Caray, Caray!

Deep in the bowels of the Bat Cave, Monita is thrilled. She is about to ride the Bug Scooter with Furia Enmascarada himself. Woohoo! And so as the great iron doors concealing the Bat Cave creak open, a ludicrous masked apparition in green and gold astride a dirt bike with his faithful little monkey in a scandalous minifalda perched behind him swings onto the road. His faithful understudy and scion strolls out behind them and gazes proudly as this stunning sight disappears, blending un-noticed into the busy DF traffic. He fails to spot the mummy parked across the street, spying as she hunkers down to avoid detection He steps into a cab and heads off in the opposite direction. A self-satisfied momia engages the engine of her unmarked car and pulls away as the game, once more, is afoot.

Marcos is meeting with Isabel in an outdoor restaurant. So, Coni's and Katia's daddy, por casualidad (remember?), is Nieve's runaway groom, the love of her life, and Isabel's heart throb as well? ¡Canicas! El mundo sí es un pañuelo (small world, literally, the world is one handkerchief). Marcos is played by Eric del Castillo, a revered Mexican actor who is also the father of the gorgeous and talented Kate del Castillo, my very first telenovia (Ramona). He is apparently helping Isabel cope with an as yet unidentified momia, whom Isabel recently bumped into, who is causing problems for Monita, Isabel's daughter ,and a miscarriage for Coni, said mummy. The momia identified Isabel as Monita's difunto mom. Those two seemingly came to an agreement to unite efforts against Moni, yet here she is apparently plotting against the momia with Marcos who wants to meet and destroy la momia. At this moment his cell phone rings and he is talking with his daughter Coni (la momia) arranging a dinner date with her. He clearly adores her. I understand. She also enlists him to arrange to have someone open a door for her. No problema, he'll put one of his people on it. Meanwhile, Isabel's hard drive is collating factoids which may help her quickly to the realization that Constanza = la Momia. Marcos doesn't however mention his princesa's name. Completing his call, he stands and says that he will prevent la momia from harming Monita. "Perhaps Monita means nothing to you, but for me, is very important."(¿Qué?) Is everyone all clear on all this now? If you are, then you haven't been paying attention. Let's soldier on. As he leaves he says, "I'll be waiting for your call."

Beto is lying on the couch talking to himself, "¡Sufro (I suffer), sufro, sufro! ¡Duermo (I dream), duermo, duermo!" as Jaqui brings him a sandwich that she has lovingly constructed with her own little hands (someone dismissed Teri, the housekeeper, without careful consideration). He critically examines it, enumerating the ingredients, noting the components it lacks as well as discovering an unwanted component, then tentatively takes a bite. He declares it ... horrible. He proceeds to consume it anyway. He asks if she's not aware that the way to conquer a man is through his stomach. She asks what makes him think that she would try to win him over. "Well, since I'm your nuero (nuera is daughter-in-law, there is no such word as nuero)." "Mi yerno (son-in-law)." Beto looks around, "¿Donde?" "You're my yerno, not my nuero, tarado (dumbutt)," she replies, though he's not officially that either.He decides not to finish the sandwich, it even has a hair in it he says. Then he says," No, I've always said, for sure, there is only the one mother, the others, a ball of fodongas (filth). "You're calling me filth?" "No Señora, but with all due respect..." I love watching these two go at it. They are like Abbott and Costello.

And now, domestic bliss in the 'hood. It's Nieves and Cesar, and as usual, their attire is color coordinated; this time in various shades of Merlot. Cesar reminds her that Beto has forgiven her deception about his daddy, but she is not pleased that he may marry Coni, but Cesar reminds her that it will likely come to pass so she might as well get used to the idea. The conversation turns to Nieves past love. Cesar inquires whether he might show up. "Not a chance." This of course means that he'll be showing up very soon. She has even forgotten his face, which is for the best, for Cesar threatens to murder anyone who attempts to tear her from his arms. "I'll fight for you, because you see, I love you." She smiles broadly. Awww.

Estrella, Paula, Moni, Cristian, and a large green insect we recognize as Furia Enmascarada, are cooling their heels awaiting the arrival to his office of Señor Fausto Pineda, the toad who served the eviction notice for the inhabitants of the naco condo. Careful Mao, toads consume insects. The vecinas are restless and testy. Paula seems especially agitated. She tends to embrace violence as the best approach. Mao, like a wise, hyper-pituitary Jiminy Cricket counsels calm and restraint. Easy to do if you're not the evictee. "Let Monita do the talking." Cristian also tries to be a voice of reason, he doesn't want to have to remove Pau by force. but Paula is particularly flammable today, as she lashes out at her novio just as the smarmy, unctuous lawyer appears."What are you people doing here?" He enters as distrusting hostile eyes follow him to his desk.

Let's check back and see how Beto is doing with his future suegra (momma-in-law). They continue to bond. He is musing about how his dietary needs will be met in his new life with Coni, as Jaqui wonders aloud what Coni sees in Beto. He offers to show her, adding to her disgust. She calls him corriente (common). He explains that his primary attraction is his enormous corazón as well as his manly aroma. He then begins to tell her about Betito's conception in Nuevo York on Broadway. She is loath to hear these intimate details and changes the direction of the conversation. "Then Constanza hasn't told you the news?" She then announces to Beto, "Constanza tuvó un legrado (had a currettage)." Beto looks as though he doesn't quite understand.

Things are heating up in the shyster's office."How did you get in?" "No importa," Moni then voices a perfectly reasonable, legitimate question, "Who?" Now here's a surprise. "That's confidential information." Paula speaks less calmly. Fausto observes that they are backed up with muscle, a luchador. Furia strikes a ready pose. "And Valentina Lopez," Estrella adds. Cristian cautions against threats, especially in front of a policeman.. Paula responds by asking Cristian for his apparatus. Fausto does share that the new owner is very powerful and completely backed up by the law. "Yes well we just want to talk to him," Monita snaps.Paula suggests that Cristian torture the information out of him. Ya gotta like this girl's pragmatism. Losing both patience and courage, he orders them out. Mauricio sees that there is not much they can accomplish there and suggests that they leave. Each has a parting gesture for the legal lizard, including Big Bug who encores his predatory pose.Beto, unfamiliar with medical terminology wants to know about this Legrado Hombre. "What is his name? ¿Juan Legrado? ¿"Pedro Legrado?" Jaqui suggests that he look up Legrado in the dictionary. Poor Beto is feeling like Job. First he discovers that he has no father, then, that he has no palce to live, and now this guy Legrado. "Why me?" Jaqui excuses herself to relax in a salt baño. Beto offers to help; he has the salt shaker. She orders him to stay right where he is. He grumbles that the daughter has her mother's style.

On the patio in the barrio Aldo is talking with Teri and Ivan. They hope that the delegation led by Mao is successful. They have confidence. Teri admits that as much as she misses the kids and Mao's place she is very happy here in the warmth of the 'hood. Suddenly she remembers that she's not started dinner. Ivan offers to go for takeout roast chicken, leaving Teri free to ask Aldo about rumors she's heard about his serious troubles with Estrella. Yes, they've split up. His heart aches. 'Yes, that's the way it is, one never forgets his first love." Teri's deep thought for today.

Hurrying down the street, Ivan bumps into Nieves. Por casualidad, she also is on her way to get roast chicken for Cesar and her. "Why don't we all eat together?" He gives her some money and off she waddles. (A very sexy waddle, to be sure.) Observing from a distance, sitting in the backseat of his black Mercedes, Marcos looks on, no doubt sharing my opinion of his one true love's curious gait. Didn't I warn that it wouldn't be long before he appears in their life?

Emerging from the office building of the lawyer is the committee delegated from the barrio to negotiate. For the moment they appear stymied. Estrella doesn't know about the rest, but she is defeated. Mao is going to sic his lawyers on Fausto Pineda. Paula clutches her head and says, "I most theenk." Her English is improving. Monita has a plan. "He had the papers in a folder, let's steal it." Cristian doesn't want to hear this kind of talk. Pau says,"Cristian, shoatup!" He quibbles, Pao tells him to get with the program or it's his neck. She makes a slashing gesture across her own neck. "You choose." She tells him to follow orders. He salutes, "Sí, mi comandanta."

Meintras tanto, Coni is doing a little breaking and entering of her own. Marcos has sent a locksmith who is cheerfully picking the lock to the Bat Cave. Coni effusively thanks him. She stupidly left her keys inside. Huh?"No need to justify, anything for el Señor Lerdo de Tejada." She checks the street then ducks inside. She seems impressed as she leisurely inspects the luchador's lair. Take your time sweetie. I'll take a little break for a shot of Tequila, el Gran Centenario Añejo, riquísimo, gracias a mi hermosa profesora, Adriana. She takes video of the closet contents, consisting of damning proof, including a spare mask. She deposits the camera in her purse an browses languidly about the secret headquarters. She looks out a window, takes her camera out and films some more. The moon is almost full.

Moni, in miniskirt and high heels, and Bug, in full insectual regalia, cape billowing inconspicuously behind, creep up to the entrance of the office building, just as Fausto and the night watchman appear at the door. The two ordinary-appearing burglars duck out of sight. Cristian, Estrella, and Pau anxiously observe from across the street. Seeing the lawyer drive away, Pau (who knew she had such effective leadership skills?) orders Estrella into action. Her job... distract the guard. Summoning her thespian talents, Estrella springs to action. She hurries up to the watchman and complains that some medrigos mondrigos (help!) chipped (descochar) the paint on her truck parked around the corner. She is persuasive, and he goes with her, leaving the way clear for our larcenous luchador and his faithful simian companion. They scurry in through the revolving door. "¡Ay, perfect!" gushes Pau. Cristian whines and complains bitterly that they are becoming criminals. Suddenly alarms go off. Oh no! Oh yes! Oh crap! The guard hurries back followed by Estrella, hampered by heels. Cristian hurries up, reporting for duty. Fury and Moni hurry to the entrance then pause, unobtrusively at the glass door, awaiting assistance. The resourceful Estrella sprains an ankle and while the attentive guard kneels to offer assistance, Moni and Furia emerge un-noticed. Directed by Cristian, they exit stage left. "Know what? It's all better. Thanks. Adios." And off goes Estrella. Do I smell an Oscar in her future? No! Hopefully not that Oscar. Cristian draws his pistol and urges the security guard into action. He'll provide cover. Estrella and Pau celebrate from across the street. Well done, you delightful delinquents.

Speaking of Oscar, he arrives, roses in hand, just as Gabriela is heading out for the airport to catch her plane for Venezuela. "Going on a trip?" "You noticed?" She doesn't have time for this.

Having successfully burgled the office of bad barrister, a giddy Moni and Mao have returned to the Bat Cave. Uh oh! Coni has secreted herself in the apartment and with a sad look on her face is filming (in High Definition) as Moni lifts Furia's mask revealing the countenance of our not so bright but oh so lovable hero...Mauricio! Oh no! Oh yes! Oh... never mind. We are now treated to one of those incomparably borrrring M&M conversations, mercifully cut short as we return to...

Gabi and Oscar! She is in no mood. He promises she won't be late and even offers her a lift to the aeropuerto. "Do you have everything?' he asks, helpfully. She checks. Dang almost forgot the cellphone. Good thing O dropped by, huh? She goes to get it and Oscar makes a phone call. It's to his people in Venezuela. "Things have to move forward. When Gabriela arrives she is to find that Salvador has suffered a tragic accident. Dead. Body not recoverable. Handle it." Gabi's back. "Ready? Vamanos."

Oh no! Oh yes! Oh crap! More Moni and Mao. Coni's getting it all on video so let's get to the nut of the matter. They look at the papers they have purloined. Mao announces the evil new owner of the naco neighborhood complex is... ¡Soy yo!!! That's right amigos, Groupo Sermeño is the new slumlord that is going to evict the barrio.¡¿Qué?!

Well, el mundo en verdad es un pañuelo. Jero is joined in a restaurant by none other than Marcos Lerdo de Tejada. You could knock me over with a feather. And they already know each other. "It's always a pleasure to close a business deal with you, Jerónimo." Turns out the developer of the project utilizing the land on which sits our happy 'hood is Coni's dad. He is amazed things are proceeding at such a rapid pace. "Well, that's how business is with Jerónimo Sermeño. Quick and effective. " Yessir, I see a delightful future for this transaction. Next!

Well you asked for it, Carlos. More boring banter between M&M. The shortened version:

"How?'
"Don't know. Couldn't have been Sal."
"Then who?"
"I have a plan."
"What?"
"You're the new owner."
"Qué? ¡No!"
"Yes!"

Works for me. Coni, did you get all that on video? I don't want to go through this again. Next!

More Marcos and Jero. Now Marcos wants to know what went wrong in the marriage of his princess and Mauricio. "She made the gravest error of her life marrying Mao. Then he cheated on her with another man." Marcos is livid and wants revenge. No need Jero assures him, Coni has it under control. She is divorcing him and will end up with everything he has. Marcos is amused. "Just like Jaqueline did me. Left me in the street with nothing." He turns bitter, calling her a remola (help again!), a harpy. Jero chokes on his brandy. Nevertheless, he wants an even worse fate for Mauricio. All this signals wonderful times ahead for us here at Club Gancho.

Moni's reluctant. Coni's filming. Mao's certain. Let' go tell the neighbors the good news. Coni emerges from hiding and takes one last look. She got even more than she came for.

Beto has fallen asleep on the sectional couch. Dani, Luisa, and Katia are watching amused seated on the opposite section. "He's like a lion," Dani observes. "No, un cavernicola (caveman)," Katia corrects her. Their speculation is abruptly interrupted and terminated by a well timed and delicately pungent fart by our leonine Neanderthal. The kids scatter just as Coni shows up. She spies him, "¿Roberto?... What's going on here?" She smell him, "What smells?" "Ask your amante," Katia suggests. "Roberto," she tries to rouse him, "¡Roberto!" He slumbers on. She pinches his nostrils closed and he stirs, "I didn't do anything," he protests, clearly shaken. "Precioso," She coos. He is wide awake and demands, "¿Por Qué me siempre jueges chueco? (play twisted with me, why is she always deceiving him?)"

Marcos is telling Jero that Mao will pay for his transgressions against his daughter when Jero's cell phone rings. It's Jaqui and she wants to see him... now! He says he can't maybe tomorrow. She reminds him that is no way for a slave to respond to his mistress' demand. Jero is having second and third thoughts about his budding relationship with Jaqui. She is puzzled, but remains firm. "Then don't come bothering to look for me 'cause I just might not be there." She hangs up abruptly. "¿Una mujer?" Marcos gentle inquires. He cautions Jero to be careful, but our Jero is accustomed to being pursued by women. Now Marcos turns bitter, expressing his hate for Jaqui and how she treated him. At least he ended up better off than her subsequent four husbands. He arranged that she will never find happiness with another man. "You know where they are?" Jero gulps, "Below the earth?""Exacto. Todos están muertos." Jero gulps again. Looks like he may have broken a light sweat. Oh yes, things are shaping up nicely.

Connie is confused. Beto confronts her with Señor Legrado. Her mother told Beto about him. QTF is he talking about? Well, here's Jaqui to clear matters up. "I told him you had a legrado. Want to explain to your lover what a legrado is?"

Carlos

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