Caray, Caray!

　

What good are many friends, mon ami, when you have one bad enemy? M. Hercule Poirot

Today on El Talisman:

Pedro, Cameela, the Gasbag and Tonio are still talking about Cameela marrying Tonio. Cameela wants to talk to Pedro, alone out in the hall. Pedro and Cameela leave together. The Gasbag is left with Tonio, when, guess what happens? Anyone!!!!! You won't beleive it, but Lucrazy is calling The Beltbuckle on his cell phone. He doesn't answer it and the Gasbag happens to look at the phone and says, wait for it, it is really good, Isn't that Lucrazy? How could it be Lucrazy if she is dead??? HUMMMMM. The Beltbuckle blows the Gasbag off and tells her it isn't Lucrazy they recycle cells phones at Alcatrash to save money. Naw, he really didn't say that, but he wanted to. (Note to the Beltbuckle, really dude, you couldn't have gotten her a burner phone, untraceable to boot, for the one bad enemy you are truly estupido, jus' sayin'). He changes the subject on the Gasbag and warns her if Cameela rats him out to Pedro he will make sure the Gasbag ends up in la carcel (Thanks Blue Lass and Rosemary la Otra). Lucrazy is calling him back again, being very frustrated cause he won't answer the blasted phone, he picks it up and tells The Gasbag it is a call from the ranch. He picks it up and says wadda want GUSTAVO, really dude. Lucrazy tells him to get his asshatedness back to Alcatrash and by the way it is VERY URGENT. He tells her he will get there when he gets there, GUSTAVO. She hangs up and is pithed so badly she throws the cell phone. (Ed note: I just have to say the only actor that can throw a cell phone is Sergio Sendel, he is the master of those, ask the prop people at Uni, jus' sayin'). Tonio is wondering what is taking the indio so long.

Cameela and Pedro are in the hallway of the apartment building and Pedro is begging Cameela, why are you marrying this guy, I know you don't love him, you love me, right, RIGHT! (Note to Cameela, aw come on now, he so knows that dog don't hunt, just fess up already). She keeps insisting she has mysteriously (I added that for effect) fallen for the Beltbuckle and nothin' and noone is changing her mind. Got it? She asks him to forgive her. (Note to Cameela: Are you SERIOUS, come on now. Fess up already would you forgive Pedro if he did this to you? Jus' sayin'). She asks him to vette and leave her in pax. He goes. She cries. After he leaves, she goes back inside and the Beltbuckle wants to know what she said. She tells the Belbuckle she told Pedro what he wanted her to. Cameela tells her *blessed* Mama, er, the Gasbag that it is all your fault. Oh, The Gasbag is laying on the guacamole. Oh, the Beltbuckle lurrrves you. (Note to Cameela, go to El Capitan and fess up already, you don't have to go thru this agony, jus' sayin'). Cameela cries. The Virus to end all Viruses tells Cameela to calm down. The Beltbuckle tries to get close to her, and she reaches up to slap him, but he stays that arm and tells her he is her future (say what? You soooo don't get it dude. She hates your guts jus' sayin'. Sleep with one eye open. You may have no avacadoes when you wake up in the morning. Member I gave you fair warning.). Oh, and the Beltbuckle tells her, now are you ready for this, our wedding night will be sooo wonderful. (Note to Beltbuckle: You sure bout that dude? I thought I heard Cameela talking about Supergluing a part of your anatomy, jus' sayin').

Army and Angel are still at the cafe and Army tells Angel he has found a job. I guess it's not a great job, but Army doesn't care, as long as he gets enough money together, he can go to Canada and be with his amor di mi vida, Fabi.

Tracy, Alberta and Flor are all in the kitchen talking about the upcoming wedding. Flor is really pithed off, she blames Cami for everything including her dear sister's banishment to Canada. (Note to Flor: Canada is beautiful, get a job, save the money and go be there with her, you'll love it). No matter how many times Alberta and Tracy try to tell Flor that Cameela is a wonderful person, she is so not buying it. Doris comes into this little convo as does Valentin. He tells the assembled ladies that the wedding is tomorrow. About this time the Beltbuckle, Prince of Darkness, has come into the room and informs them the wedding is tomorrow, that's right, tomorrow, like don't ever forget it! The Prince of Darkness tells Flor she better be there, and Doris better be gone. She gets in his face and tells him SHE will be the Duena of ESA CASA. Flor, the one with the avacadoes, doncha know, gets in the Prince of Darkness' face. He looks like he is about to slap her, but gently touches her face and reminds her she will RESPECT Cameela. The Prince of Darkness has left, along with the smell of sulpher, and Doris gives her a big ole hug. Doris has left and now Alberta and Tracy are setting up the wedding from hell and Flor is still pithed off at Cameela. Flor says she hates Cameela with every ounce of her being. Tracy tells her that Cameela is a victim, same as Flor. Flor wants to know the chisme on that, but Tracy tells her that is all she needs to know.

Pigorio and Valentin are having a little meeting. Pigorio tells him he saw Mariana, and wait for it, same old, same old, kill her like yesterday. Valentin is so not down with that. Pig tells him he will never have pax until she is dead, punto.

Mariana has come to the hospital to visit Manuel, and interrupts Maria and Manuel. Mariana apologizes, but Manuel tells her it is ok. I think Mariana did an end run around the receptionist, but Manuel said it was ok, if she came in. Manuel has to go somewhere, and Maria stays with Mariana. Mariana thanks Maria for giving Manuel a second chance.

Pedro is all alone, poor fella, and thought bubbles about Cameela being in love with Tonio. (Now Dude you are supposed to be the galan here, didn't all those tears hold a big clue for you?). He just doesn't beleive it.

Tonio has made it back to Alcatrash to the little cabana housing his looney tunes sister, and she is in a dither about Mariana of all people. She is just now realizing that other women, besides HERSELF, mind you, might be interested in her hunk of man. He tells Lulu to callete, don't talk and he is marrying Cameela tomorrow. Yes, he is really doing it. She congrats him and is over the moon, but what about her and PEDRO ES MIO? She tells the Beltbuckle she is sooo in lurrrrve with PEDRO ES MIO. Your getting Cameela, so why can't I get Pedro es Mio? He tells her, your upset (Note to Beltbuckle: Ya think?) Your sooo obessed with Pedro. (Note to both: really you are both obsessed.) She says she will be marrying Pedro es Mio so there! Lulu wants to know what Papa Pig thinks of all this? The Beltbuckle doesn' t care what he thinks. He tells her he told Doris not to give Cameela trouble. The Prince of Darkness has a meet, after leaving the cabana from hell, to meet Dr. Doh-mo (Thanks Rosemary la Otra). Evidently Dr. Doh-mo has fixed the pills and inserted the new poison. The Prince of Darkness can't wait for his Papa Diablo to die a slow suffering death for what he has had to deal with all these years.

Mariana has come back to El Tal and Pedro tells her it is absurd, doncha know, that his Cameela es MIO, is going to marry that asshat Beltbuckle. She has no words. Pedro tells Mariana that Cameela wouldn't tell him a thing, but he is sure the Beltbuckle is holding something over Cameela, ya think! Mariana insists that Cameela does love him. He is sooo confused.

El Virus, Cameela, Army, Angel and Maria are gathered together to mourn the loss of Cameela's brains, and her avacadoes. El Virus is telling Cameela I'm your Mama. (Note to the Virus: I hope you roast for all your evil deeds. The anvil that crashes on you can't be big enough). Cameela cries. Tia Maria and her primo Angel, and her brother Army all tell her not to marry the asshat already., but Cameela is towing the sad, party line and says she just has to, and that will be the end of the subject, cause she is pleading the 5th. (Not really but the same thing). Padre has come to the Virus infected apartmento to see Cameela. She doesn't want to talk, but Padre tells her you have some serious 'splaining to do. She and the Padre go off to have their serious convo, and Army, Angel, and Maria gang up on the Virus and tell her this is all YOUR fault. You are making your poor daughter Cameela suffer over your own misdeeds. The Virus looks like she is getting ready to blow, but doesn't quite get there. Instead we are treated to a *slight marmot screech*. The Virus asks Maria if she is coming to the wedding?. Maria tells her not on your life. It's horrible what you are doing, and you are ruining your daughter's life.

Padre has taken Cameela to a, wait for it, perfect setting by the way, to a church. Yay, Padre, she will have to tell the truth here, or go to the you know! She tells Padre, oh, Padre, please understand I have to marry that Beltbuckle, the Prince of Darkness. Padre wants to know her secret. He knows she is holding something back. He tells her secrets are not mountains, good one Padre. She still won't rat out the Prince of Darkness. Finally, finally Padre has worn her down. She will only tell him with confession (Note to Cameela: How could you? Now you know he can never, ever say anything). So he tells her, as you wish, and she unloads everything on the Padre, every last detail. (Ed note: You can actually confess in front of a priest now, no confessional booth necessary as long as you let them know you want the sacrament of confession). She tells him it would be bad for Pedro and her *sainted* Mama if she doesn't go thru with this wedding. The Padre can't beleive it. This is just horrific to him. He tells her she is ruining her life, all for the Prince of Darkness, but Cameela tells the Padre she could never forgive herself if her *sainted* Mama went to prison. (Note to Cameela: Stop feeling guilty, just 'memeber about the superglue, if you go thru with this, jus' sayin'). Padre tells her she is ruining her life, ya think? She says she feels bad doing this to Pedro. Padre tells her she needs to tell Pedro the truth and stop pleading the 5th. She says she won't. Padre also wanted her to go to the policia to rat out the Prince of Darkness, but she wouldn't go.

Pigorio and Panchito are in the office at Alcatrash and Pigorio asks if Cameela is really marrying the Prince of Darkness tomorrow? Panchito says oh yes.

Cameela is all alone in her room, thinking of Pedro and that *hawt* night in LA and then the Prince of Darkness, threatening her. She prays, Oh Dios Mio, ayuda mi. Just then there is a knock on the door. The Virus opens it and it is Mariana come to call on Cameela. Of course the Virus thinks she is there about what else, on the count of three, *El Cheque es Mio of course, but Mariana looks at her like, have you lost your mind? and says I have come to talk to Cameela. Of course, the Virus tries to dissuade her, but Cameela comes out of her room and tells the Virus she will speak to Mariana. Mariana tells Cameela that Pedro is very upset, and she wants to know why Cameela is marrying the Prince of Darkness, when just a while ago she interrupted Cameela's wedding to Pedro? The whole convo is about WHY? Cameela tells her now Mariana will have a second chance with Pedro. Cameela says I am marrying the Prince of Darkness, ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies. Not really but essentially that is how the convo went. She won't spill the frijoles to Mariana. She tells Mariana you just don't understand, ask me no more. Mariana says she doesn't want Pedro to suffer, and she knows darn well that Cameela is so not in love with the Prince of Darkness. Cameela tells her, she isn't saying anything else. Mariana really wants to know why Cameela would marry someone she doesn't love? Cameela tells her to vette, she says now is your chance with Pedro. Mariana leaves, and Cameela cries.

Now we have Papa Pig and his sluttily dressed ex-daugher-in-law having a little powwow in the bedroom. He tells Doris nothing will ever seperate me from you. You are ES MIO. He tells her she won't leave Alcatrash. He asks for his pills. (Note to Doris: Don't touch that bottle) She brings the pills to the Pig. She gives him smoochies, yuck (Note to Doris, do you have enough Listerine? Jus' sayin"), He tells Doris he is sooo happy with her. She knows Cameela is coming to live at Alcatrash. Doris tells him she is upset, because of Cameela and the Prince of Darkness her fabby Fabi is in Canada.

Maria has gone back to the hospital and consults with Manuel. She is soo upset her poor neice has to marry the Prince of Darkness. Manuel says that Cameela really should go to the police and fess up. Maria says she won't because she doesn't want to hurt her *sainted* mother. Oh, please already. Maria says she has to respect her neice's wishes. Manuel says it is a heavy cross to bear.

Cameela, Army and Angel are having a last supper together. Cameela tells them not to worry about her. Then guess who calls, of course, it is the Prince of Darkness, just wanting to touch base, so to speak. He tells her along with the Virus, the boys can come to the wedding too. Oh Yay.

It is the day of doom, the apocalypse for Cameela so to speak. She is with the Virus, Army and Angel. Cameela is in a wonderful, sparkley, white dress, her wedding gown, sans veil. She is looking lovely. Virus tells her the Prince of Darkness is a wonderful guy (Oh please where is the anvil for this virus). What a wonderful wedding it will be. Cameela gives her the death ray, and tells her, this is no, wait for it, wedding, its a funeral! (Note to Cameela, maybe someone will stand up at the wedding when they say if anyone has a reason why these two shouldn't be married. I wish you best of luck).

Valentin comes in to give congrats to the Prince of Darkness. The Prince of Darkness tells him this must be the PERFECT wedding. Papa Diablo comes in to give congrats to the Prince of Darkness and wants to shake his hand. The Prince of Darkness won't do it. Papa Diablo tells his Prince of Darkness that you marry, you leave Alcatrash!

All of El Tal has gotten together and talked endlessly about how could Camella do this to our Pedro, some using power tools, and the Padre was in the mix too, but without a power tool. Oh, and Santiago has been freed from the social services, Liliana has a heart after all, and Padre is the one that got him out. He is very happy to be with Pedro again, and also can't beleive that Cameela is with the Prince of Darkness.

Tomorrow on El Talisman:

Wedding from Hell Begins. Will it go through? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Labels: Talisman