Caray, Caray!

Wow. What an episode. Major food fight. Fine folks being kicked out of even finer restaurant. Elderly romance heating up. Rolu and Ximena doin' the wild thing all night long. A real cascade of insults, none of which we can ever use (can we?) Christian stuck to Beto's backside as they limp home from their ill-fated-impress-Paula caper, and alas, wicked serpent Hissabel setting up a damning après l'amour scene between Estrella and Mauricio.

Question: Which was your favorite scene? The food slinging or Estrella lifting Mauricio's sheet to see if he was truly nude? Hard to decide. Shall we make them both a No. 1 seed in the tourney?

Okay. On to the details. We start with a little suspense. Monita has knocked on Estrella's door and is about to discover her vile mama orchestrating the Estrella/Mau setup......when.....Paula calls her name. All in a lather because of the attempted robbery. And Tano was such a hero! So great to go out with a real man who makes me feel protected (hear that Carlos?). Of course he's all oh shucks twarn't nuthin' ma'am and in fact it WAS mostly Paula although he did land one good kick. Methinks it was Paula who did the most damage though and he concurs. She's his heroine. Is rebound love blooming here?

Well, it sure isn't at the restaurant. Jacqui's doing her darndest to seduce Marco and he's not havin' it. This is NOT a romantic dinner and we will NEVER get back together. Jacqui's offended that he seems to prefer that naca Nieves to her. Well, don't ask if you don't like the answers, he snaps and heads to the bathroom again. Off he goes, while Cesar, hair in full salute, glowers in the background. Back to Nieves who is tenderly concerned about being left alone. Fear not, he never wants to leave her ever ever again. Evah!

And back at the vecindad? Wow, Paula's on a tear. Praising Tano to the skies. He's "simpatico", he bought her popcorn, he's incredible, he's....aw hell, let's just give him a big hug. Ay yi yi, let's lay a big fat kiss on the lips while we're at it. A loooong one. Tano is flustered, somewhat appalled, mumbles incoherently, shuffles his feet and decides it's time to get going. Paula worries she may have scared him off. Monita looks amused.

Things are going better with Marcos and Nieves. As the pink cow purse looks benevolently on, he presses his suit. He wants to smother her with love and make her the happiest woman in the world. Nieves simpers and glows, breathes heavily and wriggles around a bit in that horrendous electric rainbow blouse (with matching bow, by gum). She's touched....but wants some time to think about it. "Tus deseos son ordenes"(your wishes are orders) rumbles Marcos. They toast, arms encircled. Cesar has had all he can stand, watching this. "Esto se acabo!" You swine, you don't know what awaits you. (yep, food fight for sure, coming up)

Ick. The boys are roaring along in the stolen patrol car, Aldo at the wheel. Another police car seems to be following them, lights flashing, siren blaring. Not good.

Not good for Beto and Christian either. Our favorite policeman is lamenting that he'll lose his job, lose his license, lose his girl, all because of this ill-fated caper. Beto is ready to make up a good story to get out of it, but Christian, ever law-abiding, wants to face up and take his punishment like a man. It's what he deserves for breaking the law. Fine, yelps Beto, but don't stick so close behind me, man! we're not that good friends.

After declaring his love to Nieves and her pink cow, Marcos hastens back to Jacqui who's ready to end the evening in a hotel (holding firmly onto that lovely striped tie as she says this). He escapes back to Nieves. And his seat is taken by Cesar which startles the bejesus out of Jacqui. Even more startled when he tells her Marcos is here with two women. Uh oh.

Now Nieves has to visit the john. Marcos wants to accompany her. A little flirting about not leaving her side for a minute. But lo! she spots Jacqui sitting with Cesar and now the game is on.
A slew of insults is exchanged, some of which I'll list in the vocabulary section. By why bother with words when we can sling a plate of spaghetti all over Jacqui? Cesar throws a salad on Marcos, a passing waiter trips and dumps his tray all over Nieves. Food fight!

And food's the topic, sort of, with Lalu and Arny. Our favorite gay guy is asking to stay for a little coffee....no...well, tea....no....just a glass of water....NO! Alright, a good-bye kiss. Gag. No. Push out the door. Lalu, ever hopeful, whispers outside "Someday, you'll open this door wide and let me in. You won't escape me.


Just when Arny probably think this is as bad as it gets, he hears Xime in full throes of passion in the bedroom. No Rolu...wait. No. Oh yes. Oooooh, how yummy. Oooooh. (giggles) Ay Rolu! Ay yes, That's good! Ay how great!

Well, you get the picture. So does Arny. He's not happy.

Neither are our feuding middle-aged lovers. They're being hustled out of the restaurant in disgrace. Marcos is calling frantically for his car. Nieves, cow now hanging around neck, is still berating Cesar for double-timing her with Jacqui. Jacqui clear it up by saying she came to the restaurant with Marcos. More outrage. Marcos can explain.

But first we're flipped back to the apartment. Ximena, attired in a lovely plum-colored peignoir and negligée, has staggered down the stairs to get a glass of water. Arny's concerned his nasty brother has laid a hand on her. Not one hand, but two, exults Xime. And no time for any more lessons with you, Arny, 'cause I'm getting my doctorate in love with Rolu. He's about to win the Guiness Book of World Records, she adds, counting up on her fingers the number of times....well, here we draw a veil. You don't want to know and neither does Arny.

But what about those restaurant kisses? Well, Jacqui's were forced. She gave Marcos no chance. But his for Nieves...ah that was love! And he's not losing his love again. With that he shoves Nieves, cum cow, into the car, is chased once 'round by Cesar before he hops in, and off they go. There's a tense moment when Cesar reaches in his suit jacket to draw out--a pistol?--nah...just a pen to note down the license plate in case Nieves is being kidnapped. Jacqui assures him she's going willingly. Otherwise she'd just get out of the car. We shall see.

Now we're at the bodega. Tere is chatting with a sleepy Luisa and mentioning that Mauricio might be late since he's ironing out his differences with Monita. Seems like nothing's been right with those two since her mother came back. Luisa is horrified, thinking they're talking about a phantom at first. She's happy though, since Monita missed her mom so much. Tere tactfully avoids saying anything more and sends Ivan off to tell Alicia that Tere will be staying overnight to watch over the girls. Ivan moves in for a good-bye kiss. Luis smilingly stops him, and they settle for a "good-bye novia" "good-bye novio" farewell. Hmmm.

Back at the barrio, Hissabel continues her ghoulish task of arranging the drugged bodies to look like they've just had a tumble in the sheets. A strategically placed black bra completes the tableau. Surveying the scene, she likens them to Romeo and Juliette, and with just the same dreadful destiny. Then turning off the light and chuckling to herself, she slithers out.

Monita is in her room with Paula, laughing about Paula's wild night with Tano, but also concerned. After all, Christian's in love with her. Fine, snaps Paula, he's in it for a good time but he won't commit. I want to have a home and a family. And what about you? Sermeño Group (Mauricio for you newcomers) is crazy about you and DOES want to marry and start a family and you send him off to "freir esparragos" (lit. fry asparagus, but means send him to the devil).
Isabel arrives. A shadow falls. Paula stops short, leaves in a hurry. Isabel, still deftly playing the victim card, sighs that there's another one who doesn't seem to like her. Ya think? And of course her shoulder is hurting after hauling the drugged bodies of Estrella and Mauricio around so Monita hustles to the cupboard for antiseptic and cotton. Her poor mommy is bleeding. Ojala!

A much better couple in the pad next door. Marcos and Nieves, dripping lettuce, salad dressing and God knows what (Nieves has one long hair hanging down in front of her nose and it waves gently back and forth while she talks) are having a long overdue discussion. Let's just compress this scene because it's so funny and so tender. They start picking food detritus off each other and gently swab each other's cheeks and chin, head and neck, like two elderly chimpanzees indulging in a little grooming. Sweet words are flowing from Marcos's lips. He was only at the restaurant with Jacqui because she blackmailed him. He did it to keep her from telling Connie that Monita is her sister. She'll probably rat him out now but that doesn't matter. All he cares about is that Nieves believe him...that she believe in the great love he feels for her. Please forgive me, he adds. And Nieves smiles....tenderly...through her one long goopey string of hair hanging down. What's not to love?

Well, Jacqui, for one thing. She's arrived home and daughter dearest is letting her know she stinks to high heaven, and not only Mom but her ratty fur as well! And Mom's in no mood to talk about it. The worst night of her life. Food thrown all over. Tossed out of an elegant restaurant. The shame, the everlasting shame! So what about Connie's night? Zip. Zilch. Nada. Moni refused to fight me. Said I wasn't ready. The worst part of it?...she's right, I'm not ready. Well, why don't you give up this idea, suggests Jacqui. Nope. No way. But something's going on. I have a strange feeling, adds Connie. You'll be sorry if you go against Valentina, cautions Jacqui. Please talk to your dad first. He has something important to tell you. Forget about waiting, tell me now, insists Connie. Nopis. I'm headed for the shower. I'm disgusting.

Gee. Disgusting. And then the writers send us back to Hissabel. Is there a message here? Darn tootin'. She's whining about having to go back to the doctor and thanking Moni for tending to her wound and caring about her. But what happened at the gym? Clearly Maniac Mom is horrified to hear that not only did Monita not want to hurt Connie, now that she knows she's her sister (HALF-sister, snorts Isabel); Monita actually wants to tell her the truth. Horror! Isabel quickly tells her that's a bad idea. Better to stay far far away from both Connie and her dad.

Back at the house, Jacqui, fresh from her shower, now discovers her precious jewels are missing. Horrors. It's like she's been widowed again. Who could have done this? wonders Connie. If I knew that, I'd be working for INTERPOL snaps Jacqui.

The scene switches to a dark street where Aldo, evidently having escaped the other police car, is suggesting they leave iChristian's stolen auto. The two druggie rateros protest a bit, ragging about the pistol still inside, but then they scuttle off into the dark. And up scuttles Beto, with Christian glued to his behind (under plaintive Beto protest). Our hapless police guy spots the car and runs to embrace it like a long-lost (and faithful!) girlfriend. Tender reunion. Ah chiquita! All is well. For about a minute.

All hell is breaking loose back at the house. Connie is accusing the maid of the jewel and money theft, shaking her shoulder, rendering her hysterical and ready to pitch her out of the house in the middle of the night. Mama Jacqui calms the waters a little bit. I think she's telling the truth. No matter. This happened on her watch. I'm still kicking her out. But I'll wait until morning (the first sign of redemption for our Connie?)

Aldo has drifted into the vecindad, on his way to see Estrella. He's intercepted by Ivan who tells him about the adoption reversal and urges him to go to the bodega. Aldo's in no hurry. What's up? Admits he had words with his pa and dad said some awful things to him. But yeah, eventually he'll get there, but first he has to see his girl.

And here we go. He pauses at the door. Enters. Sighs. Looks down. Turns and walks towards the bed. Looks. Turns on the light. Sees. And is stunned. Cara impactada. And there we end.

Previews:
Estrella wakes up and sees the principe. Shrieks. Mau wakes up. Estrella, you're nude! She looks under sheet and by golly she is. Then she picks up Mau's sheet. Yowsa. He's nude too. Meanwhile Hissabel is urging Monita to go see her friend Estrella. And Monita does. Knocks. Waits at the door. And then starts to go in......Oh no!

Vocabulary:
apuntar las placas = jot down the license plate numbers
cabeza de piña = pineapple head (Cesar)
cabeza de jicama = jicama head (Marcos)
cara de estampilla = (Cesar) stamp head? blockhead?
cabeza de alambres = barbed-wire head (Cesar)
verdulera = fishwife
posolera = naca, someone who eats posole
vieja con olor de manteca = another naca insult...female reeking of lard, cooking oil
engatusar por palabras bonitas (Nieves being enthralled by Marcos' fine talk)
mandar para freir los esparragos = dump, send to the devil
echo y derecho = fine, upstanding (Mauricio)
viejo rabo verde = dirty old man (Cesar)
ni cara tienes que hablar = you're a fine one to talk!
andar de roba maridos = going around stealing husbands
michote mal amarrado de Nieves = just guessing...wild cat of a Nieves (this is Jacqui speaking)
marrano maicero = corn-grubbing dirty, filthy swine (Marcos)

Dicho of the Day:
La cosa ya no tiene remedio. The fat is in the fire. (for sure!)

Labels: gancho