Caray, Caray!

From last night: Jacinto and Fr/Ed are talking about Marg leaving Jacinto. Barb's pissed and wants to go find Fernanda. Damian tells Barb its bad luck if he sees the bride before the ceremony. Barb doesn’t know who’s more stupid, Nanda for marrying him, or Damian for allowing himself to fall in love with Nanda.

Tonight: Santiago of the clear head, is talking with Daddy Gonzo and the Bishop when Camil-ho walks up and doesn’t miss an opportunity to humiliate Santiago by psyching him out of a hug. Errorika and Aurora show up and Errorika thanks Camil-ho for preparing the horse for her – Camil-ho doesn’t skip a beat and asks who Errorika’s “friend” is while looking her up and down like a pork chop. Camilho asks if she’s his brother’s girlfriend and she says yes – Santiago puts his arm around her protectively. Camil-ho laughs and says we can fix that! Errorika the idiot laughs also – at Santiago’s expense. I hate when girls do that.

Damian and Barbinator show up in Nanda’s room and don’t find her – Barb’s pissed and says they have to look all over hell for her now. Dumian looks out the window and sees Fernanda on the lawn outside. Barb starts to try to seduce Dumian, but he stops her, saying anyone could walk in and catch them. But Barb’s breathin’ heavy and doesn’t want to take no for an answer and unbuttons his shirt. She tells him the order was to marry Fernanda, not fall in love with her. Dumian doesn’t answer her. I really think he might be in love with Fernanda, either that, or he’s just playing it that way to try to betray the Barbinator.

Daddy Gonzo and Fernanda are having a pre-wedding heart to heart. Dad is shedding some giant Gonzo-Gator Tears. Nanda tries to make dear old dad feel better. Daddy says after Nanda’s mother died and Lillian got sick, he felt as if life had no meaning until Nanda called from school in Madrid and told him how much she loved him. More father-daughter showiness, until he finally asks if she’s ready and at first she says yes but then remembers she forgot to put on her mother’s medallion that Barb gave her, and she runs off. Gonzo says to himself he didn’t know that Barb had saved it all those years.

Back in Fernando’s room, Barbarella has the Orgasmatron fired up (anybody remember that movie with Jane Fonda?) and is still trying to undress Damian, unbuttoning his shirt and vest and taking off his glasses. She tells him not to forget that marrying Nanda is only part of the plan. He denies falling in love with Fernanda. They kiss like hungry animals and he starts undressing her – this is the only time she smiles.
Outside Priscila and AnyBalls are bickering once again because he hasn’t shut off his cell phone. Prisci’s hot pink dress and pale pink shawl looks a little like a negligee that Barbara Eden would have worn on I Dream of Jeannie. Santiago, Aurora and Errorika show up and salutations are made by all. AnyBalls doesn’t look too impressed that Santi has a girlfriend, but Priscila is nice to her. Really, aside from the snide emasculating comments she makes to AnyBalls (which he deserves) Priscila seems like one of the nicest people on this show. Errorika says it’s almost time for the cabalgata. I think this whole cavalcade of horses with the fox hunting outfits is to show people how “upper crust” they are, riding English style and all – not like those pobre vaqueros Mexicanos. Santi doesn’t quite believe they’re speaking of his brother. Aurora asks Santi if it’s true that he used to be in love with Errorika and he says yes, but it was a million years ago. She says but now she’s your brother’s girlfriend? Anyballs says yes, it’s because Camilho has always enjoyed torturing Santiago.

The medallion sits on the table while Dumian and Barbarella get down to business in Fernanda’s own bed. Nanda comes running up the stairs and goes to her room. She opens the door without walking right in and finds Barbara drinking some water (fully-clothed). Uh oh, Barbara spies Dumian’s shoe on the floor and quickly kicks it under the bed. Is he under there too? Nanda says she wants to wait in her room until the cavalcade of horse phonies is over. Barb says no, let’s wait in the library. I don’t know how the hell Barb got dressed and made the bed in time. Barbara walks off but Nanda lingers by the open door of her bedroom, admiring her bouquet. Dumian walks out of what looks like an armoire, or closet, shirtless and proceeds to get dressed quickly.

Camilho shows up at the stables to get his horse and to berate Jacinto. Natasha walks up and Jacinto figures out that Cleopatra will not be ridden by Errorika. Camilho says Errorika will be left wanting to ride only (quedara con las ganas a montar). Jacinto can’t believe it. He says but she’s the maid of honor! Camilho kisses Natasha on the cheek – Jacinto leaves disgusted. Another stablehand brings out Cleopatra and Natasha’s says Camilho’s crazy if he thinks she’s gonna ride that horse. Camilho laughs and says not to be scared.

Looks like Nanda’s ready to get hitched, and Daddy takes her arm. Barb looks back into the house, pleased with herself.

Santiago promises Aurora once again that he won’t leave her alone. Errorika says she can’t find Camilho anywhere. Santiago tells her not to believe anything that Camilho says.

Meanwhile, Natasha is having second thoughts about riding Cleopatra. Camilo says that horse is more intelligent than all the peons in the stables put together. Jacinto and the others are humiliated.

Daddy and Nanda are in the horse drawn carriage waiting to head to the ceremony. Nanda asks for Soledad and Barb tells her she must be waiting at the santuario. Nanda asks Barb to please seat Soledad where she can be close to her.

Damian arrives at the stables. Ugh – who knew? He’s riding in on a horse too. That’s just weird. Obviously Dumian is not a trained equestrian. Jacinto tells him all he has to do is hold on to the reins and the horse knows what he has to do. LOL Jacinto tells him there’s something up with his shirt – there’s a kiss on the collar. Ruh Roh. I guess Dumian doesn’t mind. Jacinto goes to walk away, but Dumian stops his and tells him to help him get on the horse. Maybe Dumian is afraid of heights? Maybe that’s why the BOW is always on top?

Next we see Fr/Ed getting in his car lookin’ all yummy-like.

Dumian, Camilho, Natasha and the others ride into to the ceremony. Errorika sees this and says the famous telenovela phrase: “No puede ser!” She starts to cry. She sees Camilho kiss Natasha’s hand not once, but twice. She’s humiliated and furious. She calls him a “maldito canalla” – a damn SOB. Camilho is a total Bastardo. I guess Natasha is so scared up on the horse that she doesn’t wonder why this woman just called him that, and why that same woman is in horsey clothes also. Hold on while I adjust my beanie. Camilho just smiles back at Errorika smugly. Aurora can’t believe Camilho is with another woman. Santiago is not surprised. Damian tries to get off the horse casually, but looks like a fool. He needs help from a guest who just happens to be the actor who played Aurora’s (Florencia’s) psycho ex-husband in Al Diablo Con Los Guapos. Barb thinks “estupido” to herself while watching Dumian try to get off the horse and laughs at him behind his back as he walks by her.

Dumian waits at the altar. Barb says if Dumian wants she can give him a head start on his honeymoon. He says look at what you did to my shirt. Barb feigns surprise and says what will his bride think about him being unfaithful 5 minutes before the wedding! Dumian’s crazy mother shows up. She and Barb air kiss.

Nanda and her Daddy ride in. Nanda sees Jacinto and wants him to come to the carriage for a hug, but he can’t bring himself to do it and walks off. Nanda thinks it’s strange, Gonzo thinks Jacinto is just overcome by emotion, but Nanda knows better. The bishop interrupts and Nanda gets out of the carriage – everyone claps.

We see Fr/Ed with the flowers he ordered going to Soledad’s grave.

The music at the ceremony starts. More Ave Maria, sung by an opera singer type woman. I guess Franco Reyes was already booked - Thank goodness for small miracles. First the bishop and altar boys, then Nanda and Gonzo walk in and he “gives” Nanda to Dumian.

Fr/Ed speaks to his mother. He says it’s the last time and she has to understand. He flashes back to breaking the glass in his hand listening to La Hiena talk about his mother, his encounter with Fernanda, and some of his mother’s last words warning him to go back to the US or a tragedy will occur. He remembers what the priest told him about revenge. He asks his mother not to abandon him, that in the next few minutes he’s going to do something that will change him into another person.

Nanda is upset because she doesn’t see her Nana, and then notices Camil-Ho with Some-Ho and wonders about Errorika – who’s is now in the library crying. Barb asks Camilho about his novia, Erika. Natasha looks shocked. Camilho says Errorika must be in a corner somewhere, and Barb (who has every right to be mad this time) tells him he’s not going to ruin his sister’s wedding. Barb goes off to look for Errorika in the big house.

At the cemetery Fr/Ed places the flowers.

Cigarman is speaking with La Hiena by phone. He’s telling her they’ve waited for this day for 15 years and that the wedding is the last thing they do before they finish off Gonzalo Elizalde. He says she’s given up her beauty and her youth for all this. He knows it was difficult to put this marriage together and now it’s time to destroy Gonzo and Family, and then she’ll be free. He says nothing can stop her now.

At the Nut House Lili’s playing chess with Ciro, but staring off into space. He asks if she’s thinking about the white pawn and she says she’s thinking of the white pawn and the black queen. He tells her the threat of the route is scarier than the route itself. He says she has to eliminate the black queen.

Barb finds Errorika boozing it up in the library. Barb tries to get her to straighten up by telling her she knew how Camilho was and that she shouldn’t be surprised. She says Errorika is not going to ruin Nanda’s wedding, she won’t tolerate it. Errorika goes off to change her clothes.

Fr/Ed arrives at the house.

Errorika shows up at the ceremony in the same I Dream of Jeannie Dress as Priscila – Priscilla must be a bridesmaid. But before Errorika sits down she glares at Camilho and Natasha. Santiago says he thinks Nanda is marrying a cretin, but he doesn’t have the moral authority to say anything because Camilho is no better than Dumian. Camilho tries to take a swing at Santiago, but they straighten up. Nanda turns away from the Bishop and sees Fr/Ed arrive.

Previews: Looks like Natasha falls off Cleopatra, and Nanda might be hesitating to answer the bishop. Fr/Ed tries to telepathically let Fernanda know that he’s Eduardo.

Labels: manana