Thursday, November 14, 2013

PEAM #177- 11/13/13: The End Is Near, Repent Veronica! Look to Jesus, Jesus Loves You (Sorry, We Don't Mean Garcia)!


Recap By Pablo

This is the recap of a very stupid episode (I am so glad this ordeal is almost over)

Fo-fo-for you, Je-je-Jesús, the sky is the li- is the li- is the limit!

It's weird that this stutterer friend of Jesús, whom he considers almost his brother, was not seen (or heard of) in any of the 175 previous episodes. I guess he had to be a stutterer because that's funny (to who is not), specially when they always start their phrases with what we think would be a bad word, but when they finally say it, it turns out it was not!! It was not funny 20 years ago and is still not funny. Popó, popó, por favor haz caca, haz caca, camino al andar!

It wouldn't hurt to try, if you could handle the truth...

Patricia is talking to Delia in the hope that she allows Rogelio a special permit to attend her best friend's big wedding. Sorry Charlie, 
1) Delia is out of town and
2) Personal matters are not to interfere with prison regulations

Heartbroken, Patricia starts walking aimlessly. Her brain orders her legs to move, but her heart has stopped responding... meanwhile, unbeknownst to her, in Avon's media room she is being awaited... without her, there could be NO WEDDING!!

Save the date, the wedding of the century will take place sooner than you thought

Surprise! The big wedding is only six days away and we still have a lot on the to do list. We wanted to share with you, our extended family, not only the pleasure (and privilege) of attending the ultimate wedding, but also to chip in. Well, only the ones sitting at the table, all the mute ones standing up by the wall don't get too excited! Your presence will not be required. Unless you show proof of buying something from the Bloomingale's bridal registry upon entrance.

Since I am Jesús García, BFF of Father Sunday, who has connections, I got the Cathedral despite the very short notice. I could have gotten Pope Francis to come over and marry us (I got connections too, isn't right Tocayo?), but he was busy with some same sex weddings and he had that date already taken, so we got one of his boot-lickers, the Archbishop. Remember, the wedding is at 5, 4 central. Don't be late!

List of the bridesmaids and godfathers (as we call in México the people who bring gifts)

Jéssica, who has a friend in the invitation's business, will provide samples, and Cárdenas can get the sexy lingerie.
Gilberto & Ivonne can take care of the Catering  (I thought the guy who was with the stutterer almost brother of Jesús said something about providing the catering... or maybe he said cake, Julie? After all, I have not heard a word about cake either... and no wedding can have a good ending without a good three milks wedding cake...
Ricardo, who is sooooo good with money, will bring the ''arras'', those 13 coins that mean the couple will always have money (as long as they work and save of course) and since he knows Vicky ''very well'' she will take care of the music. Alma insists in promoting Matute.
Marisela is upset but she can get the veil.
Fernando will be the best man and he and Xóchitl, will provide the rings and the lasso
Julio will pay for the honey moon (he's cursed but juárever) and the groom's bachelor party.
Chatita will buy the bouquet (and she also hopes to catch it, or not, she is so motherna she wants to live in free-union with Pánfilo.
Susana could have taken the pictures, but her Daguerrotype is way too heavy and she has back pains
Patricia will plan the bachelorette party... Patricia, Patricia, where is Patricia?

I think she is coming, but there's something wrong with her, she is walking very slowly... like she has been bitten by a zombie!

OK, there's still plenty of time, let's talk about the wedding dress... and then we seal this deal with a group hug!

Finally, three days left and Alma is  starting to worry about Vero's pranks

Alma, who should be the happiest woman in the world with the only care to look for the right off-white wedding dress, is concerned about Vero striking again. Not to worry my dear, if you have been watching carefully as I have, she never gets anything right. Let's forget about her and concentrate on the really important like your dress and my suit. You go to Boutique Elegan's and I will go to the boutique next door, Classic. Ok honey, but despite having only three days left, make sure your suit is custom made, oh, and don't let the seamstress measure your inseam, ok? OK honey, I will.
BTW, did you notice that Boutique Elegan's font is the same for Coca-Cola? Or maybe that's how thirsty I am... I see cokes everywhere...

How many Father's days can you squeeze in a year ?

Pánfilo, who always get lost in Chatita's brain convolutions, made the mistake of taking her to Rosalío's flower shop. Of course that is because she is the only involuntary comic relief in this TN, and now is searching for a bouquet. She is so rude to the vendor, that she keeps answering questions with other questions and seems annoyed to be asked anything. She says that the wedding of the century will take place on June 16th, Father's day, but if my memory doesn't fail me, she baked a cake for Jesús and they ordered pizza for that special occasion, who remembers? Was that last year a little after Alma got her sonogram finding out she was pregnant? Ya me hice bolas, bombo!

Chatita´s memory is surprisingly accurate from time to time, On this occasion she tells Pánfilo that she doesn't want to marry, she wants to live together without signing any papers because that is what people do nowadays... qué motherna! She sure is a 21st century girl!

Rogelio King of the rats

Roger is getting as popular as Joseph in Egypt. He has won the respect of his inmates. Now he is a real VIP. He has a ballad sung by a minstrel (that says that he has won thousands of battles, even when we only saw one) and slaves fanning him with palm leaves borrowed from the leftover Easter. Such cliché. He must feel like the lord of the flies.
One of his new duties is to take it easy, order around, look at Patricia's picture night and day and celebrate Mostro's colorful hair.
But everything comes with a price, maybe Ury was better than having to endure jokes like:

-Why did the lawyer drink tequila?
-So he can lose the judgment (could make more sense in spanish, or not)

-What's so similar between a lawyer and a banana?
-You will never find one that's straight (pun intended?)

Being as important as he is now, Rogelio thinks he deserves the right to attend both his new friend's and her former's fiance's wedding

Nobody ever thought of watching Verónica more closely

She keeps talking and confessing, threatening while nobody ever does anything. She scares Alma saying that she will ruin the upcoming wedding, that she will take care of that personally, and so on... 

Who ate strawberry shortcake using my wedding dress as a tablecloth?

For some reason, when Alma finally decides, with the help of the Gossip League (three days is way too much time and she can be picky) what dress she likes, she can not take it with her. But my wedding is in three days, are you sure that I will get it on time? Remember that last time, not, not last time, that time I got kidnapped, the other time, when I was getting married in Acapulco, YOU delivered the dress to the wrong address! Remember? I don't want anything to go wrong this time! la tercera es la vencida (Third time is a charm). I need to get married! A little more time and Luisita will be my maid of honor!

To make this story short, when the dress arrives (I don't even wanna know how much time is left for the ceremony), it has ''blood'' stains. And a note that reads: I am going to kill you both! While I am alive you will never be happy!!

Hopefully with this note the police will finally tap the phones to catch Verónica ''en la maroma''!

Perhaps nobody knows of Tide detergent with boost, but that stain could have been either cleaned, or covered. Since the dress doesn't have to be necessarily virginal white (wink), how about painting some green stems and leaves and pretending it has flying poppies? She likes them! Alma could also say that the dress is an original limited edition from the Astrid Hadad collection! Even  Pope Francis would like that!  It would match  his red ''Dorothy'' shoes.

Beggers can't be choosers (or bald and with lice, as we say in México)

Two days left and Alma and Jesús STILL DON'T HAVE the invitations. DEAR GOD! How long does it take to print them and put them inside the envelope and then write with perfect calligraphy names and addresses? How and when will they deliver them? Nobody can attend to anything on such short notice! If I were at least one of them, I would invite everybody with an email. Casual!

Jéssica, naively shows them hundreds of samples (she likes most of them), but for some reason they don't like anything, talk about being picky! And with the time almost upon them, they still insist that their invitations must be: sober, elegant and URGENT!!

Gossip boys: Penal Topochico (La cage aux folles)

After sleeping together, what comes next is marriage, naturally... Either nobody wants Cantú or there's no room for him in that overcrowded prison, but Cantu ends up spooning with Rogelio (another hint to Mostro) and feeling him all soft and warm prompts Roger to dream about his own wedding: TO CANTU!!!
HAHAHA! Octavio is really sick if he thinks this is funny!! At least, not at this point, anyway.

Well... the thing is that among men they think it is funny to touch each other and joke with things like ''if we already slept together, tomorrow we have to get married'' and stuff like that. Too much ji-ji-jí, jo-jo-jó and entre broma y broma la verdad se asoma (between joke and joke truth shows up)...
I can wait until we are alone, you have pretty hair.... mmmh, and those dreamy eyes... 
If there's something worse than dropping the soap during the showers, it is the inmates mocking and making fun of you at lunchtime, because of what happened during the night with your cellmates. Specially when what happened was sleeping with another man and dreaming that you were marrying him, Hahaha! Now every single guy make advances at him and thank God he came out of the closet.

Vero hallucinates and both amiguis sell disposable diapers (don't worry, be happy)

Amigui, I know this much because I read ''How to pamper your baby for dummies'' while I was resting during my pregnancy.
I know a lot too, I have done my research... I only use ''Pañales Suave Supreme'' because they're super soft, see? They have cotton extract and 100% natural ingredients (ingredients? Can we eat them like cotton candy?). They are made with organic cotton picked up only by white people from Scandinavia, isn't that classy? They're very expensive, but the babies are worth it. Their bums are six times more delicate than ours!

By the way, are you really organizing the bachelorette party? Don't tell me... is it going to be a go-go boy?
Well, since Marisela is not bringing anything to the wedding I thought she could help me convince Remigio...
Nooo! You gotta be kidding me! Why not Julio instead, he got killer moves! Remigio looks like a standing dog!

Marcia, Raymunda, Valentina

When Chatita is busy, she lets Marcia do the milk commercial, after all, it's already paid for by Lala. She serves both girls two huge glasses and then carefully cleans Raymunda's moustache. Then, with the same napkin (if Vero sees this she could kill her, and I would approve it) cleans Vale's milk moustache too. How creepy can it be that someone tells you: I could TAKE CARE of you both! Marcia wants to help, or better said, she wants to be around the girls, so she suggests that they can take care of the table with the candy, you know, in Africa, where she was helping the NGOs, weddings had tables full of candy, tamarind, lollipops, chocolates, marzipan, and the girls could pick which ones to bring!
I wouldn't trust Marcia even boiling water for hard eggs, much less allowing the kids to be with her. Juárever!
All this will cause that Valentina, who gets in and out of the wall of death stays there permanently.

Alma, between sponsoring ''La Tecolota's'' family and picking from the menu a four course meal with bolovanes that everybody will enjoy, like Jesús and herself, still has time to look beautiful, and don't tell me that she uses Avon products (she knows what they are made of and what animals they have been experimented with). I am sure she buys all her beauty products from LANCÔME.
Alma tells the owl that she has opened a bank account, hopefully not in the bank of love of the García Montemayor bedroom debts payable with kisses, but a real one, which will take care of her kid's education.

-Golly, Blondie, you're truly an angel!
-It must be true, Jesús tells me always the same... and he never lies!
.
Tomorrow: Jacinto gets caught in México City! Verónica gets caught in ''Monterrey'', thank God next Wednesday everything will be over! And then we can wait for the next caca, caca, caray caray recapping! Hahaha

Labels:


Comments:
Pablo:

So very funny and snarky! Loved this whole recap! Thanks so much.

Had to laugh at Roger, Mostro and Cantu. They were acting like they were in High School.

I loved the "haunting" of Killeronia! I really wish Cynthina and Marta had shown up and scared her into having an infarto! That would be perfect poetic justice! I am really worried for Vale now that she is on the "Wall of Doom"!

Alma and Chucho should have taken that text and the ruined wedding dress to the cops. It is better than anything they have against Killeronica right now.

So everyone at Avon is working on the wedding. Guess they are not getting any other work done.

Julie:

Thanks so much for your perfectly funny recap yesterday. I wanted to thank you cause I wasn't able to comment yesterday.
 

Pablo, another great recap! I especially laughed at: "motherna", the reference to Daguerrotypes, the Pope's red shoes and "Le Cage ". Thanks!

Madelaine, I was thinking the same thing about the dress threat: why wasn't it reported to the police? I guess they just are gluttons for punishment!

Paty's request for Rogelio to attend the wedding was strange. He is in jail not at a boarding school. Oh well, I guess anything is possible in this little gem maybe even a "field trip" for Rogelio.

At least they are telling us how many days left to the wedding.

Jarifa


 

Well, thanks!
I tried to do it ''by memory'' but I couldn't. I needed as much evidence as I could to use against them, LOL!

Just let me get my hands on Octavio, I am sure I will send him to a make up testing Lab.
 

Ha, ha! Just picturing Octavio with bright pink rouge on his little face.

Jarifa
 

Me too!!
 

Good job, Pablo. Did they need to drag this tn out for a reason? These final episodes are just filler, and usually by this point there's more action. I would have preferred to see Jesus and Alma dedicate more time to trying to protect themselves from, and find evidence on, Veronica. Other than fret over wedding planning, which both of them are quite capable of doing on their own.

I did chuckle when they insisted to Jess that they wanted plain, white invitations. Of course, I thought. Just as boring as they are. I also laughed during all the silly jail scenes.
 

Too funny. He will be on the pasarelas next!

Jarifa
 

Very, very funny,
Pablo. "...organic cotton picked up only by white people from Scandinavia." That's what I want for my butt. I'm still catching up on the show, but I look forward to your interpretations of it.
 

Pablo, you are a regular stand-up, er, sit-down comedian. Too many favorites to mention!
 

Great recap, Pablo! ...and I absolutely agree w/ Ithabill. FWIW, a paper mill 40 miles west of us converted to produce "fluff" (yep, that's what it's called in the trade) to make diapers ever-so-more-absorbent.

Hee... How many of El Jesus Adorado's and La Alma Adorada's friends and acquaintances will send regrets on receiving one or two days notice of this Boda del Siglo? Maybe yes to the reception for the free chow.
 

Pablo:

Your avatar is hysterical. Is this the head writer for this mess? Or is it the head writer from CI? Too funny. Between you and Blue, I am cracking up!

Blue:

I wasn't able to comment on your weekend recap, but loved your monkey pics, and the whole recap too funny, and your avatar is so funny too : )
 

Octavio & Octavia!
 

Thanks, Pablo. I missed it last night, so I'm 1 for 3 this week; but I definitely don't mind missing a bunch of stuttering jokes. Yeesh. I did notice Tuesday night though that Cantu really seems to be adapting nicely to life in prison!

I think the friend at the Fundidora said he'd provide all the services and facilities. So, maybe the chairs and tables, I don't know, and maybe some staff to handle the food, but I didn't think he mentioned anything about the actual food, or even the cake. Maybe I missed it, though.

The lawyer joke ("losing his judgement") works pretty well in English too. :o)

I don't know why Chucho and Alma didn't just make their own invitations. Maybe it's not the same as from a professional stationers, but they've got only a few days and a bunch of laser printers around the office. Seems to me this would be an easy decision.

Marcia's back again? Just to do a milk commercial? Maybe she'll adopt Raimunda. That wouldn't be like totally weird or anything!

I laughed at Julia and Mike's late comments yesterday where they were making wedding plan suggestions. Liking having Cristina and Don Francisco, and a hot air balloon to take them on a one-hour trip to their honeymoon at the south pole.

I'm glad we're making the most of our final week, at least. :-)
 

Well, this episode was still fluffy and pointless, but it did make me laugh several times, so that is a step up. Of course, the recap made me laugh even more. Constantly from title to end, in fact.

Of course Jesus and Alma are so popular that everyone will show up to their wedding even though they will only receive the invitations the day before. They will drop everything for such a special event! Even their appendectomies or their own (gay) wedding performed by the pope in his red shoes! In fact, they are such special snowflakes that Rog probably will get out of prison for the event, even though he had to stay in prison for HIS OWN wedding.

The invitation choosing was so classically Chucho and Alma, by which I mean they are BORING. So many fun ideas. I liked the shark one the best. But no, they want the dullest thing possible.

Unbelievable that Vero is such a threat and a nuisance, and they still don't have a P.I. tailing her at all times. I would think that would be a higher priority than soup for the reception.
 

I'm surprised Chucho isn't making his own invitations and folding them into origami cranes. Normally the post office wouldn't deliver such irregular-shaped mail, but surely they'd make an exception for Chucho and Alma! (Of course, they'll also have to deliver the invitations overnight!)

Or they could skip the printed invitations entirely and issue a public invitation on the Avon corporate website. Most companies wouldn't approve of this, but I think Pancho Lopez would understand.
 

Hahahaha!

I am sure the reason why I didn't drop the towel early in this TN and left to induce myself a lobotomy and forget that I was once interested in watching it, is beacuse the comments are way funnier than the TN and sometimes even than the recappings.

When I was a kid, some trucks had a loud speaker announcing things on the streets, add it to the list of options, LOL!
 

They should have gotten a skywriter to invite everyone in town to the wedding! And done one of those Emergency Alert System announcements on every channel on television and radio, all day long, for people who don't look at the sky! And an elephant for Alma to ride as she arrives at the cathedral. Jesus, of course, will arrive in a pillar of light on a cloud from heaven.
 

It's funny how everyone is so excited and just dying to put all their time and energy into helping with the wedding, and none of them ever thinks, "Gee, no one cared this much about MY wedding."
 

Well... there are levels...

First Alma y Jesús
Then the staff that talks
and lower in the pyramid the staff that doesn't talk

I am sure all those mute ones that only look at each other like they're actually saying something don't even deserve to live in free-union, Ha!

Some people get the ArchBishop and the cathedral and some just a judge of the peace, sigh!
 

All excellent ideas!

I think all of this nonsense is supposed to be funny. The situation, I mean. Everyone in the company stops what they're doing to plan their wealthy bosses' wedding. Theoretically it sounds as though it should be funny, at least ironically funny, but something is lacking in the execution. Chucho and Alma just come across as overprivileged people who need only ask people (other than Vero) to do whatever they want, and they get it.

It's true that they do good deeds for others, too, but the fact is that they already have it better than anyone else, even without getting extra favors. (Like not having to pay for their reception venue. Did Jess and Oliverio get a free wedding reception? I doubt it!) So it's annoying rather than amusing to see them using company time and resources to plan their wedding.
 

Exactly. They don't come across like lovely people who happen to be lucky in life, they seem like spoiled dictators with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement.
 

All the ''good'' they do to others is not sincere, it doesn't come from the heart, there's always a hidden purpose, in their will to know (and interfere) in other people's lives, they have to do something that apparently looks like they are doing good, but in fact is a by-product of their meddling.

I had a friend like that. She had her own plans, then she pretended she was doing something for me and the most benefited was her. Funny how that people see things from their perspective and think they're right!
 

I agree, Pablo, they are meddlers; but I don't think we're supposed to see them that way. I think we're supposed to see them as heroic and practically psychic in figuring out ways to help others. But most of their "helping" works out pretty well for them, too.

On the other hand, they refrain from "meddling" when they see all kinds of warning signs, like Vero kidnapping Alma on her wedding day. THAT'S the time to "meddle," before she does any more harm. But that would actually be useful, so... they don't meddle.

Even when they do something more altruistic, like Alma helping her friend the owl in prison, or Chucho finding someone to keep Chatita from getting evicted, it tends to be something that's relatively easy for them to do. Or else it's something you would hope any decent person would do, like trying to keep someone from jumping off the roof.

Not a major sacrifice. Not comparable to Fernando going to prison for his brother, for example. (I keep wondering if I'm forgetting something; Chucho did make some sacrifices to be with Valentina. He wore a pink blouse, for crying out loud. But other than that, I can't think of anything.)

Honestly, I do think this was meant to be funny; I just don't see how.
 

But Chucho gave himself an ulcer trying to work overtime at Orion and study property law to save Chatita's home at the same time! Instead of just hiring a lawyer, which would have been way more efficient and sensible. He's so selfless!

 

What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? Chucho is a saint ... and Alma is an angel!! (tongue firmly in cheek)
LOL
 

Come to think of it, it was bad enough that he got arrested at Vale's bday party; just think how bad it would have been if he'd keeled over bleeding there as well. Because that was only a few hours later.

Oops, I don't mean "bad"; I mean "hilarious."
 

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