Caray, Caray!

Buenas noches a todos.

I want to make a shout-out to my friend Beckster: I absolutely loved the “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?” reference. I can see it now; Sarita runs-over Jimena with the Jeep, then, like her mother, locks Sofia away and enslaves her to make her clothes and hair ribbons. Of course, no one will notice, or care, and Sarita will convince Father Tadeo and Juan that Sofia hit the road with Fernie and the “baby.”

<--Tell me this isn't our precious, precious Sofía Elizondo. Melinama: I'm really sorry if this is a copyright infringement, but I think it adequately captures the essence of our soon-to-be mamma.

Here we go kiddies:

So, Ninel Conde (Rosario) might just be the most beautiful woman ever… That said, we start in Puebla where Gabi is talking to the nice lawyer about the ranch and Bernie’s supposed millions. “I just want to get this straight: let’s say, and God forbid, Sofia’s kid never sees the light of day; who gets the dough (no reference to Juan intended)?” “You do, and no one can legally take that away from you.” This phrase bounces off the interior walls of her seemingly large, but empty mind.

Ofelia is telling Margarita that she always took care of Margarita’s biological daughter who was sickly and weak—probably because she missed her biological mother—and eventually died. Everyone cries. Did we receive a double dose of this little heart-to-heart?

Gabi, yet again, is remembering the exact words of the lawyer; no one can legally take away her money. She has a wonderful idea; sure she can’t prevent the bastard kid’s birth, but she sure as hell can make him or her disappear. Then, Sofia couldn’t demand a dime, and Gabi would remain the heartless millionaire she always was.

Margarita can’t believe that her daughter died. Ofelia tells her that one day a strange woman gave her a little girl, who, of course, was the same age, weight, size, and skin tone as the one who died. She never saw the woman again, but she decided to roll the dice and keep the little critter (I somehow doubt that Children Services knew anything of the trade): her name is Rosario, just like the one who died from missing her mommy too much. The years kept on going by, until Margarita showed-up. Margarita wants Ofelia to take her to her daughter’s tomb. She wants to apologize to her baby girl. I just want to make a brief interjection here: you don’t let a little girl die from “missing her mommy too much,” not tell anyone, take in other minors, and then illegally switch their identities. You just don’t…

Baby Jane and Blanche are talking about Eva. Of course Sofia (Blanche) recognizes that Eva did a lot of crappy things to them, but she also practically raised them, so everyone in the family needs to thank her. Sarita (Baby Jane) refuses, as expected, and reminds her that Eva, nor the Reyes, deserve forgiveness. And this bitch was going to be a nun?! Sofia tells Sarita that Rosario is not Eva’s daughter. Well, this little surprise makes Sarita as good as new, and is happy to know that the town tartlette isn’t her sister. It’s not like they ever treated her like one anyway, so what’s it matter?

Ofelia is telling Rosario that showbiz isn’t in her blood, and Margarita isn’t her mamma. Margarita is looking to the over-stuffed pillow for comfort. Rosario apologizes, but that doesn’t bring back the dead baby—does it? Suddenly the three women feel an interconnection and embrace.

Juan apologizes to Eva for the Elizondo’s giving her the boot. Tonight’s theme, and probably the first and only device that unites the plots and gives the novela meaning, is forgiveness—everyone’s sorry, but no one really gives a shit, and everyone refuses to accept one another. Anyway, Eva tells Juan that life sucks, and all the good things remain a distant memory. Juan urges Eva to stay in town. We all know that he’s about to offer her yet another room in their modest, yet always-vacant boarding house. Rosario comes a-knockin’, embraces Eva, and tells her that Margarita isn’t her mother. Eva is her mother! Of course this statement has no bearing whatsoever on reality, and a blood test is absolutely out of the question, but it’s best to remember that it’s all relative in San Marin, or wherever we are…

While Sarita tries to stir up some hatred and anger in Sofia, Sofia reminds her that she is going to be a mother, and certainly does not want to give the baby such negative feelings. Gee, for someone in their eighteenth month of pregnancy, Sofia shure knows how to wear those godforsaken-ruffled blouses to her advantage. Last night Juan was in Sofia’s bedroom. He kissed her, she kissed him, then they started arguing. He mentioned that under no circumstance was he going to renounce his son or daughter. Sarita gets the notion that he is going to take the baby away. Right, Sarita, that’s exactly what he means to do. Well, that can’t happen or else all the feelings Sofia has for Juan will disappear. Alright, I am officially revoking the titles of “Dumb” and “Dumber” from Juan and Oscar and giving them to Sofia and Sarita.

And in case there was any doubt, Juan reassures an uninterested and confused Eva and Rosario that he went to Sofia last night to beg her to return to him, and if not, at least let him see the baby sometimes under certain conditions. Wow, these writers think of it all. If we ever are scared that Juan might do something rash, the next scene puts our hearts to rest. Eva assures Juan that Sofia would never keep the baby from him. He gets the school-boy grin on his face, the one I want to smack off with a metal bat.

Rosario tells Ofelia that Eva is her mother. Their soul bonds are much stronger than their blood bonds. Then in walks toupe guy (Fernie’s assistant). He’s really interested in the well-being of Rosario. Ofelia pipes up and wants to know since when he gives a crap about Rosario? Evidently he, too, is tired of Fernie’s old tricks, and wants to form an alliance. Ofelia isn’t buying it. But our little Rosario sure does; she is going to give him a chance. What does it matter that he had you bent-over and was beating you? Some people never learn…

Juan is saying goodbye to Eyebrows, and thanks him for being good to Pedro. Apparently Juan did something that made him regain his dignity as well as his son. They hug. I wish I had a patent-leather jacket with leopard print on the shoulders…

Gabi is cursing up a storm in her office. Do you realize that half of her scenes start with “maldita sea” (damn it)? Things aren’t going to stay like this, and as sure as I am that there’s a better blouse in her closet to match her polyester pants than the one she has on, she is not going to give-up those lands. Eva interrupts and tells her that Margarita is not Rosario’s mother. Eva wants to know if Rosario is her daughter. Gabi is very sorry, but she will never tell. Now get out. Eva is on her knees like the coward she is. Gabi needs a drink. She explains that she never wants to see her again. That would make this the 70th time this week that she told her that, and the 200th time this week Gabi had a drink before noon. That’s when you know you have a problem.

Margarita sings a song as Eva and Rosario embrace and smile. Don’t ask me what she was singing—I fast-forwarded through the whole thing; woohoo!

Why is it that every time I do this recap, Pedro is “leaving for good?” This is like a joke between the writers because I swear to God he has been in the process of leaving for the past 30 episodes. At least no one is crying. But, Juan kindly reminds Pedro of his last name, and where they live—in case he gets lost. All I can say is like Jesus, and Liza, and Judy, he’ll be back.

Oh this is funny. Gabi holds-up a closed, unmarked envelope and asks her daughters; “do you know what this is?” “No” they say. Unlike you, we can’t read minds or use X-ray vision. Those darn Reyes over yonder are suing me for those lands, which are mine. Sofia reminds her that those lands were not originally hers. “No, but Raquel Uribe gave them to me.” “At the cost of Eva’s baby?” asks a sassy Sofia. Ouch! So, basically, instead of selling Eva’s baby for drugs, or crack money, Gabi sold it for some swamp land and a tree with Juan’s dad’s initials on it? Nice.

Gabi assures her that she would never do that. Gabi tells the girls that Rosario is not Margarita’s daughter. They take the news kind’a hard. Sofia demands to know who Eva’s daughter is. Gabi tells them that Eva doesn’t deserve to know. She says that the Reyes and Eva were originally accomplices and that the Elizondo girls were their victims. And now the bastards are working together to get their hands on her lands. Sofia doesn’t believe it. Well, honey, if you do believe it, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. Seems like somebody is going to be eating dinner in her bedroom tonight…

Juan goes to Gramps to thank him for being with the Reyes through thick and thin. Now that the Reyes have a place to pray for their parents, they are going to fight for the Uribe lands. Gramps asks Juan what his uncle’s name is, and when Juan tells him, the slowly-cranking wheels in his rusted, twisted mind start turning.

Gabi has summoned Sarita and Jimena to her office. They file-in one by one like good little girls. Gabi tells them that the Reyes are trying to sabotage them, and she expects them to divorce their husbands. Jimena isn’t sure she wants a divorce, of course, she isn’t sure which ribbon to put in her hair each morning either. “Make Sarita do it, she never consummated her marriage. I personally did it in the backyard, under a tree, and on a river bank” says Jimena. Gabi is happy to learn that at least Sarita has a little shame.

Gramps has to say his name a few times, but he finally remembers that Vicente Robles used to steal the fruit from his ranch. He also remembers a man who was young and hardworking. “Juan…Juan Jose…Juan Jose Robles!” Whattaya know! Isn’t this unbelievable? He and Juan were two of a kind. What a small neighborhood. If I didn’t know any better I’d say we were back in West Virginia.

Sofia happens across Juan in her own front yard. She tells him that he doesn’t have anything to do there. She starts walking off by herself, and he lets her go. She says goodbye as if it were the last time. Now, call me crazy, but should she be walking around by herself in the black of night? Not with her track record.

Eyebrows meets up with El Coyote. El Jefe tells Pedro that he would really like to get to know him more. Pedro tells him that he would like that very much, even more so if they could be together forever. This is just a little aside, but it’s obvious that the casting director was smoking something that could only be cooked-up in a Tijuana bathtub at the time of the Casting Call. For God’s sake, El Jefe is like five years older than his son Pedro. It’s a biological feat I tell you. Age aside, they spend a wonderfully-happy day in Puebla by a fountain, eating ice cream and a typical meal, then a trip to church. I have to say, they really look more like lovers than “padre e hijo.” Sort’a creepy… Just when El Jefe is about to go to the Big House, Pedro reminds him that he will visit everyday. Go in peace—it will be sort’a like an adventure. They hug and cry; the two fundamental signs of a good actor in this scary, twisted world. Also the only thing our novela friends know how to do. He gives him a bracelet, then says goodbye.

Gabi goes to court, which by the way, looks like the same one they used in Amor Real, and the lawyer tells them that the whole charade is over, and the Reyes can now take over their ranch. What about the other lands for which they are fighting? Well, that’s another day, another case. Juan makes a special point to say goodbye to Gabi. You will never have those lands she says. Now I know Juan and the gang were born in a barn, but isn’t it painfully obvious that you don’t show-up to court in a cut-off burlap sack with some chicken embroidery on it?

Well, the next thing we see is Juan and the gang checking out their new digs at the big ranch. Now, my initial thought when I saw this was; Ah, this is just like when the nice urban welfare people moved into the neighborhoods across town... We all know how this is going to go…

Tomorrow: All I can say is Beckster and Jardinera are freakin’ lucky they have days off. For you crazy folk who love this show, you’re going to have to wait till LUNES! Anyway, as you know, Juan and the Gang are movin’ on up in high society. But now there is a war, and Gabi is forcing them to divorce her daughters. I’d like to see her try, but then again, wave any reading material above the second-grade level and the Reyes will sign away.

Labels: Fuego