Caray, Caray!

Ballsvanera Mansion-The Help’s Dining Area: Guzman is all bummed out about Nikki. Adrianna “happens” to be walking through the kitchen because none of the other narcissistic members of Ballsvanera clan have the time or the desire to listen to her whine anymore. She will go someplace where people are paid to care and kiss her behind no matter what. She overhears Polita and Guzman talking about his pitiful love life. Perfect. It’s his break time and she will hold him hostage. Hearing that Guzman is weak, crying and defenseless, Adriana tells Polita that she needs to speak with Guzman. This is the great time to butt in and make the conversation about her. Adrianna asks Guzman to recommend a detective. He says he’ll make a few calls. Guzman looks so sad. She asks him a couple of questions about himself as to not appear so self-absorbed and heartless. “Who’s the chick that you’re in love with Guzman?” Make it quick, we’ve got me to think about.

Arriaga Apartment: Christina tells her daughter to stop freakin’ over the separation. Disney Princess Lilly acknowledges that at times she might over act over react when placed in stressful situations. Christina compares her happiness to how Princess Lilly feels working in the greenhouse. They agree to a movie date later on that night.
Ballsvanera Mansion-The Help’s Dining Area: Adrianna’s already bored. This conversation isn’t about her; however, she continues to feign concern for her “friend”. Little does she know, Guzman is secretly seething over her butting her big nose in to his conversation with Polita and using up his breaktime. At first, Guzman politely tries telling her to stay out of his business. “It’s not worth talking about her, it’s a hopeless love,” he says. Adriana continues to pretend to care. She gives him the standard cookie-cutter, dumped lover’s pep talk. Chin up! You’re a good person with a great personality! You’ll find someone who loves you! At his weakest point, Guzman falls for her B.S. and practically writes Nikki’s name on a piece of paper and hands it to Adrianna. 1. She’s engaged. 2. She’s rich. 3. She’s blond. 4. She’s bulimic. 5. She’s related to you. 6. She lives in this house. Adrianna doesn’t pick up on his subtle hints because well…this conversation is not about her.

Ballsvanera Mansion-Victoria’s Office: Arriaga just can’t keep his hands off of Victoria! He gropes her under the guise of “helping her” walk. Arriaga pulls her body tightly into his. Horny and loving the feel of his hard body against hers, Victoria grips the front of her belly and moans (this so that he will press her closer to him). I know that trick! I invented that trick! Suddenly, Nelson enters the room and sees his wife and her bodyguard stuck together like dogs taking care of business. Nelson calls his wife a hussy. He now knows why she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. She’s traded him in for the bodyguard! Victoria begs the two men not to fight. Arriaga grabs Nelson and manhandles him. Hearing the commotion, Tomasina flies into the room and joins the ruckus. Vicky pulls the “I’ve gotta a gunshot wound” card, and collapses, sobbing in Tomasina’s arms. After seeing the stress they are causing Victoria, the men separate. Nelson goes into the foyer and slams some Whiskey. Meanwhile, Arriaga apologizes to Victoria. Victoria doesn’t understand what’s mentally wrong with Nelson. She asks Arriaga to leave her alone with Tomasina.

Ballsvanera Mansion-One of the Living Rooms: Nelson is in the living room gettin’ full (drunk) when Arriaga departs from Victoria’s office. Arriaga marches right up to Nelson. “We’ve got to talk!” Nelson shuts the double doors so that Vicky won’t hear him cuss out Arriaga. Nelson tells Arriaga that he’s nothing but an employee. Arriaga agrees, but warns Nelson not to insult Victoria again. Nelson steps back and takes a gulp of booze. Again, Nelson accuses them of getting busy. Arriaga assures Nelson that Victoria is faithful and reminds Nelson of his infidelity. The two men stare each other down. Arriaga ends the pissing contest by leaving the room. Bottoms up! Nelson drains his glass.

Ballsvanera Mansion-Living Room: Oh, my! Victoria has the vapors! Her hair looks fantastic! Her granny shoes, not so much. She lies on the couch while Tomasina holds her hand. She can’t believe that Nelson hurt her after 25 years of marriage. Tomasina advises Victoria to hook up with Arriaga. Victoria says they can’t because they would hurt other people. Tomasina tells Victoria to fire Arriaga, otherwise, there going to end up in bed together. Victoria says that she needs to see Arriaga every day or she’ll die.

Ballsvanera Mansion-The Help’s Dining Area: An egocentric Ballsvanera continues to obliviously impede on Guzman’s personal time. Wisely, Guzman fakes his appreciation and thanks Adrianna for sucking up most of his break time. With only a minute left of his break, Nikki strolls in and announces that it’s time to leave. She has a therapy session and then she’s going to shopping for wedding dresses. Adrianna tells Nikki not to hire a photographer. As a wedding gift, Adrianna will take the photos. Nikki’s seen Adrianna’s crappy photos and says that Adrianna can take photos to supplement the professional wedding photographer. Nikki’s happy about the family all being together again.

Kendra’s Apartment: Odd-ette asks Kendra how the divorce plot is coming along. In her opinion, the Brizzes look happier that ever! Their demise is not happening quickly enough. She knows that Nelson is supporting Kendra because of the baby. She tells Kendra not to get too confident just because she knocked up. Kendra informs her that she will be the Maid of Horror…excuse me, Maid of Honor at Nikki’s wedding. Odd-ette is not impressed. She calls Kendra obtuse. She tells Kendra to make out with Nelson at the wedding. Kendra doesn’t want to ruin the wedding because it would piss her coveted family off. I think that getting knocked up by the bride’s father is also frowned upon, but who am I to judge?

Meta Imagen-Office of Allotta Ballsvanera: Anibals asks Gilda the Sn/B/W/itch for his daughter’s identity. Gilda says that she doesn’t know a damn thing and then runs out of the room.

Bedroom de Allotta Ballsvanera: Adrianna makes Tomasina help her search Anibal’s bedroom for evidence about the baby.

Kendra’s Apartment: Nelson complains to his mistress that his wife is having an affair. Yes! That’s what I said. In Nelson’s opinion, they were about to kiss when he found them in the office. Kendra pretends to play “devil’s advocate”. Kendra strokes his ego (and a few more areas) by telling him that she can’t believe that Victoria would choose a bodyguard over Nelson. Kendra declares her love for him. They make out.

Meta Imagen-Hallway: Double Agent Gilda the Sn/W/B/itch is debriefing Paula on her conversation with Nelson. She begs Paula not tell Anibal that she knows all about his daughter situation.

Kendra’s Apartment: Kendra and Nelson are still making out. Kendra stops because Christina is on her way. Besides, she’s not in the mood. She’s got a headache and it’s a big turn off when the man you’re sleeping spends his time with you crying over his wife humping another man. After Nelson leaves, Kendra tells her flat belly that it’s time for Nelson to learn her version of “the truth”.

Pavia House: Roy has a sugar mama and his father cannot be prouder. He shows his parents his plane tickets and hotel reservations paid for by Nikki. Father advises son to gain Anibal’s trust so that he can get more cash. Mom feels guilty, but not guilty enough to tell Vicky what’s going on. She’s afraid that the Ballvaneras will cancel the wedding if they find out the Pavia’s are bankrupt. Roy says they won’t because no other bozo will put up with a bulimic chick.

Bridal Shop: Nikki’s trying on wedding dresses. She thinks she’s a cow. She asks for Guzman opinion. He tells her not to marry Roy and immediately rams his tongue down her throat. I think he likes the dress. Maybe he’ll tell us how he feels about the dress when his lips are finished.

Bedroom de Allotta Ballsvanera: Victoria’s lungs are working fine. Rather than investing in an intercom like other normal filthy rich people, she bellows out Tomasina’s name. Tomasina hurries out the room, while Adrianna continues the search. Adrianna finds a picture of young Candelaria hidden in a book.

Bridal Shop: We can only assume that Guzman is enjoying the dress. He lips are still busy. At first Nikki returns his kisses, but she finally realizes we are watching. Nikki breaks the kiss. We’re Sgt. Schultz declares the sales ladies. “We see nothing and are hoping for a very large commission. At that point, Guzman declares his love and begs her not to marry Roy. I LOVE A BEGGING MAN! IT IS SO SEXY! Guzman tells the sales chicks to leave them alone. As soon as they are gone, he continues to plead! Nikki almost gives in, but she recalls Kendra’s (that bitch!) warnings about Guzman being an opportunist. Nikki tells Guzman that she would never marry him. Nikki slaps Guzman and calls the sales chicks back into the room. They return carrying disinfectant and wearing gloves (well, that’s what I would have done after seeing them pawing each other).

Ballsvanera Mansion: Obviously Victoria is faking it. She only grabs her side when Arriaga is around to physically support her. She leans against him as he walks her over to the couch. She’s such a skank! She asks Tomasina to prepare some tea and take it to the bedroom. Tomasina knows that code for leave me alone with Arriaga. As soon as Tomasina leaves the room, Vicky “attempts” to stand, thus prompting Arriaga to reach out and grope her again. Dammit, I know that trick. I taught her that trick. Her lips are saying that they can’t be together, but her eyes are saying….I sent Tomasina to get some tea and to take it to the the bedroom.

Meta Imagen-Nelson’s Office: Nelson is still pissed about his wife’s affair. Yes! For real! He’s bitching to Salsero about it. He tells Salsero to find a new body guard for Victoria. Salsero tells him that he should discuss it with Vicky first. Bea knocks on the door and brings in a package.

Balvanera Mansion: Vicky and Arriaga are talking in the sitting room near the stairs. They discuss what would have happened had they met 25 years ago. Tomasina brings the tea and sets it down. Immediately, Vicky tells Tomasina to go with her to the bedroom. Once again, Vicky “attempts to stand” and Arriaga reaches out to grope…I mean assist her. Arriaga doesn’t take the coy “hint” about afternoon tea in her bedroom and asks for permission to go visit his wife.

Meta Imagen-Nelson’s Office: Nelson opens the package. It’s a DVD. The weird looking photographer’s assistant knocks on the door. There’s something going on with a client. Nelson puts the disc in the computer. Nelson tells the assistant to go to the meeting room. Nelson tells Salsero to roll with him to the meeting room just in case something is about to go down in there.

Arriaga’s Apartment: Roy calls Disney Princess Lilly. She lies (her crown is tilting again) and tells him that she lives alone.

Kendra’s Apartment: Arriaga knocks on the door. He wants to talk to his wife. Christina looks surprised that her husband came to beg her to take him back…like she wanted him to do. Kendra excuses herself to eavesdrop in another room. Arriaga tries to take his wife to someplace private, but she refuses to leave. She’s working. Arriaga tells Christina that he’s afraid of losing her. He cries and tries to kiss her. She resists and turns away. When Kendra thinks that Arriaga might prevail, she interrupts the conversation. She praises Christina for being strong. Christina reveals that Kendra is knocked up when Arriaga starts yelling at Kenda. Christina gives Arriaga the boot, but breaks down and sobs when he leaves. Women! You guys are crazy! Kendra tells her that she did the right thing.

Balvanera Mansion-Victoria’s Slumber Party: Carlos Gonzalez is the love of Victoria’s life. Victoria, Doris, Adrianna and the slutty friend are chilling on the bed. Adrianna realizes that Anibal broke up Victoria and Carlos too. The slutty friend offers information about Carlos, but Victoria isn't interested. Vicky says that the kids need to get to know each other better. Doris is broke, so she thinks those kids know each other well enough.

Arriaga’s Apartment: Roy arrives with a chocolate and wine that he purchased with Nikki’s money. He and Disney Princess Lilly make out. I’ve never seen a Disney princess make out before the ring. Wait…I take that back. Snow White and Sleeping Beauty (those tramps) pretended to be unconscious so that they could get some tongue action from Prince Charming.

Paula’s Apartment: Anibal has stopped by to manhandle Paula. He wants to know about if the rumors about his daughter her true.

Arriaga’s Apartment: I’ve never heard of a Disney Princess who goes to third base before she gets the ring! Wait! Snow White shacked up with several different men before marriage and Belle lived with Beast. Disney Princess comes to her senses and pushes him away. He tries to loosen her up with some wine. It’s working.

Paula’s Apartment: Typical of a Balvanera, Anibal thinks Paula making up stories about him having another kid because he won’t marry her. He threatens to take away her apartment. She reminds him that they were part of her separation package when he had her son fire her on his PTO day. He demands that she stop making up stories or reveal his kid’s identity. She says that she’ll tell the kid first and let the kid decide if she wants to reach out to him. He says that if she messes with him, he’ll learn who she really is.

Labels: Amores