Caray, Caray!

I can’t help but Salserito reminds me of the one and only Agent Smith.


* The very first meeting of Nikki and Franisco is splendid. Not. Guzmán is annoyed by the little brat who acts like he was dirt on the bottom of her shoes, and Nikki is even more annoyed by the hunkalicious guy who dares backtalk her and calls her a niña (little girl). A niña! However, as soon as Blondie’s out of the room, a nervous little smile appears on her face.


* José Ángel needs to call his wife so Victoria asks Tomasina to show him where the phone is. As they leave, Tomasina keeps asking Arriaga about his Chinese horoscope: you’re a water tiger, aren’t you? I don’t know about that, but his “WTF?” expression is priceless. Salsero and Vic discuss Arriaga’s famous “superhero-superagent” past again and they agree they won’t tell him they know his "real identity". *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

* In the kitchen Arriaga calls Cristina and scolds her for alarming Victoria. Yeah, he got out of jail, but it's such a shameful situation because he owes her forever and now he’s trapped in a job he knows absolutamente nada about. Calm down, macho man. Cristina is fed up with him not approving anything she does, because, after all, what was she supposed to do while he was in jail? Sitting at home and waiting for the eviction?
* Nikki comes into the kitchen looking for her mom but she finds another beefy stranger instead. Tomasina introduces Arriaga to her, to which she provides an unexpected reaction: she giggles and hugs the big guy. You’re the superhero who saved my mom! Thank you very much!


* In the garden Polita and Jean Marie share the most important information about Nikki with Guzmán: 1. she’s a terrible, terrible girl, 2. she has a new boyfriend every week, 3. her last novio looked like Francisco. And LOL, Jean Marie takes the opportunity to check Guzmán’s muscular arms. We can’t blame him, can we. After he leaves (quite quickly, because they scare him away with the horoscope nonsense), they agree he’s a very fine-looking man. (And Polita saw him first!)


* Nikki asks Victoria about the curious case of the two, I repeat, two bodyguards. Wouldn’t be one more than enough? (Okay, little miss, brace yourself because bad news is coming.) Vic tells her she’s so frightened since the murder/kidnap attempt that she hired two bodyguards: one for Nikki and one for herself. Nikki isn’t enthusiastic about the news, she likes Arriaga, but thanks, she doesn’t need a guard. Oh, you poor child, what were you thinking. Arriaga is your moms, and guess who will be your bodyguard. Yes. Guzmán. Qué the hell?! No way, shouts Nikki, not him, no, no, no, no, no. NO! No freaking way! 

* Salsero calls Kendra to tell her the news. She’s still in the studio and she’s about to meet Nelson in his office. The One With The Sunglasses warns her to be careful with that Casanova. After he puts down the phone, Arriaga enters the room from the right with Tomasina who’s showing him around the house. Guzmán enters from the left, and now our salsa-lover curmudgeon has to endure the sounds and the sight of the happy, bromance-y encounter. He gives Arriaga permission to drive back to his house for clean clothes but only with one condition: he should be back by 7 a.m. But this means Arriaga can’t sleep more than a few hours! Salsero couldn’t care less. Angel starts begging to Francisco to teach him everything this bodyguard business. Of course, man, of course! But wait… If you’re Ms. Balvanera’s bodyguard, then what will be my job?

* Rodrigo Montes de Loca and Madame Marlene, I mean, Aníbal and Paula have a very heated conversation about their relationship and the Balvaneras. We are together for twenty years, say Paula, don’t you think it’s high time to introduce me to your family? Aníbal says his daughters have never forgiven him for having a new relationship so soon after their mother’s death. Oh plehehease, it happened twenty years ago! And they probably know Paula wasn’t the first woman he cheated his wife with! Don’t forget that when they met Aníbal told her he never loved Pilar and Candelaria was the love of his life. Papa Aníbal isn’t fond of this conversation and reminds Paula of their agreement: I don’t talk about my family and you don’t talk about yours. But Paula is fed up with this BS. That wasn’t a mutual agreement, and she always wanted to tell him about her family but he never listened to her!


* Vic and Nikki continue their previous conversation in the kitchen. The Little Miss tries her best to convince her mom she doesn’t need a bodyguard, and when it doesn’t work she starts bitching about Victoria being a tyrant. This isn’t about her safety, this is about controlling her! Guzmán enters the kitchen and asks Vic if he has to leave. Oh no, you don’t, you will be my daughter’s bodyguard. The. Pure. Horror. On. His. Face. Nikki storms out of the room and Vic asks Francisco to be patient with her.

* In Nelson’s office Casanova and Barbie are discussing the photos, and by discussing I mean drinking and flirting heavily. But when Nelson tries to make a move on her she gets outraged: how dare he? She isn’t a cualquiera (bad woman)! Clever girl. She runs out of the room, leaving a surprised Nelson behind. However, he’s a calm old lizard who isn’t that worry about Kendra’s (nonexistent) virtues: he knows in time she will give in. They all do. *Viewerville: you’re a pathetic fool*


* Guzmán tells Nikki he isn’t ecstatic about the turns of events either. He thought he would guard a mature woman, but no, he won’t quit his job just to make her happy! Oh, you will, says Nikki. The gauntlet is thrown.

 * Tomasina explains it all to Victoria: look, Nikki is and ox with a rabbit ascendant, and that is a crazy, explosive combination. But Guzmán is a fire dragon so they will get along well. Vic is worried about Arriaga too, he doesn’t seem fully convinced yet, he may leave any minute. Tomasina, the founder of the Angel Fan Club starts gushing about Arriaga: he’s such a handsome, masculine man! And he’s a water dragon! *one more horoscope sing and I’m out… and by the way, Aquarians are the best :)*

* Francisco looks for Nikki and he finds in the swimming pool… floating unconsciously in the water. (What should he do? a) Save her. b) Leave her there and ask Jean Marie/Polita out on a date.) At first he gets a smaller heart attack, then he jumps into the pool and pulls her out of the water. But when he’s about giving her a mouth to mouth ventilation she starts laughing. Of course it was a mean joke! And thanks to her his brand new (and expensive) suit is destroyed.


* As Vic walks past Arriaga’s door she hears a very loud gurgling water coming from the room. She knocks on the door – no answer. She opens the door – Arriaga starts humming and singing a silly little song. And all of a sudden the elegant, well-behaved matron turns into a giggling, naughty little teenager who can’t help herself but sneaks into the guy’s bathroom where the Angel enjoys the warm shower.


* At Kendra’s Barbie and Salsero talk about his master plan. To be honest, I don’t see where this “secret agent” nonsense leads, but Curmudgeon says he controls the situation and he calculated every single move carefully. Oookay. And tomorrow will be their big day. Again? Whatever. They have hot sexy time again.

* Victoria is in her hideaway, staring at a blank canvas. Still staring. And suddenly the inspiration comes into her mind and she starts drawing. An hour later Tomasina comes into the room to tell her Nelson is at home and the dinner is ready.

* Angel is having dinner, too, and he’s talking about his family to Guzmán. And how about you, Blondie, do you have a family? Only a sister and a father who is todo un caso (a hard case). And your mother? She died when he was 12. I'm sorry, man.

* Daddy Felipe (he’s a lot cuter now than he was in Corazón salvaje 1993) is in some kind of casino where he makes bets on horse races. Oh dear, so he has a gambling addiction.

* Nelson and Victoria argue about the new employees, Arriaga’s loan and the bail Vic paid. He’s angry because she made these important decisions without asking him, but Vic reminds him of the fact that she’s alive thanks to Arriaga, and assures him she and Nikki will be completely safe under the watchful eyes of the Angel of Aikido and Blondie.

 *José Ángel arrives at the little house in the prairie (at last). He sneaks into the house and checks on his peacefully sleeping girls, then he gives a bouquet of roses to Cristina (where did he get that?!) and apologizes for his earlier behavior. Apology accepted, and Cristina starts packing his suitcase. Naturalmente the noises wake Lili up and naturalmente she gets very desperate when she realizes her dad will be living at the Balvanera’s. Angel tries to console her and promises her this job won’t last forever. The little family hug each other tightly and they cry in each other’s arms.


* In the morning Agent Salsero lays down the law and tells the new boys how this bodyguarding business goes there. First of all, they are not allowed to use the Balvaneras’ real names in public. Instead try to get used to the names Athena (Vic), Zeus (LOLz, I mean, Nelson) and Aphrodite (Nikki). Viewerville thinks these aliases are strange (Hera, Narcissus and Brat would suit them better), and Guzmán and Arriaga give him serious side-eyes, too. Oh, and the bodyguards have code names, too, Salsero is numero one, José Ángel is numero two and Francisco is numero three. This starts to sound like a crazy crossover between Xena: Warrior Princess and Star Trek. After The One With The Sunglasses leaves, Francisco expresses his concerns about their job: man, this house is full of madmen!


* Aníbal walks into the house talking with Paula on his cell phone. That was a mistake because the usually sweet-tempered Victoria freaks out and tells him how much she hates That Woman. Mark her words: for her Paula doesn’t exist!

Labels: Amores