Caray, Caray!

Ahoy all. A message to our commenters: You folks are the best. You are always very generous with your appreciation of the recaps. Well you know what? We recappers truly appreciate the time that you spend enjoying our labors of love and getting into the conversations, especially during the rough patches. Not only that, a number of commenters have even stepped in and subbed for recappers upon occasion. Tonight I'm happy to present the debut of commenter Kristoise. Last week Kristoise introduced herself and volunteered to help out. Knowing I had a prior commitment today and tonight I jumped at her offer. She's a natural, no doubt about it.

I'll start things off with Capitulo 192: Two, two, two chicas in one

Last night we left our galan asking bitchy Mari can’t they just go back to being friends?

Tonight she’s in a better mood and responds Sure, she’ll always care for him. Smiles, tears and hugs.

That’s it for our two seconds of pleasantries because over at the Animal Farm the masked menagerie is getting out of control. Not only are they loudly calling each other by their first names but they are disagreeing on how to handle Netty (who is currently out cold but could wake up at any moment). In the midst of the cacophony St. Bernardo thought bubbles that Jose Maria spent 27 years in prison for a crime that he, Bernardo, committed. He lost his love, never knew his son, so no way will he let Kitty kill Netty. He tries to reason with Fedra that 1) she is the primary suspect so will likely end up in jail for murder and 2) Mari and Vicky will pay everything they own for ransom so Netty is worth more to them dead than alive. Doesn’t she want her property back? Kitty’s not biting, the actress stole her machos and she’s gotta die. Low protests that he’s Fedra’s only macho and the St. Bernardo insists he’s a pit bull, not just any dog. OK that’s fine but where is the rat in all this?

We get a brief respite courtesy of the two fresas who are griping about Eman hanging out at the pension and going after not one but two chicks. Kristel warns that Iliita had better be careful or she’ll wind up alone. “Like you?” needles Ilitia.

Mau the Ratface is still at the hideout and it looks like Dandy is delivering lunch. We find out that Mau’s secret priapistic weapon is Coctel de Mariscos which helps maintain a rapey snake’s virility you see. He’s got very particular plans for Netty in that regard, revenge for all the wrong that the RydTs and their friends have done to him. I notice Dandy didn’t bring breath mints; poor Netty.

The debate rages inside the bowels of the Animal Farm. Low finally manages to calm the furious feline with the suggestion that a slow, torturous death is preferable to a quick one, not to mention that Netty is the tool for controlling Mari and Vicky. Good enough for the lioness, she’s on board and dashes out for some personal business tossing a quick “Go to hell!” to Mauricio in passing.

Low warns Bernardo don’t even think of betraying Fedra and he makes his exit, instructing Mauricio not to let Netty out of his sight. Ningun problema promises Mau, slurping his shrimp Viagra.

Low gets a phone call from Mayela who demands to speak to him ASAP. She’s got a serious problem and he’s the only one who can help. If he doesn’t agree to meet her tonight then she’ll tell Muñeca and Ilitia who she really is. He grumbles but agrees. Mau overhears Low and instructs Dandy to follow Lowrenzo to get the dirt because Mau still wants to become the Patrón of everything.

Ilitia reassures Kristel that she’s got what it takes to be the #1 Super Fashion Super Cool Top Model of the world and when she is she’ll never be lonely again. Every man on earth will throw themselves at her feet. Kristel’s all “What are we waiting for? Let’s go see Mayela right now!”

Emiliano is hanging out at the pension kvetching to Gladiola that this mess is all his fault for putting Netty in a vulnerable position. (Yep, true.) He apologizes ad nauseum (and they left it all in!) to Gladi, to Mari, to Emanuel and now he wants to apologize to Victoria. Uh, she’s got a headache, lies Mari. Eman volunteers to get her and when Mari jumps up in a panic he eyes her suspiciously. Gladi also jumps up, “no people in the rooms”. Emi scoffs and orders Eman to run upstairs this very minute.

Eman is halfway upstairs when he changes his mind (or decides to give Mari an out). He sez Vicky’s such a crank he doesn’t want to bother her, better her best friend go up, ya think? Emiliano asks why they are all acting so weird, he himself will go get Vicky. “No no no!” they all yell. Gladi will get her headache remedy and Mari will go upstairs. Emiliano’s little hamster wants to run but it just can’t find the wheel.

Netty wakes up and realizes she’s in the doghouse. I wonder, did she hear Bernardo whispering that he wouldn’t allow Fedra to kill her? “Please Mr. Dog,” she pleads, “get me out of here, I didn’t see your faces. Please Mr. Dog, Mr. Dog? Bowow?”

Comisario Tejeda’s got Jose Maria in interrogation and wants to know about JMS’s connection to El Lirio de Plata, the thief who bears the same name as JMS’s boat. JM speaks in bullet points: 1) Dunno the thief, I was in the hospital with a heart attack; 2) I’m in love with Netty and I know you like her too; 3) Netty’s life is in danger and you should be spending your time trying to find her, not questioning me.

Nearby in her lonely cell Doris, fake flesh clinging to her face, weeps for Andres. In his own cell Andres, also looking like a flesh-rotting zombie, recalls Gladi’s words, if he loves Doris he’ll leave her alone and let her live a normal life. Yeah, what she says, adds flashback Brandon.

Aha, I knew Jacqui was a zombie! She’s also got fake body parts and doesn’t notice that Andres’ face appears to be melting. She’s paid his bail, Doris is back with her brother (lie!) and Andres should leave with her. Friends, OK? Let’s go to your house.

It’s nighttime at La Mala Noche and the leather-clad avenging duo of Oliver and Gretel has arrived. Gretel assures Oli that this is the place where Fedra transacts all her dirty business. After a brief discussion about the memories, pros and cons of Gretel being La Reina de la Luna they bust in on Fedra drinking champagne in her dressing room. “Drunk again!” accuses Gretel. “Tell us where you have Netty Pavon!” demands Oliver. I’m not sure but I think Fedra tells them she made mole out of her.

Lowrenzo, wearing his real pig face, not the pink one, arrives at Mayela’s in a snit because his time is precious. He warns her not to use the truth of Ilitia’s birth against him because she doesn’t know what he’s capable of. Uh, yes she does, she remembers her model Begonia who got pregnant to trap Low and then poof, she disappeared.

A breathless Vicky runs downstairs, apparently poor Mari is upstairs resting from her mad dash to get Vicky. Emi is suspicious, poor little hamster, and Eman tortures Vicky by pretending to run upstairs. He twists the knife by gloating that he and Mari made up.

Gretel insults Fedra (Cualquiera!), Fedra throws champagne in Gretels face and vows she doesn’t know where stupid Netty is. “Are you sure Fedra?” demands a just-arrived Jose Maria, “you know nothing about the woman I love?” Big eye roll from Fedra. This is NOT how she likes to warm up for her nightly chair dance.

The shrimp-breathed rapey snake excuses Bernardo from guard duty so he can have some alone time with the lovely victim. He smells her (again with the smelling!) and unbuttons his shirt. Yikes!

Mayela gripes that she’s got no contracts and she’s about to lose her business, her life, she needs money. Kristel and Ilitia walk into the apartment just in time to hear Lowrenzo yell “It’s just money you want? I paid you for many years to make sure that neither Muñeca nor Ilitia ever knew the name of Ilitia’s real mother. I won’t do it again.”

Oopsie! Low and Mayela notice the top model and wannabe, get tongue-tied, and Low demands to know what they heard. Ilitia’s about to blow it but Kristel butts in, “Zero minus zero is what we heard. We just got here, why what did you say?” The fresas quickly add that they want Mayela to turn Kristel into the next top model. Great idea, gushes Lowrenzo. Sorry, the agency is having money problems, corrects Mayela. No worries see me in the morning and I’ll inject some money into the biz promises Lowman. After he leaves Ilitia says she’s all for discussing Kristel as top model but first she wants to talk about her mother. Yep she heard, who is the woman?

Eman and Vicky: She tells him he’s not important to her and he goes all sarcastically bratty (I love it!), pretends to cry boo hoo, but that’s OK because he doesn’t care about her either, nyahhh. He’s decided Mari always was and always will be the love of his life, so there. Vicky’s one expression is mad, or maybe bored, but probably not glad. After some more he said she said she finally succeeds in pushing him out the door. Vicki mumbles something about “I don’t know your name but I remember you well, El Lirio de Plata.” Hey folks, I don’t write this crap, I just report it.

Fedra is loaded and denies all knowledge of that low-life Netty. Oli and Gretel stumble out of the room amid emptry threats and in frustration. After the young’uns leave JMS grabs a wobbly Fedra and threatens she WILL tell him where Netty is.

Gross, the rapey snape starts fondling blindfolded Netty. She begs him not to touch her as he replaces his mask and approaches his prey.

A dreadful ending, or would be if we didn’t have part two at our fingertips.

Take it away Kristoise:

Capitulo 193: Scenes have been merged/reorganized into 3 main plotlines

The short version
1) Low paid Mayela to keep the identity of Ilitia’s mom secret; Ilitia used to care, but now she realizes Muneca is all she needs. And our two fresas are going to start their own modeling agency, so take that, Mayela!
2) Doris and Andre are shacked up even though everyone but Doris realizes that she is better off without him.
3) The meat in this plot sandwich: Netty is rescued by a) Dandy, who accidentally
food poisons the rapey snake, b) Chema, who has been tipped off by Bernardo; and c) Emiliano, who has followed Chema. Emil gets a clue that Fedra is not who he thinks she is (but don’t worry, clues are like water off a duck’ s back for him). Fedra pulls a doozy of a guilt trip on Eman for thinking she kidnapped Netty; they reconcile.

Now, the long version:
ORIGENS: ILITIA
Mayela’s apt:
Ilitia wants Mayela to tell her who her verdadera madre is, but she ain’t sayin. Kristel interrupts (“ stop it!”) to chastise Illy for being so selfish as to take over the meeting that is supposed to be about launching her super top model career just so that she can find out who actually gave birth to her. (Maybe that’s why she said gynelogical instead of genealogical?) Ilitia powers on, though, as Kristel sits back and sulks. Mayela has no info for Illy. Her birth mother left years and years ago, current whereabouts unknown. So why drag this up now? Better to just leave it be. Illy ain’t buying it. For some strange reason, she just wants to know who her mother is.

Illy gives Mayela one more chance to reveal her mother’s name, and then threatens to withhold Low’s money from the modeling agency until the truth is revealed (can she do that?). Mayela points out that Illy works there, so that’s a bit short sighted. Clearly Mayela has never paid much attention to how Illy thinks. Kristel, however, knows exactly how short sighted Illy is, and pulls her aside to remind her super amiga that Kristel needs the agency for her own career. Illy’s not worried though, they will just take daddy’ s money and start their own super top model agency and what’ s more, Illy will personally manage Kristel’s career. Now those are two up and coming young businesswomen that I would feel safe investing in. With much swishing of hair, the dynamic duo flouncily flounces out of Mayela’s apartment.

Next day, Chez Muneca:
Ilitia, in a surprisingly mature moment, tells Muneca that she has a right to know who her real mom is. Muneca recounts her tale: she was unable to conceive, Low knocked up this girl who didn’t want a baby. But M doesn’t know her name, just that she was really young (15 anos! even for Low, that’s low), and had to leave the agency. So, Illy was god’s gift to M. Illy very sweetly tells M that she always wanted to be like her, and they have some hugs. This is why you just can’t hate Ilitia.

Muneca says that she is Illy’s mom, even if she didn’t incubate her for 9 months.
Illy agrees and says she doesn’t even want to know who her real mom is, Muneca is
all she needs. They are so happy. ‘But out of curiosity’ , says M, ‘why the sudden
interest?’ ‘Well’ , says Illy, ‘ I overheard Mayela and dad talking about how he had paid her not to tell you or me who my real mom is. But whatevs, I don’t care anymore’. It looks like Muneca might still care.

AGAINST ALL ODDS: The Doris and Andre version
Back at the pension, an oddly cheerful Brandon assures Mari and Gladiola that Netty is sure to be found soon, no need to worry. Right, because those coppers always get their man. Except for the lirio, fedra, bernardo, garduno, low, mal. Am I forgetting anyone? Well, Brandon does point out in his defense, that they have caught that well-known serial vacationist Doris, who was locked up overnight for attempted romantic getaway in the first degree. Que? ‘You can’ t do that’ says Mari. Glad explains that they are just worried about Doris taking up with that walking virus ese. Mari counters that it is one thing to worry and another to put her in jail. By the authority vested in Mari Vick, Brandon is ordered to release Doris so that she can come home and worry about her madrina with everyone else. ‘Don’ t worry; I already released her’ sez Brandon.

Breakfast Chez Andre:
Andre is sad. Jacqui is mad that Andre is not appreciating her for paying his fine and making him breakfast. Plus he gave her HIV, in case he forgot. Doris bursts in and says she is nunca! going back to the pension with her stupid brother.

Doris and Andre discuss their relationship and how everyone thinks they shouldn’t be
together because they can’t have a future. Jacqui agrees. And so does Andre, because he luuurrves her too much. Doris is the lone holdout because of her grand amor. Their sappy declarations push Jacqui over the vomit edge, and she takes off with a ‘don’t come looking for me when she dumps your sorry a$$” . More sweet talk where Andre tries to be noble but his resolve is weak and Doris won’t take no for an answer. They will be juntos and happy. But seriously, folks, Doris is still sporting the faux-hunchback of her vieja costume.

Later, Chez Andre: Doris is settling into Andre’s place and Andre is treating Doris like a queen, fixing her meals, buying things girls like, like shampoo. And he is caballero enough to sleep on the couch as well. He has never has such a loving relationship before, and he wants her to be super comfy and at home, and he wants to do everything to make her happy. Doris notes how much Andre has changed (and I wonder if she'll still like him, since, yes, he is basically a completely different person now). They are sweet nothing-ing again, and, although I am happy for Doris, I am with Jacqui on the asco. And now we are well into the next day and Doris is still wearing the fake hunchback.

THE MAIN EVENT: NOT WITHOUT MY NETTY
Criminal lair:
A blindfolded and bound Netty is begging Malicio not to touch/hurt her. After sliming
on her a bit, Mal masks up, tells her to shut up and is describing what fun they are going to have when Mal starts itching like mad. Netty points out that he’s breaking out in hives and he should go to the hospital. The dodgy street mariscos? Nope, it’s good ol’ San Antonio (bendito) putting in some OT for his most loyal gal.

La mala noche:
Chema is all up in Fedra’s seriously sloshed face. She manages to slur that she doesn’t have Netty, “get it through your thick skull, yo!” And furthermore, she doesn’t care if Chema loves her, or who Netty marries or whatever. Chema ain’t buying it. Fedra slinks away to demonstrate that Netty’s got nothing on her assets, but Chema disagrees, says that a woman as beautiful and noble as Netty can’t even be compared with a hussy like her, which brings us to today’s coup de grace—Fedra throws her drink in Chema’s face only to discover that she already drank it all. Whoopsy.

Chema again demands to know where Netty is. Fedra pleads ignorance, but refills her drink and invites Chema to stay and have a look around, presumably hoping he’ll check under her dressing gown.

The next morning at the pension, Gretel and Oliver are telling Emil that they found
Fedra, but she denied knowing where Netty is. Por supuesto. I mean, did they really
think she would just fess up? Emil can’t take it anymore and has a bit of a hissy fit. Mari comes in to calm him down. Brandon and Oliver head off to work and Olli promises to find Netty. Emil, Gretel, and Mari discuss how surely Fedra has Netty and is a woman with no limits and they shudder to think what she might be up to. Emil says it is time for them to share with him the dirt that they have on Fedra.

Gretel agrees with Emil, they should tell him all they know, that he is married to a
woman who doesn’t exist. Como? Emil is shocked. Mari says she will tell all. But of
course, she has to wait just one quick minute. The flashiest of flashes, if you will. First she has to go get the papers from her room, and needs Gretel to help with those heavy papers.

Up in MV’s room, Mari and Gretel debate telling Emil all about Fedra/Juana Felipa. Pro: he can marry Netty right away, as his marriage is a sham. Con: he’ll find out that his wife was a prostitute and Eman isn’t his son. Que lastima. The pros have it.

Bernardo has called Chema from a payphone and Chema with the 411 on Netty. B
unburdens his guilt for ruining Chema’s life, what with the 27 years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit and all. But he won’t be responsible for him losing the woman he loves again. B wants Chema to rescue Netty to win her affection away from Emil. He’ll tell him where she is, but Chema has to promise never to tell Eman that he’s his verdadero padre. Chema’s like ‘sure whatever’ and writes down an address as Emil peeps around the corner.

Mari and Gretel come back downstairs to find Gladiola there, but Chema and Emil both gone. Obvio, they must have found out where Netty is and gone to fetch her. Really? That’s the only reason you can think of that they aren’t in your immediate range of vision? Everyone prays.

Criminal lair:
Mal yells at Dandy about the dodgy mariscos. He spent the night sick in the hospital (I have to admit, I smiled at his description of his pain). Dandy makes up for the food poisoning with the juicy gossip about where Low went last night—to Mayela’s and Illy and Kristel were there too. Mal is stoked to potentially have some dirt on low. Bernardo arrives all in a state and whips the gang up, something about having to move Netty right away.

Chema appears as they are moving Netty, but Emil has beaten him there. Everyone has guns, and the bad guys are in masks. I think Mal shoots at Chema, and B knocks out Dandy. We have a standoff, Chema vs Mal and Emil vs B, which is a better position, hero-wise, because B has Netty. Emil grabs Netty and the good guys all back out of the lair, Chema clutching his chest as he powers through his latest heart attack.

Chez RYT: Dee is heading out and Axhole wants to know where she’s going. Dee
awesomely reminds him that they are DI-VORCED and she doesn’t have to tell him
nada. He humbles himself and asks nicely and she says she’s going over to the pension. He wants to go with, but she ain’t havin it. Good for you, Dee; stay strong. Eman comes in as Dee leaves, and the fellas commiserate, then decide to head to Low’s to see if they can find Fedra and get some info on Netty's dondeabouts

Speaking of the departamento de soltero, Fedra is cranky when she’ s hungover, snapping at both Nereida and Low over breakfast. Fedra gets a little of her mojo back by planning her tortures for Netty, but Low is sick and tired of the whole kidnapping business.

Axhole and Eman come in and demand that Fedra tell them where Netty is. I think F
suggests she’s off getting plastic surgery. But really, what does she care about Netty? She loves Low and Emil loves Netty, and they are both just going their separate ways. She admits that she is going to fight for some cash in the divorce, but that is only fair. It’s Emil that’s playing dirty by signing over his fortune to Netty. Fedra only wants her fair share from a long marriage. Eman counters that she played dirty (if he only knew) with her long affair with ese imbecil (another gem as Fedra assures Low that he isn’t an imbecile). Argument interruptus as Eman’s phone rings with the news from Emil that they have rescued Netty. Axhole runs out to spread the news.

At the pension: Vicky gets ready for her 2nd hearing for the most frivolous lawsuit ever as Glad receives a call telling them of Netty’ s rescue. Gracias a dios and good feelings all around. Axhole arrives with the news and gets some well-deserved sass from Dee about how they already know, but then she gives him an undeserved smile. We an only hope that the smile was for us and no the Axhole.

The lady herself arrives with her 2 rescuers in tow to much cheering. Of course, they will not be taking this up further with the police, as this is a telenovela and everyone would rather just forget about it now that we have other plotlines to move onto. Plotlines like the most frivolous lawsuit ever, which is where half the gang heads. As Netty and her rescuers settle in a bit, neither she nor Chema want to go to a doctor despite his apparent heart attack, and her being held hostage overnight. Chema is really grasping at straws by pointing out that they have that in common. Oy vey.

Back to Low’s former bachelor pad: Eman has stayed behind to apologize to his mom for thinking she had kidnapped Netty. In a truly virtuoso performance by our dear villainess, Fedra turns it all around. She isn’t going to let him get away with an easy ‘disculpa me’ and let bygones be bygones. Oh no. Here’s the gist of her guilt trip:
“How could you treat me this way, when I have done everything for you? Even though you were a result of Chema raping me, and most women would reject that child. But I, on the other hand, loved you even more because I was so alone (after Chema killed and burned her parents, natch) that having you was the only thing I had to get over the horror of what happened to me. And this is why I have always loved you more than your siblings, because you brought me back to life. I never told you the truth to protect you. But now you know everything,. Now go and celebrate Netty’s return with your dad and everyone else that she is taking away from me. Just leave me here alone to cry into my whiskey.” (ok, she didn’t say whiskey, but I made an educated guess)

At this point, Eman forgets to check if his mother’s lips were moving, so he doesn’t
realize that she may, just possibly, be lying. And to be fair, his little hamster has been doing an awful lot of work these days figuring out the whole Mari/Vick thing, so he probably is taking some time off. In any event, the man actually gets down on his knees and begs Fedra’s forgiveness. Seriously. On. His. Knees.

They make promises to each other: he will never abandon her again; he forgives her for keeping the secrets she did in the past and she swear that she has no more secrets (!!!) from him. She just wants to be a better person so that he will be proud of her (awww). They love each other sooooo much. Low comes in and tries to horn in on the love fest. Fedra knows that Low will stick his foot in it, so she ushers Eman out, trying to be gracious about Netty and la gordita. Low outwits her though, and manages to get in an awkward, ‘I love you too, hijo, I mean, Emanuel, I mean….’ as a puzzled Eman is leaving and a visibly annoyed Fedra looks on. As soon as the door shuts, Fedra drops the tears and relishes her triumph, “ didn’t I tell you I would have him on his knees asking my forgiveness?! I’ve got my son back where I want him, right in the palm of my hand. Bwahh-hahaha!”

Avances: Emil quizzes Chema about his mystery phone call; Low gets involved in the
most frivolous lawsuit ever.

Folks, after doing this, my appreciation for these awesome recappers increased mil ocho mil veces. They truly rock.



Dichos (from Sylvia):
I didn't have time to keep track of any good vocab but when I was in Mexico a few weeks ago I got some cool "dicho" mints, after dinner mints with a dicho or frase on the wrapper. Here are a couple that I thought might be appropriate to our show:

Los buenos recuerdos duran mucho tiempo, los malos más = good memories last a long time, but bad ones last longer.

El que se va a la villa, pierde su silla = Don’t change horses in the middle of the stream, or maybe it’s If you snooze you lose. (Lit. he who leaves the manor loses his seat)

UPDATE: Here's one from JudyB:
Del árbol caido hacen leña = everybody jumps on you when you're down (lit. everybody makes firewood out of a fallen tree fig)

Labels: llena