Caray, Caray!

Well, that's news to me.

We have a brief review of Jacobo and Damian hatching their nefarious plans and Fer and Franco drinking coffee and chatting about the Barbinator and her nefarious plans.

Fer thinks it's completely ridiculous to convince Daddy to hand everything over to Evil Barbie. Franco breaks it to her that her options are to keep the money away from Barbie and lose Lili or give Barbie everything and get Lili back. Franco thinks Evil Barbie has some unknown motives and he's going to try to figure them out. He wants to know what her Achilles heel is. "No hay otro salida"--literally, there is no other exit; i.e., we have no other options.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into the restaurant…ba dum, pum.

Franco wants to know what to do--carry on or quit? "No hay otro solución"-there is no other solution.

The redhead notices Fernanda sitting with Franco. The brunette remembers he's marrying their "friend" Erika. The redhead thinks the worst, but the blonde thinks she's being mean. "A mí se me hace que aquí hay un romance oculto."--I say we've got a hidden romance here. "Chelsie" the redhead, takes out her cell phone, to the brunette's delight. Mr. 5ft can tell the redhead's being bitchy even without knowing what she's talking about.

Erika asks Ruthie for her opinion on some flowers that Erika is looking at online. "Yo lo veo medio simplosito"--I think it looks kinda simple (halfway a little simple). And we can't have that for our spoiled little rich girl, now can we? Erika corrects her that it's "simploncito". Her phone rings and it's Chelsie. Erika semi-complains about how tough it is to organize a wedding. Chelsie wants Erika to ask Franco if he'll talk to her about buying a vacation plan, but Erika doesn't know where he is. Chelsie suggests Erika call him and find out. What are we, in 7th grade? Next thing she'll suggest is that they get Franco on 3-way so Chelsie can ask him how he really feels about Erika without telling him Erika's on the line. So, now it's dinner theater as the trio wait to see where Franco tells Erika he is.

As Franco and Fer talk about whether Fer needs to go back to Lactos, Franco's phone rings. Erika goes along with Chelsie's plan, unwittingly, and Franco says he can't talk to Chelsie right now because he's "in a meeting." "With Fer, at Lactos?" Erika asks. Numbnuts tells her he's just arriving at "la embajada de estados unidos" to talk to the "agregado comercial"--the US Embassy to talk to the attaché of commerce. Erika says they'll leave it for another time, then. She sends him more magical kisses. He hangs up and Fer knows exactly who he was talking to.

Chelsie jokingly tells her phone "maquinita de la verdad, revélanos el chisme"--little machine of truth, reveal the gossip. Now the blonde's into it. Erika (who Chelsie refers to as Princess) reports Franco's BS location. Chelsie puts her on speaker so the other harpies can listen in.

Fer wonders what Franco loses if everything tanks. He says he'd lose her friendship, but Fer doesn't believe they're friends. He thinks they will be when they get Lili back. And why is he so interested in friendship? Because it's all he can ever have with her. Fer says she'll talk to Daddy and get him to go ahead with the transfer, but "lo demás queda en tus manos"-- the rest is in Franco's big sexy manly hands. Which she's holding as Chelsie takes a picture. I dunno, I think it's kind of far away and fuzzy. She doesn't have zoom on that iPhone? Fer and Franco unknowingly continue to stare intently at each other.

Evil Barbie reminds Camilo that she's doing everything for his own good. She called him to the office to tell him the party's all ready. Camiiiiiii looks like he's going to be sick.

Venus still won't tell Martina what she's planning so that Martina won't go running to Esteve. Martina's convinced it's nothing good. Venus promises her "nos vamos a divertir pues un montón"--we're going to have, like, a ton of fun! And Esteve will be left with his mouth open. Martina whines and tries to convince Venus not to screw with that sweet, sweet, gringo. Venus tries to distract her by saying they've got to pick out a hot little number for Martina to wear, too. I admit that if someone insisted on buying me a pretty frock it would definitely distract me from wondering what havoc they were planning.

The ladies who lunch giggle over the face they expect Erika to make when she sees the picture. The brunette goes to the loo, but she wants updates when she gets back. Chelsie confirms that she's absolutely planning to show that picture to Erika…"A ver, si entre nosotras no somos solidarias y nos cuidamos las espaldas, entonces para que somos las amigas?"--Let's see, if between ourselves we aren't supportive and we don't watch each other's backs, then what are we friends for? Bee. Yatch.

Franco gives Fer her grandpa Jeronimo's pen. Fer muses that it must be the most expensive gift Ana Gregoria ever received. She wants that diary so she can air all the family's dirty laundry. She says it's the only way that the Elizaldes can quit being so unfair and such liars and cheaters. She says she's indebted to someone--Soledad Cruz. She thinks she owes it to Soledad to reveal all the secrets, especially so they can see how unfair they were to her. She knows it won't be much of a comfort to her, but she wants the family to realize how ungrateful they were toward Soledad. Franco is moved and has to run off to the bathroom and fix his eye makeup. What? That's what chicks do. He goes over to a window near the bathroom and cries. The brunette notices on her way out, but walks back to her table. Franco struggles to get it together.

Evil Barbie tells Camilo they need to start prepping for his divorce now, before he's married. She tells him he'd better not get Lovely pregnant. Camilo laughs, "Estas frente a un profesional en la materia"--you're facing an expert on the subject. Way to remind her you raped her daughter, dumbass. Or is your secret that you never actually sleep with women, therefore there's no way to get any of them pregnant? Or perhaps you've already done your homework and found out Santi's the only male of your generation not shooting blanks? Cami says if he hadn't been careful with all his hos Barbie and Gonzo would have grandbabies coming out of their ears. Barbie casually asks if he was also "careful" with Aurora and he says he was "extra careful". He wonders where she and Santi are, that neither of them are around anymore. Barbie says Aurora ran away and Santi went to Florence. Camilo wants Santi back for the party to show him that he's the only one who knows how to get a woman. Yes, please do bring him back to witness Cami's humiliation at the hands of Venus!

Martina is trying on a hot pink and black tie-dyed maxi dress with a smocked bodice all in black. It looks good, but I'm thinking too casual for the big party. Venus loves it, though. Martina declares she won't go to the party if Venus doesn't tell her what she's planning and escapes back into the dressing room. Venus says she'll tell Martina if she swears not to tell. She whispers the plan in Martina's ear, but Martina seems horrified. Venus says that jerk "Me la paga porque me la paga"--He'll pay [me] because he'll pay; i.e., I'll have my revenge, he'll pay for what he's done just because I say so, etc. Venus says she'll disappear afterward, even from Esteve because she really wants to forget him, even if it hurts down to her "cachas" (core, marrow, or very slangily--sex organ…depending on who you ask). Esteve is just an illusion, like a TV galán, that's all.

The brunette reports that Franco was crying. Chelsie also notices that Fer doesn't look too happy. But those three are ecstatic, anticipating how upset Erika will be when she sees the picture. What a bunch of, how you say, harpies? Arpías!

Dam, Jacobo, and unnamed Accomplice drive down a dusty lane in Pueblo Purificación. They're just around the corner from the convent. Jacobo wants the rundown on security, but it's essentially nil. Damian reminds him to be really, really careful with the girl.

Out in the parking lot, Fer says she'll get to work right away. Franco wonders what her plans are when all this is over and Lili's back. She was originally thinking of running off with Lili, but she doesn't want to run from her responsibilities. She thinks she'll stick around, get Lili proper treatment, and make sure Evil Barbie pays for all her crimes. And she wants to get the oft-mentioned community center up and running to honor the memories of Eduardo and Soledad.

Nameless Nun tells Aurora that "Bruno Manfredi" with an Italian accent is there to speak to her on Santiago's behalf, with a letter from Santiago, but he has to give it to her personally. Jacobo tries to hurry the process up, but the Mother Superior is not a woman to be rushed. Jacobo is saying that Santi is a student of his and is currently working on some restoration work back in Italia.

Fer goes to Gonzo's office and begs forgiveness. He can't shove her into a chair fast enough. He kind of laughs that she was a little impulsive, but says he's not angry at her, just worried about her and worried that the trust they used to have has deteriorated lately. Fer says she doesn't want to be a worry for him and does everything thinking of his well being. Gonzo feels guilty for not giving her all the support she needs because he's so busy with his own worries. Fer says she wants to talk about his worries with regard to Barbie. She tells him he's right, she agrees he has every right to protect his wife in any way he sees fit. Gonzo is surprised, but too stupid to question it. So far, though, she's only saying she approves of giving Barbie the 60%. Fer says not to thank her, she's just doing what's best for the family. Gonzo is so proud of her. As we go to commercials, they show a clip of Gonzo as I imagine he'll look when he finally realizes what an idiot he's been for the last fifteen years.

Damian waits in his car for Jacobo, stressing out. "Por que el repentino interés de Barbara por Aurora si antes no la tragaba?"--Why is Barbie suddenly interested in Aurora when before she couldn't stand her (couldn't swallow, couldn't stomach). Vlad calls him, but Damian's not in the mood and ignores it. Damian says soon Vlad will cease to be a bother.

Anibal takes a call from Vlad. Vlad stresses that Damian's not answering his calls. Anibal says to forget Damian, he's not interested anymore. Unlike Gonzo, Vlad puzzles over this sudden change of attitude. He opens a folder and says "no puede ser!"--It can't be.

Aurora comes into the Mother Superior's office.

Gonzo gives Fer a glass of water. Fer says that Gonzo shouldn't wait to give Barbie all the goods, just do it now and get it over with. Fer says it's not fair to make Barbie wait until Anibal's kid is born. He looks slightly confused, now.

Jacobo talks in some bad, fake Spitalian. He says Santi sent him to talk to Aurora about some, er, kind of private things. The Mother Superior and the other nun leave so Aurora and Jacobo can talk privately. Jacobo says Santi talks about nothing but Aurora and is crazy in love with her, but he didn't say when he's coming back to Mexico. He did give a letter for her, though, which is mysteriously missing from every pocket in his jacket.

Fer says it seems humiliating to make Barbie wait for the birth of the grandchild before she gets what she deserves. Barbie comes in and tries to leave, but Gonzo makes her stay. He happily announces that Fer is back and has a brand new attitude. Gonzo wants Barbie to hear it from Fer's own lips.

Jacobo says he remembers that he left the letter in the car. He asks her to come with him to get it. You just know she's going to fall for it. Sucker.

After some prodding from Gonzo, Fer says she agrees with Gonzo wanting to put 60% in Barbie's name, but she asked him not to wait for the baby to be born. Barbie squeezes out a fake tear. Fer says it seems only fair to her. Barbie asks Fer how she can repay such generosity, but hugs Gonzo instead. I think it bought her time to have a reaction without looking Fer in the eye. And poor Fer. Talk about taking one for the team. Barbie cries and thanks them both, but says she's worried now about Camilo because he doesn't know what's going on and he might feel offended, now that he's getting married. Gonzo says all his kids have a home and college degrees, so they've got nothing to complain about. He calls his lawyer. Fer tries not to look hatefully at Barbie while Barbie tries not to look at Fer pityingly.

Jacobo is having a little trouble convincing Aurora and now throws in an embellishment about some photos as well. Now she's convinced, but luckily, the other nun whose name I can never remember was just about to knock on the door and ask if they wanted drinks. Aurora says not now, but would the Sister come with her to this nice man's car to collect the letter and photos? I sense a nunnapping on the way. Is that good for a go straight to hell card? Jacobo curses as he follows them out.

Silvestre, in the doctor's office, grouses about not wanting an operation. He thinks it's a waste and he's used to his glasses anyway. Come one, man, get the operation, lose the glasses, get a makeover and find yourself a nice viejita to spend the rest of your days with. They do a PSA about the procedure, which I don't listen to because "operation" and "eyes" in the same sentence kind of freaks me out. Speaking of "eyes," Martina and the Doc make some at each other as he leaves the office to get something I wasn't paying attention to. Martina talks to Silvestre about heading for the beach after the operation. Silvestre is so happy to have such a great daughter (and this without even seeing her kick ass at mud wrestling) "Nomas me pida vida para verte bien casada"--All I ask is enough life left to see you well married. Ditto to that. Martina say it's going to be cool walking into the church together with Carlos waiting at the altar. Silvestre promises her dead mommy will also be there sharing in their happiness on that day.

Jacobo, Aurora, and the nun walk out of the convent. Now Jacobo claims his car broke down, but it's just around the corner, just a few steps away. Aurora again asks the nun to go with her and the nun agrees. Jacobo takes Aurora's arm and starts leading her to the car.

Fer walks into her office and states a bunch of obvious things to herself about Barbie, the money, etc. Barbie comes in, but Fer isn't so nice to her now. Barbie wants Fer to explain the situation to Camilo. Both ladies have the gloves off now. Barbie doesn't care if Fer likes it or not, agrees with it or not, just is she going to do it or not. Fer snits that when they have Lili back, she expects Barbie to go far, far away, where they never hear anything from her again. Barbie notes the claws are out now and wonders where sweet little Fernandita has gone to. "Desapareció en el momento que descubrió a la verdadera Barbara Greco, una mujer perversa que ha abusado del amor ciego que le profesa un anciano mientras que ella le ha sido infiel con el marido de su hijastra!"--She disappeared in the moment that she discovered the true Barbara Greco, a perverse woman who has taken advantage of the blind love professed to her by an old man while she cheats on him with her stepdaughter's husband! Well, sure, when you put it that way….

Tomorrow: The incriminating photo gets blown up, including the date/time stamp, and presumably we get fallout from Fer calling Barbie on her shit.

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