Caray, Caray!

Vero's face looms ever closer to Chucho's. He doesn't push her away, but he doesn't lean forward, either. He seems paralyzed with reluctance: he can't afford to let her do this, but he can't afford not to, either.

Only his eyelids flicker, blinking furiously, perhaps signalling SOS or some other distress message:

MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY. THIS IS JESUS GARCIA. MAYDAY, THIS IS JESUS GARCIA AT CHATITA'S CHRISTMAS TREE. OSCULATION IMMINENT. REPEAT, OSCULATION IMMINENT. DOZENS OF HOPES ALREADY SINKING. REQUEST ANY AID POSSIBLE. LOOK FOR MAN IN SUIT WITH ALBATROSS, ER, WOMAN, HANGING AROUND HIS NECK. OVER.

Ricardo sees Mari and Eli approaching the apartment and jumps to a conclusion, not that it matters since he has zero chance with her anyway.

The resulting ruckus outside spoils the mood for Vero, who jumps away from Chucho in alarm. They go outside to investigate; Vero sees Eli and Mari, and jumps to the same conclusion Ricardo did, not that it matters since Vero's supposedly in love with Chucho now anyway. Does she think she gets the moral upper hand if Eli was out on a date, even though she was on a date too? Or perhaps nagging is just her way of showing love.

She tries to shame Eli for going around with a girl Mari's age. Hooooo boy... Earth to Vero, a chick Mari's age is worth her weight in prestige points to a recently separated man. They try to explain, but Vero can't seem to hear anything except her own outrage. Her outrage and Ricardo's, that is - she's only too happy to listen to his drunken accusations.

I wish Vero and Ricardo would get together and bond over their heartbreak, but it doesn't appear to be in the cards. She stomps away, alone. Eli tries to follow her, but Ricardo gets in his face. Chucho yanks Eli out of harm's way while the Sillies hold Ricardo back. Ricardo continues to say dumb things to Mari, and she responds in kind. It is inane. (Confirmed: It was Yvonne, the Avon receptionist, singing at the club last night!)

Now Vero is leaving Chatita's place. Eli charges after her. Mari tells Ric to stop stalking her and explains that she and Eli talked about Eli's wife the whole time. She glares at Ric with self-loathing and lust and regular loathing.

Vero tells Eli she was just about to kiss Chucho; she feels something for Chucho and regrets having broken up with him. Woops, no, psych!! She was just imagining saying that. Eli says there's nothing going on between him and Mari. "That's not why I'm being this way," she mutters with a smirk, and leaves him totally confused.

Mari and Ricardo continue to trade bon-nots. Chucho explains that Mari is staying with Chatita, and Eli is staying with him. There's nothing going on. Chucho sends the Sillies on their way and lets out a sigh of relief. Peace at last... then he remembers that Xochi is still waiting for him.

He tries to tell her what was going on outside. He asks why she's wearing a trenchcoat. "It's a surprise for you, my handsome teddy-bear!" She shimmies out of it unprovocatively, revealing the firefighter's costume. (Sorry, kid, but it's just no good without the hat.) She reaches into her purse (sorry, pierce?) and pulls out the whip. "Let's put out the fire with this hose!" Before he even has a chance to propose a safeword (I recommend "Xochi" or "no"), she starts chasing him around the room, cracking the whip and ordering him around in a deep voice.

She shoves him onto the couch. "You didn't have to dress like a firefighter," he protests weakly. She pounces on him. Her braid swings into his eye. Her voice goes back to squeaky as she apologizes profusely. He says he's okay, so she lets loose with another crack of the whip and gets it in the eye! Her own left eye!

Yeah. Sidney Poitier would have been a much better dinner guest.

Alma stews over the thought of Chucho and Xochi together. Patymelt challenges her again to explain why she's marrying Rogue, a man she doesn't even love. "Who says I don't love him?" "You know what strikes me as the most absurd part of this? You can't even trust in me, your best friend - your only friend!"

Alma says it's not a matter of trust. She isn't even sure herself what's going on. But she is going to marry Rogelio and have a family with him. "Sure, and you're going to be infinitely miserable with him." "Not necessarily," Alma says unconvincingly. Paty tells her that true love is the only valid reason to spend the rest of your life at someone's side.

Alma leaves, flustered. She doesn't even finish her wine!

Chucho takes Xochi to the emergency clinic to get her eye bandaged up. He gallantly tells the doctor it's all his fault. (The doctor's disapproving expression is priceless.) No, no, he didn't punch her. He has this bad habit of taking off his belt too fast and she just happened to be there. (I'm not sure this explanation is a whole lot better!) The doctor says the injury isn't serious; she'll have to wear the eyepatch (it's flesh-colored, which is even creepier-looking than a black eyepatch with a skull and crossbones on it) through tomorrow at least.

"No more whips, I swear!" Xochi promises. The doctor makes that awesome face again. Sure, like he doesn't hear stuff like this all the time, working the night shift?

Rogelio comes home and hears Alma giggling in another room. Then he recognizes Chucho's voice. And another woman's laughter - Paty? And it sounds as though they're all laughing about him. He is livid, humiliated. Then he sees them - the three of them stumble into the hallway, relaxed, in their pajamas, looking very cozy and friendly, laughing cruelly in his face!

He awakens with a start. His bedmate, Sansón, is annoyed to be roused from his beauty sleep. Rogue apologizes and complains bitterly about that secretario who has interfered in his dreams again. Sansón barks in defense of the man who rescued him. Rogue is spooked by the dog's attitude. He calls Alma to make sure she's really alone. She's just getting home from Paty's. "It was just the two of you, right? Nobody else?" "Of course - who else would be with us?" She tells Rogue how depressed Paty is about that guy she's been dating. He's such a jerk, it's no wonder Paty didn't even want Alma to meet him. Alma and Rogue wish one another sweet dreams.

Chucho takes Xochi home. She thinks she looks like a pirate. (She should be so lucky.) She's dying of shame and embarrassment. He tells her she should never try to be someone she isn't. She says he's the best thing that's ever happened to her in her life. He is very antsy to go home. "Tomorrow is another day," he promises. "Tomorrow is another day," she repeats. Chucho allows her to kiss his cheek and prays for a way to let her down easy.

Xochi scampers into her six-year-old sister's bedroom and locks the door before her mother can see her. Mom raps furiously at the door, yelling at her...

Oh, wait. There's no six-year-old sister. This IS Xochi's bedroom. The decor has not been updated in twenty years; or let's hope it hasn't, because if anything in that room was a recent purchase, then Xochi's problems are even worse than we thought.

That's not freaky enough, so next we go to Cardenas in a darkened workroom with a spotlight. He dons a welding mask and speaks soothingly to someone or something on the workbench before him: You're not perfect, but you will be resplendent. This will only hurt for a moment. Then you'll be so grateful!

I predict that he's either re-animating his mother's corpse, or building a Jessica robot. Either way, I don't think we have a Bingo square for this.

Xochi puts on her teddy bear pajamas and a sleeping-mask to hide her eyepatch, then lets her mother in. She yawns and pretends she's been home for hours. Whatever noises Mom thought she heard, it must have been the neighbors because the walls are thin as cardboard. Mom isn't completely convinced, but lets it go for now.

Morning. Chatita says she needs some water to take her memory pills. Huh? She's been taking pills for her memory? She should write herself a note to remember to ask for a refund. She asks Mari to help her clear the table of last night's mess. Mari starts to show her some attitude. Chatita reminds Mari that she's just as poor as Chatita. Mari says actually, no, I'm even poorer than you are. At least you have a real roof. Chatita asks about the chat with Dad last night. Mari says he mentioned Mom, and that's a painful subject. Chatita says it's good that Mari feels that way; it means she still has a decent heart.

Chucho wakes Eli in the pink princess bed and tries to explain to him about last night, how Vero thinks Chucho is trying to reconcile with her. It's so awkward for Chucho that he can't even look Eli in the eye; therefore, he doesn't realize that Eli's already gone back to sleep without hearing a single word. I guess he didn't learn his lesson last week.

Mari tries putting on airs with Chucho, saying that she's going to have to take public transportation today because of the fight with her father. Chucho says he already knows who her father is. Mari tries to dismiss it as Chatita's gossip. Chucho tells her to be more respectful of this woman who's caring for her and letting her stay in her home. Stop trying to be someone she's not. He tries to make her mindful of the good things in her life: a job, friends, Ricardo. Mari has nothing but complaints about all of them.

At breakfast, Valentina notices that Vero is in a very good mood. "From now on, our lives are going to be much better," Vero declares, though apparently Minerva still has to wear a mask when serving meals. Skeptically, Val asks, does this mean Daddy Eli is coming back? Vero asks, what would you think of me and your Daddy Jesus getting together again? Val looks even more skeptical.

Chatita plops some scrambled eggs onto Chucho's plate. They look cold and rubbery. I don't know why we're looking at these eggs. They are not sexy at all, but they are good enough for Chucho. He says he thinks of her as not just a neighbor, but as a mother, especially since his own parents died when he was so young. (OR DID THEY??)

Valentina doesn't want to answer Vero's question. She's uncomfortable with this new plan where suddenly Mommy is talking all nice about Daddy Jesus when she was plotting to get him out of their lives just a few days ago, and now apparently Daddy Elias will be out of the picture. "Things change," Vero says. She has become 100% invested in this relationship overnight. Perhaps meatballs and a cheesy salad really do addle the mind.

Valentina is so confused. If she runs away again, she'll probably go looking for that lollipop payaso guy and that will be the last we ever see of her. Bet Vero will feel cheap then!

Chucho tells Chatita that he didn't have any cuchi-cuchi with Xochi. He's as relieved as Chatita is. She advises him to man up and tell Xochi the truth. Better to break her heart now than to let this grow any bigger.

Xochi almost makes it out of the apartment without being seen, but Mom catches her and sees the eyepatch. Xochi says it's conjunctivitis. Liar! Mom finds the costume and the whip in Xochi's bag. Oh dear.

At the office, Susana has flowers. Chucho teases her. She says they're from her husband.

Rogue, Sebastian, and Sansón have breakfast at a fine restaurant. Rogue says he's already sent Alma flowers and doesn't know what to do next. Sebastian recommends reminding Alma of some quality in Rogue that she admires, whatever it was that drew them together in the first place. Rogue seems lost. "You do love my daughter, right?" Sebastian asks. "Otherwise, none of this makes any sense." Of course, Rogue replies. Sebastian is eager to believe him. He promises to help Rogue make Alma forget all about that "employee."

Alma's so happy to see Chucho in his secretario outfit again! He's got a fancy black gift box for her with a bow on it. What's inside? Wedding invitations! He holds them like a wet diaper. She doesn't look any happier than he does, but she has the nerve to ask him why he's reacting that way! He hems and haws and says it seems more formal now. He reads the invitation, which is as bland and generic as you would expect. She tells him to take one. He asks if she can spare it. She says she has only two friends in the world: him and Paty. So, yes, he's invited. (She should really offer him two, so he can bring a date.)

Xochi tells Mom she has a boyfriend. That doesn't help. Mom's not even sure if she believes that. Xochi says she borrowed the costume from a friend; that doesn't help much either. Mom wants to meet this alleged boyfriend, this sick pervert. She cracks the whip... yeah, I just BET she can't wait to meet this pervert! Something tells me she could give lessons.

Chucho emerges from Alma's office with a dejected air and drops the invitation into the bottom drawer of his desk and slams it shut with his leg. Susana, Discua, and Mari notice his mood and observe as he thought-bubbles to himself. Mari wonders where Xochi is. Chucho says he hopes her eye didn't get worse... er, that is, she has a slight infection. Mm-hmm, Mari replies.

Mom takes Xochi's arm in a bruising grip and says if she doesn't bring that boyfriend home TODAY, Mom will dress her up like a nun and send her to a convent.

Eli is awake now, feasting on those rubbery eggs. There's also a basket of fresh conchas and a couple of freshly made tortillas. Chatita encourages him to focus on Mari rather than Vero, but he's not really hearing her. All he can think about is clearing things up with Vero. Chatita knows she was supposed to tell him something about Vero, but now she can't recall what it was.

Vero tells Minerva not to worry about poor Eli. He'll be just fine. He doesn't love Vero at all! He really was the problem, all along. It was all him. Vero points out a spot on the table that Minerva failed to clean. Hmm... maybe Vero's fantasy is already starting to crack.

Eli visits Val at school. She's sad because he's not at home. She doesn't mention her mother's future plans with Chucho. He says he's going to try to fix things with Mom. He gives her another Payaso-brand treat.

Xochi returns the costume to Jessica. "Thanks for nothing! I should have learned my lesson with the pheromones!" She explains about the whip and her eye. Jessica laughs, "Those are badges of honor!" Xochi doesn't get a chance to finish her story, so Jess assumes that the night went on as planned. She tells Alma, too.

Eli goes home to Vero and she greets him almost as coldly as she did Chucho that first week. She doesn't care about his explanation of Marisela. He can go on seeing her, for all Vero cares. She's scouting other horizons now.

Next time:
Jess tells Rogue all about Xochi and Chucho making cuchi-cuchi, too. She cracks the whip at him. Hey, careful with that thing! I hear the last girl who used it got conjunctivitis! It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!

Labels: Manda