Caray, Caray!

the witch who drives the plot.

Tonight, in the writer’s room, the Bitter Irony Squad was in charge. Lots of foreshadowing. Lots of bombs set to go off in the next few days. [The optimists managed to sneak in a little Tupperware – but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.]

The Old:

At Hacienda Harango, Alfonsina broadcasts Paolo’s scandalous history with Kenia over Radio Begoña. Bony B is troubled. She knows her daughter has a thing for Paolo. An anvil hovers.

At the Procesadora, Kenia realizes what the old airplane tickets mean: ¡No era Estefanía! ¡No era la mamá de Elisa la que se iba a escapar del pueblo con este hombre! (It wasn’t E! It wasn’t Elisa’s mom who was going to run away with that man!) An anvil hovers.

The New:

Ingrid doesn’t know what Kenia’s talking about. But she stuffs the tickets into her giant purse (they must be valuable or why would he lock them away all these years?), then closes the safe.

Casa Castigo:

Elisa, who still hasn’t noticed she forgot to put her pants on, replays Alfie’s threats for Lolita. She mentions how Horacio defied Alfie, refusing to kick Elisa out when ordered to do so and for his trouble, got fired.

Cantina:

Horacio discovers that the Gabino Mendoza Employment Agency isn’t hiring right now.

The Fields:

Damián, the city mouse, joins forces with country mice Gael and Lucio. Dam may not know from habaneros, but since they’re Elisa’s habaneros, he Dam well can learn.

Casa Tovar:

Edmundo listens dumbly as Begoña explains (dumbly, but using words) why she went calling on Carmina: she was just trying to please him by expanding her circle of friends. A pie cart rumbles in the distance.

Doc Tovar’s office:

Enrique catches Paloma on her way out and asks her to the movies. She can’t – she’s seeing Gael tonight. They’re novios! And since Dam is still in love with Elisa, Enrique shouldn’t give up hope for his hothouse Flor. That’s why God invented rebounds, right?

Casa Castigo:

Now jobless, homeless and penniless, Horacio seeks solace from Lolita. He’s heartbroken that he has to back out of his marriage proposal since he can’t support a wife. Don’t worry, she says, they can get married when he gets a job.

Horacio perks up. “Does that mean you’re saying yes?” It does indeed. And it was his defense of Junior Miss Chile Pepper from the black widow Arango that helped her decide.

The novios lean in and exchange a sweet smooch when ...

Enter Augusto. He had no idea Lolita and Horacio were keeping company. Horacio needs a job? Sorry, dude, there’s no money for hiring. Now Augusto squints and sees the “I Defended Elisa from the AlphaBitch” sticker on Horacio’s chest. Oh. Well in that case, he can stay and they’ll sort it out.

Kenia, reeking of sweat and desperation, the pit stains of the blue dress invisible in the darkness, lurks outside. She spots Paloma walking up to the house.

Elisa welcomes her best friend with a tongue-lashing. She’s furious that Paloma told Dam about the Faustian bargain Elisa made with Alfie. And now all hell is going to break loose and it is All Paloma’s Fault. [No one slaps Elisa here but we’ll all feel better if we close our eyes and imagine one. Thwaaaap. Okay.]

Dam, his back dam sore from working in the fields all day, surprises Gael with the news that they are going to be roomies for a while. He’s going to be staying with Uncle Lupe. No way he’s going back to the Hacienda after the stunt his mother pulled.

The Blue House:

Ingrid greets Gabino with her customary mating call: Gimme my money!

No can do, says the gentleman. The money is deposited in the bank. Under his name of course.

This makes Icky Ing a little testy. She tells him that compared to his late boss, Rosendo, Gabs is insignificant (muy poca cosa): ¡Eres así de chiquitito en todos los sentidos! (Literally, You are soooooo small in every sense of the word! Figuratively, Hit me.)

Predictably, Gabino slams her one, right in the kisser (Whamp!), drawing blood. He tells her to shut up but apparently she understands him to say “Keep talking – I love the sound of your voice”.

She’ll tell Alfie he’s kept her in the house and ... and ... other stuff! “Looky here!” She fishes the plane tickets out of the huge purse and waves them in his face. And she demands an explanation. Oh yes, the anvil hovers, hovers, hovers ...

And what does Gabino do? Damned if he doesn’t give her one! An explanation, that is. He spills the sad sordid Rosendo/Carmina story, Estefanía’s innocence and tells how Carmina came to lend them the house. He also confides that one day the tickets may protect him from Alfie. After all these years and all those lives destroyed by her insane and misdirected hatred for Estefanía, she would lose face if the truth were known.

Gabino knocks back a shot.

Hacienda Harango:

Alfie, still in her smart, sleeveless, beige and white polka dot shirtdress, has taken to her bed. Guido and Flor hover. She doesn’t need a doctor, she sniffles. She needs her son. And all he cares about is Elisa! Guido offers to go Dam-hunting but is spared the effort when Padre Lupe enters. No need, he says, Dam is staying with him. Lupe would like to talk to his sister privately, so Flo, still shlepping around the hacienda in 5” heels and jeggings and Guido, looking very slight, retreat obediently.

Alfie turns the switch from Pathos to Arrogance as soon as the Landuccis leave the room. When she begins “Damián is my son and everything I’ve done ...” Padre finishes “... is out of love and for his own good.”

Padre Lupe isn’t in the mood for her poisonous mishigas tonight. He tells her straight out: Change your attitude or lose your son forever! Goodnight, sister!

Flor is waiting outside the room and now begs Lupe to tell her what’s happening. Why is Dam staying at Lupe’s house? He’s her novio, after all. Her novio? That’s news to Lupe. He promises to speak to his nephew. He’s sure he’ll come by to see her and explain.

Padre Lupe’s home:

Gael is shirtless. Dam has his top buttons undone. [Hold the image for when you need it because the night is gonna get ugly.]

The two are grumpily marking their territory in the small bedroom. The conversation turns to affairs of the heart. Dam confesses that Elisa is still turning him down because she’s afraid of what Alfie might do to Augusto.

Dam disapproves of Gael’s courting Paloma when he isn’t in love with her. Gael accuses Dam of doing the same thing with Flor. More than once. (Well yeah, we know they’re both being jerks but they’re not ready to see it.)

La Ermita – el centro:

Pathetic Paolo has finally dragged himself out of bed, out of the house and onto his phallocycle. He rolls on down the main drag, spots even more pathetic Sabrina right outside her house, and convinces her to hop on. See paragraph one above. Note: no one is wearing a helmet. An anvil hovers.

Inside the Tovar house, the Rotten Orange and the increasingly delusional Begoña are extolling the virtues of mature marital love and the importance of learning from one’s mistakes. Begoña invites herself and Edmundo to dinner at the Castañon home the following night. As the Orange One leaves, both women realize Sabrina hasn’t come home yet. Uh oh. Still hovering.

Casa Castigo:

Lolita lays down the law: no pre-boda friskiness just because Horacio is living on the property. For his part, Horacio is ready to ask the padre to set the date. Horacio hasn’t said much about his family. What business were they in? His father had a butcher shop (carnicería). [A butcher shop? Oh give me a break!] Now he thinks he’d like to open a carnicería of his own right here in La Ermita.

Elisa comes home still unaware of her pantslessness. She’s delighted to hear their plans.

Hacienda Harango:

Toña washes, Braulio dries. Toña blathers, Braulio listens uneasily: Damián left the hacienda, Alfie threatened to destroy Elisa and Augusto and then fired Horacio for defending Elisa. And now poor Horacio is out of work (Lo puso de patitas en la calle She kicked him out) and it looks like poor Lolita may end up an old maid after all (a lo mejor queda para vestir santos) since there’s no money for a wedding now.

Casa Castigo:

Kenia crouches behind a wall outside the quinta. She listens to Augusto and Carmina chatting. Have we ever heard them speak so pleasantly to each other? They kiss briefly and he sets out to see Edmundo. Kenia lurks. The anvil is poised.

Donde Don Lucio:

Thirty seconds of sweet – Maru shows up with a stack of reheatable containers and Lucio insists she come in, heat them up, and join him at the table.

Donde Alfonsina:

Fifteen seconds of bitter reflecting thirty years of the same – Alfie stares at her image in a mirror, tears stream down her face. Wanna bet who she’s crying for?

Donde Padre Lupe:

Lupe is concerned about Florencia. Dam always complains that his mother is manipulative but isn’t Dam doing the same thing in his treatment of this young woman?

Speaking of whom ...

Guido coaxes his daughter to eat and frets when she talks about needing pills to sleep. He tells her it was a mistake getting back together with Damián. The truth is Dam doesn’t love her. Florencia isn’t willing to hear this. Why can’t daddy be more supportive?

Casa Castigo:

The Mean Orange corners Horacio: “If you’re going to be living here, you’ll obey my orders”, she snarls. “I need someone to do the dirty work.”

That isn’t in his job description, protests Horacio.

The Rotten Citrus has her own approach to Human Resources – do what she says or Lolita will find out he murdered Blanca! Anvils hover.

Elisa and Lolita (Lolita is the one on the right, the one wearing a skirt) are all joyful girlish glee about weddings and butcher shops. “Wouldn’t it be swell if Horacio set up his carnicería right on the spot where Blanca met a fiery death in her little casa de modas?” enthuses Elisa. “I bet don Lucio would help you out.” [The Bitter Irony Squad are wetting their pants in the writers room as this scene plays out.] Anvils fill the sky as far as the eye can see.

Elisa cuts her prattling short when she catches sight of Kenia, still lurking in the darkness. WHAT is she doing there? Enough with the obsessive stalker crap already!

Kenia defends herself: It’s not an obsession. She’s in love with Augusto! And he has never been happy with That Woman.

That Woman has lied to them her whole life! And now it’s raining anvils!

Take a deep breath and lie back and float in the cool waters of the cenote.

Avances: Carmina hits Kenia’s head with a stone and then pushes her under water ... Dam is determined to win back the shrewish, er, I mean, spirited Elisa’s affections ... Dam falls off his horse and Elisa appears troubled.

Labels: abismo

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