Caray, Caray!

Here's wishing very Happy Holidays full of contentment to our blog mom Melinama, the fantastic team of hard-working recappers, and our beloved and insightful commenters!

Santi decoys them by saying the woman hiding in his shirt is his fiancee, she's sick because the chemicals in the lines on the grass make her nauseous like in The Exorcist. (Loud barfing noises from Candy.) "Ewwwww!" exclaims Alicia. The Bickersons leave in disgust. Candy pretends she's about to barf all over Santi, ha ha ha it's just a joke!

Meño and his ex argue about Charly. She thinks since Meño hasn't outed himself to his kid then he's ashamed of who he is; she thinks Charly shouldn't live with him. She doesn't want a son like Meño, gay she means. Meño says if she wants Charly she can come and look for him.

Marissa and Raul are walking in a mall or somewhere talking about Candy of course. Mari comments she didn't intend to become Candy's friend but Candy turned out to have a good heart; Candy would never betray a girlfriend (!) or steal her boyfriend (!!). Suddenly she sees something for sale that inspires her. She's going to give a surprise to Santi and the surprise is her! Raul's not quite as excited as his sis.

Pato and Alicia walk away from the field and argue because he came home late. She asks if he has a lover. Speaking of the Queen of Rome, Soledad skulks up, hears Pato talking and asks didn't Arturo come? (Covering I guess for her lover.) Alicia puts her arm around Pato and tells Soledad he's HER HUSBAND and she goes everywhere with him. Pato hears some excitement on the field and runs away like a coward while the women glare at each other.

Lucia asks her abuela why does she have to go to the gynecologist just because she was looking at the computer? She wasn't looking at porn! Isabel asks does she know about ALL the contraceptives? Well, no not all answers Lucia. Then it's off to the gynecologist insists Granny, letting the front door slam in the faces of Donato and the cranky maid. Cranky asks did he hear what they were saying? He tells her in this house he's deaf, mute and blind. Too bad, she snips, because she just said she wanted him to kiss her. He does, twice, and she cold cocks him.

Santi assures Candy that he has good lawyers that can help her. She's very afraid that she'll lose her kid, she'll die without him. She studied hard to create a life and she doesn't want Pato to take it away. Santi advises her it's time to face the truth, he met the real Candy and he thinks she has courage. She rebuffs him, he doesn't know Candy and she'll never open herself to anyone, not anyone! He sighs and drives her home after a brief PSA about buckling her seat belt. Gosh, wasn't he a dreamboat in this scene? I think I'm beginning to fall for the famous Camil charisma.

Chavo shows Lalo she's found his secret bank account, it's in his name and what's up with that? He says he works for the money and it's his, is that wrong? Nope, what's wrong is that he's hiding it from her. She's had it, she's also going to open her own account with her new job. He scoffs at her which sets her off chattering a million miles an hour. Sorry but if he has the right to his own money so does she, is that clear?! "Think, think" he tells himself. (About what?)

Candy (Rojiblanca) is at work responding to Pato's lame chat excuse when Marissa runs in highly excited about her new shoes, then Cece about the invitations, then Lulu about the menu, all talking at the same time. "Can't I read my email in peace?!" she demands. "No!" they laugh and continue their chattering.

Isabel has accompanied Lucia to her see her doctor but big props to the doctora who says sex talks are intimate and confidential. Granny gets the boot. We get a short PSA about avoiding pregnancy, AIDS and other STDs.

Marissa thanks Candy for opening her arms to her and says they will be good friends.

Pato reads Rojiblanca's email, she says she waited for Pato, he never showed up, so today she doesn't want to chat with him blah blah blah. His door opens and he slams his laptop shut, Alicia again? No, this time it's his secretary to remind him about a meeting, "doesn't anyone ever knock?" he asks.

As he leaves Alicia walks in with some paperwork. Two seconds ago he was obsessing about his laptop and now he seems to have forgotten that it's open on his desk. Que the hell? Of course Alicia reads his screen and sees the messages from Rojiblanca (picture of Candy wearing red and white in the background, talk about hitting us over the head with it). Alicia sneers, "Rojiblanca, what a lowlife nickname!" (Que apodo tan gatete - in Mexico gato/gata can be a derogatory term for someone who serves the rich. This has devolved into the even more pejorative "gatete".) Basically Alicia is a huge snob.

Candy thought-bubbles that she has to tell Marissa that Santi makes her feel "things". She blurts out "but that's not good, not good!" Marissa is all "Que?" She asks Candy why she doesn't have a boyfriend. Candy says because she doesn't want to. Marissa asks Candy "then why do you flirt with mine?" She asks what Candy feels for Santi. "Nada" answers Candy and Marissa tells her she's not stupid, she knows something is up between Candy and Santi. Candy says she can never like Santiago and if Marissa knew her past she'd know why. So of course Marissa wants to know Candy's story. As usual Candy can't or won't talk about herself, instead she wants to know about Marissa, who is she?

Fast-paced scenes of Charly being a slobby couch potato watching sports and music videos and Meño trying to make him act like a civilized, cultured human.

Marissa does the big dump on her past. She tells Candy she was very afraid, you don't know what it's like being pregnant and 15 and suddenly left completely alone. She met a friend about her same age who assured her she knew how to get ride of "the package". She hopes Candy gets what she's saying. If she'd told her parents they would have thrown her out of the house so she let her friend...do it. "I aborted," blurts Marissa, crying. Candy calms her, the past should stay in the past, it's not good to dwell on the pain. Candy hugs and consoles Marissa as she sobs through her cosmetically enhanced lips. Super wierd face from Marissa.

Perky Lucia bops into the living room with her abuela and cheerfully tells Santiago that the doctor told her about several methods of protection when having sexual relations. Santi gasps, "uh uh, but you still haven't..." Lucia happily continues that condoms can tear! Santiago gasps some more, "you haven't..." No of course not, assures Isabel as they all sip their tea properly, Lucia is simply an informed young lady. She tells Santi not to be old-fashioned. Santi overreacts, fine then, he's old-fashioned, he doesn't like to discuss these things with Lucia. Lucia has other ideas, she wishes to discuss sexually transmitted diseases! Donato asks Lucia to be more considerate of her tío, he seems like a man but in reality he's just a kid.

It's dinner time at Santi's and he's annoyed at Rocio for letting the doggie sleep in her bed. Looks like the girls are eating but not him, he's going out. He instructs Lucia not to share her new-found knowledge with Rocio. OK Bye ladies. Ah!, he returns with more instructions for Lucia, Don't spend too much time chatting online! OK bye again. Ah!, he returns, No looking up illnesses (STDS?) on the Internet! "Uncle I'm eating," she begs. Isabel follows Santi to the door and asks him if he will call his old rock and roll band friends to get back together for the 60's party at Lucia's school. He finds her request highly amusing.

Over at Meño's the two boys are roughhousing. The doorbell rings and Candy looks out the window. Uh oh, it's Patricio!!

Marissa has arranged a romantic dinner for just Santiago and her. She's reserved the entire restaurant with three violinists. Is he happy? (According to his body language that would be a big NO.) More surprises, under his napkin she has placed the engagement ring he's supposed to give her. She puts it in his fingers and says he's supposed to ask her to be his wife. She squeals in delight and he is muy impactado.

Meanwhile Pato lurks outside Meño's house and continues ringing the bell. What will Meño do to help Candy? The bell rings incessantly while Meño, in a panic, devises a plan. The boys seem to have mysteriously disappeared. Candy scurries upstairs making a racket in her high heels.

Pato enters and tells Meño he's been thinking, he wants the foto of Candy. Meño tells him that's all well and good but he's not, ahem, alone, nudge nudge wink wink. Just then studly young Charly wanders down in his jammies for some milk. Meño ushers him back upstairs and makes a crack about being with a 17 yr old. He plays it up and flops his hand around until Pato gets uncomfortable and leaves.

Back at the Bad Date Restaurant the violinists loudly play the wedding march as Marissa holds her hand out for Santi and orders "Say it say it say it!" Santi looks horrified and she stops the violins and tells him to concentrate, then she demands they restart as she puts her finger through the ring. But no, it's not working, he's not doing it properly and he'll ruin the party! This time Santi stops the band, what party is she talking about? As the band switches to a a dirge she tells him their engagement party of course. She demands the happy music again and we're back to the wedding march. He picks up the ring, reluctantly holds it out and gasps while she weeps tears of happiness at her impending engagement.

Mophead and Art visit Alicia and Pato. Mophead says she can't stand the lies anymore, she wants to meet her grandson immediately. She insists it's time to tell Alicia the truth. She clarifies, Arturo's son is actually their grandson, right son? Pato confirms to Alicia who has cara impactada but looks like she doesn't quite believe what she's hearing.

Over at Meño's restaurant Sven introduces his novia to Meño. Uh oh, suddenly his other novia arrives. He hides and the two clueless novias innocently smile at each other.

Candy's at home making her shopping list. She tells Charly she's uncomfortable with the way he talks about gays. He's very young and she doesn't understand why he discriminates. He says he doesn't discriminate, he just doesn't like them and he prefers to keep his distance from them.

Meño asks how could Sven bring two novias to the restaurant? Sven escapes out the back way and Ole runs in wanting to know what to do with Sven's two women? One for him and one for Meño? No? Well he's happy to take the two. I don't really understand this random scene.

Alicia makes Pato a drink and gives him a massage. She says now that his parents have left it's time to tell her the truth. He explains why he lied to her, it was to save his parent's marriage. The kid is his little brother. She says she'll help him so that his parents don't get a divorce, then she jumps his bones, her reward for being his accomplice.

It's nighttime and Lucia sneaks into her tío's room while he sleeps. She grabs his cell phone and scampers out.

Meanwhile Candy eats popcorn and writes her article. "The problem is when we love two, because if a man loves two women nothing happens. He sleeps with both and that's that, but what happens when a woman loves two men?" (Gosh that's easy, she cooks with one and gets drenched in the rain with the other, right QE fans?)

It's morning and Lucia wakes Rocio, she waves dad's cell phone around, she has her mama's number in New York! (Why does she still have the phone, why didn't she just write the number down? Maybe they have to use his phone to make the call?) Rocio jumps for joy.

Mophead waits impatiently outside her swanky apartment. Alicia drives up and Mophead says she was surprised by her call, what's going on? Alicia answers she doesn't like having the horns put on her (being cuckolded) and they're about to find out what's really going on. Another PSA for fastening seat belts and off they go.

Lucia calls the number and they ask for Paulina. Rocio happily tells her mama who's calling and Paulina is distinctly uncomfortable. She didn't send any gift and she's sorry but she's very busy and has to go. Bitch.

Alicia drags Mophead to visit Soledad and find out who is the real father of her little bastard, she's tired of the lies. Sol tells her to get the hell out of her house. Suddenly Beto runs in and Alicia tells Mophead to take a good look, the little guy seems more like her stepson than her grandson, no? Soledad pushes Beto out the door before he can hear Alicia call him a little bastard again. Soledad tries to slap Alicia but Al sneers, "ooh I'm afraid" and flounces out of the house. Mophead is uncharacteristically polite and asks "permiso" as she follows Alicia out the door.

Rocio has locked herself in the bathroom. She snuggles Maripa while Lucia tries to talk her out. Rocio sobs "why is talking to my mom bad when writing to her is good?" Lucia promises to explain if Rocio comes out of the closet. She says she doesn't think Rocio's mom wrote, she thinks it was Santi. "You mean he fooled me?" asks poor little Rocio.

Over at the clinic Santi is worried because Rocio hasn't emailed her "mother" yet to thank her for her pet.

Arturo informs Pato that Alicia took Mophead to meet the kid and convinced her that the kid is Arturo's. Now Mophead wants a divorce. He says Pato has to help him and quickly before he has another heart attack or has to split half his wealth according to the law. If all goes well he'll give his son a cut. (Mochado, from mochar which I think means to split, bribe, share)

Meño walks to Candy's office with some Padre who's going to bless the grand opening. They run into Chayo who informs them she's going to work there but also wants plastic surgery for big bubis. Padre and Meño tell her she'd be better off going to the institute that he's going to bless because there they do surgery on the soul instead of the body. Not a compelling argument for someone who's determined to have big bubis.

Santi is consulting with a very plain (and very fake acned) woman named Victoria who insists she's not asking for much, just a nose job, get rid of her double chin, some liposuction, some ribs taken out like Thalia, that's it. When her boyfriend Ignacio was virtual it wasn't a problem, but now he wants to meet her and she doesn't him to see her like she is. She whips out his picture for Santi to look at, this one in fact:

Santi says, isn't this the star Sebastian Rulli? Vicki says he looks just like Sebastian that's why she needs help right now!

Rocio tells Lucia she's very mad at her papa. Lucia convinces her that instead of feeling mad at her dad for pretending to write as her mama she should be happy. Rocio admits it was very nice of her papa to give her the dog. Lucia manages to convince Rocio that she should email her "mama" to thank her for the doggie. I'm glad Rocio has Lucia there to be her sister, otherwise Rocio would be too sad and lonely.

Padre Vicente blesses Candy's business while all the employees and their families clap. Finally Candy has her business where women can work for women. Chavo makes a joke that they're not all women, what about Meño? Candy comments that only a feminine man can work in her institute. Meño tells Chavo he's going to teach salsa. "Oh I love that!" Chavo squeals, doing a few steps. Meño tells her she's not very good (Ha, she only won Bailando por la Boda!) but he tells her he'll teach her. Chavo's job will be cosmetology and hair which is what she studied before she got married. They all toast to Meño's new saying, "Venga alegría" ("Come on joy", the counterpart to his "Fuera dolor" or "away with sadness").

A repeat of Pato and Arturo trying to convince Mophead that Art is not Beto's dad. She's ready to start the divorce right now! "Are you happy Alicia?" asks Pato? Yes she is because she hates lies. Then Pato will tell her the whole truth, "the kid is mine, completely mine, OK?"

Mañana: Pato writes to Rojiblanca that there was a woman, only one, and he loved her with his whole soul; her name was Candida, blah blah blah, tears roll down Candy's face. If only he had a second chance he'd tell her "I love you". Feh.