Caray, Caray!

It's a gala noche in Ganchoburg. Not only is Valentina la Monita Lopez fighting to regain her Bantamweight Título Nacional, it is the night of the Welcome Home Rolu's Brother party, expected to be la Fiesta del Año by many of the expert socialites here at Club Gancho. The TN gods have smiled on the kindly old Dr. Carlos tonight.

We begin with a replay of Estrella shooing Coni away from the MF. "Hey, look whose spreading her wings. Aliens aren't welcome in our world." Coni blows a kiss which is intercepted and tossed away by an alert Estre, as an alert Sylvia has previously described. He suggests that she return to her place as he doesn't want to raise Coni's suspicions. A bit late for that, Hombre Verde. Estrella walks back and whispers to Aldo who has joined with the contingent from the Sermeño household. He directs the extended family to their seats then approaches Big Bug (clad in full insectual regalia) at ringside as we wait with bated breaths for the arrival of tonight's featured combatants into the ring. How nice... now Masked Fury is graciously penning his autograph for his adoring fan. "Aldo," the young aficionado prompts. Coni is looking on stonily at this transaction, which doubtlessly is primarily staged for her benefit. She is even more suspicious as we can almost see those delicately crafted wheels turning in her nimble brain, much like those of a fine Swiss watch. Just a matter of time 'til she's certain, I'd say.

Ximena and Rolu are sitting on their bed and seem to be having a serious intimate conversation. Shhh, let's listen in. Jimena is telling Rolu that she hopes he won't reveal that he's leaving to their friend and of course Rolu, who now wants to stay with Ximy agrees. At this point, I suppose some of the less romantic among us might conclude that Rolu is a victim of the Stockholm Syndrome. You recall he was imprisoned in plaster for six months and remained wheelchair bound for quite some time after that, thanks to another unfortunate attempt to sprout wings and fly. Now for some days judging by his stubble, he has been tied spread eagled to the bed, so it's not a stretch to assume that he has become sympathetic and dependent on his captor. I say to this, "horsefeathers!" He has fallen captive to the magical warmth and love that is Ximena, the reining sweetheart of this show. Well our sweetheart is feeling miserable that she was unable to retrieve Rolu's errant herman'. He mentions that he remembers that there was someone was at the door earlier. Suddenly she recalls the neatly dressed beggar with a suit case sitting at their door when she arrived could that by chance be her cuñi?. Rolu indulgently smiles and asks why he would have a suitcase. She speculates that there was a crisis. "He probably lost his job. He has spent all his money. He's in the street with his bags and doesn't know what to do." Uh, yeah, that could be it, "but could it be that it's my brother waiting for you to let him in?" A bulb dimly glows then burns brightly in her complex brain." "Of course!" Rolu beams with pride as she scurries to the door."Rolu, what am I going to do without you?" "No Ximena, what am I going to do without you?" OK, let's all pause a moment and reach for the tissues.

At the arena, excitement is building for the big fight. We scan the crowd for familiar faces as we spot Aldo and Estrella, impatiently waiting for the action to begin, there's Alicia seated between Aldo and Nieves. Nieves has the little monkey perched on her shoulder for luck and the lion purse perched proudly on her lap. There's Teri munching a snack with little Dani, sporting her own little boxing mitts and already excited and impatient for the fight to start, nestled safely between her and Katia. Dani and Katia spar playfully. To Katia's right is Luisa with the same sack of snacks as Alicia. She offers some to a glowering, smoldering Ivan, Still smarting over the electric glances exchanged between Luisa and the dreamboat singer, Andres, from the club. He accusing her of flirting with him. They quarrel briefly. Ivan is seriously jealous. After all, they barely get to see each other and she sees Andres everyday in school. Ah, to be young and in love. I almost forgot how difficult it can be.

On her front steps, Ximy startles her jumpy bother-in-law. He slips down but recovers quickly, swabbing his hands with a tissue. "You must be Arnoldo Klunder!" she gushes as she grabs him up in a hug before awaiting his response. She apologizes for not recognizing him. He reminds her, "You don't know me." He seems bewildered and overwhelmed. She snatches up his bag, grabbing his hand to drag him inside. He reacts negatively, wrenching his hand free. "¡Sueltame! ¡No me toques!" He complains. She apologizes slapping her own offending hand in rebuke. She doesn't want to give the wrong impression. He urgently needs to wash his hands. She informs him of the boxing match they will attend followed by the mega-party planned in his honor. She is simply precious. She then gathers him up in a warm sisterly embrace as he weakly and helplessly resists. I can't wait for this guy to get a whiff of Beto.

We are next treated to an interesting view of Moni doing some last minute situps. Beto is sitting on the bench in front of the lockers offering last minute advice and support. "155," he counts, "you're going to burn yourself out." Let's take a quick look at Moni. As usual she is in short pink trunks a a pink croptop. Unlike in the disastrous fight in which she lost her title not to mention her consciousness for the better part of six months, tonight she has her hair done in neat no nonsense cornrows and pulled back in a single tight braid, much as it was done up the night that she captured the title. She speculates about what is beneath that mask. What is MF like down deep? Beto doesn't understand her fascination with the Masked Fury. He takes a quick sniff of his arrmpit as if to verify his masculinity which emanates from his own virile depths. She tells him that he stinks because la Momia is rotting from inside. She laments that she thought that she had found what she was searching for with Mao, but she was wrong. Now, she is feeling happiness. Beto scowls. Moni stands before the Virgen of Guadalupe silently uttering her prefight supplication. Beto stands behind her and when she is finished, helps her on with her pink hooded ring robe. She turns and asks him to allow her to be happy. He tells her to cover her chest. Sweet.

As fight time draws closer, more fans are arriving. Costeño is followed in by Rolu,walking fairly well, arm in arm with Ximena, with a fearful, reluctant Arnie lagging behind, looking like a kitten walking though a kennel full of Dobermans. As they take their seats, Xime sees and greets Costeño while Arnie begins disinfecting his seat.Ximena chides Arnie about his fastidiousness, nudging him with her elbow, "It's a joke!". Arnie gets up and whispers to Rolu that he doesn't want his crazy, psychedelic wife taking to him. Why you sick little twerp. Rolu tells Ximy that his brother has always been strange. Ximy proceeds to offer up three things. "Una, ...tonight will be superguau, let's act happy as though we will be be happy for our entire lives. Dos..." Hey it's Lalo! He's come to see Monita box. Ximy introduces Arnie. Lalu extends his hand causing Arnie to recoil, He tries to explain, "I just washed my hands and you just came in off the street." Suddenly Ximy spots Coni.

Cesar is escorting Moni, hood up, to the arena's entrance. He is giving last minute instructions. Beto trails behind. Cesar leaves her here for the moment, he forgot the towels. Beto wishes her luck and gives his benediction. He's not struck down by lightning so it's all good. She's pumped as Beto walks away. She does a little dance and punches the air. Well, well, well, now a large beneficial insect approaches, green and gold soft carapace fluttering behind. He cuts a fine figure as he confidenly strolls up. She goes all squishy. She dedicates to him, with all her heart, tonight's fight. Hey, you've got a fight in a few minutes! Try to focus! Oh very well, let's get this over with. They exchange pleasantries. They embrace. From a distance, Beto scowls...Next!

Coni is standing by the entrance, the MF flounces by, Cape billowing. She intends to confront him, "Hey Furia!" but instead comes face to face with Ximy who asks a commonly asked telenovela question. "¿Qué haces aquí, Consti?" She doesn't think it's such a good thing for Coni, who is no sports fan to be here. Her place is in bed. Ouch. Coni snaps at her, "Don't provoke me, Ximena!" Ximena reminds her that she is not invited to her party, either. "You didn't receive an invitation did you?" Coni tells her she goes where she dang well pleases and tells her that she was basically looking for her husband but the Luchador Degenerado has assumed his place. As she says this, she for an instant, locks eyes with Big Bug who is lurking. Aldo confers with him over the logistics of Mao being Mao as well as MF. Both are troubled, but Mao thinks that everything will be alright. I love how he carefully plans his every move. Aldo offers up any help that he and Estrella might be. Furia Enmascarada acknowledges his fans and takes his perch amidst the the other luchadors who are all decked out in their finest. Clearly, he is a member of this fraternity. They have seats just behind our other aforementioned friends. The crowd has taken up the chant, "Monita, Monita, Monita..." Coni, who is feeling less and less a part of this, covers her ears and frowns. She is for the moment, in Hell.

Here comes Moni, proudly accompanied by Cesar. She bounds into the ring, full of life and boundless energy in spite of 155 situps. The crowd is alive with enthusiasm, chanting...well you know. We get a brief glimpse of Moni's opponent. She has the serene look of a beautiful Aztec goddess. Beto takes his seat next to Coni, who has pretty much seen and heard enough. She scolds Beto for having been with that monkey. She announces that she leaving, but reminds him that she expects him to take her to the party and expects him to bathe. He stinks. He objects but she is not to be denied. She gives him a big ostentatious kiss, "I'll come by for you. Make yourself pretty," she instructs, and leaves. The lady sitting behind them certainly does justice to her grey tee shirt. As Coni defiantly exits, Gabi notices and grouses, Sal points out, "The fight's about to begin."

The ring announcer first introduces the challenger for the 10 round ladies' bantam weight national championship, "¡Weighing 53 kilos 600 grams, Valentina la Monita Lopezzzz!" Music, a scan of the excited crowd, Beto looking as though he's in a trance, chanting and pumping his arms. Monita acknowledges the crowd and shadow boxes in the center of the ring. Once again the announcer takes to the mike to introduce the champion, "¡Weighing 53 kilos 800 grams, Samantha la Leona Vetinaaaa!" Refereeing is, "José Guadalupe García González!" The referee calls the combatants to the cener of the ring for the last minute instructions, they bump gloves aggressively and our fight is underway. Shots of crowd, in particular The mantis and Beto. The fighters exchange blows in close quarters. Before you know it, end of round one. The ring girl looks very fit as she circles the ring with a plaque announcing round 2. The men in the crowd, notably Aldo (peeking through separated fingers), Ivan( with a disapproving look from Luisa), Cristian (Pao covering his eyes), Oscar (hopefully signaling, "Call me!"). Both boxers looking good. Oops, already round 4. An insectual loving glance is acknowledged with an upraised left glove. Hey sweetheart, focus. That's not what Cesar meant when he told you to keep your left up. More good boxing by both ladies. The crowd is appreciative. Round 7. Moni stalks Leona moving in for the kill. Suddenly a wicked right cross connects and decks the pretty Aztec princess. As the crowd roars she briefly struggles to get up but collapses unconscious. The referee relentlessly counts, "...ocho...nueve...fuera!" Our little barrio monkey wins! Cesar congratulates her as a huge green bug flies into the ring and flits around. They dance around the ring, rejoicing. The referee applies the championship belt. Once again the referee lifts the arm of an ecstatic Valentina. Confetti falls from the sky. The huge green creature hefts her astride his broad shoulders. Beto leaps into the ring. "Here I am Monita!" He shouts to Big Bug, "Hand her to me! Put her down, I want to carry her too!" I feel so sorry for you Beto. She's not your Monita anymore. The bug puts her down. She explains things to Beto, punctuating her remarks with a right cross to his chin. Harsh. Devastated he crawls from the ring as she resumes her perch atop the strong green shoulders.

Meintras tanto, Coni is searching Mao's room for bug droppings. She picks up the mattress, rummages through his stuff.

Back in her dressing room Moni and the Green Hornet are happily hugging and exchanging inanities. He's proud. She dedicates the victory to him. S he tells him that she is falling in love with him. Say what? Next!

Estrella and Aldo are happy for Moni, but now we have a party to go to. Aldo informs Estre that the mummy will be there. She is afraid that Moni will discover the truth and it will all fall apart for Mao. Right now she has a favor to ask of Ximy and then she's going to congratulate Moni. She abandons Aldo to the wrath of a covetous Luisa. "You always get to do what you want to do... Daddy treats you better... He won't let me be Ivan's novia..." and on and on. Aldo tells her to buck up, Ivan is working for the company now so things are bound to get better. She is not mollified.

Now leaving the arena is Jaqui escorted by Dumb and Dumber. Jaqui was enchanted by the fight. She felt like she was in the middle of a documentary of another social class. She is fascinated at the transformation that took place when Moni stepped into the ring, from a simple feminine girl to someone with such strength and power. The obsequious Jero points out that there's no comparison between Monita and Jaqui. Monita is a clinquera (help!). Jaqui is awed. Monita is not a clinquera, she is a campeona. She wants to meet Monita and talk with her. Oscar tells her that she is in luck. Moni will be at Ximy's party.

Back in the dressing room, Estre interrupts the billing and cooing. Furia excuses himself and promises to be on time to pick Moni up for the party. On his cycle? Estre rejoices with Moni, hugging the champion. Moni didn't see Mao at the fight. Does Estre think he came? Did she see him? "No, no, no, I didn't see him. He would have stayed hidden." But she thinks that he was as proud of Moni as anyone else. Moni says that she needs to get ready for the party. Estre realizes that they have different styles and tastes but..."¡Taran!" She throws open the door to Ximy and Lalo who conga in. "I won't tell you three things because I suspect the girl who lost is hating the count tres dos uno cero, Auch!" Ximy picks the championship belt tries it on then puts it around Moni's waist, announcing that she and Lalo are here ton transform her into a beautiful princess. Moni flexes her biceps.

In the bathroom the brothers are bonding. Arnie asks Rolu to help by turning on the water since surely the handles are filthy and will infect him. A little of this little creep goes a long way. As if to prove his point for him, a guy who is using the urinal finishes up, primps and then leaves. Arnie asks if it's too much trouble accurately aim at the urinal. He's fortunately ignored. "See, he made pipi and didn't wash his hands." He mewls, he whines, he gags. Rolu helps by pulling out paper towels for him but he wants some from deeper inside which are less contaminated. Disgustedly, Rolu almost empties the dispenser, handing him a long stream of towels. I can't help but wonder how well Arnie would bear up in Mike's ladies' toilet in San Angelo. Rolu tells him that Ximy is helping Moni get ready for the party. Arnie tells Rolu that he should dump Ximena as soon as possible. You little creep, I hope you wind up in that San Angelo restroom someday. Rolu tells him not to worry, this will be their last night together. Arnie replies, "Then why do you look like you are dying?"

Everyone's getting ready for the big party. First we see Coni who looks very pleased with herself. Now Estre and Lalo are showing Moni various outfits, none quite right until Ximy arrives with the perfect dress. Coni calmly and expertly applies her makeup. Lalo carefully applies Moni's makeup under the watchful eyes of her friends Ximy and Estre. Coni's ready and looks smashing in a black (natch) stropless cocktail dress, her hair pulled back in a very adult ponytail. Wow! Lalo is finished with Moni. Double wow! Her hair is unbraided and looks like something right out of a Pantene commercial. She is wearing a clingy strapless gold cocktail dress. On cue, Big Bug busts in wearing... well you know. Let's Parteee!

At the party everyone is looking elegant. Some more, some less. Ximena is gorgeous in blue chiffon with a diaphanous white wrap around her shoulders. She and Rolando seem lost in a magical world of their own. Awww. Lalo is sitting with an uncomfortable looking Arnie. He is sipping an icy, perfect looking martini. All eyes turn to Coni who enters with a dapper Roberto. Gee, he really cleans up nice. He swaggers with her on his arm. He encourages her, "Smell me, smell me, smell me." He soaped up at least ten times and shampooed. Used lots of deoderant. She tells him, You smell clean for the first time in your life, Bizcocho. Estrella is scandalized. Cesar stands and announces the arrival of "Our Campeona!" He urges that she be greeted with applause. Everyone stands and applauds as the Little Princess Monkey enters on the arm of a giant green insect. She pumps her fist. Only Coni and Beto remain seated. She quashes his attempt to clap. Jaqui speaks,"My poor daughter. Now I understand her hate for Monita." Oscar agrees but is critical of her masked and caped escort. Everyone murmurs their approval. Pau observes, "That girl can't hide her zip code," and talks of marriage which causes Cristian to choke. Dani, however wonders so everyone can hear, "Why didn't Monita come with my papá?" Good question Dani. Uh oh. Beto and Coni come face to face with Bug and Moni. Coni begins the insults. "Though the monkey dresses in silk, it's still a monkey." Moni replies, "Says the pot to the pan." Coni asks where is Mauricio, it's curious that he's not here if the kids are. Monita must be dying to see him. "Nope, I only have eyes for my novio, Furia Enmascarada." Coni's mouth gapes. Sensing very bad vibes for her party, Ximena asks Coni what she's doing here. "¿Am I not clear or are you very dark?" "If you don't want a scandal at your party don't provoke me," Coni warns. Coni takes Coni's arm and leads her away. Bug turns to Moni and asks for a moment alone with Beto.

And now children, I turn you over to that party animal, Dr Judy. I think that I'll go join Lalo, Arnie, and that gorgeous martini.

Carlos