Caray, Caray!

Bad things happen tonight, but the icy strength of our favorite snowball is fortified by the cold truth, and if you think this snowball is going to melt easily think again.

We left off with Mau and Coni having yet another disagreement. Coni threatens that since they're already at the hospital she might as well have a pregnancy test. Mau disagrees, it's been a long day. Coni juts her jaw out and tells Mau she's not moving from her spot until she talks to Valentina.

"How convenient, because here I am, Mummy" announces our sprightly heroine. For having just run over her lover Coni is amazingly uncontrite. She and Moni have it out with Moni accusing Coni of trying to kill Beto, Coni assuring her that Mau is a witness that it was an accident, and Coni reminding Moni she is supposed to stay 10 metres away from Her Husband. As usual, Mauricio stands by doing nothing, impotent (figuratively speaking). Moni rubs Coni's face in it by kissing Mau right in front of Coni. "What are you going to do about it, Mummy?" she asks. Something tells me this is going to cost our little monkey dearly.

Gabi arrives home and is startled by Sal standing in her doorway. She tells him he has the wrong address, Jacqueline doesn't live there. Sal's not confused, he's right where he wants to be. He wants to tell Gabi not to be jealous of Jacqueline, they have a great friendship and they spend all their time talking about Gabi. Gabi corrects him, she's not jealous but she's tired of Sal needing time, time that he is spending going out with another woman. She wishes him luck on his duel. He reveals he's going through with this ridiculous duel for her honor. She softens somewhat, her eyes sparkle, then she shakes it off, "Good luck on the duel anyway", and leaves him on the front step.

Coni sarcastically applauds Moni and Mau's great kiss, then comments "But it's really too bad". Moni arches her eyebrow and asks is Coni bugged that Mau will never kiss her much less spend the night with her? "Why don't you go ahead and tell her?" Coni asks Mau. She warns Moni that Mau is not as faithful as she thinks. Coni is just about to spill the beans when...

...Xime rolls Rolu up, grabs Moni and Coni and drags them down the hall.

Pau reassures Nieves that Christian will make sure Coni spends the night behind bars this very night. NO!! yells Nieves. Estrella starts to tell Nieves she understands..."SHUT UP!!" yells Nieves. Caesar also gets the same treatment. She can't bring herself to tell them that she doesn't want her son's Baby Mama going to jail. They are interrupted by...

...the doctor who tells them Beto suffers from some trauma. He doesn't remember his name. Didn't we already go through this once? I wonder if Nieves will go in and bonk him on the head to try to cure him? It worked before.

Jero is back with his old pal Oscar who is highly amused by the upcoming duel. He is telling Jero he's crazy for dueling Sal when they are interrupted by...

...Jacqueline who hopes she isn't bothering them. "Don't worry JacquelEEENAY," Oski says sarcastically, "I was just leaving." He departs, snickering about the duel. Jero tells her he's doing the duel for her. I guess this makes her hot because she starts to jump his bones.

The doc says Beto's trauma is only temporary. Nieves wails that she wants to see her Betito, her BETEEEEETO! She staggers off toward his room followed by Don Cesar.

Estre and Pau optimistically discuss the possibility of Beto losing his memory forever and leaving Monita in peace.

Monita and peace, I don't think those words are going to be together for a while yet.

Lets go back to the wacky trio of Xime, Coni and Moni. Xime accuses Coni of trying to kill Beto. She says Coni made a mistake because she (Xime) and Beto were just pretending to be lovers. She has three things to tell them. Una, Robiru and she are not lovers and never have been. Dos, they only did it to make Consti mad. Tres, if Coni didn't kill her (Xime) when Coni thought they were lovers please don't kill her now that she knows they are not. Moni looks like she is trying to process this logic.

The colorful couple of Nieves and Don Cesar rush to Beto's bedside. Beto pulls his hand away from Mami and stares at them blankly. "Excuse me Señora but who are you?" She does her whole I gave birth to you and nursed you for eight years speech. Beto scrunches his face and grunts at her bosom. "And is this man my father?" She says no, it's her boyfriend, they all live together. "Oh, so I have a Señora Cusca for a mother," comments our new and morally improved Beto.

Don Cesar pipes up that having amnesia doesn't give Beto the right to be disrespectful. Damn straight. DC asks him does he know El Fantasma Vengador? Nope. Nieves is convinced her baby really can't remember anything. "Give me some enchiladas," Beto demands.

Xime tells Coni and Moni her affair with Robi was all "a fake". Moni tries to leave but Coni stops her to tell her Mau is weak like all men. There is more she said she said between our two nemeses; in summary:
Moni - "Mauricio can't stand you." She raises her fist.
Coni - "Be very careful, you'd better not hit me because I'm pregnant."
Moni - Gasp.

Beto says he can't remember anything and the only thing he feels is hunger. Why haven't they brought him any tortas de milanesas? This gives Nieves hope, it's his favorite food! Does he remember? He says in his head no, but in his stomach yes. (It growls for effect.)

DC tries to jog his memory by mentioning Monita and the wife of Sermeño. Beto is all excuse me but who is La Monita, who is Sermeño, who is Constancia? Aha! Nobody mentioned Constanza. Beto backpedals, no he doesn't remember ConstanZA, ConstanZA. Beto mutters in his head no, but in the other (looks down at the family jewels), yes. DC insists Beto remembers everything, he's a cucuruchito! (Not sure what this is, maybe a character who is a pathological liar?) Nieves wants to be alone with her baby.

Beto comments on Nieves' weird hair bow and tells her he has never seen her in his life. "You don't remember me? You don't remember that The Flauta is expecting your child?" "How did you know that Jefa!?!" he yells. Aha! He is really truly busted this time. She whacks him in the head and beats him with his pillow.

Coni tells Valentina it's true, she and Mau are expecting a baby. "You are bad Coni, really bad," pipes up Ximena. Moni says in spite of everything she doesn't believe Coni. If Coni is pregnant then it's by Beto and she's going to tell this to Mauricio right now.

Moni jets off, Coni tries to follow, Xime grabs Coni by her hair and yanks her back. Hooray Ximena!! She really is Wonder Woman, in fact she strikes the wonder woman pose, almost does the splits (my, she's very limber!) and refuses to let Moni pass. However this doesn't last long. Coni alpha dogs Xime and races off, leaving poor Xime rubbing her nearly-strangled throat.

Xime and Rolu are talking about Rolu and Xime's marriage and are interrupted by...

...Monita who says Coni is going around saying she's pregnant by Mauricio. "Monita, forgive me," he begs. "Forgive you for what? You slept with her?" asks an incredulous Moni. Coni has planted herself behind Moni and raises her eyebrow at Mau. It's the bitchiest eyebrow-raise I have ever seen. Monita responds to Mauricio like she does to most strife, she punches him in the stomach and runs away. Coni stops Mau from following his love. Why he doesn't just step around her is beyond me. Why does everyone do what La Momia wants?

Nieves is still whacking Beto with his pillow and calling him a blockhead (tarugo) for impregnating Coni. She thought she taught him better. She tells him she needs to talk to him about his son. What son? Beto is still feigning (?) amnesia and calling her Señora. He insists he doesn't know any ConstanZA. He remembers nothing and nobody. Then he strikes his Vengador pose and Nieves whacks anew.

Jacqueline tells Jero he's acting like a penniless schmuck. Jero is highly insulted, he's the owner of a business. Jacqui points out it's really too bad that he's sharing his profits with Oski and not with her. Jero doesn't know what she sees in Salvador, he's just a waste of a man. He's got money yes, but he's not a millionaire like Jero (and his cousin he adds, as an aside).

Jacqui says Jero doesn't know Salvador very well. Jero says he does know Sal. Sal is stingy, envious, truculent, grumpy, ailing, and regurgitates when he talks. She says Sal is mature, established, a gentleman in every sense of the word but she prefers a pet, a slave, i.e. Jero. There he goes slapping himself on the ass again. She stands up while he follows her around on his knees. She won't spend the night with him because he needs his rest to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning. She'll see him tomorrow, and if he survives the duel they can talk.

Beto is still feigning (or not?) amnesia to Nieves, he doesn't know a Monita. He congratulates her on being a grandma but can he have his Milanese sandwich? If she gets him a sandwich maybe it will help him remember. She says fine, she'll get him his sandwich and he'd better not try to escape. "The kid's not mine!" he wails. Nieves whacks him again with the pillow, she is absolutely certain the kid is his because she heard that skinny bitc...Beto cries he can't think because he's starving.

Moni is standing alone and crying in the hospital hallway. Estrella runs up to report that for some reason Nieves won't say a thing against the Mummy and that Beto has amnesia.

Coni threatens Mau that if he tries to see Moni he will have broken his contract and he'll never see his kids again. She calls Moni a stupid chimpanzee boxer. He flexes his jaw in impotent rage. (Yes I know I already called him impotent once, but if the description fits.) They leave together, she triumphant, he impote...er, silently angry.

Back to the waiting room where Rolu confronts Ximena with her charade. Rolu says, "You mean you don't have a lover?" "Nopis," answers Xime. "It was all a lie?" asks Rolu. "Sipis." How could she let him think she was seeing that old smelly cat? She says Una Dos Tres it was worth it to prove all the love Rolu has for her and to have him promise he will never be unfaithful to her again. He turns all mean and nasty, i.e. his old self, and tells her to get out of his sight! He doesn't want her near him and as soon as he get out of his casts he is out of there. She cries ouch, her heart is breaking. He says she is the WORST thing that has ever happened to him. Our poor beautiful Xime covers her ears but she can still hear him shouting "the worst!!" Shall we take bets on how long it will be before he takes another flyer?

Monita and Estrella visit Beto. Does he know them? Of course, "hello Monita" he says to Estrella. He tells Monita maybe he does know her because when he looks into her eyes he feels a warmth in his heart. The nice things he says to Monita are negated by his flatulence and he lets one fly. It's censored of course but we know by now when our stinky cat farts. Estrella is driven from the room but Monita doesn't seem to notice. She tells him they have to talk about The Mummy. No problem, Beto loves that movie, what special effects, wow! "No Beto, Constanza." He says he doesn't know that person. She says he better remember soon because he's going to be the father of her son.

She begs him to remember. He's trying but he remembers nothing. He keeps asking her who are all these people? She tries to jog his memory, Constanza is tall, skinny and crazy. Mauricio is her husband. Beto says then of course the baby must be Mauricio's as a result of (he demonstrates with his hands) intercourse.

She cries, she won't believe it. This makes Beto sad. Somehow he seems to know she's a boxer.

Yum, it's a torta stand! Nieves and DC are ordering dos Milaneses with chipotles, salsa roja and peppers in vinegar for Beto. DC says he wants a Cubana (woman from Cuba). This elicits a pinch from Nieves. No, a Torta Cubana, what's eating Nieves tonight? She admits it's not Beto's accident but what she heard the Flauta say when she thought nobody was listening. She said...no she can't bring herself to say it. DC tells her no matter what happens he'll be by her side.

Next morning Mau drops the kiddies off at school and even Katia gets a kiss goodbye. Thre is a Father/Son discussion about La Furia Enmascarada and Mau ends up loaning Aldo the keys to the Bat Cave. Looks like Aldo's going to get some today.

Ximena wears a Golden Delicious apple-colored dress and puts an apple on her head. Oh man, don't tell me Jero is doing target practice William Tell style using Xime as a target! Xime wisely stops the nonsense and says three things. Una, aim well. Dos, don't kill me. Tres, I didn't eat dinner last night and my stomach is growling. Rolu butts in and I think he says if Jero shoots her, in the head for example, instead of the apple then he'll forgive her for lying to him. She tells Jero in that case aim for her, aim for love. Circus music plays while Jero aims. Oh wait, I wonder if Jero will accidentally shoot Rolu instead? All of a sudden I'm in a much better mood!

Furia goes to the gym, sees Moni punching the bag, asks what's the matter, and she falls into his arms, crying. "I'm very sad," she weeps.

Mañana-Estrella jumps into Furia's lap and covers him with kisses. Jero and Sal are at their duel, they turn and fire. Nieves tells Coni she knows the truth and they have a stare-down.


Tacaño, envidioso, truculento, cascarrabias, achacoso, regurgita cuando habla = stingy, envious, truculent, grumpy, ailing, and regurgitates when he talks
Cucurucho = pointed hat, dunce hat? (Maybe Cucuruchito was a character who lied?)
Fresco como una lechuga = bright eyed and busy tailed, fresh (Lit . fresh like lettuce)
Un gato apestoso = a smelly cat
Lo peor = the worst
Muerto de hambre = penniless schmuck, a nobody
Un residuo de hombre = A waste of a man
Señora Cusca = streetwalker, loose woman
Tarugo = blockhead
Vete a la fregada = Bugger off, get out of my sight, brush off.

*Oscar Wilde

Labels: gancho