade”.
Hugo throws down the diary, which in the spirit of full disclosure; I must tell you, this was only the first few pages of the diary. Just think if Damien hadn’t killed her, this girl was well on her way to Amante Princess. A promising career squashed in it’s prime.

Hugo, says “How could you do this to me?” I hate you. I believe he is referring to deadgirlfriend, not Al.

Downstairs, Al is throwing down drinks. Val teases him and he takes off. Andrea is there and Sergio the golddigger. Awkward. Sergio has a look like, damn, this whole thing isn’t going to be exactly free. In comes Consti, Val having watched way too many episodes of Beverly Hills 90210, makes a big deal about Pa being home and hanging on Sergio. Luci once again swallows a mouth full of bile and thanks Consti for the flowers. Andrea smirks.

Hugo enters Al’s room. He says he read Carmen’s diary. He says he judged Al wrongly and he realizes Carmen was a skank whore. (Yeah, but, yeah but, yeah but…Al didn’t have to go along with it).
Well seems like both our boys skip over that point, you know men will be men. Anyway, Hugo in the spirit of fair play confesses he lied about Mili, indeed, Hugo never banged that drum.

Now some Naco crap in the kitchen, missing Mili, Karla raving, Morgan talking to Horacio, Horacio recites some poetry to Karla’s Ma and she gives him a big kiss.

Luci and Consti’s bedroom. Luci is sleeping. Consti is thought bubbling how he married an idiot for the money, how Al will end up with the company. Consti wonders what would happen if he said he wasn’t Al’s Pa. Then he kisses Luci’s head and says they will have a model marriage. She sleeps through it all. Jeez I hope she is exhausted from a long night of making love to the man who never betrays her, Jack…Jack Daniels.

Al goes to see Mili at the convent. Oh my Gawd can you believe it, they make up. Al wants to marry her. Do you feel obligated? No, he loves her and he wants to marry her and tell everyone, she wants to wait. Let it be their little secret.
Anvils of doom…fall in a circle around the happy couple.

Hugo feeling all good about himself, goes to tell Andrea that he fessed up to Al. The game is over. Andrea is looking a shade beyond her normal pissed self.

Damien is having breakfast in a hotel? A hawt young chick prances past.

Gloves enters Luci’s room, she has clothes laying out and her lil Walmart suitcase. Gloves is caressing her dress. She says you like it? He says you know me so well.
--It was a Creepy scene—Dude must everyone in this house be so twisted?

Damien sends hawt chick his card with a message, she giggle and tears it up. She leaves, he follows. Much talk in the parking lot. I think he thinks she is a call girl. He gets in her car.

Padre comes to visit Consti, Consti is upset that Mili has returned to the house, it is dangerous cause he things there is something between Mili & Hugo and he says Hugo is BSC.

Mili tells Granny that Al wants to marry her. Granny says it will be tough, but she will help them.

Damien is riding in the car, leaving a trail of DNA on the call girl as he slobbers on her arm and then caresses her leg. Suddenly a guy sits up in the backseat and jerks a wire around Damien’s neck. Outstanding, Damien comes up about 6 inches off the seat.

The End..

Don’t get too excited..Damien is in the previews and it isn’t flashback scene.
Andrea tells Mili, fine you got Al, I guess my baby doesn’t have a father….
Cliché..
Meanwhile..Andrea crawling across Consti in the bedroom, when Luci flips on the lights,
Honey I’m home.
If you can’t wait to see what happens, just tune into the next episode of Springer….same difference.

Labels: guapos