Caray, Caray!

Isabel has been identified here as a cold-blooded reptile and as such has virtually zero maternal instinct. We know that she was emotionally damaged by an horrific trauma, but this does not explain nor mitigate her utter (and probably udder as well... sorry for that) rejection and abandonment of Valentina. Perhaps Elna June would enjoy doing a guest appearance as a recapper and incorporate an analysis of Isabel's character from an expert point of view, perhaps giving us a more sympathetic opinion of this unfortunate victim. Until then, I'll continue seeing her as a manipulative, evil bitch (apologies to Bonnie Belle). She does however have the admirable ability to hold in check maintain total control of the hate and bitterness seething just below her outer crust and is able to take calm control of a situation, appearing to all but the most discerning (can't believe this group includes Mauricio) as a thoughtful, reasonable, though misunderstood woman. She seems to hold a Svengaliesque power over the minds of Moni and Alicia, the two most damaged by her malevolence.

From Friday, Moni and Estrella have stepped outside to deal with Aldo's cellphone which went off at an inopportune time. Both are shocked to find that the caller was Oscar. Why in heavens name would Oscar be calling Aldo, and why would his number be stored in Aldo's phone? Both are right to be concerned.

As Nieves is about to leave the vecinidad, Por casualidad (remember?), Isabel and Alicia are arriving. Isabel is there to diddle with her daughter's vulnerable mind, having reconverted a backsliding Alicia to the Cult of the Cobra. She and Alicia are barred from entering the barrio by the skeptical and committed non-believer, Nieves. Alicia tries to dissuade her but to no avail. She will be To Moni as St. Patrick was to Ireland. No snakes allowed. As long as she lives there, Isabel is a persona non grata. Content to let Alicia represent her point of view, Isabel stands stonily silent, directing all her energy into an ocular assassination attempt on Nieves. Don't they make amulets to ward off just such assaults? Suddenly she lowers the wattage of her deadly gaze, and makes a perfectly reasonable request, "Let's talk, Nieves.

Standing in front of the Paranormal Palace, Estre and Moni try to decide what to do about the intercepted call by Oscar to Aldo's cell phone. Estre, normally quite good with voices and improv blows an imitation of a voice message by Aldo, lowering her voice, "Hola, this is Aldo, el cachorro. ¿Ccccóma estás, Oscar? I ccccan't talk right now, pppporque I'm in the bathroom." . Moni, more direct and honest, snatches the phone and calls Oscar, "This is Monita, what do you want with Aldo?" She warns him to stay away from Aldo and threatens to tattle to Mauricio. Oscar tells Jero that they've been discovered.

Looks as though Nieves has relented. Maybe she sees it as an opportunity to vent a little more. I doubt that she's softened. She confronts her about Moni's daddy. "Did you know Marcos is Monita's father, Alicia?" She just found out. Shes calls Isabel a vibora, well, that's what we say, an oferecida, and we inferred that. "How could Marcos hook up with such as you? Marcos could never have loved you." Alicia curtly scolds Nieves, then looks on disapprovingly.

The fashion disasters continue their conversation on the sidewalk in front of Bartola's Ghosthaven. GIRLS! GO CHANGE CLOTHES! Of course they are concerned about Aldo's dealings with Oscar, but the conversation drifts inevitably to revelations about Isabel. Moni desperately wants to believe in her mom. Moni begins to cloud up, but Estrella orders her not to rain, "¡No, no, no, ¡No chilles, hija! ¡No chilles!"

Now Alicia tries her hand at mediation, "Why don't you talk another day." Nieves is not cooling off. Alicia continues, " Isabel didn't do anything. It was all Marcos' fault." Sure, blame the guy, he's not here to rebut. Acting as though she is above the fray, the serpent urges Alicia not to argue with Nieves, "She doesn't care to understand..."Does anyone else want to see this reptile get a wedgie? Alicia continues but Nieves is buying none of it declaring at last, "Monita es mi hija." Let's pause and hoist our snifters laden with fine Tequila Añejo in a toast to Nieves. Well said!

The viper coils, fangs dripping a cloying venom. She strikes. Like it or not she points out, She is the real mother here and Monita needs her. Nieveis not visible scathed. Like a cat, she fearlessly clutches Issy's throat, moving in ever so close in order for Isabel to hear her well. She describes how she cared for and protected Moni like a true mother. She releases her grip and Isabel grasps her throat and I'll swear, she actually hisses. Nieves vows to protect Moni now... from Isabel. You have to give it to Isabel, she remains impassive, suggesting that they take it up with Monita. "She's the only one who deserves an explanation. Right now "She's not here." Then I'll wait." Nieves suggests that they go talk to that imbecile, Marcos. Let him admit that she was his amante and Moni is his daughter. Certainly self confident, Isabel agrees, "Let's go talk to Marcos." Nieves wavers. Drat.

OK, fellow denizens of Club Gancho, here's the scene we all paid to see. Yes indeed, Ximena and Lalo have been shown into the inner sanctum, and come face to face with Bartola and Gastón. Lalo is reluctant. Ximena encourages him. Gastón is turning out to be quite the frisky fantasma. A true free spirit. Barty has to keep him on a rather short leash, constantly scolding him for his capriciousness. Ximena wastes no time in identifying Lalo as the patient here. Meintras tanto, Gastón seems to have a more than professional interest in Ximena. Lalo makes him nervous. Well, we learn something every day. Who knew that fantasmas get nervous too? Lalo admits that his heart is blind, concerned with Arnie and he is seeking guidance. Barty is sorry, but Gastón has a problem with Lalo and wants him out. Lalo appeals directly to Gastón, "Gastón, don't be that way!" but to no avail. Ximena scolds Gastón and turns to leave with Lalo. Wait! Barty has a little orange cloth sack for Ximy. "Don't open it!" She signals sternly with a wave of the hand for Lalo to leave, "It's an amulet to retain true love." She then enters into a light mini-trance, undulating and waving her arms about. She observes that Ximy has been looking for her true soul-mate and has found him and...

As if by magic (wow, this is definitely your above average psychic), we are transported to Ximy's apartment where... yes, I guess this confirms suspicions and speculation, we find Arnie hard at work, apparently composing another letter for Ximena, "My heart whispers you name with each beat..." He is intruded upon by Rolu who seems to have found a diversion from his marital woes. "Arnie!" "No, no, don't call me Arnie. Only Ximena is permitted to call me Arnie." Arnie's nose picks up a scent of a woman. He is scandalized. How dare Rolu cheat on his wife! He even has a hickey on his neck.

Back at Spook Central, we see Ximena's image in the crystal ball. Bartola seems to be wearing down under the barrage of Ximena's tireless prattling about her relationship with Rolu as she nervously fiddles with Bartola's troll. Enough. Bartola tells her that the man hopelessly falling in love with her is... Gastón. We suspected as much. Ximena acknowledges that she is flattered, then rambles on and on about Rolu. "What do you think?" Barty yawns. Ximena continues... finally Bartola admits defeat. Yea, Ximena! No one babbles better.

In the cantina, the boys, Cesar, Beto, Mauricio, and Cristian are sitting at a table tossing back caballitos de Tequila. They are sitting at a table with a bottle, mugs of cerveza, and saucers of peanuts and lime wedges. Beto offers, "¡Salud, por todos!" All respond,"¡Salud! Cesar is glad they came. Next, Cristian stands, "¡Por mi Paula!" Each in turn, joins him. "¡Por la Costanza!" "Por mi Nievecita!" "¡Por la Monita, el amor de mi vida!"

Batola is purifying her Tarot cards, passing them over candle flames and singing an incantation. Paula peaks through the curtains, "¿Se puede?" arty scolds Gastón, "Don't make fun of the pobrecita." Paula bursts in complaining. This causes several poltergeistic manifestations. Paula has angered Gastón. Now Paula must ask pardon from Gastón. She does. Apparently not quite good enough for our sensitive spirit. "You must sing it." She does. Not good enough. Barty demonstrates, "♪Per♪ don♪ a♪ me♪," Paula joins in and I'm about to fall off of my chair. This satisfies our spirit guide and she signals that she's ready to get on with it. Paula takes a seat. I try to compose myself. Bartola asks what Paula wants. Talking a kilometer a minute, Paula gets quickly to the point. "I want to know whom I'll marry." "Well let's check the cards."

Carlos' day is now complete. Here's Coni, ready to crawl in the sack after a long hard day of chasing clues in red envelopes. Wow! she removes her short black silk robe revealing a short revealing flowered baby doll nightgown in black, white, brown and orange with spaghetti straps. Nice. Mom joins her looking pretty nifty herself, in a burgundy paisley chiffon blouse with black pants. Jaqui rags on her. Why not take advantage of this new opportunity to find happiness with Roberto?" Or something like that. I was looking at Coni.

Back to Paula, Barty, and the cards. A type of king, I think she said Basque King... Cristian... a young man full of doubts. Yep, that's him alright. A type of queen... Paula is very pretty. We knew that already. Lovers... a beautiful wedding. Now we're getting somewhere.

Pobrecita. Coni looks exhausted. More encouraging ragging by Jaqui. "Mamá, could I ask you a favor? Close the door on your way out." Now alone she sadly says to no one in particular, "No, I could not be happy with Roberto... not now."

Our jolly witch is thrilled wit the prospect of the nuptials. She gives her a candle to burn until completely consumed. Some love oil to scatter all around. Never fails. Paula is ecstatic. "That'll be five thousand pesos." Next!

Moni and Estrella still haven't changed clothes. I believe the fashion police have a warrant out for their arrest. Estre doesn't like to see Moni cry like this but right now she needs to go to the bathroom. Pregnancy. She pulls the cord ringing the huge bell. An excited Ximy opens the door. She starts to bring her up to date but loses her train of thought. Estre is squirming and doing a restless dance familiar to every woman who has ever been pregnant. Later. Ximy joins a pensive Monita. Moni asks what she learned from her session with the Bruja. "I'm not sure, she said that mi media naranja, the love of my life is he man who wrote me the letters. Moni thinks that should make her happy. Well, no. Ximena sums up her marriage by offering three, of course, things. "Uno, he's lying to me. Dos. If he really loved me he wouldn't lie to me. Tres. I'm not sure I love him anymore." Next, Moni tells her that she's discovered that Mao lies just like the rest and she is breaking up with him. For the moment Ximena looks at her with mouth agape, speechless.

Not speechless, are the four drunken machos. Liquor has liberated their tongues. Cesar starts it off, "Time is too slow for those who fight(?), too fast for those who fear, too long for those who suffer, too short for those who dream, but for those who love as we do, eternal." All, "¡Salud!" Mao's turn, "I would ask Monita to add all the stars, all the grains of sand in the oceans, and every smile in history to have an idea of how much I love her." "¡Salud!" Cristian just wants Paula in his arms.

Ximena can't believe her ears. Moni must be possessed by Gastón to be uttering such insanity. She thinks that they are the perfect pair. "¡Gua!" Mao's lies can be no worse than Rolu's. She tell her of Rolu's faking inability to walk or function in other ways in order to keep her with him. Moni tells her of Mao's complicity in the supposed death of her mother. "¡Auch!"

Arnie is harsh with Rolu. He calls him names, cynic, liar, disgrace. He upbraids him for exchanging bodily fluids with that hussy. Rolu pleads innocence. Next he avows that all men are unfaithful. Arnie announces he'll no longer write letters for him. He's really angry with his brother. Rolu pleads that it meant nothing to him. A fling. He loves his wife. Men have needs. It's been a long time since he and Ximena... Enough of this... next!

Cristian is longing to be together with Paula but he's not sure about this marriage thing. Beto's offers encouragement, he launches into a plan for his wedding night which begins with Coni in white and he in his regalia as Fantasma Vengador, moving on to writhing, biting of her lip, removing garter belt (liguero) with his teeth, swats on the butt, grabbing her... Cesar is getting queasy with Beto's earthiness, the others are a little bit uneasy as well. They toast this unfinished tableau. Cesar wants to marry Nieves. The lads are getting drunker. Beto exalts Mao's great love for Moni. Mao chimes in, "¡Hasta la muerte!" The rest join in, "¡Hasta la muerte!" Lots more "¡Saluds!"

Oh crap! More of the brothers. Arnie insists that Rolu confess that he can walk. "If I do I'll lose her forever," Rolu mewls. "I can't tell her that I can walk." "She already knows," Arnie blurts. He once again resigns as Rolu's Cyrano, wadding and tearing up the unfinished drafts, then storming out in disgust. Rolu gathers the debris, he's not going to let such talented writing go to waste.

Ximena continues her counseling, first trying to smooth out Moni's furrowed brow. Moni professes confusion. "Then how about a session with Bartola? I'm sure she can help." Yes! We here in Club Gancho approve. Go for it! The last thing Moni wants is a witch's advice. "Then I ask you, give my primo one more opportunity. Think of all that he has done for you. One opportunity. Think about it."

Estrella's turn with Barty. Barty is still having to cope with Gastón. "Yes I already know that, Gastón," she says, a bit annoyed. She lays out the cards. "The inverted magician. A man." Young?" "No not young. This is the prince of cups. Young. A dreamer. Passionate. A novice in pleasures of the flesh.""That's my Cochorro!" The crone consults with Gastón. Apparently he has called Estre a cradle robber. Estre chides Gastón. It's becoming clearer. The young man is in danger from the older man. Hmmm, now who could that be? She see's much success for Estrella. "You're an actress." "¡No manches!... Paula told you, didn't she?" Both Barty and Gastón take offense. "Just leave if you don't believe!" Estre's sorry. "Pay attention!" "You're pregnant!" "No manches, Paula told you,right?" Once more this offends the Divining Duo. Estre is sorry and wants to hear more. She will eventually achieve great success, but things aren't so bright for our little puppy. To the contrary, he chooses a path covered in shadows. His future is very dark indeed. "There is no light."

Labels: gancho