Caray, Caray!

You know how in Spanish class they have you pick a "Spanish" name just to get in the mood?  And how when Pasion finally aired, we were all so giddy (ok, some of us were giddy) we picked pirate names?  Well, how about for this one, we all pick mariachi names!  (I'm going to pretend a great cheer of general agreement went up at that suggestion.)


For the first part of the name, use the title that corresponds to your birth month on the following list:
     January or July: El Rey/La Reina
     February or August: La Flor/El Macho
     March or September: La Joya/El Corazón
     April or October: La Dama/El Señor
     May or November: La Dueña/El Dueño
     June or December: La Duquesa/El Duque

Hey, I just made this up on the fly, and it has no scientific validity whatsoever, so feel free to pick your own.  Pick something descriptive--a different royal title, an animal, a specific flower, a gem, a physical characteristic, something about your personality, your profession, or something you do as a hobby.  Try www.wordreference.com for a translation or just put it in the comments and someone can help you out.

For the second part of the name, use the geographical reference below corresponding to the first letter of your first name. Or your middle name if you want to be really Mariachi about it:
     A-F: (a direction referring to your place of birth or current home) del Norte, del Noroeste, del Este, del Sureste, del Sur, del Suroeste, del Oeste
     G-M: (a reference to where you watch QBA) del Salon, del Sofa, de la Sala, de la Cocina
     N-S: (a reference to something prominent in your local geography) de las Montañas, de la Playa, del Bosque, del Llano, del Rio, de la Frontera, del desierto
     T-Z: (name of your hometown or current town) de _________

If you don't like any of those, pick something else that refers, even vaguely, to a place.  The only other option that comes to mind at the moment is the place you practice your profession or hobby.  What?  El Contador del Cubículo al Izquierdo is a perfectly acceptable mariachi name.

I, of course, picked something not on the list, así que les presento…La Diva del Desierto!  If Mr. 5ft picks one, I'll let you know.  I can already feel him giving me that sideways "seriously, woman?  Haven't I been through enough?" look.  I'm excited to see what everyone comes up with!

And now, on to the show….

Back in her dressing room, the saucy wenches are praising Maria for her awesome singing tonight.  She's bummed that "Jorge Alfredo" never called her.  They're not too happy with him for it either.  Cause all men suck, etc.

The sucky man himself is approaching her dressing room with a big bouquet and he hears her say that he's ungrateful (un malagradecido) just like all men.  She shakes it off and decides to go get some water and Santos/Jorge Alfredo runs off down the hallway, leaving a trail of roses.

Maria notices and starts picking them up, eventually finding the rest of the bouquet tossed in the trash outside the men's room.  Santos/Jorge Alfredo emerges and asks if she really thinks he's ungrateful.

In the boys' dressing room, Milamores is teasing one of the other guys for having gained weight.  Mirta pauses at the open door to ogle Colosso before she tells him that right now Maria is with the "Pochito" from LA who was there yesterday.

A note on "Pocho" since I haven't seen it mentioned yet…Wordreference gives a neutral definition of "pocho/a" as a Mexican American, but in this context, they're using it as an insult.  They're basically calling him a poser, a wannabe Mexican.  I've usually heard it aimed at people who refer to themselves as Mexican American or Mexican, but can't speak Spanish, don't know jack about Mexican history, etc.  It's one of those words you don't want to sling around carelessly.  Thus endeth your language PSA for today.

Santos/Alfredo says he bought the roses for her to show his gratitude.  Maria calls him inconsiderate for not ever calling her and making her wait up all night for him to call.  She was worried about him, damnit!  Especially when she found out he sent the taxi driver away because he didn't have money.  He apologizes and says he just didn't want to keep imposing on her.  Well, Maria feels responsible for him and really, what did it cost him to frickin' call!  That, right there, is the eternal question.  He kind of chuckles, which pisses her off some more, but she softens when he says it's because he's moved by her kindness.  She wonders if he maybe lost her number, but he pulls out the pink heart-shaped Post It to prove he's still got it.  Maria says the important thing is he's fine and she forgives him because he brought her flowers.  No one's ever brought her flowers before. (Seriously?)  Alfredo says maybe they were afraid to because the roses would wither from envy, to be close to a woman more beautiful than they are.  Hot damn!  That's the cheesiest line, but he's delivering it well.  It's one of those "professional driver on a closed track" kind of lines.  Don't try this at home!  They make googly eyes at each other.

The cops decide Santos is, in fact, in Mexico City.  Then some pencil pusher comes running in to announce that some jewelry was pawned in Texas by someone identifying himself as Santos Martinez de la Garza.  I hereby announce that I will not be giving you the details on any conversations between the cop and his fawning assistant unless they pertain directly to the action of the show.  In absence of details, just assume that he jumps to a bad conclusion which she explains in a ridiculous way and then she flirts pathetically with him.  If they deviate from that, I'll let you know.

Awww, Rigo gave Santos' name on purpose to confuse the cops.

Colosso is pissed that the pocho hasn't left yet. Milamores tells him to back off…how was he supposed to know that?  Curly-haired mariachi says no worries…that guy is "as Mexican as a hamburger."  Colosso says he'll have to tell the pocho that on the road to Maria, you shall not pass El Colosso de Apodaca!  Milamores tells him not to cause a scene or he'll get Maria in trouble with Don Concho.  Other mariachi says he'll go home eventually.  Colosso says he'd better go sooner than later, if he wants to leave in one piece.

Maria checks out Santos/Alfredo's head wound, which seems to be doing much better.  She noticed that he's dressed a little nicer today.  "Looks can be deceiving."  She asks why he didn't go back to LA.  Alfredo says his friend had a problem, so he's on his own for a while.  His family is too poor to help him.  Alfredo asks for her help.  He realizes he doesn't have enough money to pay for another night at the nice hotel where he was staying before.  Maria offers to help him find a room at a much more reasonably-priced guest house after she's done with her second set.  Alfredo makes puppy dog eyes at her and says it's true…angels do exist…and she's his guardian angel dressed as a mariachi.  Once again…leave lines like that in the hands of the pros!  They continue flirting until Colosso interrupts them.

Three "hot" women walk down the street collecting "piropos" (catcalls) from the men lining the street.  Elvira is the blonde and her daddy would not be pleased to see her looking like that.  They get her to put her coat on before she walks into Ay Jalisco.

Cockfight.  Colosso comes to give Santos/Jorge Alfredo a hard time for still being there.  Alfredo needles him by saying he had to ask Maria a very intimate question.  Before he can find out what the question is, Don Concho comes in griping about how they're supposed to be on stage already!  Did they discuss the set list?  He keeps trying to get them to get the hell on stage, but Maria is hanging back. Alfredo introduces himself as "San--san…."  Maria steps in and introduces him as "Jorge Alfredo" from LA.  Don Concho says, in English "So, you come from LA?  You don't look like a wetback to me.  Are you one of those?"  Alfredo says that's not the case.  Concho tells Maria the public is waiting for her, so get a move on.  Concho wants to hang with Alfredo since they both lived in LA.

Maria comes in to gather the mariachis for her second set.  She wants to start with "Poco a Poco Me Voy Acercando a Ti" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaQz16X3HYs) but Colosso whines that she wants to sing it to the pocho…"No way!"  The guys don't like him vetoing Maria, but he apparently has the authority.  He says he'll tell them what song as soon as they get on stage.  They don't like that much either, but he promises it's one they already know.  He tells Maria to go fix herself up a little bit so she'll look even prettier.  Asshat!  He goes ahead and lets Milamores and Susanito in on his song choice--"Con Estos Celos" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x07SLQtlypo) and it will be dedicated to Jorge Alfredo.  So he can get a taste of his own medicine.  Milamores isn't convinced that El Colosso won't be the one who ends up being jealous.

Don Concho gets himself and Santos/Jorge Alfredo set up at a table with some tequilas (his own private label, natch) and tells Alfredo about himself.  He worked in LA doing a bunch of different jobs, eventually he worked for a guy who owned a string of nightclubs, he saved up his money and came back to Mexico and he opened this bar.  Alfredo says it's a nice place.  "It's a great place. It's a beauty, man!" says Don Concho in English.  Elvira walks in (her friends are already seated) and notices Alfredo sitting with her dad.  One of the waiters sticks his chest out and swishes across the room, mocking her.

When he gets to the bar, he, Pichi, and one of the saucy wenches talk about how Don Concho doesn't realize what a hot piece his daughter is. Um, maybe cause he's her father?  Pichi laughs that it's not her fault she was blessed with an overabundance of boobs.  Saucy wench doesn't think she's that pretty.  The guys start insulting each other's female relatives, semi-good-naturedly.

Elvira goes over and says "hi" to her daddy. He introduces her to Santos/Jorge Alfredo then asks her what she's doing there.  She says she came down with a few of her friends, so he encourages her to go back to the table instead of leaving her friends alone.  When she leaves, he tells Alfredo in both languages that she's his "pride and joy" and he'll kill any guy who hurts her.  "They better watch out or they gonna find me!" he says in English.  Yeah, that's one that doesn't translate well…"Si me buscan, me van a encontrar" I would say is better translated as "If they come looking for trouble, they're gonna find it," even though literally it's "If they look for me, they're going to find me," which doesn't really sound like much of a threat.  Anyway, Concho apologizes for letting his fatherly love get the better of him.  The dance that's been going on onstage ends and Colosso and Maria come out to do their set.  El Colosso jokes that this is a special evening because the audience is all there to see them and they'll be spending their paychecks.  They he dedicates the song to their "foreign visitor"

 I saw you
 You were so beautiful, so sensual
 I imagined you away from me and it hurt me
 Ay, ay, love
 Ay, ay, what pain!
 Too late I understood
 With you I had everything, and I lost it
 I saw you
 With your "melena" (mane of hair) in the wind
 And your look
 And at the "ras de tu escote" (neckline) your "lunar" (birthmark)
 Ay, ay, love
 Ay, ay, what pain!
 I'm dying to think I won't be the one you're going to love
 This jealousy hurts me, it drives me crazy
 I'll never learn to live without you
 The worst part is too late I understood, yes
 With you I had everything, and I lost it
 With you I had everything, and I lost it….

Colosso sings by himself and Maria just dances around the stage, pretending to play hard to get.  Santos/Jorge Alfredo applauds, and he seems to find Colosso's attempt to piss him off amusing, but Maria looks uncomfortable.

Ruben's lawyer(?) criticizes him for risking his marriage on "that singer."  Ruben tells Fabian he can't get her out of his head. He dreams about her, he dreams about having her.  Fabian tells him he's getting obsessed instead of focusing on Lorena, who's a lady.  Ruben gripes that Lorena's not much of a lady when she gets pissed off…screaming, slamming doors.  Oh, but Maria's an angel. News flash, jerkwad, wives aren't obligated to behave in a ladylike manner when they find out you're obsessing over another woman.  Fabian warns Ruben he may end up losing more than he gains in "getting" Maria.

Colosso now introduces Maria, who's going to sing….  She grabs the microphone before he can announce the song and says she'll sing "El Jinete" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMDvSaGlPJk)

 Out by the far mountain
 A rider gallops
 He wanders the world alone
 And he's wishing for death
 He carries a wound in his chest
 He goes with his soul destroyed
 He wants to lose his life
 And be reunited with his beloved
 He loved her more than life
 And he lost her forever
 That's why he carries a wound
 That's why he seeks death
 With his guitar, singing
 He spends entire evenings
 Man and guitar crying
 By the light of the stars
 Then he gets lost in the night
 And although the night is beautiful
 He goes asking God
 To take him to her
 He loved her more than life
 And he lost her forever
 That's why he carries a wound
 That's why he seeks death
 That's why he carries a wound
 That's why he seeks death

Now it's Colosso's turn to stand there trying to look like he's doing something important.  Dang, she holds out that one note beautifully!  Santos/Alfredo thinks so too.

Mancia goes to question Amalia about the guy who was visiting Maria till all hours of the night.  She hopes he's the prince from afar she saw in the cards.  Amalia says no way!  He went back home already.

Nope, he's sitting in the bar, enjoying the show.  Elvira sneaks over to try to eavesdrop on her dad and Santos/Alfredo.  Concho wonders what he thought of Maria and he cannot stop singing her praises to Alfredo…she's got a great voice, she's a hard worker, she's serious, and decent!  Tons of guys have tried to hit on her, ("pegar el chicle"--stick the gum) but she shuts them all down.  OK, that makes him doubly a jerk for knowing and admitting this, and still docking her pay and refusing to give her a raise. Jerk!  Speaking of…Ruben walks in and goes over to greet Concho.

Milamores mocks Colosso for being jealous, then shushes the guys because he's about to walk into the dressing room.  He tells Maria it's his prerogative to choose the songs and she'd better not override him again.  She says she sure as hell will when he tries to use them to embarrass her.  He complains that she's upset that he showed the pocho that she's got someone who wants her and is willing to defend her.  Colosso thinks he's a liar and trying to take advantage of her. He's proud to be working-class, but he knows guys like that.  He's a phony and he's going to be keeping an eye on him.  "You'd better tell him, so he knows there's a man who loves you and is willing to defend you with his life, if necessary."  He leaves before Milamores can get him to calm down, so Milamores ends up telling Maria to buck up.

Colosso goes into the dressing room Maria was using and starts to undress…with the door open.  Elvira comes in and starts macking on him…ooh, her daddy's not gonna like that!

Concho welcomes Ruben and introduces Santos/Jorge Alfredo.  He invites Ruben to sit at his table and points out that Ruben and Alfredo have LA in common.  In English, Concho says, "That is my hometown, remember that?"  Ruben isn't going to drink tonight.  He's come to ask Maria to dinner.

Colosso tells Elvira not to sneak up on him like that again!  "I've told you a thousand times, if Don Concho finds out and sees me like this, he'll fire me!  We decided we'd see each other in secret so noone could catch us.  But if you can't respect that, then we'd better end it."  She complains about his long absence and he agrees to make up for it…later.  More face-sucking.

Milamores praises Maria for what she did to Colosso, as does Susanito.  They both think he had it coming and she served it up well!  One of the Saucy Wenches comes running in to tell Maria that Ruben is there.  Susanito and Milamores both agree that that guy is never going to give up.  "That's not the worst of it…he's sitting at a table with Jorge Alfredo!"  Maria says she'd promised him she would help him with something important.  Saucy Wench, Milamores, and Susanito all look troubled at the though of how this is going to play out.

Ruben accepts a cognac eventually.  Concho goes to get it and Ruben starts chatting with Santos/Jorge Alfredo about his upcoming business trip to LA for lawyer-y things.

Concho checks on his daughter and her guests and tells her he'll just say goodbye to Ruben and then they'll be leaving.  Elvira asks why Ruben is there so early.  "He wanted to ask Maria out to dinner."  He leaves and Elvira crows to her friends that she was right!  Maria and Ruben are gettin' it on!  The stupid friends chime in about how she's such a ho.  "I told you so!"

Maria goes out into the bar, preceded by the Saucy Wench.  It appears Milamores has a bit of a thing for this Saucy Wench.  Colosso comes in and asks if they're ready to go.  Then, seeing their faces, he asks what's wrong.

Maria walks out into the bar and hesitates, seeing Ruben and Santos/Jorge Alfredo sitting together.  She watches Don Concho say his goodbyes. She sees Elvira saying a too-friendly goodbye to Alfredo.  Alfredo makes a confused face.  Maria comes up to greet him and points out a smudge of lipstick (I assume) on his face.  Ruben tries to talk Maria into accepting what's probably a very expensive bracelet, but she refuses.  She also refuses his invitation to dinner, saying she had already agreed to let Alfredo walk her home and she couldn't go back on that.  Ruben gets pissy and says he'll take her to dinner some other time.  Alfredo says goodbye and offers his hand to shake, but Ruben ignores it, drawing another confused look from Alfredo.  He watches Ruben walk out and gives Maria a questioning look.  She shakes her head slightly.

The Saucy Wenches comment among themselves about those crappy men cheating on their wives!

Santos/Jorge Alfredo asks if he's causing problems for her, but she says the guy's just a bar patron.  Before they can leave, Colosso comes over to ask if she's really leaving with him.  "I don't know who you are, but I'm warning you…if anything happens to my girl, I'll make you wish you'd never been born!" Maria and Milamores keep an all-out fight from starting.

In the Walk of Mariachi Fame, Santos/Jorge Alfredo only semi-jokingly asks Maria if he's already run into all of her "enamorados" (guys who are in love with her) cause he'd really like to know how many enemies he's going to run into.  "Am I going to get killed before I even get to the guest house?"  Maria says they're not in love with her.  "Well if that's the way they behave when they're not in love with you, I don't want to know how they behave when they are!"  An organ grinder starts playing Que Bonito Amor.  Alfredo surprises Maria (and me!) by singing along.  (Is that really him singing?  Someone please tell me it's dubbed!)

And finally we get a commercial break!  And opening credits!

Amalia is up at 3am, worrying about her eldest.  The other two are in bed, sleeping.  She wonders if something happened to Maria.

Santos/Jorge Alfredo, stopped singing before he got to "come close to me" because to sing that, he'd have to address her with the familiar "tú."  Zing!  Maria tells him to go for it, so he cues the organ grinder.  Dubbed, I think.  Good.  I need to be a little less dazzled.  Between that and the floppy hair, I think I'm safe.  Maria joins in on the singing.  The Mariachis from Ay Jalisco hear the great singing and stop to listen.  Colosso wants to go gambling already.  He figures whoever's singing is just trying to beg for a job.  The guys want to establish that Colosso was the big loser at gambling last time as he now has some responsibility to do something this round of gambling that I don't quite understand…loser buys the drinks maybe?  Alfredo and Maria keep singing, surrounded by an appreciative crowd.  One older lady assumes they must have sung so beautifully because they're so in love.  Alfredo and Maria let go of each other's hands.

Amalia paces in front of the Emergency Traje/Altar and begs the Virgen not to let anything bad happen to her daughter.

Santos/Jorge Alfredo tells Maria, as they continue their walk, that it was his grandmother who taught him to sing, but she died years ago.  "Sometimes I really miss her.  She was a very tender, lovely woman…as lovely as you."  Amorcito Corazon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST0ceoPeV1Y) is playing in the background.

The guys settle in for their game of dominos.  Milamores encourages Colosso to please, for the love of sanity, forget about Maria and quit wasting his time!  He gets a booty call and abandons his bros at the table.  Amalia calls Colosso looking for Maria because she's not home yet.

Santos/Jorge Alfredo and Maria walk along.  She explains that she's watching the shadows on the ground as a form of self-defense, so she can see if there's anyone else there.  He laughs that that would have come in handy when he got mugged and mentions the procession to St. Jude.  Maria says St. Jude is pretty miraculous.

 Alfredo: My mother is very devoted to the Virgen de Guadalupe.
 Maria: Of course!  We're talking about the Queen!  Want to know what I call her, out of affection?  "My pretty Virgen."
 Alfredo: And she is.  Just like you….

Hello!  My virgin alarm's going off, fo' sho'!  Using the Virgen de Guadalupe to flirt…the way he does it, it's so wrong it's right!  He asks permission to call her that…Bonita (pretty).  I'm glad he left the "virgin" part off, cause that would have been creepy.

Colosso figures Maria is with Alfredo, who did not go back to the US as planned.  Colosso tells Amalia that he has a bad feeling about that guy.  He thinks Alfredo is waiting for the chance to take advantage of Maria.  Amalia thinks he seemed like a decent guy.  "Out at this hour, with your daughter?  No way.  A decent guy respects a woman and takes her home early!"  Amalia looks horrified.

Maria walks him to the guest house, but she's worried that it's a little too humble for him.  He likes the proximity to her place.  They stop in front of an altar to the Virgen, then head for the check-in desk, where Doña Prudencia is taking a nap.  She's happy to see Maria, but when she asks about renting a room, poor Doña Prudencia thinks Maria's looking for a place to shag this guy for the night.  Santos/Jorge Alfredo steps in and explains that the room is only for him and he'd like it for a few days, not hours.  Doña Prudencia says she should have known, cause Maria's so very, very pure. 

Colosso is furious and the guys are picking on him for it.  He threatens to rain down hell on that pocho until he leaves.

Doña Prudencia offers to rent Santos/Jorge Alfredo her old storage room.  It needs some fixing up, but it's got a great view.  "Like a five-star boutique hotel," Alfredo jokes.  The ladies don't get it.  The room is up on the roof and she's going to charge him 350 pesos a week if he pays in advance.  He offers her the 100 he has, and says he'll pay the rest later.  Doña Prudencia hesitates, but since he refuses Maria's offer to pay for him, like a decent gentleman, she's moved to take the last of his cash and let him pay the rest later.  Doña Prudencia hands over the key and Maria says she'll just walk him up.  "Ok, but only to the door!"

Maria crosses the threshold and says it's terrible!  The smell seems to bother her and she says it's never been cleaned.  She thinks they should find somewhere else, but Santos/Jorge Alfredo says no way!  To be near her, he'd sleep on the street.  This place is perfect and he just needs to clean it up a bit.  He's looking around and finally says he can't seem to find the bathroom. Maria explains it's down the hall.  You know.  Which is why the rent is cheap. Alfredo is surprised, but then he says for the amount of rent, he couldn't expect more. He opens his window and sees a view of the plaza.  "I don't know if you'll be able to sleep with all this noise.  I can hear the mariachis from here."  Alfredo says it won't bother him…on the contrary, it will ensure he'll be thinking of her.  Zing!  Is there a cheesy line this man can't deliver with complete sincerity?

Amalia continues her pacing and worrying.  She thinks maybe…but she can't finish the thought.

Maria finally realizes how late it is and says she has to go home.  She won't let him walk her, because it's so dangerous!  "Please, I know my 'hood, but you…you've already been robbed once."  "And now the only valuable thing I have left is you.  I can't let anyone steal you."  Zing!  She makes him promise to be careful on the way back and he agrees.

At Maria's place, they stop to pay respects to the Virgen.  At her door, she says she'll see him tomorrow to help him fix up the room.  He thanks her again for everything she's done.  "I can't thank you enough."  He goes in for the kiss and hesitates, thinking he shouldn't do it since he's leaving soon. He kisses her on the forehead instead.  Oh, I call foul on that!  Gimme the smoochies already!

The Mariachimobile pulls up in front of Maria's.

Maria and Alfredo exchange "see you tomorrow"-s.

As he starts to head down the stairs, he's greeted by Colosso spouting some macho nonsense about teaching him a lesson. Stupid boys!

Maria gets chewed out by her mom for getting home late.  She explains that yes, Alfredo is still around, his friend couldn't send him the money, she was helping him find a room, etc.  A room, huh?  Amalia begs her to say she's not doing anything she shouldn't.  Maria laughs that off, saying to look in her eyes.  "How can you doubt me?  I've always shown you you can trust me."  Amalia says trust only makes us stronger when we're cautious.  And Colosso doesn't trust the guy. Maria says Alfredo has been a perfect gentleman, his eyes light up when she talks to him, he defends her…. "It sounds like you're falling in love with him.  Are you? Are you falling in love with Jorge Alfredo?"

Tomorrow: Is she in love with him?  Will the boys come to blows?  Will he just kiss her already?!

Labels: QBA