Caray, Caray!

Ahoy all, tonight I am doing a quickie on-the-fly for Kris who is wending her way down to Mexico. If I overlooked anything noteworthy please let me know.

Mau tells Sal that he's going to the church to marry and fight with his wife by his side.

The kids (Aldo, Luisa and Dani) dolefully wait for Coni to take them to the wedding. Coni hears Dani call her a witch. This does not help the mummy's nasty disposition, nor does the kids' increasing happiness at the prospect of a Mau and Moni union.

Jeri plays racecar with Rolu's wheelchair, gleefully pretending to push him down the stone steps. I'm guessing Rolu is plotting revenge at this moment. Oski shows up and they play whack-Rolu's-cast-and-push-him-against-the-railing. These guys will be dead meat.

Don Cesar is kissing the hand of Little Bo Peep, aka Nieves. Don't laugh, I had to wear a bridesmaid's dress like that once. OK, go ahead and laugh, I did. Anyway, he escorts the princessa into the church. Mientras tanto Oski and Loca discuss Bo Peep's poor taste in clothing. Sounds like Loca has laryngitis. Beto calls this nasty pair on their mean comments and they trade insults. He asks Pau who is that woman who has a dead dog on her head. (Wow, 10 points from the Russian judge on that one Beto!)

Oh no, oh yes, oh crap! Prepare yourselves for a dreadful turn of events. Coni has brought the kids not to the wedding, but surprise, to a prison for kids, aka the boarding school from hell. A scary-looking matron tells them this is their new home while they learn discipline.

Mau flashes back to the proposal, yay! Then he flashes back to nasty Coni threatening to take his kids away, boo! He soldiers on and heads for the church.

Moni's pals gush over her wedding dress. Yes she is absolutely lovely. Funnily they also comment that Mau is always late. Xime shows up and she looks hot too. "Ay ay, we're getting married together and every year we can celebrate our anniversary together!" Gabi comes to tell them Mau is there. OK we're all a little surprised at his timely arrival. Xime is suddenly worried, Rolu is there too, right? Luckily for her there is no way he can escape this day.

Back at the kiddie prison there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Coni, mean matron and the two bodyguards explain how it's going to be, no wedding for them and it's time to enter the stone walls of doom! The bodyguards force them into the Internado (boarding school). They cry for mercy but Coni stands firm. It's breaking her heart but they need a firm hand. She kisses them off, she's got a wedding to stop.

Inside the cold walls the wicked witch tells the kids she runs a decent establishment and they'll obey her, do they follow? They will be separated, the boys from the girls. Dani whines, the witch yells, and Aldo yells back, they won't be separated. The witch tells him those are the rules! The big bad bodyguard grabs Dani and Aldo punches him. This does him no good. The witch tells him she is the authority around him, follow? (Sigues?) The girls are dragged off and Aldo is banished to the punishment room until he becomes docile. The matron smirks in satisfaction.

The wedding march plays and Xime strolls down the aisle toward a horrified Rolando. She even removes his feather boa for the occasion. Then Beto escorts Moni toward her expectant groom. There is no sign of Coni and he delays until Moni knees him in the nuts. Beto won't release her to Mau until she kicks him in the shins.

Let the vows begin. Blah blah blah says the priest, Moni and Mau blah blah blah Ximena Sermeno y Rolando Kluner, blah blah. Beto squirms and Nieves elbows him in the ribs for thinking of la flaquita and his loins in the house of God. Back to the blah blah blah and time's a wasting, this lasts through several scenes and commercials. Get to the vows! Mau whispers to Sal that he's worried about the kids, where are they? More blah blah blah, these are the longest vows in history.

Beto goes to look for Coni and Don Cesar whispers to Nievecita that he's very interested in her. My, how these weddings do bring out the heat in some people!

Outside the church Beto confronts Sal about putting the moves on his jefa. Sal's got other things to worry about, Consti for example. He calls her house and gets Katia. Bad news, Coni's not there and surely the kids are at Xime's wedding. Beto keeps pestering Sal who's on the verge of whacking him for calling him "chavita", er make that Don Chava. Don Chava slaps Beto's hand and calls him Pithecanthropus Erectis, i.e. upright ape man.

We find Luisa and Dani crying alone in a sparse room filled with ugly bunk beds. They wanted to see Moni's wedding dress. Meanwhile Aldo bangs on the walls of his solitary confinement, sinks to the floor in despair, and begs God to help him. This absolutely sucks.

Lord help us, the vows are STILL going on. Does Xime take Rolu? Obviously! Does Mau take Moni? Anyone have any objections? Beto raises Christian's hand and yells "Yo!". Chris denies it while Pau scolds him. Someone grabbed his hand. Coni makes her way to the church as Sal finally gets a hold of her on the phone. She has no interest in talking to Sal, give the phone to Mau and if he doesn't then Mau will regret it the rest of his life.

Back in the Church of the Perpetual Blather the vows continue ad nauseum as the priest stumbles over the names. Xime has three things to tell him. One, yes she promises to be faithful in sickness and in health. Two, clearly they will be together until death parts them. Three, yes, she accepts. OK you are husband and wife. Mau do you accept Monita ... Oh no, oh yes, oh crap! Sal interrupts with a phone call that Mau HAS to take.

Coni tells Mau she's at the airport and about to remove the brats from the country. They will disappear forever and he'll never see them unless he tells Moni the wedding is off. She has a man inside the church who is watching him. Think of the kids and hurry up.

"Pardon me my love, but I cannot marry you" says our handsome idiot. Moni is muy, pero muy impactada. All our dunderhead can do is beg her pardon, he can't explain right now. "Forgive me, forgive me." He sprints out of the church and heads toward the airport to stop Coni from stealing the kids. Hidden nearby, she watches his tormented exit and smiles in satisfaction.

The church is in an uproar, the guests are aghast, and Moni runs after Mau. Coni continues to watch diabolically. Nieves wails about the dress of bad luck.

Alone in the church, Beto thanks the Diosito for looking after his interests. Then he wants to confess, does the Padre have a lot of time?

Moni marches down the street followed by her entourage including Christian in his police car calling to her over the loudspeaker. It is a veritable pity parade and the sad music plays.

Back at the church Xime laments because nobody will be at the banquet. But our relentlessly happy fresa has three things to say: One, she won't let anthing impede her happiness. Two, she's going because the caribbean beaches await, Cancun here they come. Three, she's heartbroken (acongojada) but also very happy because starting today she's Xime Serme de Klundi! She and Lalo dash off until Jero reminds her not to forget the groom. Jeri is in the best mood ever and wants to celebrate but Oski and Loca have other plans.

Beto and Coni share a passionate kiss and victorious reunion on the church steps.

Moni ends up at the boxing ring and, against her friends' protests, commands Don Cesar to lace up her gloves. They watch in horror as she steps into the ring, white dress and all, and spars with a vengeance.

Tomorrow: Sebastian Rulli does what he is famous for, he cries cries cries and cries some more.

Labels: gancho