Caray, Caray!

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,

And that was the message tonight, folks. Along with the Beatles, El Lirio de Plata and our esteemed soothsayer, both in tandem, told us Only Love can make you happy. And only Love can defeat Evil (insert the name Juana Felipe/Fedra right here). So don't say nobody told ya.

We begin with a repeat of el Lirio and Vicky's hot kisses (are you watching Julia?). This burning passion is rudely interrupted by police pounding on the door and Brandon bellowing to open up. Vicky warns Lirio to flee. He'll go only if she goes with him. And she does.

Back at the mansion, there's another knock at the door. It's Chema come, ostensibly, to look for work, him being a big buddy of Bernardo and all. Not a good recommendation, as it turns out. Emiliano is about to run him off but first wants to know what he's doing skulking around Netty's boardinghouse. Because should he ever....Chema assures him that she's an enchanting gorgeous woman whom he would never harm. Strangely, this doesn't reassure Emiliano. El Capitán finds it odd that this married man would be so concerned about a woman who is not his wife. Interrrrresting.

Well, our gorgeous enchanting Netty is thrilling Doris and Gretel with her tales of confronting Fedra in prison and getting a good throat throttle in the process. Fedra hates her because Netty tells her “tres verdades” (the tough truth) every chance she gets, but no worries....Fedra is “refundida en la carcel para siempre” (stuck in jail forever) and will never harm us again. (Anybody hear an anvil falling?)

Well, an anvil doesn't fall but the lights go out, signaling the arrival of our somewhat creepy soothsayer. And she's got Bad News. No indeed. You haven't conquered Evil. It will come back stronger. You're all in danger.
Fedra's reminiscing about the predictions also and vows to get out of jail and find out more news concerning her dreaded future.

And speaking of dreaded futures, Kristel's about to get started on her plan of worldwide domination, starting with attractive menfolk. Yep, she's gonna make 'em all fall in love with her, and not love one of them back. And here's a sexy red dress. Perfect to start her seduction of that yummy Brandon. To her delight, Ilitia goes up in flames. Not him! You can have Jorge, Oliver, the whole cast of a telenovela. But not Brandon! Otherwise, it's “Bayeee” to our Top Model Friendship.
Kristel, quite charming in her nefarious plans, thought bubbles after Ilitia's exit that she'll have that naco poli dying for her just like your daddy. (Yikes, can't wait for that confrontation.)

Mientras tanto, Señor Daddy has arrived at Muñeca's house to return Manzanita, (she leaves with a nyah nyah nyah which he reciprocates) and to demand a divorce. He's going to marry Kristel and they'll raise Christian together.

His sleazy cohorts, Garduño and Mauricio, are being arrested by our Keystone Cops and Oliver's sure the Mafioso will suffer for shooting a policeman. Garduño is just as sure his lawyer will get him off. (Want to take bets on who's right?)

Jorge storms in and demands Where's Victoria de la Gartha?
Brandon storms back I'll ask the questions!
Where's Victoria de la Garza?

Whew. Glad that's straight. And turns out she's long gone, managing to vault nimbly out of a window in that sausage casing dress. Anything is possible when you're with el Lirio. (well, heck...all you need is LOVE, right?)

Sure 'nough. The medium Angela, as the candles flicker, intones that the best weapon against Evil is Love. But, turning to Gretel, she also sees “a woman crying all her life for you. She's sacrificed her love for you (cue Paula) and you need to go home, to the place of your fears. Your family needs you.” As for Netty, this night, before the clock strikes midnight, a man will need your help. Only you can save Marianela's True Love.

Back at the mansion, Vicky is now handing over Fedra's jewel box to el Lirio since she knows he can sell these precious baubles for cash to help the needy. Which leads into the second sermonette( in case we're not getting the Take Home Message.)

You have a big heart, rumbles el Lirio, underneath that facade of a hard bitter woman. You're longing to believe in people...to believe in love again.

All talk and no action? Heck no. Are you going to kiss me again? whispers Vicky. And indeed he is. Quite thoroughly. Hubba hubba.

Ugly scene back at Muñeca's. I'll give you a divorce on two conditions. No money. And custody of Christian. Are you crazy, sneers Lorenzo. I deserve at least half your money just for putting up with you for all these years! And Christian's my son. My name's on his birth certificate. You haven't got a prayer of getting him. (I'm thinking she's actually signed her death sentence. But the writers wouldn't kill off Muñeca would they? Sure hope not. However we had a case recently in Ohio where a woman refused to give her husband a divorce and she wound up under a concrete floor in the basement of the new house he was building for his mistress.)

Well, Muñeca holds the upper hand in this discussion at least. I'll fight you tooth and nail on the divorce. Let Kristel, your “mujer en toda la extension de la palabra” support you like I've done all these years.

Back to Vicky. She's a bit woozy after those kisses but not enough to succumb to more serious love-making. Is she in love with another man? queries Lirio. Well...she could never be in love with a man who hides his face, she answers, trying to lift the mask. Nothing doing.

Faces aren't important. Only feelings. I hope one day you will trust your feelings. Only then will you be a happy woman. And blowing her a kiss with his gloved hand, he departs. Cara impactada as Vicky ponders this heavy duty message.

Next we see a car easing into a parking place in front of a restaurant. Looks like the name is La Buena Vida, but I wouldn't swear to it. Turns out Fidel has fixed it up as both a clever hiding place for Lirio loot(there's a tequila bar that swivels to reveal a strong box...zounds!) and Emanuel, arriving with both cash and the jewels, is so excited he fails to notice that he's dropped a pearl necklace on the floor. We watch our handsome duo stuff the night's gleanings in the safe while we worry about that danged pearl necklace. ( Men are sooooo messy aren't they!? Guess it's not just underwear we're having to pick off the floor.)

Back at the mansion, we're treated to some more Jorge sneers and lame apologies by Emiliano for not realizing Vicky was being hauled away against her will. Emi is exhausted by the day's events and heads to bed, while Vicky defends Lirio to Jorge (he's not a robber, he's a good person and a friend) and our cranky españolito looks like she's getting on his last nerve. (And ours.)

How about bosom buddies Kristel and Ilitia? Kristel comes to make pseudo-amends, giving her word as Top Model (complete with a swirly mock Brownie salute) not to go after Brandon. Maybe she was crossing her toes, or eyes, as she said this. From there, our duo goes on to reminisce about the nasty trick they played on Marianela to convince her Emanuel's love was false. Danged guy kept snoring and blubbering on about his gordita, chuckles Ilitia. And guess what!? Jorge and Vicky overhear. More grist for the mill.

Back at the restaurant, Brandon, Oliver and the somewhat useless Comisario Tejada have arrived. Brandon spots the necklace, accuses Fidel and Emanuel of being in cahoots and all is about to be lost when Netty and Angela erupt into the room. Fervent thanks are given to San Antonio bendito for finding her jewels. But what were they doing there? Er, um, I...Emanuel fills in quickly. Netty was here rehearsing since she'll be singing for the grand opening. And yes, a star of her “nivel” has to be exquisitely dressed, and what better than the precious pearls her sister Eva bequeathed to her. Okay. Anvil avoided. For now.

Ho hum. Let's get back to our sassy Top Models. They're unabashed about being overheard. Kristel is all slithery and leg extended sexy while she asks Jorge if he really likes being married to Marianela and having to massage those mounds of flesh (lonjas de carne) every night. Not to be outdone, Ilitia wonders how Vicky can be so goldurned self-righteous when she was bedding Marianela's “one true love” back at the hacienda. That's right, jumps in Kristel. You're the same or worse than us “zorreando Mauricio” (going after Mau) and ruining my wedding.

If you were's just a little more intelligent, you'd realize I saved you from a lifetime of misery, snaps Vicky. (Weak rejoinder if you ask me. But you didn't.)Anyway, Vicky continues, you did your dirty deeds just to hurt people, where as I Came To Do Justice. There's an abysmal difference between us.
Off Vicky goes. Thank goodness.

Jorge stays and gives Ilitia a further tutorial on disrupting romance. You've got to squelch your impulsiveness or you'll lose your husband for sure. Do something to reel him in and tie him to you forever! Ilitia gets a shrewd look on her face.( Do I see a pregnancy anvil in the future? Stay tuned.)

It's the next morning. Vicky,it seems, is one of those dreadful Mary Sunshine people in the morning. She bounces into Jorge's room to open the curtains, trill about her plans to walk in the garden with that Waste of Oxygen General, and stops dead (if only!) when she turns to see not one but two male bodies in bed, separated by a chastity belt chest of drawers. Emanuel, equally chirpy, is all aglow about his roommate. Doesn't snore. Feet don't smell. Perfect.

What about Ilitia? demands Vicky. What about her? We haven't slept together for ages. We're getting a divorce. And I had to bunk with Jorge because Dad's in the guest room, Gretel's room is off limits, Axel kicks in his sleep and hey! if Jorge's not happy he can go to a hotel, right?

I'm ready to believe Emanuel and Kristel are sister and brother because they are both adorably cute when they're up to something naughty. He's straddling the chastity chest while he says all these outrageous things and he is simply A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E. (and young enough to be my son, sigh.)

Jorge storms off to the shower while Vicky and Eman talk about last night. He's heard about Liro. Yes. But did he hear that he kissed her? Twice. And that his kisses were strangely like Eman's. Well nyah nyah. I think your kisses are strangely like Marianela's. Whaddya say we do a taste test? Hmmm.. Wait. I need to brush my teeth first. And he barges in on Jorge (strangled protestations come from the shower) to buff up those teeth before smooching Vicky. She, waiting contentedly on the bed, smiles and thinks to herself how much she loves Emanuel. Hmmmm.

Speaking of Love (and we seem to be, interminably), we're back at the police station where Oliver is tenderly spoon feeding Manolo ice cream before he dashes off to the newspaper to write another Fedra exposé. Sniggering fellow cops watch this tender exchange. And then fall back on their keisters when sexy Kristel arrives to vamp Oliver and ask him to appear in a modeling shoot with her. Oliver is easily vamped and agrees, while his fellow cops ogles Kristel's exposed legs and welcome him back into the brotherhood of macho males. Rosales Rosales Rosales! they chant while Kristel shakes and bakes, shimmies and slithers. Great scene.

Not so great a scene....Vicky and General strolling in the garden. I'm bored already. So here's the short version. He realizes that she's actually Marianela. And vows to shoot Fedra if she ever returns. Marianela says no, she can't let him be an assassin. (as if he'd actually do anything, the blowhard). He also finds out that she's already told a slew of people her Big Secret, including Netty, Gladiola, Gretel, Doris, Delicia, Brandon and of course, Jorge. Tears are shed. Forgiveness is asked. Snooooorrrrrre.


So back to the boardinghouse. Netty, with an unattractive hairdo and unflattering top (Women her age need a bra. Just sayin'.)is having another heart to heart with Chema. He wants to know why she and Fedra aren't best buds. She lets him know she has always been convinced Fedra killed her brother-in-law and her sister Eva, in addition to trying to murder Marianela with poisoned chocolates.

In other words, you're saying that this woman is capable of even murder to get what she wants muses Chema. Yes! And I need to know if this is the same woman that you know as Fedra Curiel, snaps Netty, softening her words with the admission that she trusts José. I'd rather you not trust even your shadow, chuckles Chema, kissing her hand.

Of course. Another arrival. Emiliano, in high dudgeon at the kiss and the presence of this dangerous male interloper. I wouldn't trust “ninguna de sus palabras” he rumbles. “Ese hombre no es de fiar.” I'd kick him out “ahora mismo”.

Since that's not getting him anywhere, Emiliano adds, Did he tell you he's a friend of Bernardo's!?

Okay. That works. Shocked Look. Very shocked. And recriminations. Chema maintains that the Bernardo he knows is a man of integrity. Netty maintains that's the LAST thing he is. What dark nefarious reason brought you to my boardinghouse? she adds. (Where's the trust, Netty. Where's the trust?)

That answer will have to wait. Manolo bursts in with the news that Bernardo has declared himself guilty of all the crimes and Fedra is being released from prison. And Brandon calls Vicky to tell her Garduño and Mauricio have been let out, thanks to their corrupt lawyer. We get a close-up of Marianela's spiky false eyelashes as she segues into a full-blown asthma attack and gropes for her inhaler. (Is it wrong of me to hope she doesn't find it?)

She does. Dang.

She vows to do what she must to keep Fedra from getting out. Calls Gretel and plans to meet at Comisario Tejada's office with the documents concerning her uncle's unplanned vault over the railing. Netty meanwhile frets that with Fedra out, her next move will be to “comerme viva” (eat me alive.) This in spite of Chema's noble promise (complete with pirate theme music playing in the background)to make sure Bernardo never harms Netty or her niece again. Fair enough. But if Juana Felipe is on the loose....just sayin'. Netty makes plans to light a little candle to San Antonio about the matter, and to take the crisis even further up the Saint Chain and light a friggin' big Easter candle if necessary. Gladiola scurries off to make a calming cup of tila tea (with a little valerian thrown in for good measure).

And our episode ends with Netty apologizing to Gretel about calling her mom the In- carnation of Evil. And Gretel replying that Fedra is not my mother. I am not her daughter. Cara impactada. As usual.

Previews:
Ilitia is in a little bitty nightie in order to seduce Emanuel.
Oliver is in Chippendale mode, half-nude, posing with Kristel when Gretel arrives. Ay yi yi!

Vocabulary:
Quien leche is ese Lirio de Plata = Who the heck (or worse) is this Lirio de Plata (Jorge)
espiritu del más allá =spirit from the great beyond
cirio Pascual = Easter candle (a big one)
reptil ponzoñoso = poisonous reptile (Fedra)
pecora venenosa = poisonous bitch (Fedra)
emperifollada = all gussied up (what Netty will be for the restaurant opening)
tres verdades = the blunt truth
refundida en la carcel para siempre (stuck in jail forever)
lonjas de carne =slabs of meat (insult about Marianela)
zorreando = going after a man in a trashy, slutty way
ninguna de sus palabras= not one of his words
una mujer en toda la extensión de la palabra= a woman in every sense of the word (Kristel)
ese hombre no es de fiar = that man is not trustworthy (Chema)
ahora mismo = right now!

Dicho of the Day
La antipatia es mutua. = There is no love lost between them. (could be Emiliano and Chema. Or Emanuel and Jorge. Or Victoria and Ilitia. Or....well the list goes on forever, no?)

Labels: llena