Caray, Caray!

I will say one thing for this telenovela. The lameness is inspiring creativity like nothing I have seen in ages. I remember the fun we had speculating about how certain characters were going to get killed in Pasión, but Fuego en la Sangre is so all-over-the-place that our commenters have already come up with countless predictions, backstories, and alternate scenarios for every character and situation - and it's only been three weeks!

The fact that the star of most of these mini-fanfics is either a horse or a donkey probably says something about us. I don't know what it says about us, exactly, but I do know that there would be no fun in this at all if we didn't have the kind of community here that can take a lemon of a story and turn it into a delicious cocktail.

Uh, donkey tail?
Donkey tale?
Never mind...

Juan takes off for the bakery. His brothers have to remind him that it's in the opposite direction. (I wonder what happens when he wakes up in the middle of the night and has to go to the bathroom.) Oscar says he's always been atrabancado (can't get a perfect translation, but putting a few things together, it might mean something like "speedy yet clumsy"). Franco explains to Grandpa that they have a bakery in town. Grandpa says "el que tenga tienda que la atienda" (silly pun, it just means "he who has a store has to attend to it").

Seemingly moments later, Sofia wants to buy bread at the first bakery they see - the Dirty Bakers' Dozen Bun Shop. Eva tries to redirect her, saying this isn't where she usually buys their bread, but her seemingly irrational protests only make Sofia impatient.

Juan is already there, hiding in the back, no shirt, totally sweaty, clutching one of his signature buns (no! dirty minds! I mean the bread!) in a grimy paw. He remembers Grandpa saying "whether Feonando loves her or not, that's a highly debatable matter, but I can assure you that Sofia doesn't doesn't love Feonando - she doesn't love him." Juan asks himself why she's with him, then. He takes an angry bite out of his bu- er, bread.

At the bakery counter, Eva is acting very spooked and tries to convince Sofia to leave. Sofia calls for someone to wait on them. Juan is surprised to hear her voice, and comes out holding a big sheet of new dough. They gape at one another. He hurries in to wait on them, but dings his tray against the door and drops the whole mess. "Sorry, I didn't know this was your bakery!" Sofia says.

Eva rolls her eyes in dread, not that they are paying any attention to her.

Juan has scooped up the dropped dough in his hands and is now looking around for a place to dispose of it. (I say bake it and feed the loaf to the birds!) Sofia is too charmed by this oversized Jack Tripper act to be anything but delighted.

"This bread is delicious," she tells him. (She must recognize the bu- er, loaves.) "Would you like to try it?"

Yes, Juan, yes I would.

He hands a concha (as they are called) to her, and I notice that he's now clean and not sweaty. Magic! He looks a bit worried as she hesitates before taking a bite. She breaks it in half to split with him, and they eat in unison. (In the G-rated world of Crabiela, they are practically having sex.)

"Do you like it? Am I really a good baker?"
"Mmm, delicious!"

Eva tries not to watch. Juan sees her nervous glance and almost looks guilty for a moment... then he and Sofia laugh and finish their "crumby" rendezvous.

At the hacienda, Oscar tells Grandpa that his advice about women ("dames dig flowers," I believe it was) did not work. He's not even sure if it loosened her up. He confides that he's very much in love! Grandpa counsels him to stay the course. Women are like little birds - they settle down when you least expect it, but then they take off just as fast. This inspires Franco to sing. Oscar joins in.

Later, while carrying some water in buckets, Oscar encounters Jimena. He puts down the buckets. She teases him with an almost-kiss and walks away. Then she turns, as if to invite him to follow. He pauses, laughs at her, and goes back to the construction site with his water. She is impactada and very miffed!

The corrugated metal exterior of the Bad Love nightclub does pretty miserable in the harsh daylight. In the office, Armando is drawing a picture (of Rosario?) while Feonando tells him that he's pulling in more and more money at the cantina every night. Rosario is a goldmine, he says.

Plus, he says, that Franco guy is a good singer! He hired him to serenade Sofia, and the dope doesn't even suspect that he's the guy who had him beaten nearly to death.

Back at the hacienda, Sarita approaches Franco and tells him how handsome he looked last night in his cowboy outfit last night, and how nice his serenade is. She says she wishes she could chat with him more openly, but for her mother. He says he'd like that. He likes to be at her side; "I feel at peace and very good."

Sarita asks, who's his impossible love? He hesitates, and she backs down and says they'll talk another time. For now she needs to leave before her mother catches her. She nails him with a quick kiss and runs away.

Jimena is telling the horses how angry she is that Oscar snubbed her. He grabs her from behind, and she complains that he's chasing her. "If that's what you want, then why not?" He asks. She tells him he's mistaken. He says that women, like mules, have to be tamed. "I'm not a mule!" she declares stubbornly, trying to stomp away. She says she won't forgive him until he admits that she is unlike all the other women he's been with.

"I hope you've learned your lesson," she mumbles at his lips, then makes another kissless exit. "She's not a mule, but she reminds me of my mare. What a big put-down! But I'll trap her!"

Rosario is telling Feonando about Armando's unwelcome advances. He says she just resents his supervision and is trying to start a feud between them. She calls Armando a liar. Armando looks worried, but Feo gives her a big slap and says he doesn't believe her. She'd better not cause any trouble, or she'll be sorry.

(I notice a framed drawing on the wall in the corner near Feo that looks like the one Armando was working on.)

He tells her that her sweetie is very close to him now - he's working as a bricklayer at the hacienda, and if she makes Feo mad, that poor brickboy won't live to finish the job.

She meekly asks him, "please." He screams "SHUT UP!!" in her face. She flinches, and he and Armando crack up laughing. He adds that he'd rather Franco didn't discover "certain things," so she'd better fix it so he doesn't ever show up around there again. Just tell him she doesn't want to see him here. Say, oh, how about that Armando's her lover and she likes him better because he has money, or whatever she feels like saying, to get him out of here.

In exchange, he'll let her see her child. He assures her that he always follows through on his promises, good and bad.

He touches her face gently, and she flinches and cries.

Jimena and Sarita are preparing for the party at which they will meet eligible bachelors. Jimena seems skeptical, but Sarita says they have to appreciate the intention. Mom wants them to be with guys their own age. They don't expect to like any of them, though. Sara gazes wistfully at the window.

Gramps is still entertaining Oscar and Franco outside as they work. He says he has a surprise for them later, if they're good. Crabi shows up and crabs at him for acting ridiculous. (As far as I can tell, he's not even wearing a silly costume - he's just sitting in his chair.) She orders him back to his room, but he says he needs to supervise the work on his future home. Crabi makes it a point to let them all know she doesn't want them loitering around her daughters' party. She tells them to stay in their "place" where they belong. "Don't bother the good people," she warns them.

Gramps mimics her silently as she speaks. Franco makes an appropriately funny face as she leaves (I really think Pablo is getting better in this role). Grandpa twirls his finger around his ear in the universal "she's crazy" gesture.

AND NOW FOR THE PARTY.

Be afraid!
Imagine that you are in kindergarten, and your mom has invited your whole class to your birthday party. There are party hats and balloons, and there's a mix tape of all your favorite wholesome kiddie songs.

Now imagine your mom throws you that very same party, twenty years later.

Gabriela is happily handing out party favors and telling all the invitees that there are going to be lots of surprises. Embarrassed Jimena pulls Sarita aside and says it seems very childish. No, it doesn't just seem childish, she says - it IS. The whole world will be laughing at them. She further says all they need is a piñata to hit.

Sarita tries to make excuses for Crabi, who is very cheerfully calling all of the invitees "boys" (or "kids") and still trying to push toys and party favors. Jimena says she'll die if Mom hired a magician. "Or a clown," Sarita giggles.

Gramps plays cards with the boys to pass the time, and shows them his surprise - a nice bottle of tequila. He says there's nothing like it for the badness of love. Oscar takes a good chug. Juan zooms in and says he just closed the bakery and is here to help. (No, I don't know what kind of hours the bakery is open! - I believe it is late afternoon.) They inform him that they're finished working. Oscar explains the forbidden party to Juan. Crabi doesn't want them mixing with the fancy people. Grandpa assures them that the party will be boring as hell.

Franco leaves, saying he wants to wash. Juan joins the card game.

Gabriela is asking for everyone's attention. "Boys and girls!" she calls. "We're going to play a very fun game: Pin the tail on the donkey." (No I am not kidding.) The partygoers snicker. One man says to his female companion: "jeez, I can't believe it, what's up with Gabriela, she's crazy." The woman says the last game was stupid: "knock over the dinosaur." (I'm not familiar with this game, but that's okay.)

Sarita (eating a candy apple) tells Jimena (eating cotton candy): I swear I want to die of embarrassment. Jimena cannot imagine what possessed their mother to put on this foolishness. But they agree that the candied apples and cotton candy are pretty good.

Gabriela is twirling some poor blindfolded sap around and around and then giving him directions to the donkey cartoon poster.

The cool kids (that's Oscar, Juan, and Grandfather) are still playing cards and drinking tequila. Grandpa tells Juan that his penalty for losing the game will be to raid the kitchen the way the bandits used to rob the trains. Juan is nervous about running into Gabriela, so Oscar offers to do it instead.

Now he's in the kitchen. He helps himself to a sandwich; on hearing Gabriela's voice, he grabs the whole tray and hides in the pantry. Gabi gloats to Eva at how much the kids are enjoying the party. Eva bites her tongue. Gabi thinks there's a tray of sandwiches missing. (Oscar grimaces fearfully with a sandwich hanging out of his mouth.) Eva says only the maid has been in here, but Gabi is quite worried about the tray. Then she scolds Eva for leaving the pantry door open; that's how things disappear! She gets the key and locks it up!

Franco is hiding in Rosario's room. He surprises her, but she rebuffs him: "I'm too much woman for you; what can you offer me? I like fine things, the good life. You could never give me these working as a bricklayer or baker. The day when you have lots of money, find me, and maybe I'll give you a break. Now scram and leave me alone!"

(Why do I suspect that someday he's going to have lots of money?)

He gives her the puppydog eyes, but she orders him out. He hobbles away, Santiago-style.

Sofia watches the party sympathetically from afar. Juan sneaks up behind with buckets of water. He says something happened to Gramps - he had too much to drink. "If you want, I can help you put him to bed," he says. Sofia looks at the party, as if asking herself which would be more fun: pin the tail on the donkey, or spending time with Juan in a bedroom.

Jimena and Sarita go to the kitchen to vent about how awful the party is. Sarita thinks they'd better get back, or Mom will be unhappy. (Newsflash, Sarita: she's ALWAYS unhappy.) She leaves Jimena alone.

There's a knock from inside the pantry. She arms herself with a knife, but Oscar gets close to the etched-glass door so she can see that it's him. She opens door, and he grabs her, pulls her inside, and they kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss among the dry goods.

Rosario sulks in her room. Armando comes in holding a little boy. Mystery solved: his name is Andrés. He doesn't speak at all. As Rosario clutches him to her and weeps with joy, he stares aimlessly around the room as if wondering, "who the hell is this broad?" She says he's gotten big and she's missed him.

She notes that he has a piece of paper. He laboriously unfolds it and she admires his drawing. She asks if that's him in the picture; he points and nods. She's in the picture too, she says (we don't see it).

Armando says it's time to go. She begs to let him stay. Armando's manner is subdued, but he says (I think?) that he's only tolerating her to stay on Feonando's good side. Rosario tells her boy not to be sad; they'll soon be together and no one will keep them apart. (The child stares blankly, except when he looks at the camera.) Armando takes him by the hand and leads him out. She cries on the floor with the drawing.

Juan carries Grandpa, who is singing again, and puts him on his bed. Sofia worries that Mom will find him like this. She thanks Juan for his help.

"I found out the truth," Juan says. He understands everything. He was respecting her because she was married, but now he knows she doesn't love her husband. Why doesn't she dump his big-eared ass? (No, he doesn't literally say that, and anyway, a big-eared ass could be a donkey... oh no... donkeys everywhere...)

Sofia doesn't want to answer. He begs her to explain. "Can't you see that I'm so in love? I deserve a response."

Grandpa wakes up and babbles loudly. He's miserable! He feels like the world is spinning. "Stop the world, I want to get off!" He says he hasn't felt like this since he and Hernando Cortez discovered tequila.

Jimena tells Oscar she needs to get back to the party before Mom comes looking for her. He again asks her to forgive him. She says she'll think about it, but to leave her alone for now! They kiss again and he says he loves her. And kisses her again and leaves.

Oscar jingles away (I love hearing their festive spurs). Anyway, Jimena puts away the keys, but doesn't lock the pantry behind her.

Now the party is being entertained by a disco version of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Eva tries to give away another party favor. Someone asks her for "another little whiskey." She makes a "shhhhsh" gesture and hands him a small bottle (looks like juice).

She tries to comfort Sarita, who says their mother doesn't understand that they're not little girls, why doesn't she just put them in ponytails and little shoes. Crabi calls Eva away to help with the guests.

Jimena tells Sarita she was just "assaulted." Of course she is joking. "Oscar! In the pantry!" They giggle.

Oscar gets back to the construction site and tells Juan he was inadvertently locked in the pantry. Juan says they need to get back to the bakery to knead the dough, and updates Oscar on Grandpa's condition. He drank too much, so he had to put him back in his cage. They laugh at what a disaster the party was. Now everyone's leaving.

Franco visits Libia's makeshift tomb to thank her for saving his life. He gives her a white rose, and a tiny guitar for her baby, so that they can sing to him from heaven. He cries and says he can't sing this time. Now that he's in love, he says, he understands what she suffered for love, and how she must have cried over Bernardo's death - and none of them there to console her.

The flower growing over her grave glows. Libia's watching, and/or ET's friends have arrived from the home planet!

Rosario cries over her son's drawing. It's a boy with a sad-looking face and a woman with long hair and gigantic... eyelashes. (I drew a picture of my mother when I was a little older than Andrés - her hair is a yellow squiggle across the top of her head, she has two blue dots for eyes, and she's smoking a cigarette. Ah, the things kids notice about their moms...) She promises to get him back.

Armando comes back and sarcastically asks how the selfless mommy is doing. "Like you care," she answers coldly. Armando explains that Feo allowed her to see the child to prove that he'll keep his word - for better or for worse. She cries some more behind an extreme close-up of a creepy-looking doll.

Oscar and Juan are at the bakery, kneading some dough. Oscar notes that Juan has always been close-mouthed, but now he's not saying anything at all. Juan says he has things on his mind. Like, he's not happy Franco's visiting that singer at the cantina.

Oscar agrees, but lectures Juan about how different the three brothers are. (EXPOSITION ALERT!!) Juan is formal, responsible, fatherly, seemed like a bull when protecting Libia, but he's really a lamb. As for himself, Oscar says he seems like a lamb, but he's kinda crazy and he likes money and hot women; sometimes they can't help what they do. But Franco is hardcore romantic, a dreamer, bohemian, and will do anything in the name of love.

Juan says that's exactly why he doesn't want Franco pursuing that woman. She's not good for him. He needs a woman like himself, a dreamer who will take care of him, treat him well, and most of all, won't hurt him.

Sarita is telling Eva that "he" is a romantic and a dreamer, who likes the same things she does. He makes her feel pretty and important. Eva, who is brushing Sarita's hair, asks who Sarita is referring to. Sarita says it's a secret! Eva asks if he feels the same way. Sarita says yes, but he's timid and he sees her as an impossible love! Eva happily says that it seems that love has finally arrived at this house, because Jimena is also thrilled. Eva says the girls have grown into women, and she hopes that they'll be very, very happy.

Oscar is eating guess what... BREAD. He says that when he thinks of Jimena, he can no longer consider hurting her. But if they're going to mess with those kinds of people, they need to be careful not to get burnt.

Juan, who is sticking his face into the hot oven, says he doesn't know what Oscar's talking about. Oscar says they need to be careful not to fall in love. He suggests that Libia saved Franco's life as a signal not to her to the Elizondos. (Is it perhaps possible that she saved him because she didn't want him to die?)

Even though this is the fifth or so time that Oscar has offered this theory, Juan acts as though he's hearing it for the first time. But he offers no comment.

Angry blasting horns let us know that Feo is present. Crabi is griping to him that those ingrate daughters of hers didn't appreciate the effort and money she spent on the party. They just sulked the whole time. (That's not true, Jimena took some time out for fun!) Later she found out they didn't like the party. "Didn't I tell you, Feonando? They don't appreciate anything I do for them. Nothing!" Feo flaps his ears in agreement.

The younger brothers are sorting through their clothes, looking for something clean to wear tomorrow. It appears that everything they own is filthy, and Juan's clothes are particularly stinky. (Now we know how Sofia picked the right bakery - she just followed her nose!) Oscar wonders how Libia kept everything so clean and tidy. Franco throws some clothes at him and says if they go on like this they'll be living in a pigsty.

Juan comes in wearing the blue horseshoe shirt that he has on during the opening credits when he fights with Feonando. Will that happen tonight? (No.) He also says the place is a dump, and they throw his smelly laundry at him along with some insults. He takes a whiff and agrees that they seem like pigs. Oscar says that between the bakery and the construction job, there's no time for anything.

Juan says he has a surprise. He gathers them into the kitchen and calls for "Quintina." A strangely-dressed woman shows up and gives a loud whistle. Evidently, she is their new housekeeper. Introductions are made, and she gives a round of kisses. She thinks they don't look well fed, but she's going to take care of that. She'll make some good chicken soup. She calls herself "affectionate Quintina." (Does "quintina" mean something or is it maybe a pun of something? Maybe something like chambermaid in reference to "quinta"?) She kisses them all again. She'll serve them, God, and the Virgencita.

Now she wants to take a good look at them. She has Franco do a turn so she can check him out. She remarks on their studliness and says she's the lucky one for being hired. She tells them what an uncomplaining, honest, hardworking, loving lady she is. Another round of kisses. Juan wants to talk about her duties, but she begins yet a new round of kisses and hugs, and says they won't be sorry.

Eva looks in on Sofia to say goodnight and asks if she likes her new room. Sofia is glad to have some peace there, and wishes Crabi cared as much about her as Eva does. Sometimes she doubts that she loves her at all. Eva says Crabi is difficult, but she cares very much about all three of them.

Eva notices Juan's trophy. Sofia sort of fibs and says she promised to give it to him. Eva offers to bring it to him. Sofia starts to say no, then changes her mind and agrees. Eva remarks that it's heavy, which is funny, because in previous episode everyone was handling it as if it was hollow plastic!

Next morning, the guys are working in the yard, and already they're so dirty that I can't imagine why they bothered looking for clean shirts. Eva arrives with the trophy. Juan is annoyed and doesn't want to take it; Eva again remarks that it's heavy, although she's not holding it as if it is, and Oscar makes him take it.

Juan sees Sofia watching from a distance. She smirks and takes off. Juan scolds Eva and Oscar (I guess) for meddling, and follows Sofia.

She is petting Bernie's ferocious man-eating bloodthirsty horse who wouldn't hurt a fly except for Feonando. Juan reminds Sofia that he wanted her husband to keep the trophy among all his others, because surely he has won many. Sofia tells him not to tell her what to do. He says she can lecture him all she wants, but he doesn't want to make himself do what he doesn't want to make himself do. And next time she wants to tell him something, don't send a messenger, just say it to his face. She says he's arrogant, he says he is how he is, and he's in love with her, and she's in love with him. The trophy belongs to her, her husband, the house, whomever she wants, but not him. GOOD DAY!!

He storms back towards the construction site. She follows to argue some more. Eva and the boys watch their approach. Now she's calling him insolent. He calls her impulsive and says she's not always going to get what she wants from him. She asks if it's capricious to give him something that belongs to him. "Belongs to me? I have it in front of me, and it's not exactly that trophy... you know what I mean." He almost kisses her, but turns to go back to the construction site.

She complains he's an animal, but continues following and demands that he take it. She puts it down, says she doesn't care what he does with it, but it doesn't belong to her. He defiantly wipes his face in her general direction as she marches off with Eva. He makes to smash it with hammer, but doesn't. His brothers look on in amusement.

Eva follows Sofia into house and asks what just happened. Sofi says it's just what she saw - a clash of wills. Evil never gives in or gives up, and that man's the same way! All she did was make clear that anyone who looks for her will find her. She won't hide. She'll always face someone.

She goes up to her room to hide.

Eva tells herself she doesn't know what she was thinking.

Juan stares at the house and pets the trophy. Up in her room, Sofia replays Juan saying that he's the man who loves her, and she loves him. He looks up and catches her watching him through the window. He remembers himself telling her that the thing that belongs to him is in front of him, and it's not the trophy.

They nod and smile at one another, and she hides. "How long can this go on?" she wonders.

Next time:
Sarita sees Franco kissing Rosario. (Rosario is wearing a ton of rings on her married finger!)
Eva sees Sofia kissing Juan in his white horseshoe shirt.

Labels: Fuego