Caray, Caray!

Alt title: "All of the Other Reindeer"
(Doesn't that sound like a great name for a horror film about murderous reindeer-zombies? The prequel could be "Reindeer Games" and the third one would be "Reindeer III: Season of the Witch," followed by "Reindeer IV: Rudolph's Revenge" and "Dasher Strikes Again" and then Rob Zombie could do a revival... or maybe I am delirious from chocolate withdrawal.)

(Seriously, though, thank you Blue Lass for the reindeer moniker to describe Avon's peanut gallery.)

Alma knows perfectly well that Rogelio would never have picked out that ring on his own - he can't even remember her birthday, much less her sign or birthstone! But Chucho insists that Rogue really wanted her ring to have a "special meaning," and sure, okay, Chucho helped him with that, but that was all.

Alma doesn't seem convinced. She asks, did he call all of her "friends," too? Because Alma knows that that wasn't Rog's doing, either. If it had been Rog, then only his friends would have been there. (Chucho gives Susana the credit for the invitations.) Anyway, Alma says, Chucho and Pati are her only friends! (Let's take a moment to contemplate how very sad that would be. Wait, no... friends with Chucho? I have no sympathy!) Chucho says it's an honor.

Alma says she fell out of touch with her old friends from school because she was too busy with work and career. She muses that perhaps it wasn't such a good tradeoff. "I was all alone until I met you," she tells Chucho. "But this is a day to celebrate," he reminds the theoretically radiant bride-to-be.

Not content to pester Pati only at home, Fernando stalks her at the gym as well. He is campaigning to be her next boyfriend. "You shouldn't be all by your lonesome. We can become another power couple, like Rog and Alma." Pati says not so fast - who says her relationship with Rog is through? A lot can happen between him and Alma. She didn't stay at his house last night. Besides, Fernando's already dating some secretary. "You'll never sip the refreshing drink of water that is me," she taunts.

Just to make sure that Fern is thoroughly humiliated, Pati adds that he doesn't have nearly enough money to be worth of the likes of her. Fern finally gives up and leaves her alone. Then she remembers Rog calling to ask about "lo nuestro" (referring to her status as perpetual booty call) and is so irritated, she blurts out "imbécil!", offending an innocent passerby.

What this girl needs is some inspiration. Coincidentally, Jesus arrives with Alma.

"What are you doing here?" (it's the center square on bingo card #5!) demands the guy at the desk. Chucho jokes, "I just wanted to look for more naked women, ha ha!" Gym Desk Guy is not amused. (Ever.)

Alma's all ready for her workout, but Pati is full of nosy questions. "Oh, didn't you spend the night at Roger's? Oh, you had a headache? Oh, you left him all hot and bothered?" Then she moves in for the kill: "Do you really want to marry him?"

Alma says, "Sure - I wouldn't have said yes to him otherwise." Pati points out that she didn't say yes. No "yes my love, I'll marry you" or anything of the sort. Alma gets flustered and excuses herself.

Pati spots the inspiration she's been looking for and calls Chucho over. "Be very careful with her," Gym Desk Guy warns him. (I can't tell whether he means "if you mess with her, I will mess you up," or if he means "if you mess with her, SHE will mess you up"!)

Pati is very chummy with Chucho and asks him to spot her while she works her abs. It's the latest Pilates routine, apparently: He holds her feet down while she does sit-ups, and with each rep she puts her arms around his neck like a hug! She thanks him for comforting her last night and he tells her not to feel so bad about the boyfriend. She can always pick another guy! (I think she already has.)

Next, she wants to work her glutes to ward off that phantom, cellulite. "I don't think that phantom has found you yet," he quips. She invites him to watch her form. He assures her that her back is perfectly straight.

Alma rescues him from further misery - she's already in her office clothes, wearing Avon pink in fact (she sort of bites Pati's head off for mentioning it). They have to go to work right now. "Something suddenly came up," she says.

Pati gives Chucho a long-winded goodbye and even casually asks him out in front of Alma, who is both distracted and irritated. Pati tells Alma, "Your secretario is SUPER-FINE. Is it okay if I date him?" Alma says "no problem as long as it's on his own time," and she seems quite cordial to Pati's face - but as she turns to leave, Alma's expression is very different. She is MAD!

Alma explains to Chucho that Avon's new publicist is coming today. She's never met him before, but she wants to discuss some things with him. And by the way, she had no idea that Chucho and Pati were such good pals. Chucho is like, "What? Huh? No, but I found her crying in the bathroom last night, all emotional about the proposal and how lonely she'll be after you get married, and she really gave me an earful; but that's all." Alma finds it odd that Pati didn't say any of that to her.

At the office, Rogue ignores Chucho's cheery greeting. Alma tries to apologize for going home early last night; he cuts her off and even makes excuses for her. He shows off his crazy-expensive new Italian suit, still on its hanger; it's too big for him and he's sending it out for alterations. He asks her to meet with the publicist while he makes a really important call to Europe (I bet that's a euphemism and a half!).

Not even in the building yet, Elias takes a nagging phone call from his nagging wife. "Did you find out yet? Huh huh did you did you?" (She must really be desperate, because she's holding that deadly radioactive phone directly to her head! Where's that green handset?) "Um, I just got here...." She nags him to call her back as soon as he finds out about Chucho's job. "Yes, dear!"

Lunch already. All of the other reindeer - the Sillies and the Secretarias - have drinks that look like tequila sunrises, but are more likely just orange juice with some fruity red syrup at the bottom. (I'm wondering, would alcohol make them meaner or would it mellow them out?) They're gossiping about the party and the marriage proposal. One Silly talks about the beauty of marriage. Another Silly slaps him in the head. The third jokes about how awful marriage is and you know what, suddenly I understand the appeal of the real Three Stooges because these guys do not have it. FF>>>>>>>>>>>>

Xochi gets all misty, describing Alma in a lovely bridal gown. The Sillies drool, especially when she gets to the part about the dainty garter on Alma's leg. Ugh FF>>>>>>>>>>>

Jessica asks Xochi how'd it go with her mystery date last night. He didn't show up! Susana says surely something very important must have come up. (One of the Sillies says, "Sure - a 36-24-36!" That joke was clever... in 1952...) Xochi agrees to join with the Sillies on the prank they've been planning for Chucho.

Elias finally shows up in the executive lobby and asks for Alma. (He's wearing a scarf - any PESE people here remember if it's from the Renato Collection?) Mari offers him coffee. He asks her to load it chock-full of cream and sugar and caffeine. Mari is in love with him already. Vero calls him for another update. (This time she's using the green handset, but she's holding the actual phone against her hip. Will she get hip cancer?) She urges him to ask around about Chucho.

Chucho is making copies for Alma and trying to apologize to Xochi for standing her up. However, without any explanation or details, his apology is unconvincing. "Are you familiar with this contraption?" she asks, brandishing her phone at him. "But I did call! You didn't pick up!" "Sure, you called two hours later and I was on my way home by then." He tries to apologize again, but she tells him to forget it.

Mari brings Elias his coffee. He slurps it with profound gratitude. "There's more," she tries to reassure him. (She is really missing an opportunity here; if she were to bring him a churro I bet he'd dump Vero and become Mari's slave for life.)

Chucho and Xochi approach the lobby. Chucho sees Elias and ducks back into the copy room just in time to avoid identification (sort of; Elias thinks he saw him, but he isn't sure). Chucho calls Alma and explains the problem: Eli and Vero think he's an exec in Accounting. Xochi hears all of this and presumably understands what's at stake; will she be compassionate and forgiving? Or will she be like Carrie on prom night?

Alma promises to help him out and tells him to stay in the copy room. She asks Mari to keep Eli distracted while she scurries through the lobby and up the hallway with Rog's new suit jacket.

Mari "drops" the entire contents of her purse in front of Eli and lets him help her pick everything up. Susana, out of the loop, watches with amused disapproval. Mari puts on airs with Eli: "oh, ha ha, good thing it was all just loose change, not real money."

Chucho puts Rog's jacket on over his blouse. (It's not too big for him, of course.) Alma puts on Chucho's jacket, but it's too big for her; she takes Xochi's jacket. (Alma actually looks cute even in that stupid jacket. I hate her.)

Alma comes out of there with all the copies and introduces herself to Eli as Chucho's assistant (but doesn't give her name). Alma offers Eli more coffee. Mari and Susana stare in confusion. Xochi lurks awkwardly and yes, we see can see that her mood is trending in the "Carrie on prom night" direction.

Yes, Chucho is a very important executive, Alma confirms. She nervously offers coffee yet again. Chucho doesn't realize she's talking to him at first and she has to get his attention. He almost calls her "licenciada," then corrects himself - "señorita." (The captions also say he calls her Alma, but they're wrong - he never says her name in front of Elias!)

Eli asks Chucho if he's feeling okay and observes that his assistant is really hot. "Oh, is she? I didn't notice!"

In the lobby, Mari and Xochi sip their steamy beverages and wonder what's going on. Alma plucks the coffeecups right out of their hands and brings the slightly-used coffees to Chucho and Elias. More people have joined the meeting. Alma introduces Chucho as Avon's new business manager! Chucho is as surprised as we are.

After the commercial break, Chucho appears to be wrapping up the meeting already. Alma sees Fernando approach the conference room and says she urgently needs to speak to him in his office. She tries to keep him busy by asking for his advice about the wedding. She wants his full participation! He really gets into it. She texts Chucho, asking him to let her know when Eli is gone.

We don't know what went on the meeting, but Eli seems very happy - he's already got a slogan for the campaign and he's going to think about Chucho's other ideas. He congratulates him again on having such a babe-a-saurus for an assistant. "I know you already have a girlfriend, but maybe you should consider your secretary. Though those relationships often end in scandal and then you'd lose this awesome job and Vero would hold it over your head..."

The Other Reindeer wait in the lobby for Elias and Chucho to emerge from the conference room. Elias is giving Vero the good news right now about Chucho's job. (We only hear his side of the conversation, but we can tell she's very surprised.)

Fern is still babbling about having the wedding on an island, using the company helicopter, the Avon cafeteria people for catering, etc. Rogue bursts in all aflutter: "someone stole my suit! And why are you wearing that secretaria jacket, Alma?" Alma says there was something wrong with the AC, she was very cold and Chucho let her borrow his coat...

Rog hears singing outside in the lobby and investigates. The Three Sillies are dancing around Chucho and singing about the secretario. Jess and Maricela look disapproving at first, but then join in. Xochi participates timidly from the sidelines. Susana appears mortified.

Oh, hey! It's LITERALLY a parade of idiots!

Elias looks confused. (But handsome.) Rogue demands an explanation (mostly wanting to know what this lowly assistant is doing with his precious jacket.) Xochi looks regretful. "You're a secretario?" Eli asks. Chucho is flipping out, with seizure lights flashing all around in his imagination and voices scolding him. He tries to explain to Eli, "I didn't know you were the publicist. I didn't want Vero to know I'm a secretary because she'll disapprove and I won't get to see Valentina. I'll tell her eventually, but not now, please!"

"You'll get me in trouble with Vero," Eli worries. "Please help me." "Such a shame - when you gave me such a good slogan for the campaign!" Chucho is worried he got his boss in trouble.

Rogue is still worrying about his coat. "It's worth more than a year of your pay! Give it back!" Chucho takes off the jacket that fits him so well. He's still wearing the blouse with the scorched hole in the back. I bet he feels like a million bucks!

Alma is angry. Fernando disbands the crowd.

Rogue whines to Alma: why were you helping him again? She tells him to lower his voice! She explains virtually everything about Chucho's story (except for the particular details that would let Rog connect the two dots between him and Yuri, of course). Yadda yadda, and that's why I let him borrow the car. "I knew he was lying about the flat tire!" (Which was what Chucho had told Rogue was the reason he took Alma's car - to get the flat tire fixed.) Rogue is so excited about that, it doesn't seem to occur to him yet that his money is probably at Chucho's apartment (where the bank can show up and seize all of his belongings at any moment, but we can let that anvil mellow for a while longer, right?).

Alma tells Rogue, "This has nothing to do with 'us'." Rogue says that things have consequences; Chucho impersonated an Avon executive, and he can't overlook that.

Elias doesn't want to lie to Vero. Chucho pleads: "You know how she is. Don't tell me you never hide things from her. I know you don't like wheatgrass and skim milk and sterilizing teddy bears. How about a nice [ENDLESS AND DELICIOUS LIST OF DECADENT DISHES DELETED FOR HEALTH REASONS]. I bet you'd like some fatty snacks and a nice big coffee and a juicy steak."

Eli says he goes along with the diet to make Vero happy and because it's good for him. (He doesn't mention that he also CHEATS on that diet! Liar!!)

Chucho says another way to keep Vero happy would be to not tell her about any of this. "Please - this is my first night with my daughter! It means everything in the world to me!"

But Eli is reluctant and says no...

Next time:
Pati applies herself to Chucho and makes sure Rogue sees. Alma sees, too. Who will win?

Labels: Manda