Caray, Caray!

Devil costume rental: $50
Red face paint: $5
Seeing Braulio in that getup: priceless!

Mili comes downstairs and tells Braulio she's ready to leave. They clear up the little matter of Braulio not having a thing for her. He tells her she's got to listen to him and he just drops the bomb that she's the grandchild Doña Regina has been looking for. Except that instead of "she's the grandchild Doña Regina has been looking for" substitute "Doña Regina's really sick with some disease with a really long name and you can't leave her now." Oh, come on, you didn't think this was going down tonight, did you? The fact that Braulio's doing all this lying while wearing that costume makes him look even less reliable. Braulio's excuse for why Regina was at the rodeo is that she was looking for Mili and hearing her sing made Regina sooo happy. Mili agrees that of course, for poor, sick Doña Regina, she'll stay. Seriously, if this was my niece and she bought that story without question, I'd be questioning whether I want to admit she's in my gene pool.

The next morning Mili and Lina run into Hugo. Mili wants to talk to him, but after she sees Regina. Luciana overhears Hugo calling Mili "novia" before he leaves for the garden. Luciana insults Mili, predictably, telling her not to get preggers. Mili asks, if Luciana's calling servant babies "little presents" what's she calling what Andrea's carrying? Hellspawn, that's what I'd call it, assuming it existed.

Braulio tells Doña R about his lie to Mili. She agrees to go along with it and gets into bed while Braulio and Lina prepare to pre-emptively mourn. Doña Regina is complaining that they should go find some old person to die, she's not ready yet. Lina even scratches her eyeball to make herself cry. Mili comes in and finds Lina and Braulio weeping over Doña Regina who's pretending to be asleep or comatose. Mili starts praying, but asks for the name of the disease again. Braulio again says it's something with a long name. Doña Regina calls out for Mili in her "sleep." Braulio tells Mili that Doña Regina is sick with sadness at Mili leaving. Braulio and Lina weep in each other's arms as Mili weeps over Doña Regina. Doña Regina opens one eye to give the stink-eye to Braulio and Lina and then opens both eyes halfway and rolls them.

Andrea tells Constancio she's leaving work for a while to meet with her friend the gyno to get fake proof of her fake baby. She's meeting him a half hour before Alejandro meets them so they can work out all the details ahead of time. Constancio is in awe of her planning…then she walks out and he ogles her butt. Dude, she's pretending to be pregnant with your wife's son's baby…that's gross.

Doña Regina, now "awake" makes Mili promise she won't leave her, ever. Doña Regina's not hungry, but she insists Mili should go downstairs and get Socorro to make her breakfast. Mili says she'll be right back. She runs into Alejandro at the door and he screeches "What are you doing here?"

Socorro brings Horacio a glass of orange juice and he flirts with her. He asks her out, but to somewhere "a little dark." Now she's turned off and goes back inside.

Alejandro insists on an answer. Mili tells him to keep away from her. He insists she's perverse and is the one who won't leave him alone. They argue about who won't leave whom alone. She reminds him that he's got a baby on the way and Hugo kisses better than he does. Boy, she's going to regret throwing that lie in his face once everybody finds out there is no baby.

Andrea and her friend "Arturo" talk before Alejandro gets there. Andrea says she's got to get a bun in that oven ASAP. Dr. Arturo tells her the best way to get preggers is to do ovulation tests and then shag Alejandro when she's fertile. Alejandro comes in and Dr. Arturo "confirms" that Andrea's 5 weeks pregnant. Oh, come on, they can't really be that accurate, can they? Were they even together 5 weeks ago or was that during one of the "off again" phases?

Braulio rushes Doña Regina through her breakfast since she can't be eating if she's dying. Says who? That's how I want to go out. Mili busts them and realizes what's going on (hey, got that one brain cell working, huh?). Braulio can't get out of there fast enough and says he's calling Constancio. Why? What's Constancio going to do?

Andrea tells Alejandro "I told you so." Alejandro tells Andrea that her future monster-in-law has set up an appointment with her own gyno for a second opinion…in 20 minutes. The lady protests too much. Alejandro's almost gleeful in his insistence that she go.

Mili calls Doña Regina a lying old lady. Doña Regina will cop to the "liar" part, but she objects to the "old" part. Mili says she feels like someone faked her out and made a goal behind her back (she referenced what's probably some famous soccer fake out, but I'm not looking it up, so there). Regina says Mili should use the tears she cried as credit for when she will finally need to cry for Regina. Regina says it's all Mili's fault anyway, she had to get her back. Who's she going to have conversations with, and walks, and go to soccer matches, and go dancing at the rodeo? Um, your daughter-in-law? Mili and Regina both laugh at that idea. Mili calls her a lying old lady again and Regina again says she is a liar, but she's not old. Looks like it's settled and Mili is staying. Braulio walks in as they're hugging and says that Constancio has called a board meeting and Regina should go so that she can talk to him about…you know…the thing…. As a matter of fact, Regina does know, although Mili doesn't, and Regina goes to get ready while Braulio gets the car.

Valeria's at a photo shoot getting ready. She tells Bim and Bo that Sergio's coming to watch. Bim and Bo are jealous. Sergio arrives and she introduces the two girls as "Barbara and Romina" but to me, they'll always be Bim and Bo. Sergio flirts with Valeria and then Camille tells Bim and Bo to go get, uh, shot. Valeria confirms with Sergio that he does, in fact speak French. She introduces him to Camille and they chat in French. Valeria tells Sergio that Camille is a multimillionaire. Sergio gets a thoughtful look on his face. Oh, silly Valeria, what you just said in Sergio-ese is "Honey, you'll have to wait for my daddy to die before you can get your hands on some serious cash, but if you dump me and go for Frenchy I'm sure she'd share her multi-millions with you, plus since she's so busy going to photo shoots and fashion shows all over the world that'll make it even easier for you to cheat on her."

En route to gyno appointment #2, Alejandro gets the call about the board meeting. Andrea's really upset about missing that second gyno appointment of the day…NOT!

Socorro and Mili laugh about how Horacio's being so overprotective of Lina. Gloria and Horacio come in and Gloria tells Mili that Padre Manuel called to tell them the "kermes" is tomorrow. I can't find a translation, but it sounds like some kind of carnival or fund-raiser type thing. When I was growing up, our church called it a "jamaica" (ha-my-kah) and I don't see that in the dictionary either. The girls go outside to make plans with Lina while Horacio asks Socorro why she won't go out with him. "Because you guys are all alike. We get in your car and halfway there it breaks down in the middle of nowhere and then your hands start roaming." Horacio says he doesn't have a car. Socorro is sure that he's got hands, though, so no date.

Lina wants to go back to Coyoacan to find the palm reader and see if she can get some kind of charm to get Bobby to pay attention to her instead of Valeria. Gloria wants something to get Rocky to pay attention to her instead of Valeria. Gloria waxes rhapsodic about the hot bundle of maleness that is Rocky. Mili tells her she doesn't need a brujo, she needs an eye doctor. Mili says there's nothing that can help her with Alejandro (well, only because brujos don't usually sell extra brain cells) and suggests they go now while everyone's out of the house.

Board meeting: some guy named Mario Betancourt is getting rid of land and Belmonte and Co need to booze and schmooze him so they can have it. Damian doesn't want to do it, Constancio doesn't want to do it, that leaves Alejandro. Damian suggests taking Andrea with him. Regina shows up to the meeting and says she wants to talk to Constancio later. Constancio says there's been some problems with Alejandro's management of the construction jobs. They need better results, so he wants another engineer with more experience. Alejandro's pissed off and insulted. Constancio calls a vote and he's the only" yes"…but that's all he needs as now he's got 55% of the shares. Everyone but Damian are impactados. Damian tells Alejandro he sold some of his shares to Constancio.

Braulio talks to Padre Manuel, under the seal of the confessional. He tells PM that Mili's his niece. PM confirms it and confirms that Constancio is the only other person who knows. Well, and also PM and the Madre Superior and Sor Cachete. Braulio wants to make sure Constancio won't shove Mili aside the way he did Rosario. PM begs him not to do anything imprudent. Braulio says he won't let anyone know that he knows. Huh? What? Why? Come on, dude, end it now! Put us all out of my misery! And PM won't tell anyone Braulio knows because he's treating it like confession. Too bad Constancio didn't think of that.

Alejandro yells at Damian, in Damian's office, about selling his shares to Constancio. Nothing interesting comes out of this conversation.

Luciana yells at Constancio about buying Damian's shares. Constancio says company shares shouldn't be in the hands of a loser like Damian. Regina agrees. Constancio tries to dismiss Luciana, but Regina wants her to stick around. Damian listens at the door as Regina says that Alejandro's real dad is back and he wants to kill Constancio. Well, sure, who doesn't? After the commercials, Damian has come into the room and dismissed accusations of eavesdropping with "I was just coming in to say goodbye." Regina says they've got to take precautions. Luciana wants to know why she wasn't told that Regina had seen Francois. Constancio has to get a dig in about Francois going crazy, and not for Luciana's love. Constancio forgives Regina for what she did. Regina doesn't give a crap for his forgiveness, but she wants to know what he's going to do. He agrees to get some protection. On his crazed way out the door he trips on Luciana's crutches. Damian suggests they all go out to eat, as death threats make one hungry. Regina tells him going out to eat may be good for everything, but it's not good for paying off debts, right? Damian leaves. Luciana wants to know why Regina didn't tell her. Regina says it's because Luciana is married to her son…"Or did you want Alejandro to run into his real father?" No answer from Luciana.

Francois is rooting through a trash can. He finds and eats a semi-unwrapped banana. He finds something else and eats it while looking at the front gates of Manicomio Belmonte.

Ahhhhhh! I'm scarred for life! Picture this. Braulio is lying on his bed…clothed, thankfully…surrounded by pictures of Rosario. Rosario must have been a model in her spare time, because all the pictures look like they're of just her in posed shots with nothing interesting in the background. The dummy is also lying on the bed, wearing an eye mask and with its arms wrapped around one of the pictures of Rosario, clutching it to its chest. Ewwwwwww! Braulio tells Rosario he'll keep an eye on her kid so when she finds out the truth Constancio can't get rid of her. He says Constancio killed her [Rosario], but he'll get revenge and Mili will get back everything that was taken from Rosario. He kisses and hugs one of the pictures. Looks like there are some head shots of a young Braulio in there as well. Maybe they were both wannabe actors?

The girls are back from Coyoacan and talking about the palm-reader's predictions. He told Gloria there's a guy who drives and he's destined for her…of course, that's Rocky. Gloria says they've got to do everything the brujo said to have those two guys at their feet…well, ok, if that's where you want them. They need locks of hair from both for a love potion. Lina's sure they'll come up with a plan. The sad thing is, whatever they cook up is likely to be more effective than anything either Bobby or Rocky have come up with to get Valeria. They do their fancy handshake. We should make it the secret Caray, Caray! handshake, but I don't think I can remember it.

Constancio and Luciana sit up in bed reading. I'm shocked. That they read. And that they're not killing each other. King sized beds, people, I'm telling you. If they were in a Queen size it would all be over. There's room for a DMZ between them and that's probably a good thing. Constancio digs at Luciana about how she should be glad Francois is alive and wants to kill him. Isn't she just itching to end up a widow so she can marry Francois? What a great couple--an alcoholic and a crazy guy. He gets out of bed, laughing. Luciana goes for the flask as soon has he leaves.

Alejandro tells Andrea about their dinner at Betancourt's house. She's all excited, but he couldn't care less. Mili and one of the other girls come in from the kitchen and hear the conversation. Mili takes offense when Andrea says she'll make Alejandro look like God at the dinner. Andrea dismisses Mili and Mili tells them they're both in need of God, especially Andrea. Alejandro just looks sad.

Mili goes into the kitchen where Musketeerettes 1 and 2 are having glasses of milk. They're just wholesome that way. Mili blames her mood on Andrea saying stupid stuff, but Gloria correctly says Mili's jealous and hands her a glass of milk. She "al diablo con los guapos"-es again. She complains about them going to a fancy-schmancy dinner and goes off to bed. Lina and Gloria agree that they're going to do something to mess with Andrea so that Mili goes to the dinner with Alejandro, but they don't know what yet. The idea of feeding her sleeping pills is dismissed as too dangerous for the "baby."

The next day is a blue uniform day. Braulio comes into the living room with a box containing Andrea's dress for the dinner. Luciana asks to see it and pronounces it pretty. It just looks like a beaded slip dress to me--nothing all that special. Braulio says it's fit for a queen. Luciana says it's too bad that Andrea knows how to pick clothes, but not how to wear them. Ooh, burn. Lina has been listening to this whole conversation and Braulio asks her to take the dress to Andrea's room. Lina gets an idea halfway up the stairs and smiles.

Mili mopes in Doña Regina's room. Regina tells Mili this is her fault for (a) not fighting for her love and (b) playing around with Hugo's feelings. Speaking of Hugo, she never did have that talk with him earlier. Mili goes back to that same old song about not letting a kid grow up without a dad. Blah, blah, blah. Regina's sorry she let Andrea move in.

Lina takes the dress up to the bunk house and shows it to Gloria. She makes fun of Andrea wearing it to this dinner with a bunch of snobs. Gloria joins in. You don't have to understand a word, just watching them was funny enough. Lina had the hair-stroking bit down. They get a good laugh out of it until they're busted by Braulio. He's wondering what they're doing with Andrea's dress. Gloria says Lina was just showing it to her. Lina says Mili should be going to that dinner, not Andrea. Braulio agrees and for a minute there I thought he'd help them with their plot, but instead he says Mili will enjoy it all one day. Braulio tells them to be careful with the dress. He holds it up to himself saying it's divine. Lina says she'd like to try it on and Braulio replies, "me too." "Qué!" He says "um, I would also like for it to be Mili at that dinner." Now he says he'll help them. They dance around a little bit--as do I, in my heart. Braulio tells them to get Mili into the dress with Doña Regina's help and he'll take care of Andrea. Bwahahahaha! Okay, he doesn't do the evil laugh, but he might as well.

Damian is rolling slowly out of the driveway and sees Francois. I notice Damian does this thing where he moves his ears as part of his "surprised" face. He calls out to him and Francois freezes like a…well, like a Francois in the headlights.

Braulio is driving Andrea to go pick up the dress because there was a "problem" with the dress. Wink, wink. She's running late, Alejandro won't answer his cell phone, and her battery is dying. Braulio is conveniently getting them lost. Andrea calls him useless.

Alejandro comes downstairs for the dinner in a suit with a blue and white striped shirt and wide pink tie. Regina is waiting for him. She pronounces him "guapo" and says she liked his hair better the other way. I agree. Regina tells him maybe Andrea got hung up at the beauty shop. Alejandro says it's a formal dinner and it's couples only. Regina offers to go with him, although they'll notice they're not a couple. They joke about how, well, she is a millionaire and she wouldn't be the first one to take up with a considerably younger man. Lina and Gloria come running in and Regina asks if everything's ready. They wave someone in from the kitchen area. Regina tells Alejandro maybe there's someone else who could go with him. Mili, of course. She's wearing a coat over the dress, but her hair and makeup are done (not too tarty or fancy, just slightly dressy). Alejandro's so stunned by her appearance he calls her a "Milagro de Mujer" (just go with it, it loses something in translation). He even blinks in slow motion. And we're out.

Tomorrow: the unholy union of Damian and Francois and probably some other stuff, but my DVR cut off.

Labels: guapos